18 June
I sat on my bedroom windowsill gazing out onto the damp Oxford street below, mulling everything over while waiting for Dad to come home. Mum had left us two years ago. Shed decided to start a new family for herself at least, that’s what Dad had once told me with a sigh. I never understood why she left me, her own son. The reason was a mystery, and over time I started to forget her.
Dad had done everything he could to look after me these past two years. Im ten now, and I suppose I know a lot more than adults think. There are no secrets, not really. It all just feels a bit pointless sometimes. Ive learnt to wash up after myself, put my things away, and find ways to keep busy. I dont play with toys anymorenever feels right.
Honestly, I suppose Im becoming a man, sooner than Id like. But I am so desperately lonely at home. For ages now, Ive wanted a dog. But Dad always said no.
And who would look after it, Adam? Im always at work and youve enough on your plate with schoolyoure still just a lad.
One evening, instead of bringing home a dog, Dad brought home a woman. Her name was Megan. She started living with us soon after. I tried not to talk to her. I thought of her as unnecessary, a stranger taking up space. But Dad called her his wife, and wanted me to have a mother again.
I dont need her, I told Dad, dead set.
Thats how things went for months. I watched Dad laugh and smile with Megan; they were always gentle with one another. They hugged, they were close, and it hurt to see it. I felt left out and angry, a bitterness I couldnt find words for.
Dad, I want her to leave.
Adam, I want her to stay. Its hard to be without a wifewithout a mother in the house, he replied.
Summer crept in, and the evenings grew warm. I started playing footie again on the street with new mates. One afternoon, those mates filled my head with talk that Megan and Dad might send me away to an orphanage.
The thought chilled me. Why wouldnt they get rid of me? Perhaps they wanted a baby of their own, and Id be in the way. It sounded possible. So, I prepared myself for the worst.
Then, one day, I overheard Megan say something like, Hell be happy there. We should send him.
That was the final straw. I didnt sleep that night, worrying. I decided Id drive Megan away myselfshe was the root of all this trouble. I made her tea salty one day. I left the hob on under a pan for no reason. I was rude. She caught on quickly and called me into the kitchen one morning.
We need a chat, Adam. Youre cross, arent you?
Theres nothing wrong, I muttered, trying to wriggle out of it.
She looked at me and said, Adam, I dont want to hurt you, love. Never.
She sat me down and explained, Listen, weve hired a cottage for the summer. We wanted it to be a surprise, but its time to be honest. Your dads found a dog for you, and today were going to pick her up together.
Are you serious? I blurted out, hardly believing it. I ran to hug her as tightly as I could.
Megan almost cried, Come on now, you should be happynot sad, she smiled, stroking my head.
When Dad arrived home from the bank, we all piled into the car to fetch the puppy. Everything changed that afternoon. My anger melted into something softer. I started to see Megan not as an enemy, but as someone who truly cared. We made peace. That little puppy fell asleep curled in my arms on the journey home. The three of us were happy.
Reflecting on it now, Ive realised that sometimes, pain and anger only blur whats good around you. Letting someone in doesnt mean losing what youve lostit just makes room for something new.
