Sarah was disgraced in the village the very day her belly began to show beneath her jumper. Forty-two years old! A widow! What a scandal!
Her husband, William, had been in the churchyard for a decade, and nowlook at her, carrying a baby!
Whos the father? the old women hissed by the Post Office.
Who knows! others echoed. Quiet, modest Sarah and now, look whats happened! Shes gone and got herself pregnant.
Her girls are old enough for marriage, and the mothers out playing the fool! Disgraceful!
Sarah kept her eyes down as she trudged home from the post office, heavy bag slung over her shoulder. Her lips were pressed tight. She knew what she was doing. Still, regret gnawed at herbut what else was she to do, when her own flesh and blood was sobbing in despair?
It had all started, not with Sarah, but with her daughter, Emily.
Emily was a vision. The spitting image of her late father, Williamstraw-blonde, blue-eyed, handsome as they come, the pride of the village. Everyone stared when she walked by. Her younger sister, Alice, took after Sarahdark-haired, brown-eyed, serious, often overlooked.
Sarah adored her girls, poured all her love and energy into them. She worked two jobsPostie by day, milking at the dairy in the evenings. All for their sakes, her precious daughters.
You must get your education, girls! she would say. I dont want you dragging bags around and covered in muck all your lives like me. You need to get to the city, make something of yourselves!
So Emily set off for London. It seemed easy for hershe was born to it. She got accepted into a business college without breaking a sweat, and at once the world noticed her.
She sent photos: here at a restaurant, there in a swanky new dress. She even wrote about a fianceson of some manager. Mum, hes promised to buy me a fur coat! she wrote.
Sarah was over the moon. Alice, though, grew quiet and sullen. She stayed at home after school, took a job as an orderly at the village clinic, hoping to train as a nurse, but there wasnt enough money for that.
All the widows pension and Sarahs earnings went to Emily, funding her glittering London lifestyle.
***
That summer, Emily came home. Not as she usually didbubbly, dolled up, bearing treatsbut quiet, listless, withdrawn.
She didnt leave her room for two days. On the third day, Sarah found her weeping into her pillow.
MummumIve ruined everything
She told her story. The fiance whod seemed so golden had used her and cast her aside. And nowshe was four months gone.
Its too late for anything else, Mum! Emily sobbed. What am I going to do? He doesnt want to know! He said if I have the baby, he wont give me a penny! Ill get thrown out of college! My lifesover!
Sarah sat as if turned to stone.
Youyou didnt protect yourself?
Whats it matter now? Emily cried. What now? Put it in an orphanage? Leave the baby on someones doorstep?
Sarahs heart nearly stopped. Give her grandchild away?
She didnt sleep at all that night. She paced the house like a ghost. As dawn broke, she sat beside Emilys bed.
Its all right, she said firmly. Well see it through.
But Mum! How?! Everyone will find out! Itll be a scandal!
No one will. Well sayits mine.
Emily stared at her in utter disbelief.
Yours? Mum, do you even know what youre saying? Youre forty-two!
Mine, Sarah repeated. Ill go stay with Aunt Maureen for a while, pretend Im helping her. Ill have the baby there, and Ill stay until its safe to come back. You return to London and keep studying.
Alice, who slept behind the thin partition, heard everything. She bit into her pillow to muffle her sobs. She pitied her mumand felt nothing but disgust for her sister.
***
A month later, Sarah left the village. It gossiped for a while, then moved on. She returned half a year later, a baby boy wrapped in blue.
Here, Alice, she said, pale with exhaustion, meet your little brotherMatthew.
The village gasped. Quiet Sarah, eh! A widow, too!
Whos the father? the old women sneered. The vicar, perhaps?
No, hes far too old. Probably the farm manager! Hes on his own, isnt he?
Sarah ignored them all, stoically bearing the whispers. Life became harder than ever. Matthew was a restless, colicky baby. Sarah barely stood upright some days.
Her postbag, milking at the dairy, and now sleepless nights. Alice helped as much as she couldwashing nappies, rocking the brother wordlessly. But inside, she seethed.
Letters came from London. Mummy, how are you? I miss you so much! Moneys tight here, but Ill send you something soon!
It was a year before anything arrived. A single £1,000 note, and a pair of jeans for Alice that were two sizes too small.
Sarah soldiered on, and Alice stayed by her, trudging through life together. For Alice, prospects were bleak. Local lads didnt stay; whod want a bride saddled with such baggage? A mother with a tainted reputation, a brother born in disgrace
Mum, Alice said one day when she was twenty-five, shouldnt we tell the truth?
Dont, love! Sarah gasped. Its impossible! Well ruin Emilys life! Shes married nowto a good man.
Emily had landed well. Shed finished her college, married a businessman, and moved to London proper. Sent holiday snaps from Egypt and Turkey. Dressed to the nines, a real city lady.
Never did she ask about her brother. Sarah wrote instead: Matthew started schoolhes top of the class!
Emily replied with expensive, utterly useless toys.
So the years passed. Matthew turned eighteen before they knew it.
He grew up a credittall, blue-eyed likelike Emily. Cheerful, hardworking. He adored his motherSarahand his sister Alice.
Alice had made peace with her lot. She was now the senior nurse at the county hospital.
A spinster, people whispered behind her back. Alice had already decided for herselfher life belonged to her mother and Matthew.
Matthew finished school with distinction.
Mum! Im going to London! University entrance, here I come! he announced.
Sarahs heart ached. Londonthats where Emily was.
Maybe our local college would do? she ventured nervously.
Dont be daft, Mum! I need a challenge! Matthew laughed. Ill show you, and Alice too! Youll both live in a palace one day!
The day Matthew sat his last exam, a shiny black car pulled up outside.
Emily got out. Sarahs heart leapt into her throat. Alice, coming out with a tea towel in hand, froze.
Emily was pushing forty, but she looked magazine-perfectslim, dressed in designer clothes, dripping with gold.
Mum! Alice! Hello! she chirped, planting a kiss on Sarahs cheek. And wheres
She caught sight of Matthew, sleeves rolled up, wiping his hands after tinkering with something in the shed.
Emily stopped dead. She couldnt take her eyes off him. Then tears filled her eyes.
Hello, Matthew said politely. You must be Emily. My sister?
Sister Emily echoed. Mum, we need to talk.
They sat in the parlour.
Mum I have everything. A home, money, a husband But no children.
She began to cry, her expensive mascara running.
Weve tried everything. IVF doctors Its hopeless. My husbands angry. II cant take anymore.
Why did you come, Emily? Alice said, her voice dull.
Emily looked at her through watery eyes. I I want my son.
Youve lost your mind! What son?!
Mum, dont shout! Hes mine! My own! I gave birth to him! I can give him a real life! I have connections, hell get into any university! Well buy him a flat in London! My husbandmy husband agrees! Ive told him everything!
Everything? Sarah whispered in shock. Did you tell him about us? About the shame I carried? About Alice
Oh, Alice! Emily waved her away. Shes spent her whole life stuck here and shell stay here! But Matthewhes got a chance! Mum, give him to me! You saved my life once, thank you for that. Now give me back my son!
He isnt some object you can return! Sarah cried. Hes mine! I raised him, sleepless, alone! I brought him up, I
At that moment, Matthew walked in. Hed heard everything. He stood on the threshold, pale as death.
Mum? Alice? Whatwhats she talking about? What son?
Matthew! Son! Im your real mum! Do you understand? Your real mum!
Matthew stared at her as if she were a ghost. Then he turned to Sarah.
Mumis it true?
Sarah hid her face and sobbed. Then Alice erupted.
Quiet, reserved Alice marched across the room and slapped Emily so hard she reeled against the wall.
You monster! Alice screamed, eighteen years of humiliation, lost chances, and grief for her mother pouring out in her voice. A mother?! What kind of mother are you?
You left him like a stray dog! Did you know our mother couldnt go out without being pointed at? Did you know I was left aloneno husband, no children, because of your mistake? And now you come to take him away?
Alice, stop! Sarah whispered.
No, Mum! Enough! Weve put up with all we can! Alice turned to Matthew. Yes, thats your mothershe dumped you on my mother so she could make something of herself in the city! And that, she pointed to Sarah, is your real grandmother, who gave up her life for both of you!
Matthew was silent for a long while. Then he walked slowly over to where Sarah knelt, weeping. He knelt and wrapped his arms around her.
Mum he whispered. Mummy.
He looked up, staring at Emilywho was clutching her cheek and crumbling against the wall.
I have no mother in London, he said quietly but firmly. I have one motherright here. And one sister.
He stood and took Alices hand.
And you Auntie you should go.
Matthew! Son! Emily wailed. I can give you everything!
I have everything, Matthew replied. I have a wonderful family. You have nothing.
***
Emily left that very evening. Her husband, whod watched it all from the car, didnt even step out.
They say he left her the next year. Found a woman who could give him a child. Emily was left alone, with only her money and her beauty for company.
Matthew never did go to London. He went to the county college to study engineering instead.
Im needed here, Mum. We need a new house, dont we?
And Alice? Well, Alice that night seemed to come aliveas if some great weight had been lifted. She blossomed at thirty-eight.
That farm manager the old women gossiped about started looking her way. A decent man, a widower himself.
Sarah watched them and criedthis time, tears of joy. Yes, there had been sin, but a mothers heart will bear anything for her children.
