This isnt right! After all, shes his mother! He should bring her into his own home! Such remarks often come from my husbands relatives. Im well aware my own friends feel much the same, though none of them say it directly to my face. All this stems from the situation with my mother-in-law.
Barbara is 83, weighs over fifteen stone, and is frequently ill. Why dont you have Barbara live with you? my cousin asked me a few years back. Its good you help her daily, but if something happens at night? It’s hard for her on her own. After all, your Daniel is her only support.
Its obvious that Grandma will be looked after by her only son, his wife, and her only grandson. For the last five years, Barbara hasnt left her flat even once. Her legs ache and her weight makes it nearly impossible for her to move about. This all started thirty years ago, when my mother-in-law was lively, young, healthy and a bit overbearing.
Who is this youve brought into my house? Daniels mother blurted out, clearly upset. Is this why I sacrificed my whole life?
After those words, I quietly walked to the bus stop. At that time, my husbands mother lived in a well-to-do suburb, in a stately and beautiful house. Her husband held a prominent position, so Barbara enjoyed a good life, even long after he had passed. On that day, Daniel caught up with me and walked me home. I was lucky with him: he didnt always blindly take his mothers side. Yet, he respected his elders. He tried to comfort me and explained it was just his mothers nature.
After we married, we began saving up for a place of our own. Daniel went away for work and didnt return for six months. In a few years, we managed to buy a house and renovate it. Once done, we didnt visit Barbara often. She managed to spread nonsense about me to Daniel and everyone she knew. You see, his wife wont let him help his mother. How could I not? And so on.
Barbara decided to move into the city, but the money she got from selling her house wasnt enough. She suggested we pitch in, promising the flat would be left to our son, her grandson, as inheritance. At the solicitors, suddenly, she claimed the property should belong to her a friend had warned her grans often end up homeless otherwise. Then she said shed leave the flat to whoever cared for her in old age. She wanted to be the mistress of her own home! She accused us of planning to trick her and leave her with nothing.
Nearly twenty years have passed since. The whole solicitors office overheard her moaning and it was quite embarrassing. We decided to let her be. She moved in almost at once, refusing to allow even minor improvements. After living there a month, she started complaining everything was old, falling apart and broken. Somehow, all blame fell on me: Id found her the wrong flat and tried to swindle her.
Barbara adored her cousins children but ignored her own grandson. She even pretended not to remember his birthday! A few years back, my mother-in-laws health took a turn for the worse. Shed grown so heavy it was difficult for her just to move around her flat. I brought healthy meals as prescribed by her GP. Barbara, however, cursed and refused to eat, insisting only her cousin fed her properly while I starved her.
Last year, my husband pleaded with me to bring her into our home. He insisted his mother finally understood she must listen to her doctor.
All right I agreed, but set conditions: the kitchen would be mine alone, Id decide what we cooked and ate, and none of her cousins would visit.
My mother-in-law was upset and didnt want to come, thinking shed run the household. But theres only one lady of the house me. So I had to visit, clean, cook, and even stay the night. Meanwhile, her favourite cousin expressed concern only by phone.
Barbara rang and complained I was starving her: no cakes, sweets or smoked ham. She begged her cousin to visit and bring pastries. Yet her cousin, claiming to be too busy, always delayed. Despite living far nearer than me, she visited just once a month with something unhealthy, whilst I attended daily.
One day, Barbara phoned her cousin to complain that her necklace and cross had gone missing. She said wed both visited that day, yet she accused me of taking them.
Without a word, I put her meal on the table and picked up the chain and crossfallen behind her nightstand. At home, I told Daniel everything and decided enough was enough. I suggested we send Barbara to a care home. Daniel agreed.
