My grandmother was, frankly, a difficult womanin some ways, she was downright unpleasant.
My mum and dad divorced when I was very young, so small that I have no memory of my father at all. When I turned five, Mum and I moved in with Grandma, and she looked after me throughout my childhood.
Grandma was strict and demanding. Obedience and industriousness were her main requirements. I dont recall a single fond memory involving her.
While some people look back wistfully on their childhoods, Id rather not remember mine at all. Theres nothing for me to reminisce about. Mum never really helped, either. I had nowhere to escapethe early 90s in England werent easy for us. I could only dream about money and work, and that was that. Grandma always tried to boss us about, ordering both Mum and me so everything was done her way.
That was life for us. Publicly, of course, we pretended everything was fine.
When I was in Year Five, things finally began to look up for Mum. She met a man and moved in with him, and a year later I went to live with them as well. My stepfather wasnt overly fond of me, but he never treated me badly. After growing up in my grandmothers house, where every day was a battle, living with my stepdad felt heavenly by comparison.
Grandma disapproved of Mums relationship, but Mum seized the opportunity to separate herself from the old tyrant. Mum never spoke to Grandma again.
I still ring her from time to time.
Once a month, I phone her, but I have to brace myself before I do. Our conversations are brief and largely trivial. To avoid being overwhelmed by negativity, I share only good news, and we stick to swapping generic remarks and pleasantries. Twice a yearon her birthday and name dayI visit her, taking flowers and a cake. I never stay longer than half an hour. Thats about the extent of our interaction.
My life is going well nowIm happily married, with a young child and a close-knit family. My wife and I recently decided to buy a flat on mortgage in another city. Last year, Grandma turned eighty.
Until then, she was quite sprightly and ran the household herself, but things have changed for the worse recently.
Grandmas become withdrawn; she cant even leave the house now, let alone cook. Most days, she lies in bed, though shes still able to get around the flat a little. She fell ill not long ago, and her neighbours helped her with everything. The situation is such that Grandma needs constant care.
Now, her distant relatives have taken to ringing me nonstop, full of reproaches! They cant reach Mumshe and her husband live abroadso they assume I ought to handle everything.
But I know what kind of misery awaits. Yes, she did raise me, fed me, taught me things. And, in a way, it feels like I owe her. And I dont want to do it. She never showed me any affection as a child; Ive managed to let go of most of my resentment, but forgiveness is another matter entirely. Yet, naturally, I feel guiltyI recognise that I ought to help the old lady.
Hiring a carer would be ideal, but our finances wont allow for it. I have a child, a mortgage, and my son is frequently unwell.
What should I do?
Is a granddaughter obliged to care for her elderly grandmother, or can she rightfully refuseespecially since shes not hoping for any inheritance? She wants neither the inheritance nor the kind of grandmother she has.
