Guardians
Excuse me, madam, let me through!
Someone shoved Helen in the back, making her stumble forward. She clung to the handles of the wheelchair, barely keeping her footing on the slippery pavement. Her open coat billowed, again making it impossible for onlookers to see why she was moving so slowly and blocking the middle of the walkway.
Oh, sorry!
A young woman, clearly in a rush, glanced back apologetically as she darted around Helen and her sons wheelchair, nearly tripping as she noticed Sam sitting there with his hands folded in his lap. Sam didnt try to help his mother; on such a wintry day, he knew hed only be getting in the way if he tried to propel the awkward wheelchair himself.
Helen drew a breath and nodded. Its all right, do go on.
She watched the hurried girl go, adjusted Sams hat, and returned her hands to the wheelchairs handles.
Shall we get going? Weve still got a bit of time, but never as much as wed like.
Mum, couldnt we find a way to do something besides visiting the surgery? Sam eyed the remaining distance and took hold of the wheel.
Sam, best to sit still just here, love. Its tricky at this spot, but seebeyond the main road, its been gritted. Once we cross, you can do it yourself.
All right!
Hold on, thoughwhy did you ask? What do you need time for?
Sam hesitated, then said, George told me theres a new model shop open on Kingfisher Road. Theyve got the paint I need.
Oh Sam, thats quite a trek for today. Theyre saying itll snow again tonight, and I cant be lowering you down the stairs twice today Helen trailed off when she saw her sons shoulders drop. He would agree, he always did, but she knew he was disappointed. Tell you what, Ill go myself. Just write down which paint you need, Ill pop in after work, and you can spend time with Gran Vera.
Gran? But she said shes busy transplanting her flowers today.
She did, but shes also owed a rematch! You beat her three times at chess last week and she says shes never been thrashed so soundly in her life. Shes demanding a rematch, and she promised to teach you poker too.
Thats a card game, Mum!
Oh, my boy, more than that! Pokers almost an art form.
Can you play?
A bit. Gran Vera taught me, but I never had your knack for maths and tactics. Thats why I always lost. You have to plan moves ahead, just like in chess.
Almost like chess, you mean?
Pretty much!
All right then, Ill stay with Gran. But
I know youd rather go to the shop yourself. When spring comes, Ill take you as often as you like, and well visit the park by the riveryou can watch your favourite ducks, eh? Is that a deal?
Deal
Good. Now, tell me more about that paint?
Red! But not like my hussarsI need the other kind. Ill explain
Sam launched into an eager description of the shade, hands waving as Helen steered them along. She nodded, listening, setting off on what felt like another crusade, as shed come to think of her life these days.
Everything had changed for Helen two years before.
That was the day her bonus came through at work. She was already planning treats for her son and husband when her colleague Victoria suddenly opened the door, ashen-faced, and whispered,
Helen, they cant get hold of you
Helens heart froze. What happened?!
Its Sam Helen, please, hes alive! Theyre taking him to St Georges Hospital.
The first time Helen saw the driver who hit her son was in court. The man never raised his eyes, but Helen didnt care. She knew he had come to the hospital and wanted to see her, but at the time, she didnt want to face him.
What could apologies possibly do? Open the locked doors of intensive care? Give Sam back his future? Turn back time for her family?
Why were you driving so fast? she asked him.
My mother was dying Shed hidden her illness from me, only called me right at the end. I was trying to see her one last time. I know its my fault.
I know.
It brought no solace. All Helen thought of was Sam. The red-lettered Intensive Care doors were left behind, but that didnt ease the ache. Her place was with her son, not standing frozen, listening to this man.
Did you reach her? she asked, already half out the door.
No
They never spoke again. Her husband took her place at court, while Helen stayed at the hospital for Sam.
Its all complicated the consultant muttered, shuffling papers as Helen sat before him, desperate for good news.
But there was none.
Helen knew it from the first words. The doctor spoke of rehabilitation and research, his eyes downcast, but she only heard one thingSam would never walk again. No genius could help where it simply wasnt possible; no miracle was coming, however much she might pray.
She wasnt thinking of herself, of her husband, of the tensions sprouting between them. Theyd always faced everything together, but now they seemed to be heading in entirely different directionsHelen confronting the truth, her husband unable to accept it.
Cant you see, Helen? We have to try everything! he shouted.
But there isnt anything left to try. There isnt a chance.
Nonsense! If these doctors cant help, well find others!
Fine. Lets keep looking.
Im working! How am I supposed to find the time as well?
Listen to yourselfits your son
Hes yours too!
And so Helen searched: specialists, clinics, whatever might help Sam get back on his feet. But sometimes, miracles fall through the cracks. Its as though Fate, carrying her basket, glancing at her long lists, sometimes drops a tiny miracle or two along the way. Perhaps she trips, skips a name, and that hope is left waiting on the path while Fate sashays on, her skirts barely brushing the ground.
Sams miracle, it seemed, had been lost. Helen realised shed have to adapt.
To say it was hard is putting it mildly
There was her job, which she had to leave to care for Sam. There were the arguments at home, the silences with her husband that escalated into rows Sam could hearand that made Helen want to run, simply vanish. She tried to keep it together, but the accusation in her husbands eyesthe man shed once called her best friendwas unbearable.
If youd met him after school like other mums, this never wouldve happened!
Those words, a frozen weight crashing down between them during one heated quarrel, she could never forgive. He apologised at once, but Helen felt the icy splinters pierce her heart. They lingered, and soon she couldnt fight them any longer.
Go
The second hurt, larger still, was when her husband packed his things and left, slamming the door so hard Sam woke up.
Mum, whats wrong?
Sleep, Sam. The troubles gone
Forever?
Forever. Its just us now. Trouble will never find us again.
Did that make things easier?
No. It only tangled life even more. Helen saw how hard it was for Sam and tried everything to help.
Thats when, quite by chance, she bought their first box of tin soldiers.
Look, Sam!
What are they?
Soldiersyou paint them yourself to make them look real.
Why paint them?
To bring them to life, of course.
Why are their clothes so funny? Sam asked, spinning a tiny horseman in his hands.
Theyre hussarsold-fashioned cavalrymen.
And who were they?
Ill tell you!
Theyd sit together, leafing through books and discussing colours, and Helen would hold her breath, watching her sons spirit revive. It worked wonders.
Within a year, Sam commanded an entire army, and in the evenings, mother and son staged epic battles, fiercely debating whether dragoons or infantry had been more crucial.
Mum! Youre Napoleondo it right!
Dont boss meIve got my own army, thank you!
Youre rewriting history! Sam would protest as Helen advanced his painstakingly painted models across the carpet.
If only it were possible, love Helen would murmur, before surrendering to Sams military strategy.
Sams father stopped visiting entirely after having a child in his new family. It was Sams grandmother, Vera, who told Helen the news, picking her words with care.
Im sorry, Helen For everything.
Heavens, what for? Youve been the one constant helping Sam and me. I dont know how wed have coped without you.
Theyre leaving for abroad. Everythings sortedthe house, the paperwork. Im not going with them.
Youre not? Helen almost dropped the kettle.
No. They dont need me. His new wife has her own mothervery involved, apparently. I was allowed to meet my new grandchild once. Then that was that. I had a family and now nothing.
You mean to hurt me? As if you and Sam arent family? Hell always be your grandson.
Please, Helen, dont push me away. I hear youas a mum. It isnt right, none of it. It should be different.
Who knows? Helen squeezed Veras trembling hands. Maybe things are exactly as they should be. We dont need people who never cared for us. That woman was in his life long before
Yes, she was before it all happened
Well, see? Fate isnt always so cruel, Vera. Its right to let go of those who betray us. But you never betrayed me. And I still need youSam still needs his gran. Family isnt lost unless we want it to be. I wont lose minewill you?
Vera didnt answer, but simply hugged Helen, the question resolved at last.
Truth, Helen would later realise, is the bedrock of love. You cant hide stones in your pocket; you start to imagine everyone else is carrying one as well. We judge others by ourselves.
From then on, Helen knew she had Sam and Vera. That was her world. Even Victoria, once her closest friend, drifted away, unable to cope with Sams situation.
Helen didnt blame her. Victoria had found happiness, and there was no room for other peoples misfortune in her new life.
Helen glimpsed wedding photos online, quietly wishing her old friend wellwhy not? For years, theyd trusted and confided in one another. But when Victoria finally got back in touch, Helen couldnt bring herself to reply; she didnt want to burden her friend.
There was plenty to handle anyway.
With Veras help caring for Sam, Helen managed to return to work, and Vera would tidy the flat, cook, and help with Sams outings.
Getting Sams wheelchair down from their third-floor flatwith no lift or rampwas no easy task. Sam was still young and fairly light, but Helen knew a day would come when Sams world would shrink to just their flat if things didnt change.
Helen petitioned the council for a ramp, but it was like pushing at the moon. The system wouldnt budge, and officials denied her again and again.
Should we buy a place in the country, love? Sam would have such fresh air, and I hear propertys cheaper, Vera suggested one day after Helen returned, defeated, from the council office.
How would we manage his therapy and school? Sam loves computer programmingwhere would I find a tutor in a village? And out where we can afford, theres no internet. Even if we could get it, its frightfully expensive. Sam needs options, not isolation.
I dont really get it, Helen, but if its what you want, Ill support you.
Well have to think, Helen sighed, seeing no way forward.
Exchange her flat for another? In new builds, there were ramps and lifts, but they cost a fortune, impossible with her salary and Sams medical bills.
Estate agents shrugged, unable to suggest a feasible swap. No one wanted her small two-bedroom on the top floor.
You see, places like this just arent in demand! What can we do?
Helen thanked them for their trouble, but inwardly fumed. Why couldnt she give her son the chance he deserved? Why was her family so at the mercy of fates mood swingssometimes laughing, sometimes crying, never giving them a break?
But perhaps fate wasnt such a villain. Maybe a scatterbrain, but not evil. By some fluke, a little slip of luck still remained at the bottom of fates basket, and this time she finally plucked it out and sent it fluttering their way.
It was just after shed been jostled on the street by a city commuter that a new figure entered Helen’s life.
Excuse me, madam, do you need a hand?
The voice behind Helen as she struggled with the wheelchair at a kerb was that of an elderly man.
No, thank you! Ill manage! she replied with a smile.
He wasnt having any of ithe briskly stepped to the front, patted Sams shoulder, and gripped his hand warmly.
Im Grandpa Jack. Sam, why arent you helping your mum? Look how shes worn out!
I tried, but she scolded me.
I see! Now, step aside, miss. Let me handle it.
He took Helens bag of clementines, handed it to her, and told them crisply, Hold tight! If you behave, Ill share my clementines! Off we go!
With surprising ease, Jack manoeuvred the wheelchair over the icy drift and across the road, chatting merrily with Sam. Helen hurried after, amazed at how easily the old fellow accomplished what had felt impossible for her.
Where are you heading, then? Ive got all the time in the world, he said after clearing another snowpile and settling Sam on the pavement.
Oh, thats really not necessarywell manage, honestly!
Jack beamed. Youre lovely, but terribly stubborn! Just let me enjoy a stroll with some good company. You dont mind, do you?
Helen, a little flustered, shook her head. Jack was certainly odd, but she rather liked him.
Their trip to the surgery was successful.
But the next day, just before lunch, someone knocked at Helens door.
Afternoon! Is this a good time for a visit?
Helen blinked in surprise at the familiar face. Sam shouted, Grandpa Jack! Youve come for me? Brilliant! Mum, arent you going to say hello?
Within days, Helen realised Jack had somehow solved nearly all her problems of the past year.
Helen, Ive spoken with your neighboursthe Thornes down the hall. Theyve got a ground-floor flat just the same. Theyre up for an exchangecoming round later to look, but dont just swapask for a bit extra to cover redecorating. Your kitchens far nicer than theirs. Dont worry about tidying up after; Ill help you. Just need a little for wallpaper and glue and whatnot.
And if they dont agree?
Theyre on board already. The husbands solid as they comehis mates in the car park have known him since playgroup. No risk.
How did you sort it all out?
Just got to talk to people, Helen! And by the way, did you not wonder how I found your flat for my first visit?
Oh? Thats truehow?
Asked aroundWheres the lovely lady with the bright-eyed son who wont stand up?
Grandpa Jack! I want to stand! I just cant!
Well, Sam, as long as you want it, you just might. Some folks can fly before you know it!
Hows that?
Ill show you when summer comes. Too soon just yet.
Oh, please, just a hint!
No hintsdont nag like a girl!
I wont!
Good lad! Now off you go, let me have a word with your mother. If all goes well, youll be able to play outdoors this summer without help.
Hooray!
What a racket! Nearly deaf as I am, Sam can still make my ears ring, Jack laughed. Hes strong, Helen, but you need more than that. Ive found a cracking physiotherapista retired medic who even studied in Tibet, imagine. Lets take Sam to see him.
Its no use, Jack. The doctors were clearthis is his life now.
And you accepted that? Oh, Helen. Dont give up until lifes full stop arrives. Anything can happenIm proof enough!
Youll tell me your story?
I willabout my years at sea, how I nearly drowned three times, how I learned to fly gliders, about my pilot matesbut another time.
Why not now?
Busy day! Nigel from number thirty-two has just one free day, and hes a welding genius. Promised to help build your ramp.
Jack, well need permissionthe council is very strict
See this? Jack flourished a form. Permission granted, all signed. Your neighbours are fantastic, you knoweven the grumpier ones came round once we reminded them what matters!
Whos we?
I didnt do it aloneyour building manager and Vera helped. And half the ladies from the knitting club. With so many lovely neighbours, whod say no to helping out?
Oh, you old charmer, Jack!
Sailors honour, Helen! If I were younger, Id have proposed to you by now. Women like you are one in a million!
Oh, do stop! Helen laughed.
Not likely. Youre family nowmy Helen, my Sam, my Vera. Its my job to look after you all! My years may not be what they were, but Ill do all I can. You and your boy deserve it.
Jack kept his word. Within weeks, Helen moved with Sam to their new ground-floor flat. She wandered around the echoing, empty rooms, on the brink of tears, as Jack and the neighbours adjusted doorways to be wide enough for Sams chair.
The new folding ramp brought Helen apologies from her, but the neighbours only smiled.
Oh, Helen, dont be silly! Bless your boys health!
Helen, whod learned that strangers often avoided her and Sam in public, whispered to Jack, Why is everyone here so kind? They dont stare or grumble. Most people look away, we just get in the way
Theyre afraid, Helen. Afraid trouble will find them too. It scares them to see sufferingand so they turn away. Not everyone, though.
Not everyone Not you, not the neighbours. Why?
Jack only chuckled. Maybe, he thought, folks just remembered to act like human beings for a change. They might not know how, but with a little nudge…
Jack had, in fact, visited every flat, asking, All well in your home? Got your health? Lucky, arent you? Know Helen and Sama mum who fights for her lad like a lioness! You do know them! Grand people, I reckon!
Helen never knew about those conversations, but she had every reason already to be grateful for Jacks appearance in their lives.
Most importantly, the physiotherapist Jack found spoke, very cautiously, of hope for Sam.
Its the slimmest chance, Helentiny, reallyand I dont wish to build up false hopes. But you mustnt turn it down. Youll have to travel.
To where?
London. My colleagues therea genius surgeon. If he cant help, no one can. Hes agreed to see Sam, but its a long processpreparation is everything before such a delicate operation.
Im not sure I can afford it all
Dont worry about that, Helen! broke in Vera, braving Jacks stern glare. No frowning, Jack! Its decided. Ill sell my flat. Ive rung my sonhell help too. Dont protest! Dont be proud! Sams what matters now. Yes, that fool of a father let you down, but hes still Sams dad. I reminded him. Helen, youre a wise womanso accept that this is what must be done. Our only chance is to band together.
Helen nodded. There was nothing to debate. Vera was right. Sam mattered most, and everything elsegrievances, tears, prideseemed trivial beside such a hope.
Sam had his operation six months later. His legs werent fully recovered yet, but the ramp built by Jack was no longer needed. Helen found another family in need and passed it on.
And your lad?
Hes walking now. Yes, with crutches for the moment, but its a start.
Do you think The woman, shaking at the thought, glanced over at her daughter showing Sam her new chair.
Ive got the doctors detailstake them. Who knows? Maybe he can help your daughter. Never give up a chance, whatever you do.
How did you survive it allthe pain, the setbacks?
Its not my doing. You know, Ive become convinced angels existall sorts of angels. Ive got plenty of them; they are my guardians.
Truly?
Oh yes! And theres one who leads the restfierce and strong, uncompromising, though on the surface, a kind and gentle man. He believes everyones good at heart. Sometimes, they just need a little reminder.
Whats his name?
Jack. Jack Carpenterour angel, mine and Sams, right Sam?
Sam, squinting in the sunlight, would rise shakily from the bench, winking at the chattering girl nearby.
Yes, Mum! Can I go for a walk with Sophie? We wont go far!
Helen would touch Sophies mother on the arm, reassuring her with a smile: Of course Shall we come along, too? Do you mind?
Go on, thenplenty of ice cream to share!
And perhaps, for one more household, the world would become a little lighter.
Here, hope would quietly take up residenceuncertain and trembling, but growing ever stronger, altering lives step by step. And even though reality may never quite match expectation, laughter would sound again, and trouble, frowning in the corner, would slip away unseen, unmissed. Those left behind would listen instead to a new melodyone that would, in time, ring out crystal-clear as hope twirled and danced, guided by the wishes of a child whod once asked fate for a second ticket.
Whats one more? hed whisper, You helped me, didnt you?
And fate, in her own mysterious way, would obligetossing another paper plane into the sky, humming under her breath and moving on, always wondering who next might need a slice of happiness.
After all, difficulties are never given so we might break, but so we might discover the extraordinary kindness waiting in unexpected placessometimes even in ourselves.
