The Guardians
Excuse me, madam, let me through!
Someone nudged Ellen in the back, and she staggered forward, grabbing the handles of the pram so as not to fall on the slick pavement. Her open coat had yet again played a cruel trick; its flapping sides hid the reason she moved so slowly, blocking sight of what kept her to the middle of the path.
Oh, sorry!
The young woman, dashing past, faltered when she spotted Matthews pram. He sat inside with arms folded across his knees, making no attempt to help his mother. In such weather, he would only have hindered her, his hands on the awkward wheels slipping pointlessly.
Ellen, sighing, nodded at the girl:
Its nothing, love. Off you go!
She watched the hurried figure disappear, then straightened Matthews hat and gripped the handles again.
Shall we carry on? Weve got some time left. Not much, as always.
Mum, cant we spare time for something besides the doctors? Matthew eyed the stretch of pavement ahead, but finally put his hands to the rims.
Matthew, just sit still for now, will you? I’ll manage. Its only this patch look, its clear up the road. Once we cross, you can steer for yourself.
Alright!
Wait, though what were you after? Why the sudden urge for time?
He hesitated.
Well, Ben told me theres a new model shop on Oxford Street. Theyve got that paint I need.
Oh, Matt, we wont make it there today; its a fair trek in this mess. Besides, more snows forecast by this evening, and lowering you down those steps again Ellen caught her sons downcast look. Hed agree, she knew, but it disappointed him. Tell you what, love, Ill pop in myself. Write down the paint you want, Ill get it. Meanwhile, you stay with Granny Vera.
But why with Granny? Shes planning to sort her flowers today. Said she’s got plenty to re-pot.
Ah, but shes owed a rematch! You thrashed her thrice at chess, remember? She insists on a battle and said no one has ever beat her so soundly shes embarrassed! Besides, didnt she promise shed teach you poker?
Isnt that a card game, Mum?
Oh, Matthew, its not just a game, its a philosophy!
Can you play?
A bit. Granny Vera taught me, but I havent your head for numbers. Thats why I always lose it takes sharp wits and planning ahead.
Like chess?
Nearly so!
Okay then, Ill stay with Granny. Only
Son, I know you want to go to the shop yourself. And Id love to take you, come spring. Well be able to stroll that way any day, and theres the park, your favourite ducks Sound good?
Alright, Mum
Splendid! What paint are you after then?
Red! But not the shade I used for my Hussars another one
And just like that, Matthew became animated, explaining in detail which paint she must seek out, hands leaving the wheels. Ellen smiled and resumed her crusade. Thats what it felt like: a crusade. Her life split into before and after, ever since those fateful two years past.
That day, shed received an unexpected bonus at work, already planning how shed surprise her son and husband. Then the office door flew open and pale-faced Julia whispered:
Ellen, they cant get through to you
Ellens hands went cold; her vision darkened.
What?!
Matthew Now, dont worry! Hes alive! Theyre taking him to the childrens hospital.
She saw the driver who hit her son only once, in court. Hed kept his eyes lowered; she didnt care. Shed heard hed visited the hospital, tried to meet her but such things meant nothing then.
What could apologies fix? Would they unlock the ICU doors? Heal Matthew? Turn times arrow and undo that moment which unmade their lives?
Why on earth were you in such a hurry?
It was the only question she posed.
My mother I didnt know how ill she was. She hid it from me. She called, finally, to say goodbye Im to blame!
I know
But it brought Ellen no relief. All that mattered was Matthew. That grim door labelled Intensive Care out of reach. The past. Yet no easier.
Did you make it in time? Ellen asked at the door.
No
They spoke no more. Her husband relieved her at court; from then on, she stayed by Matthews side.
Its difficult The consultant rifled through papers, avoiding her eyes.
What could he offer a mother desperate to hear all would be well?
Nothing.
Ellen grasped it at once. The doctor spoke of rehabilitation and new treatments, but in her mind rang only: Matthew will never walk Not ever No specialist could change that. Not in truth. Not in the world as it stood
In the beginning she thought only of her son, not herself, not her husband, nor the subtle cracks in their marriage suddenly splitting wide. Once inseparable, now walking different paths: she, accepting reality; he, rebelling against it.
Dont you see? We must try every chance! John, her husband, almost shouted.
But there isnt one Dont you understand?
Nonsense! If these doctors cant help, well find others!
Very well. Lets look.
Im working! How do you expect me to handle all this as well?
Can you hear yourself? Hes your son
And yours too!
And so Ellen searched: specialists, clinics, any chance that her boy might again stand. But sometimes, miracles slip through fates basket. Perhaps destiny, busy ticking off a list, stumbles a line skipped, a marvel dropped, unnoticed. Whats left behind on the path, is simply lost. And so, Heavens small miracle for Matthew vanished somewhere. Ellen saw, soon enough, she’d have to make peace and live with what remained.
To say it was hardwell, there arent words.
Work she eventually left, needing to be close to Matthew. Tension with John grew, then arguments sharp, stinging rows Matthew overheard. Each time, Ellen bit her tongue, but the look in the eyes of the man shed once seen as the best in the world was a deeper wound.
If youd met him after school like other mums, this wouldnt have happened!
Those words crashed between them like a block of ice. Though John instantly repented, the shards had already pierced her heart; their warmth ebbed out, leaving only cold.
Go
Thus arrived the second, unmeasurable hurt: John packed and left, slamming the door so hard Matthew awoke.
Mum, whats wrong?
Sleep, darling. The troubles gone
For good?
For good. It shant trouble us again.
Did it ease her? Not in the least. If anything, life became even more tangled. Ellen watched her son struggle to accept the new reality and did her utmost to help.
It was then she bought, quite by accident, their first box of toy soldiers.
Look, Matthew!
What are these?
Toy soldiers, love. Only, they need painting first.
Why?
So theyll look real.
But why are they dressed like that? he fingered a tiny cavalryman.
Those are Hussars. Not modern soldiers.
What kind, then?
Let me tell you
Side by side, they would flip through books, choosing the perfect colours for each. Ellen, breath held, watched her son come alive. The idea turned out magical.
In a year, Matthew commanded a small army, and in the evenings he and Ellen would wage battles on the carpet, fiercely debating the role of dragoons or infantry in this or that clash.
Mum, youre Napoleon! You must do things properly!
Dont tell me what to do! Youve got your own army!
But youre rewriting history! Matthew would protest, as his mother guided painted figures across the rug.
If only that were possible, son Ellen would murmur, shifting Gorchakovs regiment as he commanded.
Matthews father vanished entirely from his life once a child was born to his new family. Ellen learned of this from her former mother-in-law, Vera, who broke the news as gently as she could.
Ellen, darling, forgive us for everything
Oh, what for? Youve never left my side, you help with Matthew and me I honestly dont know how Id have managed without you.
Theyre moving abroad.
Where? Ellen nearly dropped the kettle.
Overseas. All sorted papers, a place to live Im not invited
What do you mean?
Not needed, apparently. Her mothers involved never left my grandsons side! Gave me one look at him, that’s all Now theyre on their own. Once I had a family Now it’s gone
Are you trying to hurt me? Were not strangers, surely? Matthews still your grandson.
Ellen, please dont send me away. I understand. Things should have been different.
Who’s to say Ellen gently gripped Veras trembling hands. Maybe, in the end, this is right. We dont need someone who never truly cared. That woman appeared in his life before, didnt she?
Yes, before all this ever happened
See? Fates not as wicked as all that. Best to be rid of traitors sooner rather than later. But you, Vera, youre still family. Matthew needs his granny, and I need your help. Id be chuffed if youd stay with us. One doesnt stop being family without a strong reason and I have no wish to lose mine. Do you?
Vera only embraced her former daughter-in-law, finally putting to rest her long struggle.
Nothings better between people than honesty. You cant love and keep a stone in your pocket fearing others keep one too. After all, we judge all by ourselves.
Since then, Ellen knew she had Matthew, and Vera. No one else. Even Julia, her close friend whod offered comfort for a while, eventually stopped calling, saying she simply couldnt bear to see Matthew as he was.
Ellen didnt argue. Julias own life had at last taken off; there was no room for anothers misfortune.
She saw Julias joyous bridal photos online and wished her well, of course. Ten years of friendship counted for something, but when Julia wrote at last asking how Ellen was, if she needed anything Ellen just didnt reply. Some burdens are best left unshared.
But she had problems aplenty.
Some, Ellen could manage with Veras help, others overwhelmed her. Vera was always there and thanks to her, Ellen returned to work, knowing Matthew was safe through the afternoons. Vera cooked, cleaned, and when Ellen came home, she helped with the walk to the park.
Hauling the pram down from their fourth-floor flat, in that old block with no lift or ramp, was becoming impossible. Matthew was light, but one day hed grow, and the outside world would seem closed to him.
Ellen tried petitioning for a ramp, but it proved harder than plucking the moon from the skies. Refused again and again, she knew something had to change.
Maybe we should buy a house, Ellen? Out of town, but Matthew could get more fresh air Vera soothed her, after the latest futile visit to the council.
But what about treatments, school, his programming classes? Out there, we couldnt even get the internet, let alone a tutor! Town life means opportunity, Vera; hell need that most of all.
I dont quite follow, love, but Ill help, whatever you decide.
Ellen agreed, but saw no way out.
Swapping the flat for something better? New builds had lifts and ramps, but the price was beyond her means. Mortgages for places like that were out of reach, given Matthews medical costs.
Estate agents she consulted only shrugged. To trade a cramped two-bedroom upper flat for a ground floor was, for most, unappealing.
The markets not looking for these places anymore.
Grateful for their time, Ellen still fumed. Why couldnt she shape her sons life herself? Why must fortune always seem cruel sometimes weeping, sometimes laughing never peaceful, never offering the family a respite?
Yet perhaps fate wasnt so wicked after all. Clumsy, maybe, but not entirely heartless. For, somewhere at the bottom of the basket, there was still a lucky ticket left for her and Matthew. One day, apparently by chance, it found them.
The very day Ellen was jostled on that wintry pavement, a new figure entered their lives: Old Jack.
Madam, do you need a hand?
The voice behind Ellen, as she tried to manoeuvre Matthews pram out of a half-melted snowdrift by the crossing, was warm and clearly aged.
Oh, no thanks, Ive got it!
She smiled to the short old man, but he ignored her protest, briskly circling the pram, gripping Matthews hand in a proper handshake.
Im Grandad Jack. Why arent you helping your mother, lad? She looks worn to bits!
I did try! She just tells me off.
Never mind! Here, miss! Let me do it.
He gently passed his bag of tangerines to Ellen, then firmly grasped the pram handles.
Hold on tight! I adore these behave and Ill share! Off we go!
He breezed through the slush that had defeated her, stepping nimbly into the road, all the while telling cheerful stories to Matthew. Startled but impressed, Ellen hurried after them, marvelling at how easily this stranger did what he thought right.
Where shall I take you? Ive time to spare! Old Jack paused, parking the pram on the curb.
Oh, honestly, well manage from here!
Youre a beauty, but stubborn as an old mule! Jack peeled a tangerine, handing half to Ellen, half to Matthew. Cant an old gent enjoy a fine stroll in good company? Or would you rather not?
Well, I Ellen admitted the old man rather charmed her.
The trip to the doctor was made.
The next day, about noon, a knock came at Ellens door.
Afternoon! Will you accept visitors?
Ellen opened it to her new acquaintance, lost for words. Matthew piped up for her.
Grandad Jack! Youre here for me? Hooray! Mum, arent you going to say hello?
And within days, Ellen was thoroughly bewildered: Jack, through some unexplainable means, had solved almost every practical problem shed carried for a year.
Ellen, I’ve spoken to your neighbours, the Marshalls, from next door. Turns out their flats just like yours, only ground floor. Well! Theyll swap. Coming round this evening be firm and ask for a little compensation for redecorating. Your place is better finished.
And if they dont want that?
Theyll agree. I chatted with Mr. Marshall solid man, been here ages. Men in the allotments vouched for him. Not likely theyre wrong.
How on earth did you manage it?
You have to talk, dear! Jack shook his head reproachfully. You never even asked how I found you when I popped in first time!
Quite! How did you?
Just asked folk. Where does the pretty lady with big eyes and the lad who doesnt want to get up live?
Grandad Jack! I do! I just cant!
Ah, Matt! Where theres a will, theres a way youll be flying yet!
How so?
Come summer, Ill show you. Too soon yet.
At least a hint?
No! Dont pester me you arent a girl!
I shant!
Good lad. Now clear off a bit, let me talk to your mum. If all goes to plan, youll be out and about yourself by summer.
Hooray!
That boys a proper bugle! Near-deaf as I am, he makes my ears ring! Jack laughed, watching Matthew wheel off. Hes strong, Ellen, but he needs more than that. Ive found a good therapist ex-Army doctor, knows plenty of tricks. Spent time with monks in Tibet. Take your boy to see him.
Its hopeless, Jack. Weve been told by every doctor.
Have you given up, then? Jack squinted thoughtfully. No, love. You mustnt lower your arms, not in this life, not until the end. Anything can happen. Look at me for proof.
Will you tell me?
Oh, all in good time, Ellen! All my stories the Navy, near-drownings, flying contraptions, old friends But not now.
Why not?
Cant today. Ivor from 32 is free, a first-rate welder. Promised to help build a ramp.
Jack, we need permission for that!
Seen this? Jack flashed a paper. Permissions here, signatures and all. Your neighbours are wonderful, even those that needed a nudge.
Who helped you with that?
Do you think I could have done all this alone? No, love. Your caretaker pitched in, and Vera, and others. What a garden of ladies made my head spin! Havent had so much attention in years.
Oh, youre dreadful, Jack!
Well, I was a sailor! Im entitled. Were I younger, Id have proposed without a word! Women like you are one in a million!
Oh, go on! Ellen laughed.
No escaping me now! Youre mine: you, Matthew and Verity. Ages caught up, but Ill do for you what I can. Looking out for a woman and her lad thats only right.
Jack kept his word. Weeks later, Ellen and Matthew moved. She wandered the echoing rooms, nearly weeping, staring at the broad doorways, widened just for Matthews pram, neighbours pitching in alongside Jack.
The new ramp at the entrance made Ellen apologetic.
Sorry for the bother you can see, its necessary.
To her surprise, no one minded.
Ellen, dont mention it. May your boy have good health!
Shed so often come across coldness unfriendly glances at Matthews pram she asked Jack:
Why are the neighbours so kind? No grumbles, no sour looks. Were usually in the way. People avoid us on the street.
Theyre afraid, Ellen. Fearful.
Of what?
Cant you guess? Afraid theyll provoke misfortune. So they flinch and avoid families like yours. But not everyone, eh?
Not all. Not you, not our neighbours. Why?
Maybe, they remember to be human Jack chuckled.
Truth is, Jack had gathered them one by one, visiting each flat:
Everyone well? Healthy? Splendid! You know the neighbours Ellen and her boy? Shes a lioness for that child! Delighted to meet such folk!
Ellen never knew of these conversations. She had plenty to thank Jack for chief of which was that the doctor he led them to spoke, though hesitantly, of hope for Matthew.
You must understand me, Ellen. Its a tiny chance, so small I darent promise. But it mustnt be missed. You have to go.
Where?
To London. Theres a surgeon I trained with as good as any youll find. If he cant help, no one can. Hes agreed to see Matthew.
Just see him?
Yes, Ellen. It’s a long, difficult process before hed risk such an operation.
Im afraid I cant afford it
Dont think about that! Vera, overhearing, interjected despite Jacks stern look. What, Jack? Dont glare! Ive made up my mind.
What have you decided, Vera?
Ill sell my house, Ive spoken to my son hell chip in. Dont argue! Don’t let pride keep you from hope. Matthew needs this. My fool of a son may have let you down, but hes still Matthews father. He just needed reminding. And you, Ellen youre a wise woman. Nows the time to unite. Maybe then, something will finally work out
Ellen nodded. She wouldnt argue. Vera was right: Matthew was what mattered. Old wounds, pride, all that trivial next to what had now become possible.
Half a year later, Matthew had his surgery. He still needed crutches, movement slow in coming, but the ramp Jack built was no longer needed. Ellen found another family for it, one in desperate need as they once had been.
And your boy?
He walks now. With sticks, hard going but he walks. This is only the beginning.
Do you think the woman, signing for the ramp, glanced at her own daughters wheelchair.
Ill pass you the doctors name. Dont miss the chance, whatever it is. I know now never let an opportunity slip by!
How did you cope with it all? So many problems, so much hurt
It wasnt just me. Honestly, Ive come to believe angels walk the world. Ordinary angels. I’ve several. All my guardians.
Truly?
Yes! They have a leader, no-nonsense, thoroughly kind. The gentlest soul, though stern when need be. He reminds people theyre better than they remember.
And his name?
Jack. John Jackman, to give his full title. My guardian. Ours. Isnt it right, Matthew?
Matthew, squinting in the sunlight, will pull himself with effort from the bench, and wink at the little girl chattering nearby.
Yes, Mum! May I take Sophie for a little stroll? We wont go far!
Ellen touches the nervous mothers hand reassuringly and smiles.
Of course. And shall we join you? Hope were not in the way.
Alright, then! Theres enough ice cream for us all!
And in another home, a little more hush will settle.
There, a small hope will take root.
But have no fear. Set hope free, help it just a bit and it grows hour by hour, changing the lives of all who shelter it. Even if reality falls short of wishes, for a time it will be enough to hear laughter ring again, as trouble sulks in a corner, grumbling, before slipping away, slamming the door no one will hear. The people there will listen instead for other sounds.
And soon, that soft new note will chime clearer and stronger hope, dancing step by step, learning movement from the little girl for whom Matthew so earnestly pleads with fate.
Go on, please? Just one more ticket Youve helped me once, havent you?
And fate, pondering, will send off another paper plane from its basket, setting it high upon the breeze, while bustling onwards dreaming of who next might deserve their little portion of happiness.
