Mum
Oi, you with the tail! Who do you belong to? Emily stopped in her tracks, eyeing the large ginger tomcat sitting by her flat door.
Naturally, the cat didnt say a word. He didnt even twitch at the sound of Emilys voice, let alone move from his spot. Only his ragged ear twitched slightly, as if to say, Yes, yes, I hear you, but dont expect a response!
Fine, be like that, Emily muttered, fishing around in her bag for her keys.
The cat, as if understanding, shifted a fraction on the doormat to give her room, but didnt budge, keeping a steady gaze on Emily as she worked at the lock.
She and her husband had only bought this place a couple of months agoa small two-bedroom flat, their shared dream come true. Some might say living in a tired block of terrace flats was less than ambitious, that one should aim for more. But Emily and Tom would just laugh at anyone saying that. Six months ago, owning their own home wasnt even on the horizon. Theyd squeezed into her granddads old room in a shared house and had been grateful enough just to have that.
Emily, just dont argue with the neighbours! Toms mum, Mrs. Williamson, had helped clean up the room before the wedding. Theyre good people, even if they have a few too many sometimes.
Whats good about people who drink all the time? Emily snorted, wringing out her cloth and brushing curly hair from her face.
Tom adored her wild mane of curls, but to Emily it was an absolute nightmare, especially for cleaning. However hard she tried to pin it back, it would spring loose and bounce in front of her eyes, making her look like a particularly flustered dandelion.
Its not easy to explain, Mrs. WilliamsonMargaretsighed. Theyve had a hard life. People dont always cope well with what theyre given.
Emily understood. Orphaned young, then passed from one foster family to another, she knew how easily people wallowed in their own misfortune, forgetting those who depended on them.
Her mother left her at a train station just after her third birthday. All Emily had was a note stuffed in her jacket and a one-eared toy rabbit. She sat on the wooden bench in the bustling waiting room, just as her mother told her, gripping that battered rabbit and fighting the urge to cry. She desperately needed the loo, but she knew better than to movemum would be furious. So she just squirmed on the bench, scanning the crowds for her.
Mum never came back. Instead, a large man in a police uniform approached. He asked questions. Emily shook her head, refusing to answer, tears long since run dry. She was cold, hungry and tired, and the man kept asking questions she didnt understand. Finally, he tweaked the rabbits ear and said gently, Whats your friends name?
Only then did Emily unfurl a little. Looking up, she whispered, Stanley.
The officer stroked Stanleys head, then Emilys, before asking, Has your mum been gone long?
At that Emily broke down, sobbing loudly enough to startle everyone nearby, including her stoic policeman. Crowds came and went, but it hadnt occurred to anyone, all those hours, that a child might have been abandoned in their midst.
Why her mother had done it became clear years later. A woman appeared outside her school, reaching out her arms and wailing, Darling, Ive found you! Give your mummy a cuddle. Ive missed you so much!
By then, Emily had been living with a foster family for years, sharing the home with six other children. The house was always busy, orderly in a practical sort of way. No one went hungry or bare, but the rules were clear: at eighteen, youd pack your bag and leaveit was time for new children to take your place.
Affection and closeness were never part of the deal for Emilys foster parents. They believed in duty and care, nothing more. She didnt run to embrace this motherthough she desperately wanted to, especially in the quiet of the night, as she clung to battered Stanley under her pillow, wishing for love she only saw in others families.
Of course, Emily had always yearned for a muma real mum whod come for her, hug her, take her away, and love her whatever that meant. Watching classmates and their mums, she understood that sometimes, the impossible did happen.
But standing before her, crying and calling, was a woman Emily simply couldnt believe innot after that noisy, frightening train station, not after being left behind. Adults often told her that she couldnt possibly remember that day, shed been too small. Eventually, she stopped protesting aloud, but privately she knewshe remembered the clatter, the crowds, the fear. Shed been abandoned.
A sister from the foster home, Natalie, saw what was happening and intervened as the woman tried to hug Emily.
Em, whos that? Natalie immediately stood in front of her, determined.
Ive no idea Emily felt the world spinning around her. Her head and thoughts raced, leaving her nowhere to land.
Excuse me, madam, you must have the wrong person. This is my sister, and we dont know you, Natalie declared, grabbing Emilys hand and tugging her from the playground. Ill tell mum about this! Now, go away!
Though Emily and Natalie were never especially close, she squeezed Natalies hand in gratitude as they walked home, hand in hand. When their foster mother questioned them, they just shrugged in unison: What?
And from that day on, Emily had a sister.
Natalies own story wasnt so differenther dad, not her mum, had abandoned her. She, too, was desperate to have someone in her corner, even if not by blood.
Emily did eventually talk to her mother a week later. The woman waited outside her school every day, but stopped reaching out with open arms. Instead, she just pleaded, Talk to me, darling!
Emily found this darling grating, but Natalie shrugged it off. Oh, let her call you what she wantsits just words.
It was Natalie who urged her to finally talk, to find out the truth about being left behind. Youve got nothing to lose. Ask her why she did it maybe then youll stop blaming yourself.
How did you know I blamed myself? Emilys jaw dropped.
Not exactly rocket science, is it? Weve all thought it at some point. What was wrong with us, that we were left behind?
Even you?
Especially me
But youve never said.
Neither have you. You suffer in silence, Em. Cry if you have to, but its time to grow up.
The talk with her mother changed very little.
You left me.
Im sorry, darling!
Dont call me that! Its infuriating!
Okay, okay, Ill stop. Dont be angry!
Why did you do it?
It was hard No help, nobody cared. Your father kicked me out.
Why?
I told him you werent his.
Was it true?
No.
So why say it?
I was angry. We fought all the time and split up, then I fell out with my mum and decided to go. But where could I go with a small child? I left you, but I knew someone would take care of you. I left a notesaid Id come back
And you thought the note was enough? How could you? What kind of person are you?!
I know I was wrong. If youd let me, Id try to make it up to you
Make it up? Are you going to give me back the years I missed? Sorry, I really dont want to see you. Dont come back.
Wont you ever forgive me?
I honestly dont know. Even if I did, Ill never forget. Understand? I cant!
You shouldnt even remember! You were so little!
Emily simply stood up and walked away. From that moment, she vowed never to let anyone decide what she could or couldnt feel.
Natalie understood.
Its your choice. If you think its right, dont regret it. Forget and move on!
Natalie, youre so wise
Not yet, but I will be. I want to studybe a psychologist. Maybe then Ill understand how life works.
How they laughed about it later, when Natalie married and became a mother herself. One night, giggling as she nursed her baby, Natalie said, No one really knows the right way to live lifenot me, not you, no one.
But how do we do it, Natalie?
You just live. Be happy, keep your loved ones safe and content, and dont let the neighbours get so bored they start watching soap operas about your life instead of living their own.
Youre doing well at it.
I try! Natalie grinned, expertly swaddling her little girl.
With Natalie by her side, Emily learnt to be kinder to herself, to her problems. So what if her room was small? It was in the centre, close to work, and theyd even done their own repairslife was almost good! Mrs. Williamson had been rightthe neighbours were friendly enough. Yes, theyd lost their daughter and drank too much to escape the sadness, but never bothered anyone. And feeling sorry for others was something Emily had always struggled withno one had shown her much sympathy before, save for Natalie.
Margaret and Grandad eventually helped her adjust. Mrs. Williamson was forceful and determined, but also kind and caringa rare breed. She took Emily in as if she were her own, a fact Natalie called heroic.
Dont expect too much at first, Em, Natalie advised before she met Toms family. Youre not exactly easy for theman orphan, no property, and the council never gave you a flat.
But I managed to get on the housing list!
Have you seen your place on the list? Dont get your hopes up. Youll get your own home when pigs fly. Dont even mention it to Mrs. Williamson yetwait until you actually get somewhere.
Why?
Why get her hopes up? Just hold off.
Oh, I see
And dont expect anything from Toms mum, but dont be a prickly hedgehog, either.
Im not a fool, you know.
No, but first impressions take time. Watch her. Give her time to get used to you. She doesnt have to accept you just because Tom chose you, see?
Emily understood fine. At first, she absolutely did not take to Mrs. Williamsonher booming voice, large frame, relentless desire to make everyones life a little better. Until Tom, no one had really cared about Emily, and even then she only accepted it in small doses. Margarets constant trying grated on her.
Emily, my coats worn out. Would you come to the shops with me to pick out a new one? Id ask Tom, but hes hopeless at these things. I always end up grabbing the first thing I see just to escape. And since Im a bit of a giant, its not easy to find anything that fits. What do you say?
Reluctantly, Emily went. But every time they returned from shopping, it turned out two-thirds of the bags were for Emilya new coat, boots shed never dreamt of, a bag. Margaret caught her gazing at a bag and would drag her in to try it for size.
How about this? The colours lovely on youperhaps too bright for me, but just right on you! Like it?
There was no stopping her. All Emily could do was thank her silently as she sorted the shopping.
Emily never doubted Margaret was an odd one. They werent blood, after all. Loving a future daughter-in-lawaccepting her at allwas the stuff of fairy tales. Emily met kindness and gifts with polite gratitude, careful not to let herself draw too close.
Margaret seemed to sense that and eased off, especially when it came to Emilys wish for independence. Your grandads getting old. Its time we moved him to mine. Tom, youll have to give up your room.
What about us, Mum?
You move into Grandads. Swap places. Youll get your own space; Grandad needs looking after.
Grandad took all the talk in his stride, twirling his moustache and nodding along. Once theyd moved, hed wake Margaret up on Saturday and bark, Come on, lazybones, lets go for a run!
Shed sigh, pull herself out of bed and march him out to the park, then help him douse himself in freezing water.
Dad, do you think I made the right call?
Of course. The young need their bumps and bruisesdont interfere unless they ask for help!
But Emily She had almost nothing when she came to us.
Thats differentyoure well within your rights to help. Just dont overdo it. Shes proud, that one. Dont push her too hard.
Margaret heeded the advice. She only visited when invited, tried not to meddle, and reminded herself how clueless shed felt as a young wife. Shed clashed with her mother-in-law until Tom was bornlooking after a baby alone had been overwhelming. Her own mum lived miles away and couldnt help. Only then did her mother-in-law soften.
Youre his mother! Why are your hands shakingare you frightened?
What if I do something wrong, hurt him? Hes so tiny.
Right, stop blubbering. No woman knows anything until shes had her own baby. Everyone learns, love, every single one. Heres your first lesson: a mum cant harm her own child, its impossible! You carried him, didnt you? Well, hes still a part of you. Trust yourself, and ask if you dont know. Ill help where I canI still remember a thing or two.
Emily was always told that Tom had been deeply loved by his late father and grandmother. Margaret never stopped reminding him, They adored you! Grandma couldnt get enough of you. Your dad was so proudhed buy footballs, said you could never have too many.
But mum, Dad was such a careful driver, you always said
I know. It was foggy that daya lorry out of nowhere. He was taking Grandma to visit her sister who was ill, she lived alone. How could we refuse? It was a Sundaynot many carsbut that lorry didnt stop
Do you miss him, Mum?
Every day, love. I loved your dad so much.
And he loved you?
Yes, I know he did.
How can you be sure? Wasnt it just practicality?
Practicality?
You know, people just stick together because its easy.
Tom!
Mum, Im not a kid. Its true for a lot of people. They share bills, its convenient. Why pretend otherwise?
I dont know, Tom. I suppose I must be old-fashioned, because for me, a relationship means more than splitting the council tax bill. I hope you dont feel that way.
I dont, Mum. I want more like you and Dad. I want to marry for lovebecause I want to, not because I have to. I want to be loved
You will, my boy. Just wait, youll meet a good woman and youll have it all, youll see.
I hope so, Mum
Perhaps thats why Margaret had accepted Emily into her home, trusting that if Tom had chosen her, shed learn to as well. In time, Emilys prickles faded, and she started seeing Margaret as almost a friend.
When Grandad suggested selling their shared room, Emily was concerned.
Whats the matter? Grandad asked, sifting paperwork for the sale as Emily helped out per Margarets request.
Im just well, I suppose well need somewhere to live now.
Youll be fine. Youre grown uprent a room or a flat, see how far your pay goes. Toms just started a new job, its hard to say how we’ll do, and my own wages only stretch to a small room like this.
And whats wrong with that?
Its perfectly nice! If I had the money, Id have asked to buy it from you. But well buy our own place eventually. Weve started savingeven if its only a tiny bit, as Natalie says, it gives hope for the future. Well have our own place, just wait and see!
Thats the spirit. Good for you.
Did I say something funny?
He simply patted her cheek and asked for a cuppa.
Lets have a chat over tea. Im oldits all Ive got left, talking and a good brew. Is Margaret bothering you?
Goodness, no! Shes never given me a moments trouble!
Calm down, dont go red! Relax, will you?
Why say that?
Well, shes your mother-in-law, isnt she?
So what?
What do you mean? All the stories say shes supposed to eat you alive. Or are they lying?
Lies! Maybe someones had it rough, but not me. And you know that!
I do. I know she calls you her daughter. Dont push her away, love. Let her in a little. Shes a caring soul.
I dont want pity, though. I can pity anyone else, but not myself.
But whys it bad to be pitied?
It just is!
Fine, I wont come round anymore then!
Why not? Emily almost dropped the kettle in surprise.
Well, I thought you pitied me! I like your company. But if thats so horrible, maybe I shouldnt bother.
I dont understand! Pitys badisnt it?
Depends what you mean. People used to say to pity instead of to love, meaning all the feelings you had for your owncaring for them in hard times. If youre ill, do you want love or sympathy?
Well sympathy, I suppose.
Exactly! And if someones heartsore?
Pity?
Smart girl! But you have to know when and how. If youre always feeling sorry for a drunk husband, thats not helpful. Or for a child who misbehaves and you never discipline themjust pity them. Thats not good, either. Pity wisely.
Well, I do feel for you
I know, and I appreciate it! Because you like me, not just because Im old.
Exactly! And I like you too!
Good! Because I feel for you as well.
Thank you but who should we care for then?
Whoever your heart tells youfamily, pets. But again, wisely. No point giving a stray dog your sausage outside the shop if you wont help tomorrow. If youre going to care, do it properlytake them in, give them a home. Itll come back to you.
Why?
Because kindness grows, if you do it with thought.
This conversation flashed back to Emily now, standing in her own hallway, bought (in part) through the help of Margaret and Grandad, with the ginger tom still at her feet. He seemed to be waiting for someone to care for him. He let Emily stroke him without flinching but, when she opened the door, he suddenly dashed up the stairwellleaving her baffled.
Suits yourself! Emily huffed, about to close the door, when the cat reappearedthis time hauling a kitten by the scruff of the neck.
Well, would you look at that! Emily scooped up the mewling, ginger fluff as the tom dashed off again.
A second kitten appeared, just as ginger but far more feisty, refusing to hang quietly like his sibling. Emily burst out laughing as the tom dropped the awkward bundle repeatedly, still determinedly fetching his brood for their new home.
Youre quite the mum, arent you? Emily grinned, opening the door wider. Go on, bring them in! Or are there more?
The tom stepped over the threshold, looking anxiously over his shoulder. Emily gathered up the kittens.
Its alright, in you come. Youre all safe here. But wheres their real mum?
The tom ignored her question, instead carrying one of the kittens over to an old baking tray after Emily found it, then began teaching it to use the litter tray.
You really are a mother, you know that? Emily chuckled, quickly muffling her laughter at the sight of the tiny kittens tumbling over the shredded newspaper. Sorry! Ill look in the fridgeyou lot must be starving.
The tom made it clear this suggestion was greatly welcomed, so off she went to the kitchen.
That evening, she called a family conference.
Mrs. Williamson, if you say no, Ill try to find homes for the lot, but I cant put them out on the street. The kittens are so small. I dont know why the cats in charge, but its all a bit odd.
Emily, why are you asking for my permission? Margaret was stroking a kitten on her lap. Its your flatyours and Toms. Its your choice who lives here. I think youre doing the right thing. Now, tell me, what did you feed them?
Milk. Thankfully, they know how to drink from a dish.
Ill take this one, when its big enough. As for the others
Ill find a home for one of the kittens, but I think Ill keep the cat. Ive got plenty to learn from him.
Learn what, if I may ask? Margaret arched an eyebrow.
Tom smiled, nodded at Emily, and gave her leave to break the news theyd been keeping for Margarets birthday.
How to be a good mum Now Ill have two teachersyou and this four-legged nanny.
Emily reached to rub the cats ear, and couldnt help but cry when Margaret hugged her.
