Pure Intentions
– Alice! At last! I’ve been so worried I really can’t take it anymore! Margaret Walker opened the door and hugged her sister. My head’s spinning, I don’t know what to do!
– Calm yourself first, will you! Sturdy and unflappable as an old oak, Theresa Walker swept into the hallway. Is she home?
– No! She packed up the kids this morning and left! Margaret threw her hands up in defeat. She won’t listen to a word I say. She thinks she’s in love!
– Well, what can I tell you, Maggie? You let the girl slip and now you’re crying about it? Lets sit down, you tell me everything from the beginning, and then well see whats what.
Theresa sashayed into the kitchen and sat at the table, eyeing her sister as she fussed over the tea.
– Rinse the teapot with boiling water, for heaven’s sake! How many years have I told you, and it still doesnt stick.
Margaret jumped, grabbed the teapot, twisted awkwardly, and hissed as she burned her fingers, clutching at her earlobe.
– Oh, I’m hopeless, aren’t I! Give it here! Sit yourself down before your nerves get the better of you and you do yourself further mischief.
Theresa got up, nudged Margaret to the table, and briskly made the tea.
– There, lets have it! And dont leave anything out. Who is he, whats he like? What on earth is Lana thinking?
Margaret clutched her mug, uncertain how to answer. She wasn’t sure why this whole business bothered her so much. The man her younger daughter had brought home seemed decent enough. He wasnt a drunk, nothing unsavoury, polite, even had his own business. Granted, an auto repair shop wasnt the pinnacle of ambition, but it was work. Handy enough too hed sorted out the leaking tap in a trice, after the plumber had failed twice. But Margaret was so used to seeing Lana as a problem as Theresa often said that nothing short of a crisis would reassure her about this choice. Besides, the story of how they met didn’t quite sit right with her. What sort of mechanic fixes a stranger’s car for free, even if it is freezing cold and the womans alone with her kids? There were countless situations like that but it didnt mean every man would do the job for nothing. And then showing up every weekend after, to check on the kids and the car. Half a year on and hes not gone away. As for Lana, shed lost her head over him, thinking neither of her children nor her mother. Marriage thats all she dreams of, as if one go wasnt lesson enough!
Margaret poured all this out to Theresa and waited, desperate for her judgement. Shed trusted Theresa more than herself for as long as she could remember. Their father had died young, and their mother, working herself ragged, had pushed much of the family burden onto her eldest:
– Theresa, youre a big girl now! You must help!
The age gap between the sisters was wide eight years. When their mother found out she was expecting again shed laughed at first, not believing it, and later panicked difficult times, after all. But both husband and daughter had been resolute: “Well manage!”
Catherine believed them and kept the baby. Little Margaret was a sickly child, ill for ages, during which time Theresa was always by her side.
– Youre an angel, even if people say there are no such things, Catherine would say, braiding baby Margarets hair before dashing off to work. I dont know what Id do without you!
Theresa, swollen with pride, would walk Margaret to nursery on her way to school. She considered preparing her sister for primary school her main duty, making sure Margaret could read and write before term even started. When Margaret fell ill again and missed nearly all her first year, Catherine dragged her from doctor to doctor who merely told her: “Give her time, shes frail and sensitive, shell adapt.”
And so it fell to Theresa to tend her. Strict routines vitamins, medicine, naps after lunch, balanced workload. Shed stand over Margaret, brow furrowed, coaxing her to down every gulp of milk.
– But its horrible! Theres a layer on top!
– Stop fussing, its for your own good!
Margaret would groan and cry but always finished her glass.
Over time the doctors were proved right, and diligent care paid off. By Year 2, Margaret was almost never ill. School was easy, and before finishing, Catherine summoned Theresa, by then newly married and expecting herself:
– What now?
– She must carry on studying, Mum. Would be awful to let that brain go to waste.
– I cant manage it on my own though.
– Who said youd have to?
Margarets grant was a pittance, but she was used to scraping by. Theresa, who visited every month, always gave her room in the halls the once-over.
– Whys everything so dusty? Are you keeping pigs here?
Margaret would snatch up a damp cloth, though she always cleaned up before Theresas visits, knowing shed inspect every corner.
Then Catherine fell ill it happened when Margaret started her second year. Embarrassed, shed finally admitted to her mother that she had a boyfriend; a week later, their world shattered with a grim diagnosis.
– Theresa! What now?
– You? Nothing! Get your exams passed! Not a word to Mum that you know. I’ll sort it.
Margaret barely had time to say her goodbyes, spending the final week by her mother’s side. Clenching her teeth, she tried not to flinch at her mother’s groans, then ran to the kitchen and bit down on an old wooden spoon, her father’s gift, screaming soundlessly, since tears wouldnt come.
Theresa managed better, holding the fort, pushing Margaret away when she fell to pieces.
– Not again! Your crying wont do Mum any good. Let her go quietly if we can’t help.
Those words hit Margaret like cold water. What kind of daughter couldnt compose herself?
Catherine passed away early one morning, holding Margarets hand. When she realised her mother no longer drew breath, Margaret was stunned, and then, at last, she cried all the pent-up emotion finally released, because now, she could.
After the funeral, the sisters sold the family flat and Margaret got a small place not far from Theresa.
– Well, that worked out. Youll be close. Theresa critically surveyed the walls of Margarets new home. Dont you call anyone for help. Ill do everything. The girls will help as well.
Theresas crew was in high demand, meticulous and reliable, their services passed along by word of mouth. Afterwards, things changed and Theresa opened her own building firm, tackling night classes as she ran the company.
– Theres never enough time! If only Alex helped, but hes got his own business. Never mind, one day itll all be just the job and Ill blossom!
As it happened, there wasnt much blossoming. Crises followed one after another and though Theresa tried to keep afloat, expanding proved tough.
– Cant clone myself! They do things half-heartedly, and I have to face the clients. How are things with you? And the kids?
Margaret would report back. Ever since shed married even though Theresa had never liked her choice she felt slightly guilty, for it was the first time shed gone against Theresas wishes. Max, shrewder than Margaret, spent three years trying to win Theresa over, succeeding at last. It changed Margarets life; Theresa warmed to Max, relenting enough to see that he was, in truth, a good man. Devoted to family, adored his daughters, worked hard only thing that made Theresa scowl was his involvement with his girls at weekends.
– Thats not right. More nanny than father. Youll spoil them rotten.
Margaret nodded, but thought perhaps Theresa was a bit jealous after all, her Alex had never been hands-on. When Theresas eldest son began causing trouble at school then home, she had to cope alone, as Alex just shrugged:
– You raised him, you sort him out. Why drag me in?
– Hes your son too!
– Whos arguing? I provide for him, don’t I? Raising him is up to the mother.
Sighing, Theresa knew not to press. Arguments at home made the kids act out. Somehow, she managed with her son, and after school, on a clients advice, sent him into the army.
– It’ll knock him into shape, teach him some discipline.
Rather to everyones surprise, he liked it and found his place. Meeting up afterwards, hed tease:
– I had a general for a mother how could I not end up in the military?
Theresa relaxed until her daughter dropped a bombshell:
– Mum, Im expecting.
Theresa sunk into the sofa.
– How? Youve only just turned eighteen!
– And? Im legally an adult. Can we skip the lectures, please?
– Lectures, you say? Whats done is done. Therell have to be a wedding.
– No need. Hes not interested in marrying me.
– Well, that wont do! Suddenly, Theresa rallied. My grandchild wont be raised without a father. Dont worry, love Ill handle it.
Her daughter didnt doubt her. Who else could sort things so firmly and fairly? Only her mum.
The wedding took place a month later, and Theresa moved the young couple into a flat left after the family home was sold.
– Off you go now and keep it quiet!
Whether it was fear of her stern ways or her constant support, the young couple found their feet. Theresa could breathe out the children settled. Time for a rest or so she thought.
But new problems appeared, this time from Margarets girls.
Margarets daughters were remarkable. Strong, healthy nothing like their mother had been as a child.
– Arent they wonderful! Margaret beamed at her two girls, racing with their father. Youd hardly know theyre mine! I was always ill at their age, wasnt I, Theresa? But these two are as right as rain.
– Good! Now, if only they were clever too.
– Theyre bright as a button no complaints there, either. They do well at school, get on in all their clubs. Only thing is how different they are. Sophies just like me plain, a bit quiet. Lanas taken after her dad bold and fiery.
– All the more reason to keep an eye on her, then, or youll have trouble.
Sophie and Lana were born less than a year apart, so Margaret, on Theresa’s advice, put them in the same class.
– Itll be easier.
She was right, but only for Sophie, who struggled with lessons. Lana breezed through, often helping her sister. Max couldnt have been prouder of his girls.
– Best lasses in the world, mine!
His time with them was too short. One day, after the girls started Year Six, Max was in a road accident. Margaret and her daughters spent a week in hospital corridors hoping for news, but the strong body couldnt recover and Max was gone.
– My poor little orphans! Theresa gathered them into a hug. Never mind! Aunties here, Mums here, well get by.
Sophie and Lana couldnt so much as look at their mother. Margaret seemed emptied, a shadow of herself, spiritless and short-tempered. At night, the girls crept into her bed, hugging her tight, desperate for her to be, even just a little, the mother shed once been. But she hardly noticed her daughters at all.
Again, Theresa stepped in. Hearing her nieces out, she laid into Margaret:
– What are you doing to them? Theyve lost their dad, and you want them to lose their mum too? Are you the only one hurting here? Look at them theyre falling apart. Tough age. What are you thinking?
Margaret listened dully. She could still see Max, as if he were about to step out of the kitchen, drying his hands, with that mischievous wink:
– Hungry, anyone?
Theresa, watching closely, wrapped her sister in a hug.
– Hes gone, Maggie. Nothing we can do. But youve still got your children. Remember how he loved them. Think what hed make of how youre treating them now.
It took time, but Margaret slowly heard her. Life began to settle and her daughters saw their mother smile again, even if it was a pale shadow of her old self.
At the end of Sixth Form, both as if on cue fell in love. But whereas Sophie, after a good talk from Theresa and brushing away tears, decided romance could wait, Lana dug her heels in.
– I love him!
– And what good is that? Theresa raged. Can either of you look after yourselves, let alone each other? Be honest has anything happened?
– Thats our business. Lana stared stubbornly. First the aunt dominates her mother, now she wants to do the same to her? No she wouldn’t have it!
Lana put up a front, but it made her think. Nothing had happened with Sam yet, but she knew she couldnt hold out much longer. Sitting Sam down, fending off his wandering hands, she laid it out:
– So, what are you after? A bit of fun?
– Lana, love! I really do love you!
– Then prove it. Marry me.
– Just got to tell my folks.
– Sam when are you going to grow up? Parents, Sam, parents. Come clean to them and until you do, dont bother showing up.
If Margaret had seen her daughter then, shed have been both surprised and satisfied.
– Pure Theresa, that one.
Lana’s resolve and seriousness made Sam pause. Lana stepped away from his arm and quietly repeated:
– Stay away till youve sorted it.
They married a year later. Margaret sobbed through the ceremony, and Theresa struggled to hide her exasperation at Lanas happiness.
– Why rush? Couldnt they have waited?
But her suspicions about Lana expecting a child were baseless. Their first son came two years later. By then, Lana was at university and decided, with her mum and sisters support, not to take time out. It was tough juggling it all, but she managed. Sam did his bit too, studying part-time and working at his dads company. They tried to make ends meet with some giggling, secret help from their parents. Things eased once Lana graduated and her father-in-law, whod had her working as a trainee, offered her a position in accounts.
– Smart and family! Cant ask for more.
Lana knew she wouldnt find a better job with no experience and jumped at it.
By the time she found out she was expecting her second, shed been promoted already, and Sam, with his dads advice, opened his own firm. Together, they nearly tripled the familys income. Margaret couldnt have been happier with how things turned out for her youngest. Only Theresa sometimes clouded her peace.
– Its all far too easy. Shell mess up, youll see. That hot temper of hers will land you in trouble.
Margaret kept quiet, no longer telling her sister everything about the girls, for the criticism sounded louder than pride. She put it down to the fact that things with Theresas children werent smooth, so perhaps thats why she was on edge. If she ever tried to ask, she was met with:
– Theyre fine! Mind your own.
Margaret did, or tried to. But you can never know everything or catch every problem in time. Trouble came from where no one expected: Sam, whod got terribly busy and business-like, started an affair. Lana found out in the worst way possible. At first, she assumed the cooling towards her was because theyd recently had a new baby and time together was short. She made efforts date nights, getting the kids to stay with Margaret but soon realised it was more than that. Asking Sam directly did no good.
One of the first warm days of spring, she sat in the park with the boys when a pregnant woman sat beside her, her bump unmistakable.
– Youre Lana, arent you? the woman eyed her. Her tone was sharp, unfriendly.
Lanas heart sank as if sensing trouble.
– Yes
– Im Lisa. Your husband’s girlfriend.
Lana froze, then unexpectedly laughed.
– Oh, really? And the babys his too?
– Of course. A boy! Lisa proudly stroked her belly.
– Congratulations. But why tell me?
– Are you quite all there? Lisa turned fully towards her.
– I think so.
– Are you divorcing? Ive no time to waste.
– Not yet, why?
– My child needs a father.
– How lovely. And those two boys of his I suppose they don’t?
– Dont mess me about! Lisa almost shrieked, levering herself off the bench. Get it sorted. Im due next month!
Lana watched Lisas laboured retreat and tried not to cry in front of her sons. When the older one ran over:
– Mum, are you crying?
– No, darling. Just something in my eye. Go play. Lunch soon.
Sam didnt bother to deny anything.
– Youre different lately. Always busy with kids, work. Im a man, you know.
– Whos arguing
The divorce was awful. Sam became a stranger. Arguing in court over every item to be split, it was as if he thrived on confrontation. Lana just wanted to run far from the whole mess. The court split the flat, ordered maintenance. Suddenly she was, in every sense, a free woman. Her ex-father-in-law, eyes down, asked her to hand in her notice.
– You understand, surely
She only smirked. She understood too well:
– If you ever want to see your grandsons, just let me know.
She walked out, as if she hadnt even heard the muttered Sorry that followed.
She never quarreled with Sams parents. Why would she? It was good for her sons, after all. The boys soon got used to their dad not coming home at night.
Margaret fussed and helped with the boys as Lana built a new life. Any time Theresa complained about the unruly grandkids or Lana being out in the evenings, Margaret tried to defend her daughter.
– Theyre young! Theyll learn. Lanas working.
– At nine in the evening? Theresa would arch an eyebrow.
– Sometimes, yes. But the pay is good and her careers taking off.
– Careers one thing, children another. They need their mother.
– Of course, they do!
– Just you wait shell bring some man round and the boys will end up with you!
– Theresa!
– What? Just you see!
Margaret hated it but sure enough, when Leonard appeared on Lanas doorstep, her fears returned all at once.
– What now?
– Set her straight! Two children need more than love now. Besides, who is this Leonard really? Lanas not short of a bob or two nice flat, car, earning well. What if hes after her money?
– Honestly, Theresa
– Honestly, Maggie! Someones got to check!
– How?
– At least talk to Lana first.
– She wont have it! Ive tried everything. She just smiles and says hes a good man.
– I see. Shes grown up in years but not in sense! Call her! Theresa slid Margarets phone over.
– Why?
– Tell her youre unwell. Make her come. Or better yet Theresa dialled Lana, and when her niece answered barked: Your mothers not well. Get here. Now.
Lana hung up and started pacing the kitchen at home.
– Len, Mums not well, I have to go!
– Want me to drive you?
– No, Ill go on my own. The boys
– Dont worry! Ill feed them and get them to bed. Go on and see to your mum.
Lana rushed through the night, hands numb on the wheel, heart pounding. Mum let everything be alright. She thought of calling Sophie, but remembered she was pregnant again and had had two scares already.
Margaret let her in, eyes darting away.
– Mum!
– Im fine!
– Then why
– Sit down! Theresa emerged from the kitchen, and Lana frowned. Or do you want to chat in the stairwell?
Lana sat on the edge of her chair, hardly believing her ears as Theresa started in:
– If you don’t come to your senses, those ladsll have to be removed. Can’t have their mother gallivanting with men while they’re left to watch!
Somewhere deep inside, something snapped in Lana. She rose, smoothed her skirt, and said:
– Aunt Theresa, dont you have your own life to worry about? Or have I ever been dependent on you, that you think you can scold me like a child? Im old enough, you know.
– Well then, take responsibility like an adult!
– Thats exactly what Im trying to do. From today, therell be no more accounts to you. Forget about me. Try interfering in my family and youll see what I can do. My life and my children are off limits are we clear? All my life Ive heard how Im not quite right, while Sophie gets nothing but sympathy. Maybe you should mind your own children for once suppose that would do more good than policing us. Yours are so well-behaved, arent they?
– How dare you! Theresa thundered, getting up from the sofa. Who do you think you are to talk to me this way!
– I think I am the one in charge of myself now and Im not going back. Im tired of being the scapegoat.
– The what? Margaret frowned in confusion.
– The scapegoat, Mum. People say scapegoat Im a girl, so, well, scapegoat-ess. Thats what I am.
– What nonsense do you speak! Theresa looked at Margaret, scandalised. Are you mad?
– Its not me whos lost the plot. Lana buttoned her coat. Think about what youre doing in your quest to control everything. You might learn something. That goes for you too, Mum. I may not be perfect, but Im hardly brainless enough to be bossed and expected to live as you say. Good intentions
– Perhaps you really do need checking up on! Theresa tilted her head, studying her.
– Theresa! Margaret suddenly went pale and stood. Enough! This really is going too far Stop! Lana
Margaret clutched her chest and collapsed. Lana rushed to her, fumbling for her phone. Theresa opened her mouth, but stopped for a moment, seeing little Margaret refusing her milk all over again.
– Lana! Ambulance!
Lana, ignoring her aunt, dialled the number. Margaret was taken to hospital.
Next day, the whole family gathered in A&E. Theresa approached Lana, not sure where to start. Lana just looked at her worn, grey aunt and nodded:
– Apology accepted.
– Lana, darling
– No need, Aunt Theresa. As long as you understand now. What matters most is that Mum gets better.
Margaret did recover. She made up with Theresa in hospital, but from that day forward refused to listen to any opinions about her daughters. Theresa took a while to back off, but in the end, she truly learned. At Lana and Leonards wedding, she was the first to shout “Kiss!” and then hugged her niece, genuinely wishing her happiness, whispering once more: “Forgive me!”.
Life settled down as it would. In the end, it was Lana who cared for Theresa through her operations and illness. Leonard drove Theresa to appointments, helped her with everything as long as she could still walk. The two got on famously, and one day, bedridden now, Theresa clasped Lanas hand and said:
– That Leonard of yours hes a man, all right. Hold on to him, Lana! Never let go, do you hear?
– I hear you, Aunt.
It was Lana who held Theresas hand the night she died. The last word Theresa said to her was:
– Thank you.
Sitting down after all that, I suppose if Im honest with myself the lesson is simple: even the best intentions are not always truly helpful if you cant let go. Life has a way of teaching us in the end, and sometimes it takes losing control to realise that steering everything isnt always the answer.
