Not Quite Julia
“Julia! Not again?! Good heavens, youre not a child, youre a walking disaster! How do you manage it?!”
“Mum, I dont know. It just sort of happened”
Her mother tugs off Julia’s grimy coat, her soggy boots, and the bobble-less hat clinging to her head.
“Other peoples children are normal, but me? Julia, honestly! How long can this go on?”
Julia inspects the torn hem of her dress and sighs.
It was a brilliant afternoon at first! Theyd made an excellent train out of the dining chairs! Shame Sasha yanked the hem a bit too hard and ripped her favourite dress. Mrs. Catherina Michaels, their teacher, had insisted she wasnt paid to do mending that was up to Julias mum. She wasnt wrong. Still, it meant Julia sat in the naughty chair from snack time until evening, staring at the wall rather than flash her underwear in front of the boys. That wouldn’t be proper! Gran always says so. And Gran knows a thing or two about life.
Gran knows, for example, that Julias just “special.” Mum doesnt see it, but Gran does.
“Stop pecking at the child. What a strange way you go about things!” Gran says.
“Mum, you brought me up like this, so why complain now? If I dont teach Julia, who knows what shell become?”
“The same clever, lovely woman as you. Isnt that enough?”
“Oh, enough! I havent got time for your nonsense! Julia, go and get changed. Now!”
Julia breathes a sigh of relief and dashes to her room, leaving her two favourite people to squabble in peace. They didnt really need her anyway she was just an excuse.
Julia once asked Gran, “Am I the thing you and Mum argue about?”
Gran only chuckled, “Its boring to argue for nothing, pet. But over something real that means you matter!”
“So I am your business with Mum?”
“The most important! Youre our only girl, so we fret about you growing up right. Your mums strict because she thinks she must be, and I well, I was strict enough already with your mum! Theres none left for you. Ill try other ways a sweet instead, perhaps?”
“I hate gingerbread men, Gran!”
“Alright! A proper sweet, then!”
“Much better! Gran, does Mum actually love me?”
“More than anyone on earth! Even more than I do, and thats saying something. Never doubt it.”
“Then why does she always scold me?”
“Because she loves you that much.”
“What a strange kind of love You love me, but you dont nag me”
“Im your grandmother, but shes your mum. She has more responsibility. So she has to love you differently. Understand?”
“No!”
“Then youre not old enough. One day you will.”
But that “one day” never seems to arrive.
Julia keeps waiting for it, but grows old enough to see her mother grow even sterner.
“What am I to do with you?! Wait until youyou knowbring home trouble?”
Julia heard it on repeat but hadn’t an inkling what Mum meant for years. Shed just giggle, picturing her torn hem from nursery again. She wanted to ask how anyone could bring anything home in a dress with a hole, but best not Mum had no patience for jokes and Julia would get told off anyway.
Not that Julia was a problem child. Awkward, perhaps, but hardly a real handful. Shed always thought she was just plain. Never mind what Gran said the mirror didnt lie.
And the mirror showed Julia honestly, nothing worth mentioning! Tiny eyes, limp brown ponytail, spots all over her nose yes, a beauty, indeed.
Shed got used to the “facts” about her looks. It was easier, for her and for Mum. What use were fashionable clothes or fancy shoes? Julias worn-out trainers did her well enough for everything except trips to the theatre.
Trips Julia adored. Only, they were rare tickets cost too much. Gran always set aside a bit from her pension, but youd wait ages before scraping enough. So, by Year Seven, Julia had found work helping the neighbour with her twins. They were handfuls but fun. With no siblings herself, Julia gladly spent time there, seeing it as a treat more than a job.
Why not? Shed get to play, feed two open-mouthed twins their lunch, and then head home. They never jumped on her bed or scribbled in her schoolbooks, and the room was hers alone. Wonderful!
Not that Julia was selfish, but she understood “having no one” keenly to properly raise two children requires solid money. All they had was Mums nurses salary (in A&E, no less), and Grans pension. And most important: there was no father. Julia had never seen him and, truthfully, didnt want to.
She didnt discuss this with Mum. Why make life harder than it already was? Mum had enough to put up with Julia herself, plus Gran, who by then suffered terribly with her memory. Sometimes she didnt even know her own name.
At least Gran had remembered Dad long enough to tell Julia everything, before she forgot.
“He didnt need your mum.”
“Why?”
“He was a charmer had a line of women waiting for him. I warned her! But loves blind. She insisted hed marry, said the past girls were just mistakes.”
“Did he?”
“Well, yes, she got her way. But what use? As soon as he found out she was expecting you, poofgone. Weve no idea where. He didnt even leave an address, only a note.”
“What did it say?”
“Never you mind, Julia. Its between them. The only thing you need to know: your mum wanted you more than anything. She treated herself like crystal, didnt dare breathe wrong. She still hasn’t quite calmed down. Thats why she scolds you and tries to raise you so fiercely.”
“Because of that?”
“Exactly. Shes terrified something will happen to you. Ive caught her watching you in your sleep at night, stroking your hair and almost crying. When I ask, she tells me off. Its all her secret. She loves you, Julia, as much as she knows how. Got it?”
“As much as possible Gran, did you scold Mum like that?”
“Of course! All mothers are the samefrightened stiff over their children.”
“Why do you get scared?”
“For your own, you just do. Youll know, if you ever have children yourself.”
Julia didnt reply out loud, but she made up her mind: she wouldnt scold her children. Shed bring them up differently. Naïve perhaps, but whos not, at her age?
Reality is, children were a distant thought. Julia didnt expect to ever have any.
Whod want her anyway? Small, plain, and stubborn as a mule. Like a burr attach yourself and everyone just has to put up with it!
Years passed. After college, Julia started at the same hospital where Mum worked. And then it started”Everythings wrong! Julia, you try too hard, you get too involved with the patients, not strict enough, youll run yourself ragged Its not worth it, no one cares, calm down! You cant save everyone.”
Julia didnt listen. She felt for everyone. If someone was hurting, why not help? A jab, a straightened sheet, a kind word? It cheered her up! Even Mum warned her to be careful.
“Darling, dont put your head above the parapet! Youll just make enemies. You need this job. And we need your paycheque. Wholl look after Gran if we dont? A carers expensive, you know!”
“I cant ignore them! They shout at patients, lose their tempers”
“The jobs hard. Not everyones got the knack. Its good you and a few others still care, but do try not to clash with everyone. Better to lead by examplequietlymaybe something will change.”
“Itll take forever!”
“Oh, Julia, where do you get your stubbornness?”
“Must be from you, Mum!”
“Julia!”
“What now?”
“Just listen, for once!”
“Hm”
Julia never wanted to argue, but neither could she quite obey her mother. Maybe she was right. Still, the lady in bed threedifficult as she wassmiled at her every morning and never complained she was treated badly, not by Julia, anyway.
She wasnt the only one. So many of her patients were exhausted, in pain, squabbling with relativesJulia heard it all. Theyd cry or get angry once family left. And how could anyone not sympathise?
Mum didnt want to hear it. To her, the important thing was that Julia was alright. But how could you be happy when everyone around you was struggling?
Julia knew she couldnt fix the whole world, but maybe she could help someone.
The nurses would make fun of hercalled her “too soft”, said she belonged in a convent. Let them. Gran had always said, “The caravan must keep going.”
And so Julias “caravan” trundled on, through lifes dust, sometimes gasping for water.
Few seemed to understand her, and with Grans mind fading, there was no one left to talk to. Mum only sighed and fussed about Julia needing a life of her own. Her friends were marrying off, and handing her their bridal bouquets as tradition dictates.
“I wont even bother tossing it Julia, its your turn now. Go on, take it!”
Of course, Juliad accept them no need to offend her mates. But “the one,” the supposed Prince Charming, just didnt appear. Maybe hed got lost, or maybe nature hadnt intended him for Julia at all. It happens, sometimes some people just end up whole, alone, complete on their own.
Julia came to terms with it, stopped expecting much. She didnt fancy confessing her heart first, and anyway, there didnt seem to be anyone to confess to.
Her days ran between the hospital, the local cat rescue helping her friend run it, and checking on Gran, who hardly knew her own family anymore. Mum would try to encourage her to get out, meet people but it hardly seemed worth it. Julia was fast becoming a classic old maid, and wasnt bothered about finding romance.
“If you want grandchildren, Mum, just say. Ill get you a couple. Simple enough these days.”
“Julia! What a thing to say!”
“There aren’t enough princes for everyone, Mum, thats just how it is. What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be happy, thats all”
“Then please, let me be! Dont fuss about my love life its just not for me. Im alright as I am. Cant you see? Just let it be, Mum”
And with that, her mother would fall silent, sighing quietly, wondering who else she could possibly introduce Julia to. All her friends’ sons were spoken for, nothing left but to wait for a miracle.
And, as only life can arrange, a miracle did come just in its own, unexpected way.
Her hero didnt show up at her front step, ready to wait for affection. It all happened differently.
It was a certain difficult old lady that changed everything. Mrs. Mary Allen sharp as a tack and as prickly as a rosebush who, twice a year, ended up in Julias ward, driving everyone mad.
“Shell be back, grumping and complaining! Julia! Your favourite! You deal with her!”
Mrs. Mary Allen would brighten to see Julia hurrying down the corridor. “My girl! Nice to see a friendly face amongst these ghouls!”
“Dont be like that, Mrs. Allen. Everyones alright really!”
“Youre still young. Youll learn. Ive seen life. Dont argue with me!”
“Wouldnt dare! Lets get you settled. Youve scared everyone off as it is!”
“They should be scared its good for them!”
“You are a handful, Mrs. Allen.”
“I am but my cat is worse! Youve never met her, thats for sure.”
Julia would laugh it off, but shed remember it later for good reason.
Because one day, Mrs. Allen returned to the ward, unusually quiet. No arguments, no drama. She followed Julia to the bed, turned to the wall, and waved off all questions.
“Go on, love, Ill explain later”
It didnt take long for Julia to learn about the diagnosis and that Mrs. Allen had come to hospital by choice.
“Shes fallen out with her children,” someone muttered. “Well, if you treat your own with coldness, dont expect much in old age!”
Julia let such remarks pass. Easier to judge from outside than to know whats really happened.
After her shift, Julia checked in on Mrs. Allen. “Do you need anything?”
Long silence, then Mrs. Allen looked up. “I want to ask a favour. I dont usually, Im more one for taking than asking. Mum raised me to stand on my own two feet, but she never said what to do when you suddenly cant do things for yourself anymore”
“What is it? You can ask me!”
“The thing is, Ive got relatives galore, but no one I trust. Its stupid, really. I tried my best, sent the kids to school, helped out with the grandkids, gave the flat to them Now theyve done with me, havent they? Theyve divvied up everything already. But my cat, Marigold shes all Ive got left. Will you take her for a bit? Shes a bit prickly, but clever as anything. Knew I was leaving had a proper go at me!”
Julia hesitated. She loved animals, but theyd never been able to have pets at home not with Gran, and certainly not with money so tight.
But one look at Mrs. Allens pleading face, and Julia couldnt say no. Marigold was probably the ladys only real joy left. Odd, perhaps, but who was Julia to judge? If she could bring Marigold a little comfort, why say no?
After work, she managed to ask Mums opinion and headed off, keys in hand, to fetch the cat.
“Ill look after her, Mrs. Allen, but only until youre back on your feet!”
“Of course, my dear, of course”
Mrs. Allen nodded, suddenly nothing like the dragon everyone thought she was.
At Mrs. Allens building, Julia hesitated on the landing, keys in hand, feeling strange going inside alone. After some dithering, she knocked on a neighbours door.
“Hello? Sorry, Mrs. Allens asked me to fetch her cat. Would you mind standing by whilst I catch her?”
“Nervous, are you, going in alone? Quite right too Mary can be a handful!”
“Oh, shes lovely really. Were none of us perfect!”
“Exactly! Come on, Ill wait,” laughed the young mother, bouncing her toddler.
And off Julia went only for the cat to give her the run-around. The moment the door opened, Marigold, jet-black and lightning-fast, shot down the stairs and out the front before Julia could even gasp.
“Shut the door!” laughed the neighbour. “You wont catch her nowshes wild! Careful, shell scratch.”
“Thanks!”
Julia pelted down the stairs, hoping the main doors were closed. They werentremoval men were lugging boxes in from the street.
“Seen a cat?” Julia asked.
“Up that tree,” one man pointed, grinning.
The others watched, laughing, as Julia darted about the small park, searching for Marigold amidst the bare branches.
“Here, Marigold, here, kitty-kitty!”
A growl answered her.
“Stubborn beast,” Julia muttered, seeing she had no hope but to climb after her.
The estate was deserted. Chilly drizzle started, making her wish she were home, wrapped in a blanket and sipping teaone ear listening for her mums inevitable lecture.
But shed made a promise. That was that.
So, tossing her rucksack behind her, Julia scrambled up the tree.
Higher, and higher. The cat yowled and batted at her, but Julia wasnt fazed. At last, she grabbed Marigold by the scruff of her neck.
“Let go of the branch!”
Julia and Marigold matched each other for grumpiness. But, perhaps swayed by the familiar tone, Marigold let go, and Julia stuffed her under her coat, where the warmth soon calmed her.
Getting up the tree had been simple; getting down was a different matter. Julia had always been scared of heights, and she realised, with a pang, that the branch was higher than it looked.
“Mum,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “Help…”
The phone in her pocket was buzzing, but she didnt dare move an inch.
She wasnt about to call for help and be laughed at. Shed got herself up surely she could get herself down.
“Oi! You comfortable up there?” a teasing voice called out.
Julia nearly fell from fright.
“Whoa dont move! Ill get you down. Hold on!”
The stranger vanished. Julia cursed herself for being ridiculous.
Off hed goneher luck.
But he was back, lugging a ladder from who-knows-where. “Come on then! Unless you fancy spending the night?”
Julia shook her head wildly, before remembering he couldnt see.
“Im scared” she admitted, voice small.
He reached up for her foot, steadying her, and next thing, she found herself on the ladder, not quite sure how.
“It’s alright. Ive got you. Easy does it!”
Back on the ground, Marigold made another break for it, but Julia, determined, shoved her back under her coat and zipped up. “Sit still! I promised to look after you and I will!”
“Youre a determined one,” the young man remarked, grinning.
“Want an escort home?” he offered.
“Ill manage!” Julia started to snap before checking herself. Here she was, looking like a drowned rat with a cat under her jacket, and this stranger had just saved her from her own idiocy. Hed even found a ladder.
“You Thank you. Really. Id have been there all night, without you.”
“Why climb a tree, if you hate heights?”
“Couldnt let the cat run wild!”
“Alright, but call me Tom. If Ive just seen your muddy backside and rescued you at risk to myself, theres no need for Mr. and Miss. Whereabouts do you live? I’ll walk you back, if you dont mind.”
“Not far,” she found herself replying, slightly breathless.
Strangely, Julia didnt feel cold anymore. Instead, something warm seemed to lift her, almost making her want to laugh at anything Tom said.
Marigold, snug and purring under the coat, didnt dare make a fuss. Not when the world felt this gentle.
Tom did walk her all the way to her front door. The next day, he was waiting outside the park by the hospital. Together, they went to the shop for cat food; Marigold refused to eat anything but the choicest gourmet sachets and would starve rather than compromise.
Julia only looked after Marigold for a week. After that, Mrs. Allens daughter arrived, asking for her mothers cat.
“Mum misses her terribly,” she said. “They belong together.”
“Youll take your mum, too?”
“Of course! Shes my mother. Always protesting, but shes coming home now. Thank you!”
Julia watched them goMrs. Allen, clutching her purring catand reflected yet again that families are hard to understand from the outside, and not to invent drama where none exists. Sometimes things really arent as they seem.
And sometimes, the best thing you can do is tend your own garden, when you have someone special to share it with. In the end, what matters isnt who says the first words of lovebut that someone, when you most need it, will fetch a ladder for you without a second thought.
And that person will never say youre “not quite right.” Because, to them, theres simply no one better in all the world.
