The Subjunctive Mood
He proposed? Did he really propose? Emma, have you completely lost your mind? What is there to even think about?!
Its not that simple, Olly
Oh come on, whats so complicated about it? Olivia shrugged her coat off and sank into the corner seat by the window. Phew! I had to leg it here! Ive only got half an hour and then I need to run Molly to ballet and take Leo to footie practice.
Olly, the lads almost six now. How much longer are you going to keep calling him Leo like hes a tiny baby?
He should count himself lucky I call him Leo at all! Can you believe yesterday he stormed in from nursery and announced he was in lovewith Lisa from next door. Said he was going to marry her. How do you like that?
And? Sounds about right for your little one. Remember what you were like at that age?
You cant compare! Remember the scandal mum created when I said I wanted to get married? How old was I? Fifteen?
Fourteen! Nearly gave her heart failure. Mum, Ive made up my mind! Made up your mind! And that Paul of yours didnt even look twice at you back then but did you care? Not a bit, as I recall.
Well, he ended up marrying me, didnt he? Now I get to pay for that wild crush forever more. Mum couldve been stricter with me back then. She made me wash up after everyone for a whole year as punishment. Hardly the end of the world, was it? She shouldve just banned me from going out!
As if mum couldve kept you in! Besides, she knew you wouldnt do anything ridiculousall those performances of yours were more show than substance. You always had your wits about you.
Oh yeah, especially whenever you were involved! Remember how we used to scrap as kids? Couldnt stand you, honestly. Sweet Emmaclever and beautiful, while Olivias off the rails!
Mum never said that.
But Gran made up for it! Always saying Id end up in trouble. Did I?
Not really. In that sense, I wasnt exactly the clever one, was I?
Emma pushed her tea away and sighed.
Em whats wrong? Olivia stretched over and took her hand.
Im scared, Ol.
Heavens, scared of what? You meet a proper bloke for the first time in forever, and now youre bottling it? Whats wrong?
I just I dont think hell accept Max.
Olivia frowned.
Why do you think that?
Its just Last night, after the flowers and this ring, he suggested I send Max off to mum and dads for a bit
Emma gazed out of the window, fiddling with the ring on her finger.
It was a gorgeous, expensive ring.
What else would you expect from William, Emmas boyfriend? Successful businessman, sport enthusiast, total music nut and, well, a bit of a ladies manat least until he met Emma. For the first time, hed properly settled down, and was determined that the woman by his side got the best of everything. Hed never been tight with money, not after his mums advice:
My darling boy, a woman can put up with all sorts when she has to, as long as youre there for her when things get tough. But if you have means and choose not to use themshell wonder twice about sticking around. Its not about greed. If she sees her future with you, her first thought is, If he penny-pinches now, will he scrimp for our child later on?
But Mum, why would she think that? Whats a kid got to do with it?
Remember the story of poor Elsie? Most women, in their way, are a bit like her. Its in our bones to think ahead. We overthink it sometimes, no doubt. But a woman who plans for the future is less likely to end up stranded.
William always took his mum seriously. How could he not? Shed raised him alone, strong as anything, after his dad leftnot long after he was born. Or rather, he left herwalked right out with a new woman, not caring where shed go or how she coped with a newborn.
There was nowhere for Williams mum, Natalie, to go. Her folks lived far off in the sticks. She hadnt fancied going backshed counted down the hours to leave home for uni, and once she was gone, she never looked back. Lived in a hall of residence, did odd jobs to make ends meet. She knew all about hard work.
Natalie hadnt even married for love in the first place, not that she ever told William. Why bother? Let him believe in something better, built on different rules.
Because of everything shed got through before, she didnt panic once her husband left. Instead, she got on with it.
It wasnt easy to find work, but she managed. With a little help from friends, she became a housekeeper for an elderly professor whod lost his wife and his zest for life.
Time for dinner, Professor Roberts, shed say, putting out soup.
Later, Natalie, later
Nope! Youre eating now!
You reckon?
I know.
But what if Im not hungry?
Then eat it for your mum, or your dad, like you did as a child
My granny used to say that
Well think of me as your gran! Cant live on thin air. Your wife would be cross with me if I didnt take care of you!
You sound like my granny You know, you could have told me aboutabout heaven a bit sooner.
Did your gran talk about it? Then she knew some things last forever.
Natalie, you are a philosopher!
Not a chance. Whos got time? Righthave you finished? Ta, then. Ill go feed young Will.
Yes, yes A growing boy needs to eat.
Professor Roberts didnt have children of his own and became attached to William fast. Eventually, he offered Natalie something odda proposal. He wanted to marry her, not out of lovehis heart truly belonged to someone elsebut to look after her and William. He told her so, not wanting argument.
Think about it, Natalie. Im not young. Ive got no heirs. Distant cousins dont count. Youre a sensibly-minded womanuse your head.
Natalie didnt answer straight away, but she accepted eventually. Not for herself, but for William. He needed a chance.
They got married quietly, and William got a father in all but blood.
Around a year after, Natalie started uni with Professor Roberts encouragement.
Quite right, Nataliea degree is essential if only to set a good example for William.
She agreed, though really, she had ambitions beyond mopping floors and making soup. Years later, she earned her diploma and started a small business, organising cleaning services and catering for events. Business was good, and Natalie threw herself into work, knowing Will was well cared for at home.
By the way, Williams biological dad signed him away at the first opportunity.
Found someone new, have you? Fair enough. Just dont tell the boy bad things about me, yeah? Better he doesnt know I existed.
She agreed. William only found out Professor Roberts wasnt his biological father after the professor diedby then, William was nineteen.
But, Mum, he still loved me
More than I can ever explain. Trust me, blood isnt the only thing that matters in a family. The professor he gave us a home, certainty, freedom from bitterness. Thats no small thing.
Natalie meant it as wellshed come to thank her luck for the way things worked out. Without that disastrous split, Williams life would have been so different.
She moved to a cottage outside town, left the flat to her son, and started waiting for grandchildren.
But William well, he couldnt find a woman who fit what he was looking for.
Will, stop being so picky! Natalie would say. How many girlfriends have you had?!
Loads, Mum, hed reply.
Exactly! All lovely, smart too. There was Anna, and Lucy, you brought them round. What was wrong with them?
Nothing, really. Just not the right person. Anna is amazing at workbest solicitor I could have in my company, but all she cares about is her career. Doesnt want kids, isnt bothered about home. You should see her flatits like something from a magazine! Gorgeous, but not cosy. Like a museum. I didnt dare even have coffee in the living room. With her, life would be socks sorted by colour and everything running on a strict schedule.
Whats so terrible about that?
Id suffocate in two minutes. I dont want that life. Lucys lovely too but I dont love her. Is that a good enough reason?
More than enough, love.
So when Emma showed up in his life, Natalie was just relieved. He wasnt a child anymore, and still no family of his own. Emma having a child made no difference to her.
Will, are you ready for that responsibility?
Mum. Of course. You raised me, didnt you?
Only one thingwhat if the boy refuses you?
Oh Mum! Ill work on it. If I want this woman, I need to earn her sons trust first. Thats just how it is. For any mum, her kid comes first.
Exactly. Go on and propose, if thats your plan, but remember: this isnt a game. You leave her, shell cope, but the boy think hard, Will. Think properly. Playing with other peoples lives, especially a childsjust dont do it.
Will listened, and got to work. Hed made his proposal. Now Emma was sitting in her favourite café with her sister, not knowing what to do. She loved Will, but couldnt see herself living with someone who might not accept her son.
Olivia shifted in her seat, debating whether to lecture Emma, but couldnt resist:
So what did he actually say?
Who? Emma was lost in her own thoughts.
Will! About why he wanted Max to stay at your parents?
Nothing clear. He just asked if Max could stay for a week after our wedding.
Emma, frustrated, tossed her teaspoon on the table, making a clatter. The waiter glanced over, but Olivia shook her head: all okay here. She picked up the spoon, licked the foam off, and tapped her sister on the forehead just like when they were kids.
Ow! Emma rubbed her head, bewildered. What are you doing? Ill have a bruise!
No you wont. Im a pro, remember?
Honestly Olly, whats with this? Were not kids anymore.
Clearly! I think we stopped being children what, when you found out about Max? Or just before?
Probably before
Exactly! Young and headstrong, just like Gran used to say. Havent you learned anything?!
What do you mean? Emma snatched the spoon and put it to her forehead.
Well cover it up. Em, tell mewhat if youd confided in someone about you and Nick? If not our parents, then at least me?
I dont know Whats the point in going over it now?
Youre right. But theres something you still havent figured out. Just how loud does life have to shout before you learn to talk to the ones who love you?
Emma sighed and put the spoon down.
Maybe youre right
No maybeyou know I am! Do you even remember how Max came along?
No need to remind me.
I think youve forgotten.
Emma turned away and drew a deep breath. Sometimes her sister was unbearable but always right. Her son arrived not thanks to anything, but in spite of everythingOlivia knew all about it.
Shed been at school with Nick, Maxs dad. She used to melt when he glanced her way, dying just to hear him say Hi. Shed come early just to get her spot by the main hall mirror, knowing Nick would walk past. That he said hi to all the girls didnt matter. Shed understand the truth about crushes much later.
Nick finally noticed her at promtook her hand, walked her out of school, well aware no one was home to stop them.
Shed never understand why she agreed to what happened that night. She, so well-read, so close to her mum, kept that secret like a stone in her heart. When her parents convinced her to go hiking, she sat by the river, wondering what to doher secret felt bigger than the river itself.
She knew Nick had just used her, but she clung to hope hed come around. She delayed telling her parents, till she simply had no more time.
Olivia watched her carefully all through, then roped Paul and the lads into something, came home one evening, and wrapped her arm around Emma, ignoring her confusion.
Dont be afraid, Em! Just forget about it. Hes not worth the breath.
Whos not? Olly, what are you on about? Emma tried to push Olivia away, but her nerves cracked and she fainted, missing her mum running into the room.
She woke up soon enough, but kept her eyes closed, terrified, as her mum stroked her face, tears streaming.
Why didnt you tell me, Em? Was it better to hide?
They cried together, first with mum, then Olivia, and only stopped when her dad got home.
Whats all this Niagara about?! hed ask, and when he found out the reason, just shrugged. Youre all mad! This is a good thing! Were going to be grandparents! Cheer up, Emyou need to look after yourself now!
Emma would never feel such relief and gratitudeshe felt ashamed, but also free, knowing her parents accepted what had happened.
Max was born into a family that didnt look classic, but no one mindedhe was joy itself, not scandal.
Emma, with her parents support, got her degree and built a stable life. Meeting Will shook all that certainty.
Could she really risk Maxs future to satisfy her own heart?
Last time, shed made a mistake If not for her parents and Olivia, whod helped with Max even during her A-levels, who knows where shed be?
She already had a familyshould she really ask for more?
Every bit of this thinking was written on Emmas face, so Olivia called the waiter and asked for a dessert spoon.
Some soup for you? the waiter smiled.
Just a spoon, pleaseand could you bring us another lot of éclairs? Nerves need cake.
Olivia slid the plate closer and shook her head. Emma, honestly, learn to just talk to the people who care about you. Especially Will. Hes trustworthy. Just ask why he wants Max to stay with your parents. Is it really so hard?
I suppose not. Just ask?
Exactly! Do it now.
Olivia snatched Emmas phone and waved it at her nose. Call him!
Olly! Hes in a meeting!
So? Find out how much you really matter to him.
Isnt that a bit much?
Nonsense. If you wont call, text him.
What will he think of me?
Does it matter? Youre wearing his ring. You said yesdidnt you? Or are you still thinking?
Im thinking
If you didnt say no, thats a yes, Olivia said firmly. How can you build a real relationship if youre too scared to ask a simple question? Hes not a mind reader! Tell him what you want. Stop hanging about in the What ifs! Just decidewhat do you want?
If only I knew Emma picked up her phone. Just ask?
Just ask. Olivia, exhausted, nodded.
The reply came straight backa cheerful beep and Wills face on the screen made her smile.
Well? Happy now? Olivia grinned, glancing at her watch. Oh dear, Im late! Some people get a holiday, I get a Monday full of clubs and school runs. Keep your chin up, Em! Everythings finehes done all the right things. A week just the two of you, then a week all together. Youre a person in your own right, not just a mum. Im almost jealousPaul would never have thought of that. See you! And have a chat with Max, will you? I reckon hed be happy to call Will Dad.
You think so?
I know! Just dont say I told you.
Olivia flung her coat on and dashed out. At the door, she stuck her tongue out at Emma and twirled a finger by her headthink!
So Emma did.
And it paid off.
Because three years later, a proud Max would take his newborn sister from his stepdads arms and nod, grateful, at the man he now called Dad.
Careful, Max! Emma fussed, but Will wrapped an arm around her, stopping her from interrupting Maxs first meeting with his little sister.
Dont worry, love. Hes got this. Right, son?
Dad, give me some credit, Max smiled, carefully lifting the lace of the special newborn blanket he and his dad spent ages picking out. Mum, shes beautifulEmma could only watch, tears welling as Max gently traced his sisters tiny fingers. The sunlight caught in his hair, and for a second, she glimpsed the hopeful boy hed always beenthe one with too much heart for fear and a boundless sense of family.
Will squeezed her hand. See? Turns out loves not so complicated, after all.
Emma laughed, the sound shaky but bright. We just had to ask the right questions.
Max looked up, grinning, and pressed a soft kiss on his baby sisters forehead. Welcome to the family, Millie. Dont worry, we all fight sometimes, but we always make up. Right, Mum?
Emma nodded, watching Will lean in to wrap his arms around both children. The room, flooded with warmth, held a kind of peace shed never dared to wish fora happiness made not from certainty, but from every brave, uncertain conversation.
Olivia burst through the door with a lopsided cake and two armfuls of balloons, Paul and Leo in tow, all talking at once. Laughter ricocheted against the walls; a scramble of feet and squeaky balloons, and Millies first cry drowned in hugs and noisy welcomes.
Emma met Olivias eyes across the room. No words were needed.
Because some families are made, some found, and some stitched together with second chances and the courage to ask for what your heart truly needs.
And for the first time, Emma didnt wonder “what if.” She simply livedside by side with the ones she loved, right here, right now, exactly as she was meant to be.
