Dreamcatcher
Not again?! Emma, Emma! Wake up! Shell wake the youngsters! Grab herquick! Anna slid off the bed and shook her sister by the shoulder, muttering, When will she finally settle down
Sophie thrashed about in her sleep, a long, mournful moan filling the room, tugging at the soul, making you want to glance behind as if someone were standing there.
Its straight out of a horror flick, Emma grumbled, shrugging off her duvet and padding over to Sophies bed, eyes barely open. She threw her own duvet over her, climbed in beside her sister, pulled Sophie close and sang softly:
Hush now, oh hush-a-bye, lay your head and dont you cry She paused, exclaiming, Crikey! Anna, forget lullabiesshes burning up! Go wake Mum!
Anna hovered nervously at Sophies side, sighed, and finally hurried to their parents room. She had no choice. To them, Sophie was as much their child as any of the others. And Mum would scold her and Emma if she realised they were hiding something.
In the parents bedroom all was quiet. Anna reached out to the cot that stood tight against the adults bed and gently stroked little James shoulder before nudging Victoria.
Mum
Brown eyes, just like Annas, sprang open as if Victoria hadnt been sleeping at all, and her warm hand covered Annas fingers.
What, love?
Sophies not well, Mum! Shes like a kettle! Roasting!
James whimpered softly, and Victoria burst into a lullabyjust like Emma a moment before:
Hush now, hush-a-bye
She gently wrapped Annas hand around her brothers back. Just rock him so he doesnt wake up. Ill see to Sophie
Victoria, seemingly unaffected by yesterdays bad back from falling off a step-stool during a spring clean, tiptoed off towards the girls room, ears pricked in the sleepy house.
The house was her pride. How many times had she heard people say she and Philip would never manage to build it That all that effort was pointless and theyd be far more comfortable in a flat
Relatives shook their heads and dismissed the idea outright, not caring how much it stung:
Why do you need all these bedrooms? You dont have kids!
Victoria would feel her heart squeeze with pain and hang her head, as if some unfeeling stranger was pushing her down. Not meant to be a mum? Not given to you? Dont you dare look the world in the eye! Dont carry your head highbetter ones deserve it.
Whenever Philip spotted her downcast and upset after one of her mother or aunts talks, hed put his arm round Victoria, cheek fitting perfectly into the hollow of his neck. Theyd meld together somehow, sharing not just warmth but the very secrets of their thoughts. It was as if nothing one felt could be hidden from the other.
Dont. Ignore them. They dont know a thing.
But dont they, Phil? Victoria sighed, Theyre right, arent they? If therell never be children
Well see about that! Philip clenched his jaw in anger for anyone who hurt his wife and swore to himself that her dream would come true.
They thought with enough money and being near London, anything was possible. One clinic, then another, then a third Each rejected them. Doctors only shrugged:
Were not magicians, love.
And Victoria, unable to meet her Philips eyes, didnt know how to tell him what shed long since accepted. Only when he began talking about building a house did she gather her courage.
Not with me, Phil I love you, you know that. But you deserve a real family. If I cant give you a child, then I want a divorce.
In your dreams! Philip slammed a mug of hot tea on the table and yelped, scalding his fingertips and dancing about. Oh, Victoria! Pack it in! Im a simple fella, Ill say exactly what I thinkin plain English! Your mum wont like it! Oh, her son-in-law, so rough! Cant even speak nice, just swears! What does it matter? Who told you Id ever let such a daft woman go? Sorry, but youre a dab hand at offending!
Me?! Victoria, surprised, finally looked up, forgetting she was about to cry.
Who else?! Who says a thing like that? I need you! If there are childrenlovely. If notmaybe thats just our lot. Not everyones meant to be a parent
Victoria wasnt quite soothed by all that. Men say one thing now, but time changes everything She thought, one day hed regret what hed missed, and then itd be too late.
But Philip stood firm. Hed waited far too long for his joy.
Victorias marriage to Philip was her second. Her first was at nineteenmore to get away from her mothers constant monitoring and put-downs than to become someones wife.
With her mother, Lydia, things were always difficult. One minute Lydia adored her girl, bragging to all and sundry, the next shed turn cruel, forgetting her praises of yesterday.
How did I end up with such a disappointment?! Sometimes youre a genius! Other times Whats in your head, child?
If Victoria could have answered that question, she would. But she could only stand, shrinking beneath her mothers disappointed gaze, and stay quiet, wondering how to love someone who yells at you
Ask young Victoria if she loved her mum, shed answer without doubt: Of course! How could you not love your mum? But as she grew older, she realised that education, a good job, a hundred friendsnone of it made her mother warm or kind. Lydia was smart, well-read, always made an impressioncould get on with anyone. Except her daughter.
Mum, why dont you love me? the question burst forth a week before Victorias first wedding. Lydia wrinkled her nose at the wedding dress, a month in the finding and chosen for its simple, elegant lines.
Victoria, answer me! Im your only child. You and Dad, you never really argued. Whats wrong with me?! Why are you so hard on me?
Dont be daft!
Oh, suredaft, is it? Whatever I do, its always wrong
Well, do it right then! Stop getting on my nerves! You chose to marryon your head be it! Dont expect me to approvemake your choices, and dont come to me complaining! Want me to agree with everything? Not likely. A mothers there to scold, sometimes, not just to smother.
Sometimes
Enough! When you have your own, youll see!
See what, Mum?
How hard it can be to love your child! How… difficult to show them theyre precious! Have I done too little?
Thats not the point
What then?! Your father did his own thing, I raised you. He thought daughters were for mothers. If youd been a boy
It was then Victoria understood something was missing in her family. After speaking to her auntsher mothers sistersshe realised her parents had longed for a son. Her arrival was met without any real joy.
Goodness, the Middle Ages! Victoria wandered the autumn park, thinking over what shed learnt. A boy this, a girl thatwhat rubbish! When I have children, Ill never divide them like that. Or at least, I hope I wont Why do parents act so oddly? How can I avoid that? Its not inevitable, is it? I wont let it be. Please, God, show me how
The wedding was grand and pointless. Victoria could barely breathe in her tight-laced dress. Her mother gushed all day, hugging her around the waist.
Its all such a dream, love! Isnt it? You look beautiful! Are you happy?
Victoria couldnt answer honestly. She nodded, searching for her friend to loosen the corset. There was no way shed risk another your choice was wrong from her mother today.
That hurried, ill-fated marriage lasted barely a year and a half. When Victoria lost her baby, her husband packed his things and left before she was even home from hospital.
The flat her parents bought for her stood empty. Lydia collected her, chatting away as she drove, barely glancing at the road.
Well rent it, darling! Youre coming home. Enough is enough! Finish uni, well find you a better husband. Letting a slip of a girl choose was folly. Mistake! And mistakes have consequences.
Victoria kept quiet, but later went to her fathers study.
Dad, if you love me at all, let me live alone. Not nowI cant
Why?
Its just pain.
This time, her father understood. Without listening to Lydias protests, he set up an allowance for Victoria and told his wife firmly not to interfere.
Thats my decision.
Lydia, usually unbending, didnt argue. She only protested oncewhen Victoria started working part-time and refused their financial help.
Keep putting her little wage aside. If she wont take it, stash it! Shell need it one day, and thatll ease my mind.
Victoria finished university and was promoted, but her romantic life went nowhere. She wasnt unfortunate in looks, just lacking that irresistible spark. There was no warmth, no lightonly the dying embers.
There was a good reason. Complications from the premature birth meant she would likely never be a mother. The news broke her. She worked out of habit, joined parents on trips, but life had drained out of her, and everyone noticed.
Whats wrong with her, Lydia? Her mothers older sister, Aunt Olivia, decided it was time for an intervention. Just look at herlike a statue
Victoria had no clue about these conversations, or that the uptick in family get-togethers and carefully curated group holidays was all for her sake. Her aunts and parents would invite various young men, all in hopes of matchmaking.
Thats how Victoria met Philip.
He wasnt a guesthe was a taxi driver taking one of her aunts and family to her parents place in the country, surprised when this beautiful, snow-queen-like woman in a white coat hopped out, tugging open the rear door where the car had skidded near the gate.
To town, please, she declared.
Why did she snap that day? Perhaps shed had enough: these family parties where, as a younger girl, shed be popped on a stool and told to recite poems for dear Mummy. All kids went through it in her family. She watched the next blushing, stammering child sentenced to this honour and wanted to scoop them up and flee. Good table manners and correct pronunciation mattered more to her clan than what anyone felt.
Philip didnt ask questions. He drove Victoria as instructed and grinned when she patted her pockets for money.
Oh
Problems? No cash?
My purse is at the house. Keys I keep in my coat, but my wallet
Never mind. Flash me a smilewere even.
Victoria scowled. Hold on, Ill be right back.
Philip didnt wait. When Victoria, clutching money from her secret stash, made it to the drivehe was gone. She stood under the archway for a while, puzzled by what fate had sent her.
Her disappearance was noticed. Her mother created a scene, scolding her for disrespecting family ties, but her father only said, Next time, tell someone where youre off to.
Philip turned up outside her block the next morning, bright and early. Hurrying to work, Victoria wasnt even surprised to see his little white car.
Hop in!
He was calm, self-assured, and a bit comicVictoria was a good head taller in her heels.
One sec! she called, dashing inside and changing into flats. Philip chuckled at the swap and opened the front door for her.
Easier to chat this way.
So began their story.
Victoria took things carefully, puzzled by her own feelings. She was a professors and businessmans daughter, he a taxi manher family would never approve. Yet, there was something about him: all warmth and glow under his unpolished exterior. She decided shed let things unfoldto hell with what her mother thought.
And Lydia had her say, loud enough to unnerve the family for weeks.
Ill cut you off! Do you hear me, girl? Youre making a fool of yourself! Victoria, come to your senses! Hes beneath you!
Lydia ranted on, but Victoria had finally seized the reins of her life. She knew what she wanted for the first time.
She told Philip her story long before the wedding.
What do you say? she asked, absentmindedly fiddling with a soft toy hed given her. We might never have kids, you do get that?
Whats not to get? Do people only marry for children? I love you, Victoria. Makes no odds if youve a dozen little ones or just the two of us.
Thats just a line, now
Youll see. My da raised me to keep my word. A proper man never says what he doesnt mean. Got it?
They registered their marriage in town, then celebrated in Philips family village. Victorias parents refused to comeher mother cut all ties, her father arrived near the end, muttered congratulations, then left. Victoria knew what his disobedience would earn him at homeher mother never held back.
Surprisingly, Victoria got on with Philips parents, even if it took a while.
So thin Philips mother, Mrs. Graham, tutted, eyeing Victoria. Feed her up, Phil! If she cant cook, you know what to do! Chin up, Victoria! Lifes short. Dont waste it on tears. Come, help outmenll eat all the strawberries, nothing left for jam!
Mum! Philip choked back laughter at his mothers barked instructions and his wifes baffled face.
Dont fuss! Hands, now!
Sitting at the oilcloth-covered kitchen table, Victoria realised she liked itall of it. This house, this warmth, these ordinary, open people. She didnt have to guess if she was truly inshe was already entrusted with the top-secret best strawberry jam recipe.
They were as warm as Philip himself, and when his mother learnt about Victorias struggle, she simply wiped her hands, hugged her close.
Ah, girl, what a pity But thank you, thank you for your honesty. Didnt try to hide, did you? And as for children Well, thats the Lords business. Youll have your happiness, see if you dont.
We dont even have a house yet
You will! Good man, Philip. He was raised to stand by his decisions. He loves youI can see it. Give him the chance to never regret. In a marriage, the woman matters most. Men might deny it, but we know. Like a neck to a headit never notices which way its being turned, does it?
Victoria didnt quite believe at first, but eventually understood Mrs. Grahams heart was clearshe took whatever came her way, without bitterness.
It was she who suggested, when Victoria threatened divorce: If your own arent meant to be, foster a child. Me, I was adopted myself. Had the best parents in the worldtill I had a family of my own.
So youre adopted? Victorias eyes widened.
Course. Does it matter?
Id never have guessed
Did you think adopted kids are odd, then?
I suppose its genes, and all.
Thats for the clever sort. My folks were simple, said nothing about my birth parents. I learned, just once, when Mum was ill, that Id been found and raised as their own. In the end, thats what countsnot biology.
Victoria listened to her new mother-in-law; her own mothers advice grew easier to ignore.
The house went up at lightning pacePhilip, finally qualified and running his own haulage firm, worked with his dads help. Her father, seeing Philips grit, lent his guidance, to Victorias delight.
Meanwhile Victoria, now working as a solicitor, darted about court and built up clients in property law. Career soared, but the most important bit was still missing.
They completed foster parent training and began seeking their child.
They barely started before Mrs. Graham called, speaking so fast Victoria had to put her on loudspeaker while kneading dough.
Victoria! Listen!Kids, Im talking about kids!
What kids? Victoria glanced anxiously at Philip.
The Brown children! Our neighbours! Their mother gave them upsocial services took all three. Sweet lot, especially the girls. I know them like my ownalways called me Granny! I know you planned for one, but three Its a lot, but theyre not strangers. I cant bear itif they end up in care Please, love! Think about it!
Mum, dont upset yourself! Philip broke in as Victoria dashed to find her shoes. Have a cup of tea. Were on our way.
So with barely a moments thought, Victoria became mother to three children.
Seven-year-old Emily and six-year-old Anna soon made up their minds: Dont fret, you seem all right to us! Little Sam, just two, soon called her Mummy and followed her everywhere.
Not that Victorias relatives approved. Good heavens! Victoria, what were you thinkingthree children, questionable background! How did you get approved?
Mum, Im a solicitor.
All your educationfor this? Oh, Victoria!
But this time, Victoria found her voice. All my life, Ive done as you said, Mum. Its my turn now.
You never listened! First Philip, now this Your choices, Victoria. Always your choices
Victoria slipped her phone into her pocket and realised shed finally grown up.
A year, then two, then three The children grew, filling Victorias life so there wasnt a minute to spare. She worked remotely nowjust keeping her hand inand gave herself fully to her new role.
She found out she was pregnant almost by accidentblaming stress and fatigue at first, delaying the doctor till Philip, one morning, insisted:
Get dressed!
Where to?
Clinic! This isnt normal.
Mrs. Graham, staying over, gave Victorias cheek a fond pat as she flipped pancakes for breakfast: Listen to your husband, dear! Youre green as gooseberries. Off with you. I know whats upbut the doctorll say it more convincingly.
At the appointment, Victoria stared incredulously at the screen. That cant be! Youre joking
Watch your language, miss! the doctor replied, turning the screen. There you goyour impossible dream! Small but obvious. Want your husband to see?
Yes, please
Victoria sobbed, looking at the black-and-white image shed dreamt of for so long.
James was born in winter, bringing more joy and chaos than Victoria had ever known.
Emily and Anna took his arrival in their stride; Sam, however, was unsettled, clinging to Victoria and acting up.
Sammy, sweetheart, whats wrong? Victoria asked, feeding the baby with one arm and hugging Sam with the other. I’m still here for you.
It took effort to show Sam he was still lovedone more child didnt change that. Still, just as he settled, fate had another twist: Sophie arrived.
It was thanks to Sophie that Victoria finally reconciled with her own parents, but the events were so distressing that neither Victoria nor Philip hesitated to welcome another child.
Sophie was the daughter of Victorias cousin, Charlotte, whod moved far north after getting married. Victoria only saw her now and then, hearing about her child through family gossip, so the middle-of-the-night phone call was a shock.
Mum! Slow downI cant understand! Whats happened?
Oh Victoria! Charlotte HeGod, I told her something was off, but no one listened! And now? Shes gone! Do you understand? Gone! And her girlher girls an orphan, with a black mark no one will let her forget.
Mum, calm down. Wheres Sophie now?
How would I know?!
Victoria followed up with another call. Ill sort it and let you know.
Piling the children into her bed, seeing Philip off to fetch Mrs. Graham, Victoria gripped her phone and waited.
It didnt take long. Within half an hour, she found out which centre Sophie had been taken to. She and Philip headed straight to the airportMrs. Graham would look after the children.
It was a long, hard process getting Sophie home. The little girl, frightened and confused by everything, flinched from so much as her own shadow.
More than once, roused by the other children at night, Victoria sat at Sophies bedside:
Sophie, youre at home. Im here. The girls are closeno one will hurt you now.
But it wasnt enough. Sophie couldnt come to terms with her new world.
Will Mummy be back soon? shed whisper, hand clamped in Victorias.
Sophie, weve talked about this Youll stay with us for now. Mummy
Victoria, following a counsellors advice, avoided the topic. But one day Sophie asked straight out:
“She’s not coming, is she?”
Victoria hesitated, then, deciding honesty was best, told her, No, sweetheart. Shes not.
Surprisingly, Sophie accepted the news almost peacefullycrying gently on Victorias hands, but for the first time letting the other girls hug her.
Weeks passed, but her screaming persisted through many nights, though she saw a counsellor regularly and the family tried every comfort.
Emily and Anna did all they could to help Sophie feel at home.
Granny, whys Sophies fear not going away? We werent this scared
My dears, thats because youre strong And strength often comes through hard times. Sophies delicate. She wasnt raised to survive what you two went through.
What do we do, Gran? She screams so loudit scares Sam too. He wont sleep without Mum, me or Anna now. How do we help?
These things need lovewhere theres love, fear doesnt stay. When Sophie realises shes truly loved, that this is her haven, itll get better. Its hard work, but if you manage, youll know your strength at last.
The girls thought hard.
Toys, hair clipseven Annas prized new blouse made no difference. Sophie gently hung it in Annas cupboard. Thank you, she said, but Victoria already got me everything. I know you love this blouse.
The teddy bear Emma gave her, patched and cute, ended up on Sophies desk, almost as if instantly forgotten.
It was Sam who helped, in the end. Staying with Mrs. Graham that weekend, he was gifted a book about Native Americans. Suddenly, he insisted on going home.
Why, Sam? I thought you were staying over?
I have to! he insisted, just like his dad.
Mrs. Graham didnt argue. Victoria, surprised to see them return so late, said nothing.
Sam shed his coat, dashed to the girls room, waved the book.
Look! This! he pointed at a page.
What is it, Sam?
Its a dreamcatcher! We need one for Sophie! It catches all the bad dreams so she wont scream and cry anymore!
Emily clapped her hands. Let me see! How do you make it?
Victoria was handed a list of things to buy. Two of Mrs. Grahams prized geese lost feathers, and a crafting session commenced.
Sam, sitting cross-legged, chose the best beads, muttering, One blue, like your favourite, one red, like me, a yellow for Emma, and white for Anna
They decided to surprise Sophie only when it was complete, just in case it didnt work.
But Sophie kept crying at night.
That night, as Sophie woke gasping, before Victoria even entered, the little girl stretched out her arms to the woman whod become her mum.
Dont send me away!
Victoria rushed over. Of course not, sweetheart! Never!
To him?
To who, darling?
Dad
Suddenly Victoria realised Sophie wasnt just aware of what had happened, but had almost certainly witnessed it.
Berating herself for not prying sooner, Victoria pulled Sophie tightly into her arms, and instructed:
Phonequick! Ring emergency! And get DadI need him!
Im here, Philip entered, kissing Sophies brow and reeling from the heat.
Right, he said, lets try Mums old trick!
He whipped a sheet off Annas bed and ran to drench it in cold water.
Anna, grab the Calpol and a jug of water! Sophies got to drink loads!
The next half hour was a mad blurVictoria battled for her daughter without a moments thought for herself. It dawned on her that shed long since accepted Sophie as her own.
The emergency crew didnt bat an eyelid at the bedraggled woman in a soaked dressing gown, holding a slumbering child, laughing and crying at once as she pressed her lips to her feverish brow.
She fell
Who, Mum? The girl? Has she hit her head? Dizzy? Been vomiting?
Not the child. Her fever
Oh, thank goodness! Less work for us. Call your GP in the morning; were done here.
By sunrise, Victoria found herself still in the childrens room. She opened her eyes to see something peculiar on the wall.
Whats that? she whispered to Anna, who was reading at her side, gently smoothing Sophies curls.
The dreamcatcher, Mum. Emma and I finished it while you slept. It was Sams idea, from his new book. Its to shield from nightmares. But I think shes already got one.
Oh? Whys that?
Well, last night she held your hand and didnt scream once. You must have chased the bad dreams out. So youre her dreamcatcher, arent you?
Maybe But shes got more than one, Id say.
How many? Anna asked, curious.
Well, lets see. You, Emma, Sam, Dad, me Granny, when she stays Grandpa at weekends Loads.
Victoria checked the time and gasped, What hour is it?
Nearly lunchtime, Mum! Dad said not to wake you.
ButJames will be hungry!
No, hes fine, Dad fed him. Grannys just arrivedboth of them, actually! Granny Graham has decided to stay for now, to help you out. And Grandpa will be here at the weekend. Granny Lydias staying too. They were bickering but now theyre drinking tea! Oh, and Granny Graham brought us a real live chick! Sams entrancedhes glued himself to the kitchen and wont budge. Dont you think its time for a cator a dog? This house is huge and weve no pets! Grannys is full of them!
The door nudged openSam poked his head round, whispered not to wake Sophie, and shyly announced, Lunch is ready! He couldnt help himself; soon, hed be perched by Sophie, nudging Victorias hand and basking in her affection.
Mrs. Graham breezed in, young James on her hip, nodding at Victoria and sending the children off to eat.
Ill bring you both something. How is she?
Victoria, sinking into the pillows, hugged Sophie close and grinned with relief.
No fever
Lovely! Thats what we like to hear. Poor little things been through so much. Forget the psychologists, children need love and a warm home. That heals more than anything. Oh, and whats this odd-looking thing?
The dreamcatcher caught her eye and Victoria laughed quietly. The girls made it for Sophie, to soothe her.
Well! Loves here, the house is builtand the rest is just time, my dear. Time heals.
Victoria watched her mother-in-law and gently blew on her daughters forehead, chasing away sadness.
Shoo! Off you go! Shes ours, all ours
Childrens laughter rang from the kitchen, Mrs. Grahams answer followed, even Granny Lydias chuckle echoed down the hallher daughter surprised at the sound; a car horn from Philip in the drive Victoria smiled, cradling Sophie.
Now, she thought, alls as it should beall are home, all are ours.
Though perhaps, she mused dreamily, there might yet be more to come. Only time would tell.
