Tom, was it you who tidied up the back garden? Mary touched her sons shoulder.
The boy flinched and pulled off his headphones. Monsters kept bashing each other on his computer game screen, but Tom was no longer watching.
What, Mum?
I said, have you been home long from school?
Ive just got in.
So who tidied up outside?
How would I know? Maybe Emily did?
Mary smiled. Her three-year-old daughter was certainly a little force of nature, but even she wasnt up to such heroics yet.
Thats funny!
Mustve been the house elf then!
Exactly! The very same! You and your tall stories! Go on, pop round to Grandmas and bring Em home, shes been there ages. Ill get dinner on. You hungry?
Starving! We had some rolls at lunchtime but that was hours ago. Mum, any idea when Ill finally get the morning classes?
No idea, love. Theyre keeping quiet on that. The schools packed full.
Oh well. At least it means I get a lie-in. Tom always managed to see the bright side.
Mary planted a kiss on her sons head, gave his ear a gentle squeeze as he tried to wriggle away, and headed for the kitchen.
Teenagers, she thought.
Thirteen years old and reckons hes a grown-up, but he still melts every time she kisses his dark, tough hairjust like his dads.
Her two were chalk and cheese. Tom, tall, blue-eyed, dark as Simon, his dadall hands and feet, and so like him in character as well. Stubborn, reliable, kind He might not have cleaned the garden, but the dishes were definitely Toms doing. And the kitchen floor still gleamed damp where would she be without a helper like him? Unless little Emily grew up fast.
Emily a little miracle. Nearly ten long years of hoping, and not much chance. Those first complications meant even hope was a luxury for Mary. But that tiny spark was enough, and their daughter appeared. Bright as a daisy, with her soft golden curls, blue eyes just like Toms. She took after Mary gentle as a kitten, always winding herself round Mum or brother and just standing there.
Emmy, what are you up to?
And suddenly the whole room would glow with that little smile. Nobody else in the world smiled like Emilythat, Mary knew for certain. Not anymore, anyway.
Because that smile both cheered and pained Mary. Her dads smile. Simons. Her Simon, gone
Sometimes the grief felt unbearable, but she couldnt let it show. The children needed her.
Her husband had been a firefighter, always running into danger, saving people. And that last time saved a whole family father, mother, three kids. Hed gone back in for the gran, who wouldnt leave her pets. By then, it was too late. The flames had closed in and there was no way out.
Mary knew something had happened before anyone told her. A twist in her heart warned her, and she put down her crying Emily, called to her mother-in-law, who was staying to help with the baby:
Mum, take her, please! I need to make a phone call!
After that, she was driving frantically towards the fire station, not even noticing the milk soaking her shirt or the pain in her hands.
How did she survive that time? What kept her afloat?
The kids, probably. Tom didnt leave her side, not for a moment.
Tom, time for bed! Simons mum, Barbara, could barely stand herself, but she never left Mary alone. She nursed her, forced her to eat, brought Emily to be fed.
Im staying with Mum! Tom would shake his head, pressing his cheek to Marys cool hand. Gran, why is she always cold?
Most of it was a blur to Mary. The packing up, shoving toys and clothes into bags in a daze.
I cant stay here I keep thinking Simon will just burst through the door and shout, like always, Im home!
Quite right, pet! Dont stay. Come stay with me for a while, well sort something out.
No. I cant Sorry. Even your place is full of memories. Its too much Ill go to Grandmas old house.
But love, it hasnt been lived in for ages! You cant take the children there!
Its fine. Just needs a good tidy, thats all. And youll be close by. I cant do it without you.
Where else would I be? Youre all Ive got left.
Dont, Mum, please Now were both crying, and theres loads to do. Will you keep an eye on Emmy? Ill finish the packing. Tom needs a meal. He wont eat except with me at the table, and I cant eat at all these days.
You cant go on like this! Barbaras voice was suddenly strict. Youre their mum! When youre alright, theyll be alright. But if you dont look after yourself, whatll happen to them? Love, Im not as strong as I used to be. Please, take care of yourself.
Mary squeezed Barbaras hands, pressed a quick kiss to them, and set about her task again. She had to get out, away The memories crowded too close, impossible to breathe.
Grandmas old cottage didnt exactly roll out the red carpet. But whose fault was that? Shed all but abandoned it for her new life, never visited.
She wandered through the rooms, brushing her fingers over the wallpaper, wiping dust from Grandmas dresser covered with a lace cloth. She flung open the windows and let the cold, autumn air sweep in.
Mum, can you take the kids for now? Ill come and feed Emily after.
Of course. Are you sure youll manage?
Ill be fine
She wasnt long alone. Soon there was a thump at the back door and Sandra strode inMarys school friend.
Well, you could have told me you were turning up. Honestly! Got any cleaning cloths?
Sandra was always the no-nonsense type. A chatterbox whod laugh for hours, but when it came to her lot, shed do anything.
Mary wiped soap suds from her hands and awkwardly hugged her.
Hiya
Hi! Where are the kids?
Mums got them.
Got it! Well, stop gawping and get a move on! Or are you staying with her tonight?
No, planning to stay here.
Then whatre we waiting for?
Sandra slipped from Marys arms and started looking for a bucket.
Sandra! Mary gasped.
What? Oh, this? Yeah, well.
When?
February. Dont pull that face! Im pregnant, not poorly.
Whos the dad?
Oh come on, you know! Sandra grabbed a wet cloth and wiped along the windowsill. Ugh! What a mess.
Rich? But hes
Gone, yeah. Ill be raising the baby alone. Lets talk about it later, yeah? I promise, Ill tell you everything.
Think hell come back?
Rich? Not a chance. Freedom means more to him. Thats his call. Ill have a son, Mary or a daughter
You dont know yet?
No, its keeping it a surprise. But it doesnt matter, does it? Its my baby, Mary! Mine!
Mary knew what these words meant to Sandra. Her first marriage broke down, apparently because she couldnt have children. The whole family turned on her, took her exs side. At first Sandra cried, tried to defend herself, but then had enough and left.
Better no husband than one who wont stand by you.
Her ex was remarried within months, and, as it turned out, it wasnt Sandra at all the new wife insisted on a check, found out the problem wasnt Sandras, sorted things, and soon had a son and then a daughter.
Sandra felt only happiness for him. Shed forgiven him, was almost gratefulif shed never split with him, shed never have had her new life, and the happiness growing inside her now. Rich left as soon as he found out about the baby, but that no longer mattered. Sandra was no longer the shy girl shed once been.
They tidied all day but it was worth it. The house felt lighter, almost as if it woke up and sighed in relief.
Sandra plopped down at the kitchen table, watching Mary make tea, lost in thought.
Funny, how time goes on
Wasnt so long ago theyd sneak into the kitchen, pinch a freshly baked scone and dash off to the stream, Grandma shouting after them:
You scallywags! Cant you sit down for a proper meal?
Theyd wave and shout, In an hour!
An hour that stretched until bedtime. When, finding Grandma in the garden, theyd quietly grab a hoe and help out. How could one woman manage all that on her own? Grandma worked at the local dairy farm, had a big smallholding. Needed to her granddaughter relied on her, and she helped her son, who lived in the city with his new family. Mary was her eldest granddaughter. Her mum died in childbirth and the baby was left with no one. Marys father, wallowing in grief, moved to the city and Grandma had no choice but to take her in. When her son had another child, she packed up with Mary and went to the city, but it was only a short stay. Tiny Mary never understood why Grandma soon wanted to go home, mostly silent, wiping away a tear now and then.
Grandma died just before Mary turned eighteen. By then, she was falling in love with Simon, giddy with crushes and barely noticed Grandmas sudden decline. It was only when, one night, she heard a faint groan
Gran, whats wrong?
Three months was all they had. Just three months to say everything they needed not enough.
But Grandma did one last thing for Mary, something shed never stop being grateful for. As she lay bedridden, she sent for Simons mum, kicked Mary out for a while, and spoke for a long time. Whatever passed between them, from that day Mary had a new mum.
She started calling Barbara “Mum” even before the wedding.
May I? shed asked nervously. Barbaras nod was all Mary needed.
That longing to say “Mum” to someoneshed never talked about it with anyone but Grandma. But Barbara began looking at her almost the same way.
They never argued. Why would they? Barbara only ever offered calm, loving advice and practical help. How many people, Mary thought, can say their family are family not just in name, but in spirit?
Her own family had proved the opposite. After Grandmas death, a whole delegation from the city turned up her father, stepmother, and her mother.
Its a sound old house. Could fetch a nice price.
The step-grandmother Mary had never seen before tromped the garden, shaking her head.
Its all gone to rack and ruin! You shouldve tidied! Buyers want things spick and span.
Buyers? Mary came out of her daze, trembling.
All that week since Grandmas funeral, shed been living in a dream. She ate only when Barbara managed to coax her, drifted through chores, and froze mid-step, waiting for the nightmare to end, for Grandma to come bustling from the scullery, waving her tea towel at the wasps hovering by the jam pots, and scold:
Had enough running around? Help me with these jars. Weve got winter to get ready for!
What buyers? the step-grandmother shrugged, one sundress strap slipping off tanned shoulder, exposing pale skin. Mary felt sick. The ones wholl buy the house, of course!
Mary stormed outside, trying not to retch. When she returned, Barbara was already there.
Out, now. All of you.
And who are you? Who says you can order us about?
Its Marys house. Got the deeds, signed over. And theres a will for the savings too. Everythings in order, I helped sort it. Youve no business here. Fancy robbing an orphan!
The row swirled around her but Mary didnt care. Barbara led her away, tucked her up in bed, pulled off her dirty top.
No more tears, love. Nobodys going to hurt you. I promised your gran. Take my dressing gown and sleep. Ill bring tea. Rest, then well talk.
Mary didnt see her dad again until her wedding.
She never sent him an invitation he just turned up.
The guests were teasing Simon, making him try to swaddle an enormous doll, and Mary was roaring with laughter until someone tapped her shoulder.
Hello, Mary
She turned, still laughing, too surprised to speak. Her dad took her hand, slipped her some keys and squeezed her fingers.
Forgive me! The paperworks with Barbara. Shell explain. Be happy.
Hed gone before she could say a word.
The flat her father gave her was tiny, but cosy. Two rooms, big kitchen. Mary wandered around, not sure why she needed to move away from Grandmas house.
Itll be easier here, love. Its the city, after all. Small, but more opportunities. You need to study.
Barbara was chuffed with herself shed managed to persuade Marys father to do right by his grown daughter.
I will. But when? Mary smiled.
Really?
Its early days yet. I havent told Simon.
Ill help. You must go, with your good brain. Dont waste it.
Mary finished a university course nearby. It wasnt easy, but Barbara helped: she watched Tom, brought shopping.
They all relaxed a little when Mary got a job and Tom started nursery.
Were off to the seaside! Simon would laugh, covering his ears as the women squealed with joy.
It was their first and only holiday. Mary and Simon would race in the waves, glancing back to shore where Gran watched Tom play in the sand. Theyd all stroll the sea front at night, under a starry sky.
One evening Mary walked the pier with Barbara while Simon stayed behind to watch Tom on the carousel.
At the far end, a couple were arguing loudly, shoving and shouting accusations, then storming back to shore, ignoring everyone else.
Barbara shook her head and sighed.
Whats the point, eh? Dont people know theyre throwing away precious time Theyll make up, but the evening lost. All that upset. Why?
What if they dont? Mary wondered aloud.
Oh, they care. You only fight like that if they matter to each other. See how she ran after him, crying? Shell forgive him, and he her. He turned back at least five times before the end of the pier. But this evenings gone, and maybe tomorrow. Best if they make up overnight And if not? You and Simon are still newlyweds, but remember that couple. Think whether youre willing to waste time rowing. Theres so little of it, Mary so little
Mary would always be grateful to Barbara for that conversation. She could honestly say she didnt waste her time with Simon.
Mary lifted the teapot off the stove and nearly dropped it. She caught a shadow at the kitchen window and let out a startle. It wasnt Tom. There was someone moving in the garden.
Her first instinct was to bolt the door and call for help, but then she remembered the others would soon be home, Barbara with the kids. She couldnt leave them alone if a stranger was out there!
The wooden handle of the old teapot warmed her palm, and Mary, heart thumping, put it down and stepped toward the door.
No lights outsideshed forgotten to flick them on earlier.
Whos there?!
The shed door creaked. Mary flinched, the fear stealing her breath.
What do you want?! Ill shout!
A dark figure shuffled toward the step, and Mary shrank back.
Dont shout, Mary. Its only me. Alex.
She dropped the teapot with relief, yelped as it scorched her leg, and quickly set it down, muttering.
Whatre you mucking about in the garden for, Alex? Why didnt you just come in?
Stout and stocky, Alex gazed down, shuffling just like Tom when something awkward happened, like smashing a school window with a football.
Well, er your shed doors hanging off. I thought Id fix it. Im off to my bees tomorrow, no idea when Ill be back. I wanted to get it sorted.
Mary was taken aback.
The shed? Really?
Suddenly, everything made sensethe tidy garden, a mended fence, new boards for the outhouse.
So youre my house elf then! Mary grinned.
Sorry?
My house elf! Theres one about, you know. Helps out, keeps the place in orderbut he doesnt drink milk out of a saucer. Tom reckons I need a cat. The elfs lonely. Are you lonely, Alex?
The faint kitchen light was bright enough for Mary to see Alex flush scarlet.
Sorry. I shouldve told you sooner.
Thank you! But why, Alex?
Alex didnt answer. He simply raised a hand, vaulted the fence, and disappearedpassing right by Barbara and the kids at the gate.
Hes shown his face then! Barbara smirked, handing Mary a bottle of milk. Pop that in the fridge.
What do you meanshown his face? Mum, you knew!?
What did you think? Everyone around here knows. Only a mystery to you! Alex was sweet on you even when you and my Simon were courting. Didnt notice how he looked at you?
No
Youre joking! Barbara was astonished. Youre not having me on?
Why would I? Honest, I didnt know
Right, come on. Lets have a proper natter. But first lets get the little ones to bed. This will take a while.
They talked almost until dawn. Mary kept the tea coming, and Barbara did most of the talking.
He came to me about a year ago. Asking if he could court you. Said nobody was closer to you than me, so he should ask. Cheeky devil! Knows how to flatter, eh?
And you said yes?!
Why not? Mary, youre young. Youve got your whole life ahead! The kidsll grow up, move away, and youll be left with me, an old stick. Thats no life. Live, love, be happy! I know how you loved Simon, and youre rightthat sort of love happens once in a lifetime, if at all. But some people get lucky, have another chance at happiness after loss. You mustnt waste it. Maybe youll never love Alex the way you loved Simon, but if you feel at peace and warm with him, thats what matters. Tom needs a man about the place, you knowits not the same with just us women. And Alex has been a real friend to him. Did you know hes teaching him to drive?
No
Didnt say a word, did he? Scared to step on your toes.
Why?
Who knows. Maybe worried youll think hes disrespecting Simons memory?
Nonsense!
Well, talk to Tom then. Reassure him. He likes Alex, but doesnt know if its right. Emilys too little to understand, and she never knew Simon. Toms old enough to know, but hell be ok. What about you?
What about me? Mary blushed, looking down.
Nothing! Barbara chuckled and nudged her empty cup. Pour me another. Im parched!
A year later, Mary and Alex would be married. And a year after that, Mary would have a son.
Look at that mop of hair, Mum! Mary would say, swapping the babys cap for a gentle stroke over his flaxen, Emily-like halo.
Looks just like a house elf! Barbara would expertly swaddle the little one and scoop him up. Hello, new grandchild! You can call me Granny Babs.
Mum
Thinking ahead! Feed the baby, Ill sort some food. Anything you fancy?
A big ginger tomcat, Alexs gift to Tom, would saunter into the room, hop up to the windowsill and peer curiously at Mary, fast asleep with her tiny new bundle. Quiet would settle nearby, wrapping around the cat, gazing at the peaceful pair. Thisthis is happiness so fragile, so gentle. It must be handled with the utmost care.
Somewhere, a teaspoon would clink, Emilys giggle would ring out, and the quiet would slip off the sill, ruffling the cats ear as it left. The cat would flick its head and start fussing at its fur, bracing itself to welcome another tiny member of the family.
Go on! There are plenty of guardians here already.
