No Wedding
Lily glided into the bedroom, her steps melting away into the carpet, and then, as often happens in dreams, she simply haltedrooted at the edge of a dimension where the light ran strangely on the yellowed wallpaper. Before her, in a strange and luminous haze, stood Regina, or rather Rebecca now, draped in a wedding dress spun from clouds and memories. The dress hugged her as a dream clings after dawn, outlining someone who seemed almost not herself. In her blue-grey eyes, a gentle, weightless joy flickered and faded, as hard to grasp as the fragments of a forgotten lullaby.
Lily gasped, the words tumbling out like beads cut from a thread.
My word, Rebecca, youre glowing! she exclaimed, her gaze orbiting the bride-to-be, who seemed almost too radiant to touch. Im so happy for you! At last, youve turned the page, let your heart open to something new, left Nicholas behind. Youre amazing, you know that?
But the glow vanished from Rebeccas face. She worried at the buttons on her dress with nervous fingers, attention splintering away from Lily.
Ill just take this off, she muttered, the hooks at her side clicking open with the soft pop of a jar of dreams. Only two weeks until the day Itd be impossible to find another such gown if I stained this.
Lily bit her lip. Yes, that nameNicholas. Why had she let it slip through her teeth, drift into the air? That name soured the room, curved Rebeccas smile. That man had cost her so much; he deserved, in the world of logic, not a single tear nor a mention.
Once, Rebecca believed life with Nicholas would be endlessa corridor of shining days. But cracks began to creep along the surface. First, he grew distant; then, he openly scorned her choices, picked at her career, her friends, her hopes. Hed coaxed her to abandon a promising project at work, lured her from the idea of a placement in France, and finally pressed her to abandon her own field entirely.
Her family watched her with the sad, anxious eyes of people at a train station, waving at someone boarding the wrong train. Every conversation became a rowNicholas had convinced her her own relations were against him, enemies of their ‘perfect love.’ The tension wound tighter, until eventually, Rebecca spoke almost never to her parents.
Then, one morninga morning of rain and invisible fractured clockshe was simply gone. No note, no explanation. Just a great, echoing absence, and a child shed decided to keep and raise, whatever the cost.
Watching Rebecca fumble with the dress, Lilys throat ached with guilt. She only wanted her friend to be happy, at peace. Not to awaken wounds.
Now, little Nicholas Jr. was foura quick, lively boy who always had a question: Why is the sky blue here, but not there? Where do clouds sleep? Why do beetles wear such shiny coats? At nursery, teachers whispered about his bright mindwords clung to him like dew; he captured stories and nursery rhymes as easily as a kite catches the wind.
He spent nearly all his days with Rebeccas parents, Gran and Grandad Brooks. They guided him through a web of activitiesa nursery with gentle English lessons, swims among echoing tiles, dancing lessons under the dangling light fixtures. Rebecca, meanwhile, visited a few times each week, but rarely managed to stay for an hour.
The reason was bitter and sharp. Nicholas Jr. was his fathers mirror: same dark curls, same sidelong glint in the eye, the same uncanny smile. Whenever Rebecca held him, she was dragged back into the pastthe brief, cruel flash of a dream that had crumbled. She adored the child, delighted in his cleverness and small triumphs, but pain pressed itself between each heartbeat. Each hug was a reminder. Sometimes, she turned away to fuss with his jacket, or rummaged through her bag for nothing at alltears crawling out when he wasnt looking.
One evening, Rebecca found Nicholas on the rug piecing together a jigsaw, brow furrowed. When he saw her, he leapt to his feet.
Mummy, look! He tugged her down. Ive nearly finished! Theres a house here, and a tree, and therell be a dog in this corner!
Rebecca squatted beside him, trying to let the smile form, natural as spring.
Its beautiful, she whispered, smoothing his curls. Youre so careful.
He fell silent, gazing up at her with searching eyes.
Mummy, wheres my daddy? The other children at nursery have daddies, except me
Her heart lockeda great stone in her chest. She tried to sound calm.
I dont know, darling. Daddys very far away right now. But Im sure he thinks of you.
Why doesnt he ring? Nicholas frowned. I could tell him I can tie my own laces now.
He hes just very busy. Rebeccas voice wavered. But if he knew, Im sure hed be proud.
Nicholas stared at her, chewed the explanation, then accepted it. Alright. Ill finish the house, and Dad will see how clever I am! He turned back to his puzzle, content.
Rebecca watched, swallowing the ache in her throat, breathing in the smell of baby shampoo and fleeting childhood. This was the moment she clung toa moment when her son was present, happy, trusting, even if her answers had no roots.
She still thoughtquietly, unreasonablyof Nicholas Sr. She scoured Facebook; called old pubs where he might appear; posted messages asking for news. Her relatives tried, gently and sternly, to break the spell. You have to let him go. Live in the presentfor yourself and for your son! But she arguedoh, how sweet life had been! The promises, the hope. How could she just turn away from that?
And so she clung to fragments and shadows.
But then, after five long years, someone gently warmed her frozen heart. It happened by accident, as such things doa birthday party of a mutual friend, a riot of voices, and there was Edward. A real Englishman. Reliable as sturdy oak, compassionate and solid as the Thames slow roll. With Edward, she could just beshe neednt paste on a smile if she was weary. If she fell silent, he didnt break the silence. He brewed her favourite tea before she knew she liked it, remembered strangers names, solved small household problems as if they mattered.
Most of all, he bonded with Nicholas. On the first meeting, the boy peered up suspiciously at this kindly, angular man, clutching at Rebeccas hand. But Edward crouched down nose-to-nose and asked, So, which is your favourite cartoon? Minutes later, the two were elbows-deep in building blocks and imaginary emergencies.
Edward became a regular in the Brooks home, reading stories, carrying Nicholas piggy-back round the park, coaching him on bicycle rides. One day, as Rebecca opened the kitchen door quietly, Edward looked up from a sheet of scribbled crayon, saying, I want to be his real dad. If youll let meId like to adopt him.
Lily rejoiced for her friend. She saw how Rebecca came aliveher eyes bright, the anxiety slowly melting, the smiles unforced at last. But todaytoday Lily had slipped, mentioning Nicholas Sr. A moments carelessness, and now she could only hope Rebecca would forgive.
But Rebecca seemed eerily calm.
Ive grown up, she murmured, smoothing the wedding dress as if laying a ghost. I know nowmy feelings for Nicholas belong in the past. Sometimes I wish I hadnt named our son after him. I was so stubborn then. How did you even put up with me?
Lily squeezed her hand.
Are you thinking of bringing Nicholas home? she asked.
Yes, Rebecca replied, suddenly serious. Edward especially thinks its time. Hes even suggested we change Nicholas name, so its easier for me. If we adopt, well need to adjust the birth certificate anyway.
She paused to watch raindrops racing each other down the window pane.
I used to dread that Nicholas would remind me forever. But he should have a full childhoodtwo loving parents. Grandparents are wonderful, but they cant replace Mum and Dad. Edward gets it. He wants to be that father for Nicholas. You should see how much the boy loves him.
Thats a grand idea! Lily beamed. Ask Nicholas what name hed like. Itll help him accept the changes.
Im not sure Theres time yet, Rebecca mused.
But she was lying to herself. The truth: she still loved Nicholas, and that love led nowhere good. Her parents denied her visits nowshe always ended weeping, disturbing her son. Her friends were all but done with her woes, whispering about her sanity. It was time, dreamlike, to let go, to focus on now.
On her wedding, for instance.
If only it werent so impossibly hard!
Edward was a good man but he was not Nicholas. Rebecca didnt love him the way shed once loved, she only borrowed his devotion for a bit of warmth.
If Nicholas returned shed give up everything, anything.
****
There wont be a wedding! Rebecca announced, eyes wild, spinning half in dance, half in panic. Were like ships in the night, Edwardwere parting ways!
Edward stared, blinking. The wedding was a week awaytheyd chosen the flowers, the cake, the seating plan. The reality was so closeand now she said thered be no wedding?
What do you mean, no wedding? he whispered, as if hoping she might laugh.
She was already flitting around the room, packing, flinging jumpers into a battered suitcase as if the suitcase were the only ship left. Her smile was back, but no longer calmit trembled.
Nicholas is back! she cried without looking at him. The joy in her voice cut through him. He came back yesterday. We finally talked. I cant believe it I have a second chance!
She turned to face him, glowing with anticipation, with no room left for regret or apology.
Im grateful for these last months, Edward. Youre wonderfulsteady, caringbut I could never lie and say I really loved you. Now that true happiness is in reach, I cant let it go.
Edward, inside, froze. Nicholas. Again. Always Nicholas. Rebecca spoke of him as if he were both a hero and a spell. Edward had hoped that time, gentle English winters, and shared routines could change her heart.
Youve spoken to him, then? he rasped. Whats his excuse this time?
Hes not making excuses! she snapped. He says he made a terrible mistake. That hes thought of nothing but me all this time!
She turned back to her frantic packing. Edwards world dimmed.
We spoke on the phone, she muttered, rifling drawers for something shed lost years ago. His parents forced him to study in Paris. He just couldnt tell me in time. But hes come backhes never leaving again! Well be happy. At last.
Rebeccas mind flickered with the memory of Nicholas callhis voice, urgent, breathless.
Rebecca, I know how dreadful this sounds. But my parents gave me an ultimatumgo abroad or lose them. They froze my bank accounts, took everything. I was stranded, not a penny to my name, no phone
You never rang, not once. Rebeccas voice, even in memory, wobbled.
I couldnt. What would I say? That I was spineless?
As Nicholas spokewords tumbling, gaspingshe felt the sharpened pain soften, the hurt and bitterness dissolve. How shed waited for him, every day, every sunrise.
Now its all different, Nicholas promised. Ive dropped everything. Im home.
The echo of that call hummed in the room as she stood packing.
Edward, nearly invisible, watched as she shouldered the suitcase. You might be rushing things he tried, reaching for anything that resembled reality.
Rebecca stopped, clutching the handle. What if he doesnt want to get back together? What if he refuses Nicholas Jr.? Has he proposed?
Hes invited me for a serious conversation! she barked. That’s enough for now! Dont try to sully himNicholas isnt like that!
Her voice trembled, then steadied, as she dragged the bag to the door.
You could help, you know, she muttered, trying to lift it.
Edward took a step forward, then stopped. Why would he help the woman whod crushed his dreams? He saw it in her eyes; she was already elsewhere, caught up in new beginnings, in old illusions of love.
Opening the door, she paused for a heartbeatthen left, not looking back, small and determined, already chasing a vanishing hope.
Edward stood, heart thumping, tasting regret like black tea left too long. The scent of her perfume lingeredorange blossoms and old sadness.
He sat. He would have to learn to live in this emptiness nowthe future, the wedding, the story undone.
****
Nicholas opened his doorsurprised by the hour, by the knocking, by the way the sunlight twisted awkwardly onto the doorstep. Rebecca stood there with two suitcases, wearing hope like a crown. He stared, suddenly conscious of how dreams sour in daylight.
He’d thought it was all in the past. When Rebecca began seeing Edward, Nicholas felt relief as clean as a cold shower. Hed returned quietly to his own townOxfordbuilt a life, married someone new, expecting no midnight calls or scenes. Hed called Rebecca purely out of decency, to put things to rest.
And now, she was here, with all her belongings and expectations.
Nicholas! Her voice shivered with certainty. Its decided. Im here and we’ll finally be together!
He lifted a hand to hold her back, gently.
Rebecca, wait you might not know everything.
She frowned, the smile slipping.
What do you mean? You asked to talk it through!
He sighed. Im married, Rebecca. Two years now. My wife and I are very happy.
Rebeccas eyes widenedshock spreading like a sudden ink stain. She couldnt speak, couldnt let the truth wash through her. Thenher face twisted: panic, outrage, confusion all at once.
Thats not true, she whispered. You called me. You said youd changed your mind!
Nicholas shook his head. I called to say goodbye, in person. To let you know weve both moved on. Im sorry you didnt realise that.
She staggered back, fists trembling, words falling out in a storm.
You lied to me! I gave up everything for you!
He clenched his jaw. No more drama. You choseon your own. I didnt promise you anything. Please, let it go.
She screamed, threw her suitcase against the floor, scattering her belongings like multicoloured confetti from a broken piñata. The neighbours peeked round their doors, frowning in their dressing gowns.
Eventually, Nicholas, with painful politeness, ushered her outside. Rebecca kept shouting, banging, weeping until the threats of a call to the police finally sent her tottering away. As she vanished, her last words bounced along the staircase:
Ill be back! Youll regret this!
Nicholas stood quietly, fatigue pressing down. Hed need to move, quicklyfind a new postcode, a new home where old ghosts couldnt find him.
****
Rebecca wandered through Oxford’s streets, invisible beneath the late afternoon drizzle, her mind a jumble of broken sentences. She walked until her feet guided her to Edwards block, the building so familiar in the faded English light. She wiped her tears, tucked her hair back, and buzzed.
Edward took an age to open the door. When he did, his eyes were colda grey North Sea, unreadable.
Edward, please Rebeccas voice shivered. I know what Ive done. It was foolish. I want to make things right.
She was searching for words; her eyes blurred again.
Ill never mention Nicholas again. I promise. This was all a mistake. I see nowI can only be happy with you. Please… let me try.
Edward shook his head, softly, as if wind could move him but not break his stillness.
A few hours ago, you left sure as sunrise, you said Nicholas was your entire future. You chose. Now you want to come back?
Yes! Rebecca insisted, Because I love you. Only you.
Edward pauseda humourless, hollow laugh.
I cant believe you, not now. Goodbye.
Rebeccas world collapsed silently. Edward stood calm, not cruel, but certain. He closed the door, leaving her in the echoing stairwell, grasping at things already lost.
She slid to the floor, face in her hands, and weptthis time, not from anger, but the slow drowning certainty that shed lost both Nicholas and Edward, and that beyond these tears, there was only emptiness, and the dull, relentless thud of time moving forward.
Somewhere, perhaps, the wedding cake still waited. But the weddinglike a dream, blurry and sweethad evaporated with the dawn.
