My Family
Oh my goodness, Emily, you look absolutely stunning! I gasped with delight as I stepped into my daughters room.
Emily was standing in front of the mirror, waiting for her friend (and occasional stylist) Clara to finish pinning her veil. The last few hairpins slipped into place, and Emily spun around to face me.
Mum, do I look all right?
You look perfect, love! The most beautiful bride there ever was! I couldnt help smiling at those words. My own mother had said the same thing to me before my wedding. I suppose every mum does, watching her daughter in a wedding gown.
It had taken us ages to find the right dress, mainly because Emilys always been particular about what she wears. Fashion and opinions have never mattered to her; she just wanted something that felt like *her*. She has a fabulous figure, a great sense of styleno one has ever dared suggest Emily was poorly dressed. So, for her wedding dress, she wanted something different. Not the typical voluminous, strapless number that everyone seems to have these days. The shop assistants nearly tore their hair out. How to please such a bride? Luckily, Mrs. Carter, who owned the bridal shop, came to the rescue.
I think Ive got just what you want.
She disappeared out back and came back moments later with a dress bag. The moment Mrs. Carter unzipped it, Emilys eyes lit up. Yes, that was the one.
Simple lines. No unnecessary details. Incredibly beautiful fabric. Emily turned in front of the mirrorwithout doubt, exactly what she wanted. It fitted so perfectly, as if it had been made just for her.
What do you think?
Ill take it!
Mrs. Carter smiled, a shadow of sadness crossing her face for just an instant. Why should Emily ever know the dress had been meant for Carter herself, until her own wedding plans fell apart? You cant marry without trust and love. If neither exist, whats the point? Oh Arthurwhy did you do it? Shed wanted a family, children. But he was torn between two women and lied Well, his decision was made now. She gave herself a little shakeno point looking back.
Ive a marvellous veil to match this gown. Ill fetch it now.
Emily winked at me. Didnt I say Id find the dress?
I nodded. I felt so happy. Ill always remember that day as one of the happiest in my life. I thought back to my own wedding, when you couldnt just walk into a shop and pick a dress. It was either whatever the bridal parlour had or you made one yourself. My mums friend sewed mine for me. Someone scrounged up fabric, someone else the trimmings. The result was beautiful, but happiness didnt follow. My husband and I split up when Emily was just two. New love, a new passion for him. I was left on the outside, as was the daughter I bore. Emily grew up without her dad; he paid child support, of course (otherwise people might have thought less of him), but nothing more. In the end, it was just life, a change, a different family. Still, he never wanted contact.
I dont need extra problems in my life, he said.
I didnt insist. Better no father at all than one who didnt care.
I did try to find Emily a decent stepdad. But that didnt go well. The man I lived with for a year didnt like children. He adored me, claimed he loved me in his way, but he refused to raise my child. When he suggested one day that we send Emily to her fathers, I quietly packed his bags and showed him the door.
Well manage, darling. We dont need anyone else.
Emily might not have grasped all the details at the time, but she remembered that. She knew I chose her above all else, and maybe thats why our relationship was so strong through her teenage years and beyond. I was always Emilys closest person.
Em, time to go! You dont want to be late! I gently straightened her veil and kissed her forehead. Be happy, my darling girl!
Emily flung her arms around me and laughed.
Mum! Dont get me started or Ill cry, and Clara will have kittens after all her work on my make-up! You wont even be able to tell Im wearing any!
She whispered in my ear as she hugged me: Ill do my best, Mum
The wedding day went by in a flash. I came home to the empty flat, closed the door behind me, and sat on the bench in the hallway. That was that. I was on my own again. Emily and her new husband James would be living in the flat Id inherited from my mother, which Id handed over to the young couple. James didnt have a place of his own, and when Emily hinted theyd likely end up living with his parents, I waited until James had left, then pressed the keys into Emilys hand.
No, love. You ought to live on your own. Dont try and fit everyone in together.
But what about your tenants, Mum?
We settled that a while ago. Theyll be out by your wedding.
But thats your money, Mum. We’d planned to rent for a while.
What do I need? Honestly. Im still working, I can manage. You live in your own spacewhy rent when you have a place of your own?
Emily danced around, clutching the keys as though shed just discovered treasure.
Mum, thank you! My dream of a home of my own just got closer!
A home?
Yes! Light, roomy, so theres space for everyone, and three childrens roomsat least three! She suddenly blushed and hugged me close. Too many?
As many as you want, Em. Just so you and your children are happy and healthy.
Im so glad you understand
And your children will have a grandmother whos still young enough to enjoy them. I laughed and kissed the top of her head. A home, then. Live as you want, thats all I ever wanted for you.
I didnt mention the conversation Id had with her future in-laws the day before.
Wed decided to do things properlyJames family came to my house for the engagement. Id spent all day in the kitchen. I love cooking, though with just Emily and me, there was never much reason to get fancy. James parents seemed lovely at first, but my impression soon changed after his mother, Mrs. Ellison, pushed her plate away, lips pursed.
How strange not what were used to at all
I raised an eyebrow. The fish, baked to my grandmothers recipe, never failed to please. Nor did the roast, into which Id put hours of work. James father ate in silence, clearly enjoying himself, taking seconds of everything.
And does Emily cook? Mrs. Ellison continued. Shell need to learn to feed James. Our house is largeyoull have space. Honestly, its better for them to live with us. Shell see how James likes things, learn what its like to care for a husband. He is my only sonand Emily is an only child too?
Yes.
And you brought her up alone? Without her father?
Thats just how it worked out.
Of course, having a full family to observe is so important. How could a girl learn to run a household without a man present? We like Emily very much, but I do worry that being brought up by one parent was hard on her.
I listened, biting my tongue, as Emily kicked me under the table oncethen twicethen a third time, a silent plea. Shed warned me: James was nothing like his parents.
Hes a good man, Mum, youll see. Please dont take anything personally, whatever you hear. He struggles with them too. But what can you do
Now I understood. I longed to stand up and throw them out, but I trusted Emilys judgement. Shed chosen James after careful thought.
After dinner, as I was clearing up, Mrs. Ellison followed me into the kitchen.
Can we talk candidly, now the young people arent here?
Her husband, Mr. Ellison, stood just behind her, expression apologetic. He looked like he didnt approve but wasnt going to contradict his wife.
Natalie she began (shed dropped the formalities), you must understand, I worry about my only sons future, as you must about your daughters. I want to ensure everything is right. Hes making the most important decision of his life, and I dont want him to repeat it over and over.
She hesitated, but I kept quiet. Ive always known people say more than they mean to if you let them talk. Its a trick I learnt in my years at the GPs surgerypatients know Ill really listen, and I try to help if I can.
Dont get me wrong, we like Emily, but I have so many questions and I can only ask you.
Im listening. I tamped down the urge to cut her off, though my nerves were fraying.
Youve not had contact with Emilys father for yearsI get thatbut you must know something about his family?
Naturally.
Any serious illness? Why did you split? Did he drink? Get in trouble?
Nothing like that.
Id like details, if you dont mind. We need to know about Emilys background for our grandchildrens sakeshould James have children with her? You, as a GP, know how important these things are. I wont dwell on the fact that she grew up in a broken home, and you were doubtless busy at work. I understand. But you must see my concern. Emilys joining my family, and I need to know what that means.
My patience finally thinned. I was all too aware that my answer could unravel all of Emilys hopes. I drew a deep breath, ready to stand up for myself and my daughterthat this well-intentioned but tactless woman had overstepped. But just then, I caught Emilys anxious face peeping in, shaking her head urgently. She didnt know exactly what we were saying, but shed read my facetrouble was brewing.
Mum?
Yes, love, Im just finishing up. Put the kettle on and get out Grans tea set, will you? Once she was gone, I turned to Mrs. Ellison.
Emilys inheritance is absolutely fine. If it matters, I can provide you with all the information you want. Otherwise, theres no need to worry. Im not about to quiz you about your familys medical secrets either; better let the young people work things out for themselves. Elizabeth I raised my hand to cut her off, I know youre anxious, but I hope it doesnt mean your son ends up endlessly doubting one of the most important choices hell make.
I picked up the plate of homemade Victoria sponge and nodded toward the door. Lets not keep the young ones waiting. Will you help me?
Elizabeth took the cake, and I caught Mr. Ellisons gazea silent thank-you. From that moment, I made clear to her thered be no further conversation on the matter.
We didnt meet again before the wedding. Emily and James had long been independent, handling all the expenses themselvesno need to ask parents for help.
Two years after the wedding, they began building their own house. They sold the grandmothers flat and used the money for a plot of land. Emily, pregnant, threw herself into the projectshed spent years researching buildersso much so that even the contractors found themselves obeying the boss. They didnt finish before she was due, and when Emily came home with baby Sophie, despite Mrs. Ellisons grumbles, James drove his wife and newborn daughter straight to my home.
I hope you dont mind us staying, instead of going to ours, James said, placing the precious bundle in my spare room.
You did the right thing, James, I said, seeing his uncertainty. Are you nervous, new dad? Go on then, unwrap Sophie. Shes too warm like that.
Im afraid Ill do it wrong, he muttered.
Nonsense, shes your daughteryour instincts will do the job. Have a go.
Emily appeared in the doorway and I gripped her hand: Let him get on!
James handled their first bath and walk brilliantly. When Elizabeth visited the next day, she shook her head.
Men shouldnt be doing all this, really.
Thats an old-fashioned idea, I replied pointedly, smiling at James as he held his daughter.
I didnt tell them how tempted Id been to take over myself. Every grandmother wants to, thinking she knows best, forgetting that once, she, too, was inexperienced and anxious.
Sophie grew up strong and healthy. Once theyd moved into the new house, Emily started talking about a second childuntil disaster struck.
Mum, Sophies got a temperature. I gripped my phoneEmilys voice was high and panicked, a tone Id never heard from her before.
How high?
Really high. It wont come down.
Call an ambulance. Im coming now.
I sped through London at midnight, praying nothing serious would happen. Just this once, I hoped someone Up There would listen.
We spent two days at the hospital, outside the intensive care unit, waiting for news. Emily sat statue-still in the corridorno one allowed in. All I could do was fetch her tea or sandwiches, nagging her to eatshed need her strength for Sophie when she woke.
James dashed between work and the hospital. I hugged him when he looked ready to break down.
Hold on, James. If you fall apart, Emily will lose it completely.
Elizabeth arrived soon after and started in with her questions:
How? Why? Where did this come from? Is it inherited, or an infection?
Please, Elizabeth, not now, I snapped for the first time ever. Does it matter?
But she stopped, finally noticing the strain on everyones faces. Sorry.
After two tense days, Sophie pulled through, demanding her mum the moment she woke. She was moved to a regular room, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief.
A few days later, I came to visit. After Id played with Sophie and made sure Emily had eaten, I was about to head home when Emily caught my arm.
Mum, wait. James is on his waywe wanted to ask you something
I closed my eyes for a momentjoy.
Mum, will you help us?
Of course I will, darling! You didnt even need to ask.
She looked so relieved. Two children and Sophie will need so much attention I cant do it alone.
You could, Emily, but you wont have to. James is a marvel, you know!
James poked out from under the duvet, where he was pretending to hide from Sophie, and asked, So, you dont mind?
Move in with you? Of course I mind! But I suppose Ill have to! Only for a while, though. Just until Sophies better. You can call me a seasonal worker.
Mum!
What? I cant think of a better comparison. I know youll need help, but Im not moving in forever. Its not right.
But Id love it if you were always with us!
I hugged Sophie. Im always close, sweetheart. Always. But really, Im a bit of an old loner and you have your own family. Thats how it should be. Help is one thing, living togethers another. So: seasonal worker. Right, Sophie?
That evening, as I packed to move in with them for a spell, the phone rang.
Natalie? This is odd, isnt it? Why you? Elizabeth got straight to the point. I think Id be more useno job, more experience with children.
Elizabeth, it wasnt my decision. Shouldnt you ask them? My place is to help when Im asked.
James wouldnt even listen to me! I dont know what the appeal is, but its strangeignoring his own mum! How is that right?
Ask him, maybe? I sighed.
Youre impossible! I think you should say notell them youre busy.
Listen to yourself. Let me ask: when did you last visit Sophie?
What for? Youre always there. No point in bringing foodeverythings done.
Well, theres your answer. Sorry, got to go. Bye.
I sat thinking for a long while. Its so easy to break up a fragile peace in a family; its almost impossible to rebuild afterwards. Maybe Elizabeth would never understand, but I did. I phoned James.
We need to talk.
Three years later
Gran, are you taking me to dance today, or is Granny Liz?
Today, its me. Granny Liz is at the playground with Paul; Mums got to work.
So Im having lunch with you?
Thats right.
Hooray! Can you make those buns you did last time?
You liked them? Of course I can. I kept glancing in the rearview mirror at Sophie, buckled into her car seat.
Gran
Yes, darling?
Are we going to the zoo at the weekend with you, or with Granny Liz?
Were all going together. Even Grandpa. He needs the fresh air too.
And will you buy me a balloon?
And ice cream. And candy floss.
Brilliant! Sophie stretched out the word. Paul will need a balloon too, right?
Of course, I smiled.
Gran
Yes?
Can I tell you a secret? A proper one?
Of course.
I think Im going to get another little brother or sister soon.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Emily had been beaming that secretive, close-lipped smile for a while, but hadnt said a thing to me. Ever since Id refused to live with them permanentlyhelping instead at a distance alongside LizEmily respected me even more. Now, she told James all her news before me, and that was as it should be.
It hadnt been an easy journeyplenty of arguments along the waybut we made it, all together. Some of us had to adapt, some learnt to keep quiet at the right moment. Sophies health and the life of the new baby were at stake. In time, both Sophie and little Paul gained two grannies and one wonderful grandad.
How do you know, then? I turned down the radio.
Mum and Dad were talking last night. They thought I was asleep. Gran can I want a sister? If its a brother, hell be sad, wont he, if I didnt want him?
I smiled. What a lovely child we were raising.
Do you love Paul?
Loads.
Well then, youll love a new brother just as much, if thats what you gethell love you too, Im sure.
All right.
Lets wait until Mum knows for sure, shall we? And do you know what?
What, Gran?
I always wished I had a brotheractually, two wouldve been nice.
Really?
Really.
In that case all right! Sophie wiggled in her seat, organising her favourite toys. Id bought her bunny, Liz bought the bear. Ill look forward to having a brother, too.
And do you know what else? I turned down our road, where Emily and Jamess house stood. Sometimes life is like a box of presents at Christmasyou dont know whats inside until you open it.
Have you bought my Christmas present already? Sophie asked, grinning as I undid her car seat.
Not yetstill too early. But Ive bought your birthday one. Want to know a secret?
Yes!
Granny Liz has bought one too. But nope, Im not telling you what it is.
Thats not fair, Sophie pouted.
What are you pouting for? Your birthdays soon enough. Youll find out then! She clutched her bunny and stomped off to the gate.
I pulled her swimming bag from the boot and nodded a greeting to Liz, who was approaching with Paul in tow.
Hello, Granny!
Hello yourself! Liz smiled. Were off for a walk.
And were off to dance, just as soon as we get changed.
I watched as Sophie chattered, nearly tripping over her words in her excitement. Sometimes, life is really so complicatedand so simple, too. To love those you have, to listen, to really notice, to know youre needed, and you need them. That, I thought, is what it means to be a family.
