Finding someone to blame proved nearly impossible. The children, rushing down to the river, had forgotten to close the parrots cage. When Granny came back from the shops, she flung open the window to let in the summer breeze. By evening, when we realised that Theodore was missing, it was all too clear: our splendid Amazon parrot had vanished without a trace.
For three days and nights, we dropped everything and combed the allotment village, desperate to find our feathered friend. All in vainno one had seen Theodore. The childrens cheeks were streaked with tears, Granny moaned and fretted, and my husband and I snapped at anyone in sight, old and young alike.
Even our own dog, Mickey the Airedale, seemed beyond consolation. In those days, she barely stirred. Only when the doorbell rang would she rush to the hall, barking as if her heart would burst. But after a frantic second, realising her voice no longer had its counterpart, shed glance around, tail drooping, and slink back to her mat. For four years, every guest in our house had been greeted by a glorious canine chorus. Theodore barked exquisitelysometimes it even seemed he did it better than Mickey herself.
Getting the dogs bark right was Theodores first party trick. As a green and cheeky chick, hed chosen to torment the cat, Maisie. Sneaking up behind her as she curled up on the rug, hed let out a perfect woof in her ear. Maisie would leap into the air with a piercing mew! that set off Mickey, who dashed over in a flurry of howling and barking, creating chaos throughout the house.
Maisie tolerated Theodore, although one got the sense shed have happily strangled him. But Mickey adored the bird, with a loyalty that was both tender and unwavering. Theodore would perch on her headliterally and figuratively lorded over herscolding her in Grannys sternest tones:
Whos going to finish their porridge now? Eh?
Then, after a Shakespearian pause, hed add accusingly,
Were not pigs in this house!
Mickey responded to the parrots lectures much as the children reacted to Grannysby ignoring them completely. Only if Theodore got especially tiresome would she nudge him off with her rough tongue and a huff.
Theodores disappearance was, for everyone except Maisie, a personal blow. A fortnight later, when we had begun to accept wed never see our beloved chatterbox again, rumours began to stir around the village. Someone had spotted an unusually bright green parrot with a scarlet face among the crows raiding the orchardsbrazen, loud, and bold enough to not only caw but also abuse passersby in unmistakably human English. This threatened to shatter our last hope: wed never taught such foul language at home. Still, reasoning that our brilliant escapee could have picked up curses as easily as Maisie did fleas, we started searching anew.
At last, after ten more days, my luck turned. I was bent over the beans when I heard a familiar call:
Well, what now?
On the cherry tree, surrounded by a parliament of black-feathered friends, sat my boy.
Theodore, darling, come down, love. Come Mummys got your favourite seeds…
Theodore cocked his head, considering.
Theodore, weve missed youDaddy, Sophie, Michael, and even Mickey. Come here, sweetheart
I stretched towards the branch, slowly stepping closer. I nearly touched it when…
Ha, cheeky devils! Theodore squawked in the dry, biting voice of the allotment committees chair, before flapping off with his new gang.
So it went, all the way until the first chills of winter. He returned to our garden a few times, but nothing would persuade him home. Whenever we pleaded, he answered with a worldly-wise caw and vanished into the cold grey sky.
As autumn deepened, people sometimes saw Theodore alone now, sitting on the fence or brooding in the trees. He looked miserable, feathers puffed against the wind, but he still wouldnt come near enough to be caught. In the end, it took heavy artilleryMickey herself. Ill never know what she told her friend, but Theodore finally swept home atop his faithful Airedale, head held high, riding through the front gate like a visiting prince.
