So, guess what happened today? My childhood mate stopped by for a visit. Shes never had any kidsby choice, mind you. She decided ages ago that motherhood wasnt for her and wanted to live life entirely on her own terms.
Were both sixty now, can you believe it? After we finished uni, she wasted no time packing her bags and leaving our little town behind. For a while, we kept in touch with the odd postcard and letter, but, you know how life goesthe correspondence eventually fizzled out.
It wasnt until mutual friends filled me in that I learnt shes been flitting all over the place, never really settling down, always off discovering somewhere new, and not shy about changing partners, either. By her fiftieth birthday, shed already been married three timesthough the third one ended in divorce too. Kids? She never wanted any. I honestly couldnt wrap my head around it before, because, lets be honest, most women I know have children. Even if things dont work out with a partner, at least youve got your children around, and maybe even grandkids to spoil.
She came back to our little town recently to settle up some last loose endsmainly to sell what she had left, because shed been renting out her flat before.
We met up over a cuppa and chatted for agesjust catching up on all these years. I told her what my life had been like; she told me hers. And then I just had to ask her, straight up, Lizzie, why did you choose this path? Why no children? Not even for yourself? You know, so youve got someone to hand you a glass of water when youre old and grey?
She laughed right in my face and said, A glass of water? Your kids are actually going to look after you, are they? Lets be honestkids these days rarely care for their elderly parents. Its much better to save your money and hire a brilliant carer when you need help, rather than guilt-tripping kids or piling responsibilities onto them.
Then she said, I never had a child because I honestly didnt want one. Ive never fancied the idea of nurturing someone constantly, or worrying about them all the time, or shelling out money for them. I decided I would live for myselfsee the world, make good money, enjoy every bit of it. And to be honest, my marriages all ended for one reasonbecause I didnt want to be a mum.
She smiled and carried on, I still live for my own happiness. I dont have to babysit grandkids or pinch pennies from my pension to feed grown children who cant support themselves.
So, no regrets at all, she told me, In fact, I actually feel sorry for those who had a bunch of kids only to sit by themselves now. They end up blaming their children for forgetting them or jetting off abroad. I dont have to deal with any of that, and Im perfectly content.
That was her take, and as I listened, I realised she made a good point. Why bring children into the world just because its expected, or worry for the rest of your life if thats not what you truly want? Why pin your hopes on some far-off promise that your kids will be there for you in old age? Really got me thinking, you know?
