A Bit of Fun
Alice! Alice, let me copy your work!
Lydias whisper floated through the classroom like a mist. Mrs. Martin looked up from her register, pen paused mid-air.
Miss Turner! Settle down, will you? Do your own paper!
But Mrs. Martin, its really hard! Lydia, never stuck for words, protested with a sigh.
No one said it would be easy, did they? Besides, Lydia, Alice has a different question sheet. So youre wasting your breath.
What? But shes sitting right at the front!
Precisely! Mrs. Martin gave a sly smile, imitating Lydias moan. I gave her a bespoke assignment.
Thats hardly fair! Lydia pouted, jamming her nose against her exercise book, but soon resumed the hunt for alternative avenues of rescue.
Nobody noticed how Alice shrank down behind her desk, clutching her pencil, eyes fixed on her paper, too afraid to look up.
All the teachers knew Alice was the classs little lifesaver. The lucky girl with the bright mind, always ready to help. And heaven help you if you said no! Hurt feelings would come raining down.
But Alice wasnt spiteful. She let others copy (when no one was looking), but as Mum advised, she was careful enough to stay out of trouble.
Alice darling, I know youre good-hearted, but you have to mind yourself too. Youll need your grades for the place you want, and you shouldnt ruin that over those who cant be bothered to learn a few rules.
Mum was right, of course, but hearing her talk made Alice sigh. If only Mum knew how hard it was being the clever one in a class where no one seemed to care
Alice had come to this school after her mother and father parted ways. For plenty of reasons, but a big one was her new brother. The boy was born to Alices dads new family while her parents were still married.
No one bothered explaining anything to Alice. The grown-ups sorted their messes out themselves, while Alice sat in her room with her sketchpad and pencils, methodically covering each page in black, not letting the tiniest speck of white show through.
Gran spotted her pictures first.
What are you playing at? Youve driven the child to this!
Now, Gran was Dads mum, but oddly, she took Alices mums side in all of this.
Just like his father, always was! Mine wandered during all our years together, the lot. Its how theyre made, curse them. If only my husband had brought home children, too At least he always came back, no children in tow.
And did you forgive him?
What else could I do, Pauline? I loved him. And I knew he loved me, or he wouldnt have come back. Was it hard to forgive? More than I can say. I never fully did. I just endured. Looking back, I wonder why What good did it do? But its too late now. Maybe it sounds odd, but you should thank your stars your husband had a child elsewhere, while you were together. I know you, Pauline. Youd have forgiven him and taken him back. Wouldnt you?
I dont know It hurts so much.
I understand. What matters now is that Alice is caught between the two of you. Do what you can for her. My son wont listen, but you youve always had your head screwed on. Its a real shame youre splitting up. Think about Alice, love none of this is her fault.
Yes. Youre right. Its only us to blame
Pauline did what no one expected. She sat Alice down and, at six years old, told her the truth.
Alice, your dad and I wont be living together any more.
Why?
Were getting a divorce. From now on, itll just be us at home, and youll see Dad at weekends, or when theres time. Dont cry, Alice! Look at me! Dads still your dad. Hes not going anywhere. I promise.
And you? Alice rubbed angry tears from her cheeks. Silly grown-ups! Always doing things their own way.
What else would I do but stay with you?
Dont go anywhere
Only then did Pauline realise what haunted Alice as she scribbled page after page with dark pencil her fear of losing Mum.
It took time to soothe Alice and explain things, but slowly, things fell into place. Alice still saw her dad, though not as often as shed like, but enough to know he had left Mum, not her. Dad still spoilt her a bit, and he worked things out so Alice never lost out. She even went to the seaside with Dads new family, played with her brother, and got along with Dads new wife, Emma, who happily left Alice well enough alone. They really had nothing to fight over.
It all left its mark, though. Sometimes Alice wondered if Dad just didnt want her after all, he happily raised a son with Emma, wanted even more children but why didnt he want her? Was she not good enough?
Mum and Gran always reassured her how loved she was, but the tiny worm of doubt gnawed at her heart, nagging away particularly when she most needed certainty.
That pesky little worm knew how to hide perfectly, only to pop up when Alice felt wobbly. Like the first time her knees trembled as a Year One, called to recite a poem at assembly.
Shed practised all week with Mum, always with expression, and was sure shed have no trouble at all. Shed played the lead in nursery performances everyone knew she was reliable.
But on that stage, clutching the microphone, eyes seeking her family in the crowd, all the words slipped away. Tears rolled down her face, but not a sound came out.
The Deputy Head whod given her the microphone crouched down beside her, stroked her cheek kindly, and whispered:
Would you like to say it later?
Alice could only nod.
Luckily, Mrs. Martin didnt forget. After school, she waited on the steps for Alice.
There you are! Will you say your poem for me? Id really like to hear it!
Youd think a missing poem was no big deal, but to Alice, nothing mattered more in that moment. She straightened, let go of Mums hand, and recited her verse, strong and clear, until the grown-ups applauded.
Well done! I knew you could do it!
But I couldnt at the assembly Alices eyes glistened with tears.
Of course you did! Look how many of us listened! It doesnt matter whether you said it there or here. Alice, youre brilliant. Im telling you as Deputy Head. All right?
I think so
Years later, shed always keep that memory safe. Shed be so glad Mrs. Martin ended up as her form tutor, someone who got her, someone she could trust.
Mrs. Martin truly did look out for Alice.
Your girls ever so sensitive bright as a button, but so delicate. You really must take care of her. Have you thought of the grammar school? Alice is a mathematician at heart. Here well, this is an ordinary school, and the other children arent all that interested in work, or much at all. Alice tries so hard not to stand out. Its as if shes wrapped in three duvets, all trussed up tight. Understand?
Pauline did, but there wasnt much she could do. The grammar school was far away, across town, and there was no one to take Alice. Her fathers family was expecting their second child, Gran was unwell, and Pauline herself worked two jobs just to afford a bigger flat. The one-bedroom was already a squeeze.
Alice, hold on a little longer. Let me sort things out, and then well see, all right? Pauline closed her eyes in exhaustion and hugged Alice tight as they curled on the sofa after tea.
Dont worry, Mum! I can wait
Hows school?
All right! Alice chirped, hiding her troubles.
What do you mean, all right? Pauline tickled her. Out with it then, all the details!
Soon, giggling, Alice spilled everything.
No one bullied Alice outright, but behind her back came the whispers:
Showing off again, is she? Hear how Alice rattled off her history answer? Fat chance of top marks for the rest of us if she keeps that up. Why cant she just give a normal answer?
No one said it to her face yet, but one day, that changed.
Alice! Ten minutes left! Im never going to finish! Lydias urgent whisper finally made Alice slide her rough-notes sheet over.
Mrs. Martin, busy with her phone, didnt notice.
James, her tablemate since infant school, quietly nudged his book so Alice could see Lydias maths questions.
Thanks, she whispered, tapping her finger at Lydias mistake.
James didnt need explanations; they understood each other perfectly. He scribbled a correction, nodding slightly, and handed his work back.
Alices page ended up with Lydia, and the room fell silent.
But when the bell rang, chaos broke out.
Whats wrong with you? Sitting like a statue! Its the end of the term! Ive barely written anything! Some friend! Lydia thumped Alices desk.
Lydia, enough! Alices tone was calm but the irritation simmered.
Why should she always be the helpful one?
Gran would have said, What on earth? when annoyed. She forbade Alice from using stronger language.
Youre a young lady, not a stevedore! Mind your tongue!
But Gran, you swear too!
Im an old lady, Ive earned a cigarette and a little cursing. You havent! Its not decent at your age. Believe me, nobody wants their mouth washed out with soap at sixteen.
But boys swear!
Thats different. Remember, what men may do, you cant always. Its unfair, but thats life. You dont want to be one of the lads your whole life, do you?
Why not?
Because no boy marries his mate. Hell chum you forever, but marry someone else. Comprende?
I suppose so Gran, was Mum and Dads story a bit like that?
In some ways. Ask your parents yourself; its their story. But theres truth in what I say men like a little mystery and charm, not a mouth full of pub talk. Swearings not your secret ingredient.
What is then?
Something else! Dont make me spell it out.
Remembering youre a lady, Gran?
Once in a while, yes!
Now, Alice wanted to shout exactly what Lydia and friends would, but something within warned her not to.
Lydia, give it a rest! James scowled, shoving his physics textbook into his bag. No one owes you anything, you know!
Some friend you are! You copy too!
Thats not true! Alice snapped at last. Stop fibbing. James does his own work! I only help when hes stuck. And I helped you, didnt I? Whats your problem?
Alice snatched her bag, shoved past Lydia, and dashed out of the classroom, holding back tears as the class stared at the row.
Lydia muttered under her breath, We get it, Alice. Youll get what you deserve. Pride comes before a fall
They didnt speak that day, or the next, or for a week. Lydia stopped talking to Alice, and the class watched warily, waiting to see what trouble the mischief-maker would stir next.
And Lydia could make life hell for those she dislikeda celebration youd regret having crossed her.
Alice wondered what retribution was coming, but Lydia surprised her.
Alice! Enough with the silent treatment. Two weeks youve barely breathed my way! Lets be friends again, yeah? Lydia beamed, and Alice relaxed, thinking perhaps things were fine after all.
How wrong she was. Lydia never forgave even the slightest slight, real or imagined.
When Alice found the odd note in her bag, Lydia wasnt on her mind at all
Alice! I really like you! James.
The handwriting matched her desk-mates almost perfectly it never occurred to her it might be fake.
But Lydia had spent nearly a week helping Miss Ashton, the English teacher, carry essays to the staffroom. Shed found someone in the year above with handwriting remarkably similar to Jamess, and with some wheedling and threatening, she got the note.
Now youll have a good weep too, Alice. Not only I get to be upset! Lydia grinned, tucking the note away in Alices bag while the changing rooms were empty. Alice was practicing volleyball serves, while Lydias mates distracted her.
Alice, come on! Hit it harder!
No one flinched when Alice pulled that note from her bag.
Whats that? Alice! Well, you kept that quiet! Girls, look James fancies Alice! Lydia snatched the note, waving it triumphantly around the changing room. We need a proper plan!
Lydia, give it back! Alice pleaded.
Oh, fine! Or actually, no forget a plan. James! James! Lydia barged into the boys room, note held high.
Alice turned white as a sheet.
Only her diary (and maybe Mum) knew about her crush on James.
Is it bad, Mum?
Why would it be?
Its too soon
How can love ever be too soon, Alice?
Is this love?
Not quite yet, sweetheart. Its called having a crush. A wonderful feelingthe prelude to love.
Hows that work?
Imagine youre standing at a doorstep, peeking through the crack. Theres a thrilling world behind it: happiness, joy, even sorrow and jealousy.
Why, Mum?
Because love can be overwhelming and complicated, full of every emotion imaginable. But life is emptier without it. Were always searching for someone to hold our hand, to hold and understand us Its hard, finding that person, and harder still to trust them when you do. But even standing on the threshold feels wonderful the anticipation is magic. And nothing in my life, save you being born, was ever more precious.
So its good?
Of course, darling. If you keep your head.
Mum
I know, I know! Weve talked this all through before. I trust youll be sensible. Tell me about this boy. Do I know him?
Yes
Alice carried her secret as carefully as a porcelain cup, terrified of dropping it.
But now! Lydia spotted everything the quick flick as Alice hid the note, the glance towards the door, wondering how James could possibly have left her such a thinghed been playing volleyball the entire time. If only shed not been distracted by Lydias shouts, shed have realised
The boys poured in, laughing as Lydia waved the note, Alice cowering in the corner, pale and frozen.
Whats all this, then?
Mrs. Martin appeared out of nowhere. The class went quiet, well aware Mrs. Martin could appear at the worst possible moment, and thered be consequences for all.
Mrs. Martin, weve got news! Lydia offered, pecking the note and brandishing it again. Looks like weve got sweethearts in the class!
Lydia! Whats that youre saying? Whats that in your hand?
A note! James wrote to Alice, said he fancies her!
A ripple of laughter started, but Mrs. Martin cut it off.
Enough! Quiet! Alice?
Suddenly, Alice remembered that September morning, swallowing tears at assembly, Mrs. Martins steady look when she said, Recite for me later, you can do this.
Nothing to fear!
Now, Alice peeled herself off the wall, stepped forward, and stood before Mrs. Martin, whose gaze was anxious yet so kindalmost motherly.
Lydia took my note. I didnt want anyone to see it.
I see. James? Mrs. Martin turned to the boys. Thenunexpectedly
Yes! I wrote it!
James shoved his giggling mates aside, snatched the note from Lydia.
Its not right to read other peoples letters, Lydia.
Liar! Lydia shrieked, realising her plan had failed.
No teasing, no bullying, nothing as Lydia had intended. Alice would walk the corridors proud as ever.
If only Lydia knew how much Alices pride hid her fearsfear of being sneered at, judged, cast out.
But in that very instant, something shifted. Alices chin tilted upwards, not out of fear but something almost electric.
She thought she felt a tickle between her shoulderssurely, she wasnt growing wings? Nonsense! People dont fly.
So why did she feel ready to lift off, to float above the battered parquet floor and all her worries?
Lydia? Mrs. Martin frowned.
It was just a joke! And hes lying anyway Lydia was close to tears.
Give it here! James reclaimed the note, folded it neatly, and placed it in Alices hand. Its yoursdont show anyone else what I write you, deal? Mrs. Martin, is our English essay still on? Miss Ashton promised, and Im not ready!
At least youre honest! Yes, therell be an essayon a new topic, fitting for today, I think. Off to class with youthe bell rang, and you lot are still dawdling! Go on!
Year Seven were gone in a flash, paying Lydias crimson face and Alice and Jamess nervous grins no heed, nor the little white note in Alices fist.
Alice would glue that note into her diary and keep it safe like a treasure, until one day, many years later, shed hand the battered book to James at their wedding.
Here you go, husband.
Whats this, wife?
Our beginning
You trust me that much? To read whats inside?
You already know.
Not everything.
Whats still a secret, then? Alice would press close to James, ignoring the guests shouting for a kiss.
Remember when you told me about having a crush, the doorstep and the door?
I do.
Did you ever step through?
Alices eyes would shine, and in spite of the music and noise James would hear her quiet reply:
Of course I did! And I closed the door behind me. Im not just smitten.
What do you mean? James would stare in surprise.
I mean, I love you. Understand?
Now I do! Are you happy, Alice?
I am, James. I am.
