Imagine, if you will, that by some stroke of luck, you managed to buy your own small flat in a seaside town. You moved there, finally living by the coast. Before all this, no one in your family really cared about your life. They never asked if you were well, how you were getting on, or why youd been working non-stop for five years without taking a proper holiday.
Generally, English folks are rather hospitableready to let someone stay the night if needed. The trouble starts, however, when someone becomes presumptuous and tries to live at your expense. Wheres that invisible line, the moment when hospitality turns into a desperate urge to reclaim your space and have some quiet?
Not every family member or friend starts ringing the bell of someone whos suddenly flush or bought a place in a pretty spot. But once you own a home by the sea, the steady stream of visitors never seems to end.
Once, my friend Alice came to me struggling to breathe properly. She had a heavy feeling in her chest and described it as a burning sensation inside. Shed seen doctors, naturally, but they found nothing wrong. Turned out she was under constant stress and hadnt realised it herself. The root of her trouble was just beneath the surface.
It began with the purchase of her flat. Alice, thinking herself sensible, gave her mother a spare key. At the time, she thought it the right thing to do. Her mum lived four hours away by train, but would often pop over for visits. Alice had to leave work early to meet her, which she hoped to avoid by giving her a keyproblem solved, so she thought.
Everything seemed fine at first. But soon, her mother started arriving with relatives, friends, and even neighbours in tow.
Alice, what a life you have! Let us stay with you a while. You must return kindness with kindness.
Alices husband was usually away at work, often travelling for business, so he didnt witness the parade of guests. Alice genuinely believed she was doing the right thing, helping others. Though the town was small and her flat smaller, countless people made use of it, and her mother delighted in helping everyonethough not with her own money. She was generous through her daughters resources.
Alice endured her mothers antics, squeezing into a bedroom with her husband, while the other room hosted a rotation of relatives and guests. She cared for all of them, set the table, and made sure everyone was properly fed. She even found a second job as money grew scarce. Then lockdown came, and her husband was left at home without work. The guests, however, werent deterred by the pandemicthey kept arriving, often staying without even asking.
Her husband had had enough and told Alice:
Either you take back your mums keys and put an end to uninvited guests, or Im leaving you.
It was a tough choice; Alice had been raised to be a dutiful daughter, but she didnt want to lose her husband. So, she decided to confront her mother.
Unsurprisingly, her mother blamed Alice for being heartless, even pretending to fall ill and accusing Alice of causing her heart attack. She pulled every trick in the book, but Alice stood firm.
Her mum then refused to return the keys, declaring that she no longer had a daughter and didnt want to see her again. Eventually, Alices husband changed the locks. You never know what to expect from uninvited guests. A few did drop by later to say hello, but no one answered the doorfor feeding a never-ending stream of relatives is thankless work.
Alice mourned the rift with her mother, yet felt relieved. At last, she had enough money, and the chest pains she once felt vanished. She learnt the hard way that pleasing her mother at the cost of her own wellbeing was not the answer.
