Just a week before Mothers Day, I barely managed to stumble out of the courtroom. Tears blurred my vision. Only one sentence echoed in my mind: You are no longer husband and wife.
Why would he do this to me? What have I done to deserve such a punishment?
I married when I was just eighteen. It was a whirlwind romancefiery passion, sleepless nights, the kind of love that made me feel like I wasnt simply living but floating far above the ground. We had five extraordinary years together, years in which I felt loved so deeply and tried everything to please him. Each morning, I brought him breakfast in bed, cooked only his favourite mealsnever anything he dislikedkept the house spotless. I tried so hard to make him happy.
But his parents never accepted me. From the very beginning, they insisted I wasnt good enough for their son, forever reminding me that they could find him a better wife. I could tell their words affected him. Little by little, I felt him slip awayhe grew distant, started picking holes in everything I did.
Our son, Oliver, was five at the time. At first, my husband doted on himhe spoiled him with gifts, laughter, everything a little boy could wish for. Then suddenly he cooled towards him. I can only assume it was his parents, whispering poison in his ear, suggesting Oliver might not even be his child, despite how much he resembled his father. My husband began spending nights at theirssometimes it felt as if he lived there. When he came home, his mood was stormy, and I bore the brunt of his anger and shouting. I always tried to keep things decent, keep up appearances, hold our life together.
Then, one evening, his temper snappedhe hit me in a rage. I couldnt believe it had come to this, but even as I stood trembling, I clung to the hope we could find our way back. It didnt last; not long after, he informed me coldly hed had enoughhe was leaving. He walked out on me and on Oliver. I pleaded with him to reconsider, to remember our family, but he shut me out completely.
Even when the divorce was final, I couldnt stop loving him. I couldnt imagine my life apart from him. He still sends a small allowance for Oliver, but it barely covers the basics, and he insists I keep every receipteven for a loaf of bread I must scan it and send it on to prove it was for Oliver. Every month I have to beg my ex-husband for money he doesnt think necessary to spend on his own child.
He visits Oliver rarely, and when he does, its only for a day or two, if that. Oliver senses his fathers coldnesshe doesnt want to see him anymore. My ex-husband blames me, thinks Im turning Oliver against him, but Ive never breathed a word. Still, I struggle to accept any of this. Each night, I fall asleep in tears. Since he left, Ive lost weight, fallen into depression. Sometimes I find myself shouting at Oliver, even though I know its wrongits the last thing he needs.
How do you go on when it feels like your heart is breaking? Every day, I find myself stalking my ex-husbands social media pages, watching his new life through a screen. Thats how I learned hes already planning to remarryanother twist of the knife. Now it makes sense why he visits us even less, why Oliver no longer craves his fathers company.
My mind understands that its all over, but my heart cant let go. How do I cope, when the man I love is gone, and every day feels heavier than the last?
