Afraid of Losing You

Afraid of Losing You
This is where I live, I said with a smile, inviting Emily inside my flat.
Come on in, make yourself at homeIll just be a tick.
Emily hesitantly crossed the threshold, casting nervous glances around and not rushing to take off her shoes.
Something was bothering her
And when I returned to the hallway, I saw real terror frozen in her eyes; her hands began to tremble, and without any explanation, she dashed out of the flat at that very moment.
Em, where are you going?!
I stared in disbelief at the front door swinging shut, than at Molly, who was standing loyally by my side I had never expected our lovely evening to end quite so abruptly.
She just legged it?
Didnt say a word? my mate George said incredulously as I filled him in on what had happened.
Not a thing.
She just ran off.
Looked like shed seen a ghost, honestly.
I picked up my pint, stared at it for a moment, then set it back on the table.
I cant wrap my head around it What on earth scared her so badly?
There could be loads of reasons.
You tried asking her outright?
I would, if she answered my calls.
Shes not picked up since last night.
You tried going round her place?
Didnt get the chance.
Only ever walked her to her building, dont know which flats hers.
Odd one, this.
Tell me about it Everything was going so well, and now this.
Maybe its not all over yet?
Why the doom and gloom?
Seems like shes had second thoughts.
Cant see any other explanation.
Youll see her at work Monday.
Ask her then.
You can figure it out together.
The first time I met Emily was on a crammed double-decker.
No one was keen on giving up their seat for her, so I did.
Then I stood near her, grinning like a fool the whole journey.
She was instantly intriguing.
I would have loved to introduce myself, but I was dashing to work, and Ive never fancied striking up small talk in publicbelting out, Hi, Im Neil.
Ring me tonight after work? It felt ridiculous.
When I got off the bus, I didnt even wait for her.
Just trudged straight towards the office.
But as I went, I could swear I felt her walking behind me.
I didnt turn thoughjust my mind playing tricks, I thought.
Youre just daydreaming again I mused.
I wanted it to be true, though.
But lifes nothing like the booksyou dont just meet a girl and it turns out to be love at first sight, does it?
For an hour at my desk, I tried to shake her from my mind, but her eyes and smile haunted me in my emails and spreadsheets alike.
So when my boss, Mr.
Harrison, waltzed into the office with her, introducing her as the new starter with a, Welcome aboard, everyone, I thought I must be losing my marbles.
Surely I was going mad.
When I realised she was real and that shed be working with us, I had the oddest sense of fate at work.
Emily, she said sweetly when she came over.
Shed already met everyone else; I was last.
Im Neil.
Nice to meet you.
It was all I could manage; I was completely thrown and a bit overwhelmed.
But inside, things were swirling.
Something inside me was growing stronger by the minute.
Every time I saw her around the office, I felt like I could pluck the stars from the sky or dive for pearls in the deep blue sea.
Id have done anything to win her attention.
That evening I met George at our local park where we always walked the dogs, and told him all about the new girl.
I described her with such over-the-top enthusiasm that George instantly twigged.
Mate, youre smitten!
Really think so?
No doubt.
I was the same with Katieone look and I knew she was it for me.
Thats it!
I feel that way only when I see her.
Then you have to do something.
Ask her out.
Café, maybe a movie.
She might say no, though.
Youll never find out if you dont try.
Wait too long, someone else will ask her.
What if shes seeing someone?
Id just be embarrassing myself.
Then youll know, and youll stay workmates.
Nothing to lose if you ask, and everything to gain.
So I did.
After work, I plucked up the courage to ask her at the bus stop, probably red as a tomato, but I managed:
This might sound bold, but any chance youd like to grab a coffee or maybe see a film this evening?
Emily smiled and accepted.
We had coffee, walked under the city lights till late, then I walked her home.
It was beyond anything Id imagined.
Once home, I spent an hour making it up to Molly for missing her evening walk, then lay awake all night, staring at the ceiling, dreaming of what life with Emily could be: proposing, moving in, raising children, and all of us enjoying the countryside on weekends.
It all seemed so close
Three months passed.
Best three months of my life.
Wed dined out, watched romantic films on the big screen, kissed in the rain, oblivious to everyone else.
Emily was everythingkind, sweet, funny, magnetic, and very down-to-earth.
I couldnt believe my luck, except
The only snag was, after walks with Emily, I always had to walk Molly too.
Living on my own meant if I didnt, no one else would.
It was sometimes a hassle.
Id suggested we take Molly together a couple of times, but Emily would clam up, look away, and decline.
Lets just go out, just the two of us, yeah?
In case we end up wanting to pop into a café or cinemayou cant take a dog in, after all.
Fair point, I agreed.
Later, I asked if she wanted to move in, and she accepted my proposal, but kept stalling on moving.
I get that the weddings next year, but we could live together now.
I sleep easier with you around, I told her.
I promised my landlady Id stay until end of the year.
Dont want to let her down.
Let me pay off those couple of months, if that helps.
But for now, come overlet me show you my place, introduce you to Molly.
Im sure youll love her.
Emily seemed unsettled, but came anyway.
She truly loved me and decided to tryto conquer her fear.
This is home, I said with a grin, letting her into the flat.
Come in, Ill be right back.
Again, she stepped over carefully, looking anxious and not taking off her coat.
Something was clearly wrong.
The moment I returned, her face twisted with real terror.
Her hands started shaking, and she bolted out the door.
Emily, wait!
I stared, stunned, at the empty doorway and then at Molly standing confused by my side Never thought the lovely evening would crash to a halt.
She wouldnt answer calls, so I met up with George and spilled it all in the hope of sound advice.
After our chat, I decided Id have to wait for Monday.
She couldnt skip work foreversurely Id see her there.
Monday morning, I kept checking my watch and peering through the muggy bus windows.
But Emily didnt appear on the pavement.
Strangeshe usually arrived thirty minutes early.
What if somethings happened?!
Close to calling Mr.
Harrison for leave, I finally saw her: walking down the street, hair loose, tears on her cheeks, eyes so heavy.
Emily, wait up!
She froze, turned, and slumped even lower upon seeing me.
What happened?
Why did you run off?
Why havent you answered?
Im at my wits end herejust tell me, please.
Why did you run off?
Im sorry, Neil.
Whats wrong?
We have five minutes till work starts.
Can we talk this evening?
Is it because youve gone off the idea of marrying me?
Dont want to live together? I caught her hand, refusing to let go.
Ive been panicking for two days.
I can’t wait till eveningplease, tell me now.
Why did you run off?
Sorry, Neil.
We cant live together, she whispered, bursting into tears.
But why?
What happened?
Did I upset you?
No, not at all.
Then what is it?
Emily wiped her face and met my gaze.
Im afraid.
Afraid?
Afraid of what, love?
Of dogs.
What a twist.
My Molly?
Id always told her Molly was a gentle thing, wouldnt hurt a fly.
Not just your dog, Neil.
All dogs.
When I was six, a bull terrier attacked me.
You never told me that
I never could.
Its hard even to think about it.
I was at the playground, my mum had popped to the shop, and this drunk bloke sicced his dog on me to make me move from the bench.
Someone saved me by luck.
Since then, Ive been terrified of dogs.
Listen, Em
Were going to be late.
No ones going to pause work for our heart-to-hearts.
Theyll wait Emily, I get you have scars from the past, but there are dogs everywhere.
Arent you scared of those?
I am.
But outside, I can cross the street, get lost in a crowd if it gets too much.
Live under one roof with a big dog like your Molly?
I just cant.
Im sorryits not you or her, its me.
But thats not logical
I tried, honestly.
Thats why I came over.
Tried to conquer it.
But the panic I thought I could handle it.
But I couldnt.
Im sorry.
Thats the situation I sighed, dejected as I finished telling George.
I love her.
She loves me.
But we cant live together.
How is that fair?
Hope youre not thinking of giving up Molly! George shot me a look.
No!
Are you mad?
I couldnt.
I love Molly.
But Emily too.
Then youll have to fight for your happiness.
How?
Look, being afraid of dogs isnt like being allergic.
You can work with a fear.
Help her overcome it.
Try a therapist, if you have to.
She already has.
No luck?
No.
Emily says shell try, but she cant promise anything.
Thats already something.
She wants to try, thats the main thing.
Most people would give ultimatums: me or the dog.
But she wants to fix this.
You should be helping herif you dont, who else will?
If only I knew how
I reckon you ought to avoid hanging out at home with all three of you for now.
Try outdoor walks together, maybe in the park or woodsthe woods would be best; just the three of you, no distractions.
You think it could work? I felt a faint glimmer of hope.
Why not?
Over time, shell see Mollys no threat and calm down.
You have to try, dont you?
Since when did you have a car? Emily asked as she left her building and spotted me next to a 4×4.
A mate lent it me.
So…you want all three of us in the same car? Emily went pale.
Yeah, but dont worry.
Mollyll be in the backmy mate kit out the boot for his own dog.
You’ll ride up front with me.
Nothing can go wrong.
Alright then
Emily agreed to a trip to the woods, on the condition that if anything went wrong, wed go home.
An hour later, the car rolled to a stop in a clearing by the woods.
I helped Emily out, then let Molly loosereminding her not to crowd Emily.
Lovely spot, eh? I said, trying to push her panic aside.
Very.
We swapped our sensible shoes for welliesthered been rain for daysand set off for a stroll.
I kept Molly busy with a tennis ball, throwing it into the brambles so she wouldnt hover around Emily too much.
How you doing, Em?
No idea.
Just not sure she answered, eyes fixed on Molly as the dog bounded back out of the bushes.
Listen, love.
Not all dogs are the samejust like people.
That dog from your past was badly raised.
Mine isnt.
Neither are most.
I know.
Try not to fear themtheyre brilliant creatures.
I reckon after a few more of these outings, youll feel differently about them.
With that, I chucked the tennis ball deep into the scrub, and Molly hurtled after it.
Woof woof! Molly barked, tail wagging.
Emily shrank and her hands shook.
Shes angry, isnt she?
No, I laughed, wrapping her in a hug.
Thats her excitedthe balls her favourite thing!
Molly dropped the ball at my feet and backed away, ready for another go.
Em, want to try? I asked, grinning.
What?
Throw it for her.
Im scared.
Close your eyes, if it helps.
Just once, for me.
Shutting her eyes tight, Em took the ball from me, then flung it as far as she could.
Well done! I grinned.
Molly, fetch!
Molly bolted after the ball.
Soon we heard her bark echoing through the trees.
Shes clever, my Mollyknows what I mean before I even say it.
Neil, maybe its time to go home, Emily suggested quietly.
Yeah, probably.
Molly, whereve you gone?
Molly hadnt come back, though her barking grew louder.
Alright, Ill go check what’s up, I muttered.
Wait here?
No, Ill come with you.
We struggled through brambles until we spotted Molly, who was barking furiously at her tennis ball floating in a pool of water.
Oh, that explains it, I laughed.
What? Emily asked, anxious.
Mollys scared of watershe wont go in to get her ball.
Ill have to wade in myself.
Good thing for wellies.
Shes scared?
I thought dogs were fearless.
Dogs have fears, too.
I rescued Molly six years agoa puppy, pulled her out of a river.
Shes hated water ever since.
Fine in the rain, but will walk miles to dodge a puddle.
Hold tight, I’ll get the ball.
Are you sure its safe?
What if its a bog?
Theres moss everywhere and it smells odd
Its just a deep puddle, Em.
All that rain.
Bogs the other way.
I said to Molly, Quiet now, Ill get your ball, just wait.
I waded in.
But after a few steps, I sank in up to my kneesdeeper than Id expected.
Mollys barking got more agitated.
You alright, Neil?
Fine, just deeper than I expected.
Nearly got the ball now
I grabbed the tennis ball but realised the mire was above my knees.
Didnt feel safe anymore, so turned back, but my boots were now thoroughly stuck.
With only a few feet to go, I stopped.
I couldnt move either leg.
Whats wrong, Neil?
Come on, get out! Emily called, worried.
I cant move
Tried shifting one foot, then the otherno luck.
The mud was gripping me tight.
I think you were right Must be a bog after alla hungry one, at that!
Molly watched from the edge, anxious but refusing to leave.
Panic overcame Emily.
Her fiancé, sinking in the mud, with a big dog nearby
Em, help!
Find a long stick! I shouted, trying not to squirm too much.
Emily, hands shaking, fumbled for her phone to ring rescue, but of courseno signal.
Thats all I need
She didnt know what to do.
How could she go near the bog with a dog there?
Her heart was about to burst with fear.
But when Molly barked again and shot her a desperate look for help, instead of looking for a stick…
Emily faltered, taking a step back.
The terror from her childhood came roaring back, and all she wanted was to flee.
But what about Neil?
Could I really leave him? It was thoughts of me in trouble that froze her to the spot, kept her from bolting.
Emily, help me
But she was paralysed, just like that day as a child.
Molly, summoning her courage, tried againventuring into the cold water, but she quickly scrambled out, shaking with fear.
Then she began barking again, more desperately now.
That was it.
Emily decided then and there: fear or not, shed do whatever it took to save me.
Shed never let me down.
Scanning for anything sturdy, she grabbed a thick branch and hurried to the edge, stretching it to me.
I gripped it with both hands as Emily pulled for all she was worth.
She managed to free me a little.
Then Molly nudged in, realising Emily needed help.
Now, huddled together, Emily didnt even register the fearMolly, the huge Shepherd, right beside herin that moment, Emily cared only for saving me.
Together, dog and fiancée dragged me from the muck.
Soaked to the skin, breathless, we flopped onto the grass together.
The worst was over.
You girls!
No idea what Id have done without you, I laughed, hugging them both.
Pulled me back from the brink.
I was terrified
Just dont tell me youve found a new phobia, I teased.
Yes, Neil.
One new fear.
I realised…
I’m most afraid of losing you.
That fears stronger than any other.
Emily looked at Molly, then bundled her into a hug.
Thank you, Molly!
Thank you for being there!
That evening, after long hot showers and a hearty dinner, the three of us piled onto the sofa, watching dog films on the telly for hours.
Funny thing was, Emily didnt fancy watching anything else.
And neither Molly nor I were about to argue.
Most importantly, that evening we all realised: the fear of losing one another was now something wed shareand face together.