Antonia Perkins wandered through the London rain, weeping bitterly. The tears ran down her cheeks, mingling with the droplets from the sky.
At least its raining! she thought. No one can tell Im crying.
She also thought, Its my own fault! Bad timing. Turned up uninvited.
She walked, sobbing. Then, suddenly, she laughed, remembering an old joke where the son-in-law says to his mother-in-law, What, not even a cuppa before you go?
And now, Antonia found herself precisely in that mother-in-laws place.
She cried and laughed, laughed and criedher emotions tangled and swirling like leaves in the storm.
When she finally returned home, she peeled off her soaked clothes and wrapped herself in a tartan blanket. Only then did she let herself truly, noisily weep. No one to witness her despair except the golden fish gliding circles in its round glass bowl. No one at all.
Antonia Perkins was a striking woman, always a magnet for men. Yet with Nicholas father, things had gone terribly wrong. He drankat first, only a little, mostly just fell asleep. But, over time, he became jealous of everyone: the stranger asking for directions, the butcher at the corner shop, the old man with a cane, the next-door neighbour.
Once, just because Antonia smiled to greet their neighbour, he completely lost control.
He beat her, carefully, methodically, in front of their son.
Little Nicholas described it all, every bruised detail, to his grandparents. Antonias mother wept:
Did I raise my daughter for just any drunken animal to batter her?
Her father said nothing, simply put his coat on and left. He grabbed his son-in-lawsoon to be ex-son-in-lawand tossed him right down the stairs from the fourth floor. The man broke an arm on the way down.
Her father shook a warning fist: Lay hands on my Antonia again, and Ill end you, prison be damned. But you wont ruin my Tonias life.
After that, Antonias husband vanished for good. She never remarriedher boy needed her. You never know what kind of man you might get.
Plenty of men tried to woo her. But Antonia couldnt trust again after what Nicholas father had done.
Materially, she wasnt lacking. She worked as a catering consultant at a small family restaurant. She got by well enough.
She saved pounds here and there for a flat. When she finally had enough, Nicholas decided to marry a lovely girlCharlotte, whose name rang like a bell.
So Antonia stayed in her little council flat, but threw the children a splendid wedding, even gave them her savings for a new two-bedroom place. Well, of coursethey were a family now, they needed it more.
Now, she was quietly putting aside money for them to get a new carhow much longer could they drive that battered old Vauxhall?
She wouldnt have gone to visit her son that day at all. She didnt like imposing on her children. But it so happened she was passing by their street when the downpour struck, and she had no umbrella. Not that one would have helpedit was a proper English rain, the sort that soaks clean through.
So, she thought shed slip in, wait the storm out, share a little gossip with Charlotte, like mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law sometimes do, maybe have a comforting cup of tea.
But when Charlotte opened the door, she stared at her in surprise. Didnt even offer to let her in. She stood in the chilly hallway and said coldly,
Mrs Perkins, did you want something?
Antonia was caught off guard, flustered, stammering,
Oh, its, wellthe rain
The rains stopped! You dont live far, youll make it, said Charlotte, arms folded, glancing at the window.
Yes, yes, agreed Antonia humbly, wiping her tears away as she stepped back out into the drizzle.
She cried, and cried, and later slipped into sleep. And in her dream, the golden fish from her bowl grew enormous, mouthing words with silent lips, yet Antonia could hear every word.
Crying again, are you? Foolish thing! They wouldnt even make you a cuppa in the rain! And youre saving for their car? Going to spend your life making sacrifices for them? All you do is live for others! Take a look at yourselfsmart, beautiful! You have moneyno matter if it was meant for their carthey dont value it. Go to the seaside! Do something for yourself for once.
Antonia awoke to darkness. The golden fish swam lazily, still opening and closing its mouth. She could no longer understand its secret fish language, but somehow, she knew what mattered most. Never again would she sacrifice herself for ungrateful, brazen peoplenot for those who cant even make a cup of tea or offer shelter from the rain.
Antonia Perkins gathered the money shed hoarded for her sons car, and she bought herself a ticket to the coast. She went, she rested, she basked under the suns golden warmth.
When she returned, she was glowing, transformed.
Her son and daughter-in-law never noticedafter all, they only called or came round when they needed something: a loan, or free babysitting.
Antonia stopped shying away from men, and soon enough, had a proper suitora fascinating, distinguished man, the owner of the very restaurant where she worked.
Hed fancied her for ages, but shed been too tangled up with Nicholas and Charlotte. But now, at last, love seemed possible. They went to work together, came home together. Life was altogether different.
Not long ago, Charlotte stopped by.
Why havent you visited, Mrs Perkins? Nicholas has found just the car! Her tone was pointed.
Charlotte, was there something you needed? Antonia asked, folding her arms across her chest.
Charlotte opened her mouth to reply, but just then, a handsome gentleman appeared in the doorway.
Antonia, my dear, will you have that cup of tea now?
I will! Antonia smiled back.
Invite your guest for tea as well, the man said genially.
No need; Charlotte was just leaving. She doesnt drink tea. Isnt that right, Charlotte?
Antonia Perkins closed the door on her daughter-in-law, then laughed and winked at the golden fish.
Thats the way!The golden fish flickered in the sunlight, casting ripples of gold across Antonias kitchen walls. She poured the tea, humming a melody from her girlhood, and the house felt fuller, warmer, alive in a way it hadnt for years. From the window, she caught sight of the drizzling streetfamiliar, but suddenly so distant from the woman she had been.
She sat down with her companion, clasped his gentle hand, and let herself belong to the moment, no debts demanded, no tears hidden in the rain. The tea was hot. The laughter was easy. And for the first time in forever, Antonias heart resteduntethered, at last, and free.
