Im 58 now and recently made a decision that cost me more than most people could probably imagine: I stopped giving financial help to my daughter. Not because I dont love her, and its not because Ive suddenly become tight-fisted either.
My daughter married a man who, right from the very start, made it quite clear he had no interest in holding down a job. Hed bounce from one job to the next every few months always with a new excuse: the boss was dreadful, the hours didnt suit, pay wasnt enough, he hated the atmosphere There was always something.
Meanwhile, my daughter was working, but it was never enough to make ends meet.
And so, month after month, hed show up at my doorstep saying the same things: rent, food, bills, money for the childrens school. And, every single time, I ended up helping them out.
At first, I genuinely believed it was just a rough patch, something temporary. I thought hed step up, take responsibility, grow up and finally become the man my daughter needed him to be.
But, as the years slipped by, nothing changed.
Hed laze about at home, sleep till noon, head out with mates, and keep promising he was just about to get something sorted. Honestly, most of the money I gave my daughter was covering things that shouldve been his responsibility or, even worse, was funding his drinking sessions.
He never actually looked seriously for work, because at the back of his mind he knew Id always be there to pick up the slack, whatever happened.
My daughter didnt really hold him accountable either. It was simply easier for her to ask me for help, rather than stand up to him about it.
So, I paid their bills, carried the strain of a marriage that, truthfully, wasnt mine to carry.
The day I decided enough was enough, she called asking for money for an emergency and, without thinking, let slip it was to pay off a debt her husband had racked up while losing at pool with his friends.
I asked her, Why isnt he working?
And she said, I dont want to push him.
At that moment, I told her, point blank:
Ill always be here to support her emotionally. Ill always be there for her and for my grandchildren. But thats it I cant keep giving her money while shes with a man who refuses to even try, and takes no responsibility for their family.
She cried. She got angry. She accused me of abandoning her.
And honestly, that was one of the hardest moments Ive ever faced as a mum.
Tell me do you think I did the right thing?
