The Doorbell Rings, the Wife in Tears
Robert was jolted awake by the sharp ring of the doorbell. Across the bed, his wife stirred. He brushed his hand gently over her shoulder.
“Love, stay in bedIll get it,” he murmured, shuffling to the door. “Who on earth could it be at this hour?”
When he opened the door, he saw his Aunt Agatha standing there, clutching a bulky suitcase. Behind her, his Uncle Reg shuffled awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“My dear nephew!” Aunt Agatha exclaimed. “Arent you pleased to see me? Come here, give your old aunt a proper hug!” She seized Roberts arm as if she meant to smother him in her embrace.
“So much for peace and quiet,” Robert thought ruefully, hauling her luggage down the hallway.
The rest of the night descended into chaos. Aunt Agatha refused to sleep on the sofa, declaring it far too uncomfortable. Then she suggestedquite pointedlythat perhaps Robert could sort out proper accommodations for her.
His wife, Emily, watched in stunned silence. Barely an hour had passed since their arrival, and already the entire flat had been turned upside down. Eventually, everyone retiredAunt Agatha and Uncle Reg took the bed, while Robert and Emily squeezed onto the sofa.
“How long do you think theyll stay?” Emily whispered the next morning, sliding a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Robert.
“Not sure. Ill ask when I get back from work.”
Emily listened tensely to the snoring drifting from the bedroom, then sighed. “Robert, they frighten me. Could you come home early today?”
“Ill try,” he said, then hurried out.
When Robert returned that evening, an elaborately set table greeted him.
“Come in, dear nephew, were celebrating our reunion!” Aunt Agatha called from the kitchen.
Emily tugged at his sleeve, whispering, “Im so glad youre back.”
They all sat down to eat.
“Auntie, how long are you planning to visit?” Robert ventured.
“Trying to get rid of us already?” Aunt Agatha huffed, shooting a glare at Uncle Reg. “Listen, if were not welcome”
“Aunt Agatha, what are you talking about? Youre welcome to stay as long as you like!” Robert said, bewildered.
“Oh, we *are* staying, Robertfor good. Weve already sold our flat. Youre the only family we have left. Surely you wouldnt toss your dear aunt onto the streets, would you? Just bear with ushow much longer could we possibly have?” She dabbed theatrically at a nonexistent tear.
Roberts jaw dropped. Emily burst into tears and fled the room.
An uncomfortable silence settled over the table. Uncle Reg calmly continued eating his salad.
“And why are you just sitting there?” Aunt Agatha barked at him. “All you ever do is stuff your face. Couldnt you say *something*?”
“Quite right, my dear,” Uncle Reg agreed amiably.
“Youre hopeless!” Aunt Agatha snapped. “Its always like this. I make all the decisions in this family, and he just nods along. What sort of man does that?” She turned back to Robert. “Are you happy, nephew?”
“Youre welcome to stay as long as you need!” Robert saidjust as Emilys muffled sobs echoed from the hallway.
Robert picked at his plate without enthusiasm. His aunt and uncle ate with such vigour he swore he could hear their jaws clacking.
When Aunt Agatha finally pushed her plate away, she leaned back with a sigh.
“Robert, I was only teasing. Were here for a hospital check-upthree days, at most. And you, my dear nephew, handled it brilliantly. You were terrified, but you hid it well. You remembered your family.” She patted his hand. “After Im gone, youll inherit my flat. Weve no children of our ownyoure our only heir.”
Robert had never felt such relief. “May you live to be a hundred, Aunt Agatha!” he said cheerfully.
But in the days that followed, Emily dissolved into a tearful mess, unable to please her impossible guestthe soup was too bland, the chops too tough, the laundry done wrong, the floors not scrubbed properly.
As they finally prepared to leave, Aunt Agatha pulled Robert aside.
“How *did* you end up with such a weepy girl?” she whispered. “Is she expecting? She cries at the drop of a hat.”
The moment the door clicked shut, Emily danced with joy.
“Maybe theyll never come back,” she said hopefully.
Robert chuckled. “I wouldnt bet on it. I think Aunt Agatha rather enjoyed herself.”
“I cant take it!” she groaned.
Thenthe doorbell rang again.
“Not *already*?” Robert leapt up, then laughed. “Ohjust the alarm clock.” He smiled. A lovely day lay ahead.
