Aunties Visit, Wife in Tears
Robert was jolted awake by the sound of the bell echoing through the house, chiming at an hour that seemed neither night nor morning. On the other side of the bed, his wife stirredher hair spread like the tendrils of seaweed, eyes slow to open. He slid a gentle hand over her shoulder.
“Darling, do rest. I’ll see to it.” His words drifted and faded as if melting into the wallpaper. He shuffled toward the door, his footsteps a quiet tide. “Who could it be at this strange hour?” he murmured, voice barely louder than the hiss of the wind.
Upon opening the door, Robert found his Aunt Mildred looming in the doorway, clutching an enormous tartan bag. Behind her was Uncle Bernard, shuffling from foot to foot as if the floorboards were hot coals.
“Dearest nephew!” Aunt Mildred trilled, her voice booming with a cheerfulness that didn’t belong to the night. “Aren’t you thrilled to see me? Come along, give your poor aunt a proper hug!” She seized Roberts arm as if trying to fold him into her coat, squeezing with a grip like damp clay.
“So much for peace and quiet,” Robert thought, nostalgiac for silence as he hauled his aunts luggage down a corridor that seemed to stretch on forever.
The remainder of the night dissolved into whirlwind confusion. Aunt Mildred refused to sleep on the setteeit looked “most disagreeable, and possibly cursed,” as she put it, suggesting that Robert himself might best serve as her mattress.
Roberts wife, Alice, spent the hours wide-eyed as Mildred turned the house inside out within minutesrearranging cushions, scolding dust motes, commenting on the pictures on the wall as if they might reply. It wasnt long before everyone was pressed down beneath blankets. Uncle Bernard and Aunt Mildred claimed the marital bed, while Robert and Alice curled up, ill-fitting, on the lumpy sofa.
“How long do you suppose they intend to stay?” Alice whispered, laying a hesitant breakfast on Roberts lap.
“I havent the faintest idea. I’ll ask after work,” Robert replied, wrapping his hands around a mug of tea.
Alice listened to the monstrous snores tumbling from the bedroom, her fingers tapping out anxious spells on the tabletop. “Robert, Im really rather frightened of them. Please be home early today?”
“Ill try,” he promised, then slipped out into the morning that looked more like a faded painting than a real day.
When Robert returned from work, he was greeted by a perfectly arranged table dappled with candlelight, an oddness to the angles of the forks and the shadows on the plates.
“Come in, my boy! Its a grand reunion,” Aunt Mildred called from the kitchen, her laughter echoing oddly. Alice leaned close and whispered, “Im ever so glad youre home!”
They all sat down, the chairs creaking their objections. “Auntie, have you been here long?” Robert managed to ask over the clatter of crockery.
“Ready to see us gone already, are you?” Aunt Mildred huffed towards Uncle Bernard. “You can hear him, Bernard? They dont want us.”
Robert floundered. “No, thats not it at all. Of course you may stay as long as youd like.”
“Well be right here, Robertforevermore. Weve sold up our flat in Sheffield. Youre the only family left. Surely you wouldn’t cast your old aunt onto the street, would you? As long as weve got,” she sniffed theatrically, dabbing a handkerchief under her eye, “will you manage?”
Roberts jaw sagged. Alice darted from the room, her tears echoing like rain on the roof tiles. Silence settled over the table. Uncle Bernard shovelled lettuce into his mouth with slow, measured bites.
“Well, Bernard, anything to say for yourself?” Mildred barked. “You do nothing but eat. Perhaps you could put your thoughts together and say something sensible for once.”
“I agree entirely, dear,” Bernard replied, fork dangling from his lips.
“Youre hopeless!” snapped Mildred, eyes afire. “I do everything in this family while he just agrees and munches on. Hes no real man, is he, Robert?” Her gaze bore into him. “Are you happy, my boy?”
“Stay as long as you wish,” Robert managed, as Alices muffled sobs floated through the house like foghorns.
He poked disheartenedly at his plate. The uncles devoured everything with a fervour that seemed to rattle the very glasses.
Once Aunt Mildred finished the last morsel, she leaned back with a sigh. “Im full. I was pulling your leg anyway, Robert. We’re only here for a check-up at the hospitalnot more than three days. You did well, nephew. I could see you were terrified, but you held firm. Remember, after my day comes, the little place in Whitby is yours, since we haven’t got children of our own. You’re my one and only heir.”
Relief so profound swept through Robert that he nearly wept for joy. “Auntie, may you live to a hundred and ten.” During those days, however, Alice transformed into a shadow who wept constantlyher soups rejected, her chops too tough, her laundry wrong, her floors never clean enough in the eyes of Aunt Mildred.
When it came time for their departure, Aunt Mildred leaned close to Robert and whispered: “How did you end up with such a weepy girl? Is she expecting? Those tears are endless!”
As the door finally shut behind the relatives, Alice broke out in a wild gleeful dance, socks sliding on the kitchen tiles. “Perhaps theyll never come back,” she said, hope trembling in her voice.
Robert just shrugged. “Honestly, I think Aunt Mildred rather enjoyed her stay!”
“I cant take it anymore!” Alice groaned, sinking to the floor as though the house had grown heavier.
Suddenly the bell rang againlouder, faster.
“Not again!” Robert leapt upthen realised, with a burst of laughter, it was only the alarm clock screaming the start of a new day. The world rippled and refocused: a marvellous day awaited.
