Fairy

When I grow up, Ill be a fairy!

Daisy, why a fairy?

Because I want to be!

Daisy slid off her mothers lap, wriggling free from the birthday hugs, and swished the ruffled skirt of her dress.

Mum, all fairies are clever and beautiful! And they can do anything! So can I!

Of course you can! Sarah reached out for a cuddle but Daisy skipped away, stepping aside.

What about the cake?

Soon! Go on and play with the others for a bit. Ill call you when its ready, alright?

Alright!

Sarah watched Daisys wild curls bouncing as her daughter ran off, a smile dancing on her lips.

Such determination, that one! And so bright! Who else her age can say exactly what they mean? I can do anything! Imagine that!

The main thing is not to break that faith inside her, Alice, Sarahs best friend, nodded wisely. Some people act like sensible grownups, telling children to be realistic and face facts. But youve got to believe in your children, and theyll do wonders. I know its true. When my little Emily first went to drama classes…

Yes, your Emily is simply a marvel! Girls, will you help me? Time to cut the cake. Sarah spun away on her petite heels, heading for the kitchen.

The big, sunny house hummed with childrens voices. The floor was speckled with colourful confetti and the remnants of burst balloons. A bedraggled bunch of daffodils lay tossed in the corner, and Sarah frowned as she passed. Her mother, Veronica, had ordered thoseher gesture for Daisys birthday. Veronica lived here now, but once, she used to stay away from Sarahs bustling world.

Its not cosy here, love. Im forever frightened of breaking something or making a mess. Far too grand for the likes of me.

Mum! Dont be silly, Sarah would retort. Its not grand, its just what we can afford! David works round the clock, so do I. We have every right to live a little.

I just feel easier in my own place.

Fine, whatever you say. I only care that Daisy is alright.

Veronica had been watching over Daisy ever since she was born.

I havent got time, mum. Sarah would dab on makeup, rushing for the door to work. If I stop now, everything Ive built these last five years will slip away. Its a race, for everyone. And its not just about the money, its about the team who count on me. Still, I have to think about Daisys future first.

Is it really worth so much to her to have you close, while shes still so small?

Please dont start, mum! I know what Im doing! Who else will look after my child if not me?

What about David?

Oh, honestly, mum. Hes her father, yes, but men… Well, one day theyre there, and the next they might vanish. You know?

Where do you get such odd ideas, darling? Veronica would sigh. Is there someone else?

How would I know?! Have I had time to care? Maybe. I dont know anything. Pregnancy and little Daisy knocked me sideways out of life. I have catching up to doand youre going to help me, right?

Of course I will, Veronica would reply, standing over Daisys cot. Shes so tiny… You were a chunkier baby.

No harm in being small. Shell catch up.

Daisy grew frail and frequently poorly. Snuffles followed sniffles, and Veronica no longer panicked as she had those first days. Shed briskly call their trusted GP. Sarah, always rushing, never had time for such worries.

Mum, her fevers nowhere near forty! Just look after her. Im in a meeting, cant talk now.

When Daisy was unwell, arms wrapped tightly around Veronicas neck, shed press her hot cheek into her grandmothers shoulder, sniffling softly.

Never mind, little one. Ill make you some ribena and youll sleep, then all will be well. Fancy a story?

A fairy story?

Oh, if you like.

Yes!

Her father had brought her a beautifully illustrated book from London.

David, but its in English! Veronica protested, flipping through it.

Whats the problem? Shell get used to a second language! You taught English at the university for years. Surely you can handle a childrens book?

Of course I can. But I suppose well have to start language lessons earlier than Id thought.

Looking after Daisy and sharing in her little joys and troubles became everything to Veronica. For the first time in a long while, life had meaning again.

For the past ten years, ever since Sarah left school and then married, Veronica had lived in a fog. She rarely saw her daughterSarah always busy. Eventually, tired of being gently rebuffed, Veronica gave up asking. She ached for the old days, when Sarah would come home from school or university, curl up on the kitchen sofa with her legs tucked in, sip her mint tea, and chatter about her day. To Veronica, Sarah was her entire world.

She had her daughter young, at nineteen, an impulsive marriage to a classmate that brought nobody happiness. They split after a year. Little Sarah was all that was left of that storm of emotion that never came again. When Sarah was two, Veronicas own mother took to her bed, memory fading, and for twelve years, Veronicas life was all about careher mother, her child. No time to dream of anything else. She was never pretty, not even plain, yet something in the sharp line of her nose and cheekbones made her face memorable.

Where Veronica had only hints of something, Sarah grew into beauty. Looking at her girl, Veronica would bite back a proud smile. She truly had bloomed. Her hope was simply not to let it go to waste. She sent Sarah to ballroom dancing, music, and of course, English and French. By the end of school, Veronica could honestly say shed done her very best. But one thing always made her uneasy: Sarah was tough, especially when it came to her own interests, never letting an insult slideshed always counter so wittily even the sharpest tongue fell silent. Her wishes came first, alwayseven if it meant the family had to scrimp so she could get what she wanted.

Mum, I need those shoes. You understand, dont you? I cant show up for my first interview in the ones I have. I need to look right! Its important!

Veronica would hand over her holiday moneynever mind the seasideas long as Sarah succeeded.

Sarahs wedding to David was the culmination of all that effort. Sobbing with happiness, Veronica watched her lovely daughter walk down the aisle of the most elegant hotel in town. She couldnt say shed liked David on sightsomething unsettled herbut she reasoned, people are different, and shed never known anyone from that world anyway. She recalled what Sarah had said before the wedding:

Mum, this marriage isnt just feelings. We have an agreement, too. Thats important. Marriages built on sense are sturdier than ones built on sighs.

You really think so?

Yes!

Whats the agreement, then?

Were equal partners, obviously, from the wedding day onward. I dont want anything he had before. All thats required of me is one thing.

And whats that?

To give him a son. Then the deal swings much more my way.

Thats so odd.

Its modern, mum. Times change. So do relationships.

I only want you to be happy.

And I will be!

They never discussed it again. Sarah drifted away, throwing herself into the business David set up for her, striving to deal with health problems that delayed the main term of the contract.

Daisys birth was unexpected.

So much for all these modern tests! Sarah grumbled, folding the pale blue blanket shed bought certain it would be a boy. Three times! Three times I was told: its a boy! And? Does she look like a boy?

Is a little girl so bad?

Lord, no, of course not, mum! Its just… not what I was prepared for. Thats all. And the time…

Youll have a son, Sarah. Just a bit later. You will.

I hope so…

But things stalled. Sarah dashed between clinics and meetings, hoping to outpace time, but nothing worked. After a run of private doctors, mushrooming like so many after the rain, she declared, exasperated, Ive tried everything, mum.

Maybe you should focus on the child youve already got?

Mum!

Im only saying. Daisys four, almost five. Who decided fathers only love sons? Youre a bright woman; why not refocus your arrangements?

Mums words struck a chord.

In that case, Daisy ought to be at home.

Sarah…

Mum, not up for debate. She spends too much time with you.

But shes used to me!

Who said youd lose her? Sarah waved her hand as she perused Daisys drawings. Shes a good little artist. Needs art school, too.

Shes been going to a tutor for a year now… Veronica nearly wept.

Mum, dont make drama out of nothing. Youll still see her. Id never hire some random nanny when theres family. Well sort a driver, whatever is needed. Maybe youll even move in? Big house, theres room enough.

No! Veronica shook her head. Not a good idea. But I want as much time with Daisy as before.

Life soon intervened. The very first time Daisy got a fever after the move, Veronica packed her bags and moved in for good.

Mum, its all set up here. Loads of space. Most importantly, Daisys close and you wont worry!

Veronica surveyed the spacious room with a sigh.

Yes… Daisy is close…

She focussed on Daisy and shut out the rest. She could see her daughters marriage was fraying, but stayed silentbetter let two adults handle their drift. Meanwhile, they paid almost no attention to their messy, lively girl, now racing around great big rooms.

Grandma, theres loads more space here than at yours! Daisy twirled in the drawing room. Can I have a dog?

I dont know, pet. Youll have to ask someone else.

Why not you? Isnt it your house too?

No, my love. Its your mummy and daddys. I have my own flat, where Im the boss. There, I can say yes or no. Here, I can only scold you if you spill your milk at breakfastbut not about dogs.

Understood!

Daisy plopped onto the floor, and Veronica watched her warilySarah would get just that look before hatching her most elaborate schemes, and somehow, her wishes always won out.

Ill ask Dad! Daisy nodded, settling the matter.

The conversation happened that evening. Daisy marched into her fathers study, ignoring his look of annoyance.

Do you love me?

David was perplexed. The little girl before him was almost a strangerhe rarely saw her except to say Hello, pickle! Any time Sarahs mum suggested a father-daughter day, hed nod vaguely, then forget. Daisys question took him aback.

Of course. All parents love their children.

I dont mean all. I mean you.

What do you want? A new toy?

No! Daisy frowned. I want a dog!

A robot dog?

Daisys eyebrows shot up to her wild fringe.

Why a robot? No! A real dog!

David closed his eyes, removed his glasses, rubbed his nose.

Big?

Doesnt have to be. Just a nice one.

You pick it out, youll have your dog.

Sarah didnt approve of this scheme. That night, she and David argued behind closed doors, unaware that Daisy was eavesdropping outside. Veronica, feeling her blood pressure rise, put Daisy to bed early and retreated to her own room, not knowing Daisy had no intention of sleeping.

Its not a toy! You cant just indulge every whim. A dog is alive! Someone must look after it.

Your mother is here. Theres the cleaner. Pay extra. Where theres a child, theres room for a dogthey can take walks! Good for their health.

And the vet? The shows? The rest?

There are plenty of vets in town. Open your own! Dont want shows? Get a rescue. What more do you want from me? I barely see our daughter as it is, but this little thing I can say yes to.

Its not a little thing. Its about responsibility. And instant gratification.

Why shouldnt my child have everything she wants, when she wants it?

Sarah said nothing. Daisy moved away from the door, satisfied. She would have a dog. That much was now certain.

A tiny spaniel arrived for Daisy a few days later. And just two months later, a week after Daisys birthday, she and Veronica were back living in Veronicas flat. Sarah was withdrawn, going out at dawn, returning late, and avoiding conversation with her mother or Daisy.

Grandma, whats wrong with Mummy?

I cant tell you just yet. Later, shell explain herself, Veronica would say, stroking Daisys hair and the puppys.

Is this for a couple of days or…

No, sweetheart, Im afraid well be here a long time…

Veronica herself barely understood. When, just days after Daisys big party, Sarah appeared and quietly dragged out Veronicas old suitcase, Veronica knew something was up.

Pack up, mum. Were leaving. And pack Daisys things too. I havent time.

Veronica hesitated, stepping towards Sarah to ask, but saw the look in her eye and thought better of it.

Very well, dear… Give me half an hour.

That evening, she put a mug of tea in front of Sarah and tried to catch her eye, as Sarah sat curled up, staring fixedly at nothing.

Dont ask, mum. Were getting a divorce.

Veronica gasped, glancing toward the door. But Daisy was absorbed in a cartoon and heard nothing.

Hes got someone else. And a son…

Sarah buried her face in her knees, and Veronica started towards her, desperate to console, then stoppedSarah was laughing.

I thought you were crying…

Hed love that! Thats it, mum. It didnt work out for me…

How or why David chose another family was never clear. He was decent enoughfor things moved quickly, with minimal fuss. Half a year later, Sarah bought and refurbished a roomy flat just across the road, and life rolled onless wide and straight perhaps, but at least it was familiar again.

Daisy grew, stubborn and clever. Her wishesher prioritiesshaped their little family, no arguments permitted. Sarah, hands-off and tired out by work, gave in to most of Daisys whims.

Sarah, you mustnt…

Mum, what do you want from me? Shes a smart, strong girl wholl never let anyone take her piece of the pie as long as she believes its meant for her. In these times, thats exactly what you need. Put yourself first.

I disagree. It frightens me for Daisy.

Not me. If Id thought of myself, maybe Id still be with David. Instead, I bent over backwards trying to please him. Stupid, wasnt it?

No, whats stupid is not seeing your own child! Veronica snapped. Daisy has more than wants. She has needs. The first is a mum.

Shes got you.

Thank goodness! Still, she could use you as well!

What for? She only listens to you.

Because I can say no! You never even try.

I want her to know she can get what she wants. I dont want to be the warden who says no to everything. Better a friend than a Cerberus, right?

Veronica would falter, sighing:

What if she cant? What if she cant get what she wants?

She will. Thats the point. She knows her mind. Not stupid at all, mum. You see it yourself!

Yes… But life doesnt always care what we wish for. There are other forces out there… surely you know…

Thanks, mum! Sarahs tone went cold and sharp as glass. Veronica fell silent. Believe me, I know. I just dont want Daisy to learn it the hard way.

There was no point arguingSarah would never change, and for Daisy, grandmas warnings hardly mattered. She went her own way, knowing her mother was always in her corner. And grandma? She loved herso worries dissolved.

Sarah, distracted by work, spent little time with Daisy, except the odd shopping trip.

You cant be less than anyone. Nature didnt give you the looks, but so what? Right clothes, good makeupthere you are. Always a beauty. Remember that.

Daisy listened to this. Her mothers taste was impeccable. Though Daisys face looked little like Sarahs, she inherited her mothers figure, and before long, Sarahs wardrobe became her own treasure trove.

This, this, and maybe this. The rest, dont touch. Youre too young. Sarah sorted out what Daisy could pick. Everything in moderation.

At school, girls envied Daisys makeup bag, not knowing how her mum let her own such expensive stuff.

Your skin is precious. Dont ruin it with rubbish. Look after it and itll thank you. Use good things, not cheap. Sarah tossed a pound-shop mascara in the bin. Whats this?

A friend gave it.

Not all gifts are worth keeping. Say thank you, then get rid. Value yourself, Daisy.

Veronica saw it all, but didnt interfere anymoreit was useless. She tried to soften Daisys manner, but had little luck. After school, Daisy enrolled for the very same degree with the same passion her mum and grandma had once shown. Busy with her new student life, she was almost never home. Veronica was the last to hear of the next chapter.

Youre getting married? To who? Veronicas hands shook, her favourite mug slipped and smashed on the kitchen floor.

Simon Turner… Daisy trilled, perching on the sofa and watching her grandma fetch the pieces. Well, plain Simon, really! My Simon!

Who is he, Daisy?

Just, you know. Works at the university. Not my teacher! Dont look at me like that!

Hes…

Not old, grandma. Young and rather lovely.

Veronica only learned Simon was married from Sarah.

What? She clutched her head. And youre calm about this?

Why wouldnt I be? Am I supposed to worry about his wife or his child? I care about Daisy! And shes in love, with this man.

Sarah… Lord, where did I go wrong with you two? Veronica swayed and braced herself on the table, her vision swimming. This cant be right…

What do you mean?

Breaking up a familytaking a husband and father away!

Hes not a sheep on a lead! Sarah dismissed it. Get a grip. You should care about your granddaughters happiness.

Is that happiness guaranteed? Veronica muttered. She hurled the glass against the wall, watching it shatter.

The wedding had little cheer. Simons parents refused to come. David, long since moved away, sent Daisy a flat instead of himself. Sarah furnished it, without once asking Daisys opinionnot that she cared, busy with other things.

Mum, look! The dress is magical! I want it! Daisy spun in front of the mirror.

The dress is called Fairy. The bridal shop lady pulled out a veil for Sarah. She clearly knew who would be picking it out.

Thats fate, Daisy! Remember how you wanted to be a fairy when you were little?

I do! And now I will! My life will be a fairy tale! Everything will be wonderful!

It will… Sarah echoed, fingering the delicate lace.

Veronica barely managed the required minutes at the registry office. She hailed a taxi home, saying simply, I dont feel well. I shant spoil your day.

After kissing Daisy, she headed off. Glancing back from the car, she saw Daisy hopping beside her new husband, waiting for the photographers cue to release a dove. Veronica shiveredher granddaughter looked just like the startled bird in her hands, desperate to escape the grip holding her so tight.

Well, Lord, what can I do? What now? Veronica sniffed quietly, but straightened her spine. Grant me strength. Ill need it still…

Daisy and Simon split less than a year later. Simons new girlfriend was Daisys course-mate. Heavily pregnant, Daisy once came to sort some admin at the university and caught Simon and the new girl together. She stepped back, holding the doorbut couldnt help herself. She slammed it so hard that windows rattled and the neighbouring classrooms were startled.

Whats happened? What was that?

Time for fumigation, Daisy waved vaguely at the room shed just left. Theres a cockroach…

She rang her dad for help, collected her documents, and went home.

So, youre giving up and running away? Sarah reproached her daughter.

Why bother arguing, mum? Daisy retorted coolly, sorting her daughters things.

Because hes yours. Its the right thing.

Right? What is right, mum? Maybe its right when things go your way. I always thought it would be as I wanted. Never paused to wonder what its like when someone else gets what they want…

What are you saying?

Just that the woman before me probably wanted something too. For her child to have a father, for her to have love… Then I came, all magical, decided she didnt need those things. Now someone else thinks the same about me. Thats right, is it, mum?

Nonsense! I never thought youd react like a sulky child when things got hard.

No, mum, its not that. Its that Im not a child any longer, thats the trouble. Fairy wings dont hold you up when youre grown…

Sarah said something else, but Daisy had tuned out. She had her own life to sort out.

Veronica quietly packed their things, dabbing her tears and minding her great-grandchild.

Dont worry, love! Your mums strong. Well manage…

Sarah didnt go with Daisy. Veronica handed Sarah the flat keys, then shrugged.

Never mind. Just look after yourself.

Years drifted by. Along the garden path in an old park, a young woman strolled. A girl darted ahead, then clutched her hand, chattering and perfectly like hera daughter, with no doubt.

And look what we made at nursery today! the little one rummaged in her rucksack, produced a stick with a wrinkled foil star on the end. Oh, its all squashed…

Whats that, Holly?

My magic wand! Like a fairys. Just…squashed.

So what? Daisy smoothed the star and gave it a waggle. See? Still works! So nothing to worry about.

How do you know it works? Holly gazed open-mouthed. What did you wish for?

That everything would be alright, and wed all be healthy.

It doesnt work… Holly drooped. Grandmas still in hospital.

Not so! Shes home again now.

Really? Holly bounced in her wellies.

Really. When we get in, shell be there.

Oh, let me! Please! My turn! She snatched the wand, waving it and whispering a wish.

What did you wish for?

Not telling!

Thats not fair! Daisy ruffled her daughters curls. I told you mine.

Alright. Ill tell you just one, not the rest. I made lots.

Go on, then. What did you wish for?

That wed always be together… Holly whispered, and Daisy knelt to look her in the eye.

Holly… do you mean grandma?

The girl nodded silently.

I cant promise that. Im not really a fairy. Maybe just a little bit. Some things arent up to us in life. But we can be together as much as we canand love each other, even when were apart. We still love each other when youre at nursery or Im at work, dont we? We think of each other all the time, right?

Holly nodded, waving her wand again.

Then Ill make another wish, alright?

Wish anything you want!

I wish grandma gets completely better and we have ages all together. Thats allowed, isnt it, mum?

Daisy stood up, dusted off her skirt, and nodded solemnly.

Absolutely. Thats the best wish of all! Now lets go and show grandma your magic wand. I bet she has a wish to make, too. Because shes the real fairy.

Really?

Most certainly. The very best in the world.