Itll be best if your wife stays at the cottage for a while, declared my motherinlaw from the kitchen, her voice firm as a church bell. My old friend Margaret and her daughter are due to arrive. They intend to linger for at least a week, perhaps longer.
I glanced at my husband, who wore the same stunned expression as I.
Mother, what friend? he shouted back.
The one and only, my motherinlaw replied, sweeping away into the hallway.
What am I to do? I asked, my voice trembling.
Lizzie, you heard every word I said, didnt you? Irene Patterson snapped, her tone sharp as a winter wind.
She rummaged through the wardrobe, pulling out crystal gobletsthose reserved for special guests. Turning to her son she asked, When will you send her off?
My son? I repeated, bewildered.
Victor, stop playing the fool, Irene muttered, rolling her eyes. Your wife is a simple sort.
Mother, why not book a hotel for your friend? I ventured.
Youve gone mad! Have you seen the rates? Lizzie will stay at the cottage for now, lest she embarrass me.
Then Ill move to the cottage as well. Summers upon us; well take a holiday and rest, I suggested.
Sounds like a good plan, Victor agreed, nodding.
Not so fast! You, my son, are needed here, Irene barked.
Mother, we have a threebedroom flat. You have your own room, we have ours, and the sittingroom is empty. Margaret could use that.
From that first meeting with the woman, I sensed trouble ahead. Irene Patterson had been opposed to our marriage from the start. She even refused to attend our wedding, only being dragged there by Victors sister. Two months after the ceremony, the motherinlaw still had not accepted me as part of the family. We now lived in Victors parents house; his father had passed away about a year ago, and Irene feared solitude more than anything.
Alright, Irene said at last, let your wife stay in her room and never leave it.
How on earth do you imagine that? I protested.
Give me a moment to think.
Mother, when will your mysterious friend arrive? I asked.
She should be here any minute, Irene replied, glancing at the clock.
At that instant the doorbell rang.
How punctual, I whispered, surprised.
Irene bolted to the door, with Victor and me trailing behind.
Good afternoon, Elsie! a voice called.
Hello, Irene! replied another.
A stout woman entered, followed by a teenage girl.
Meet my little princess, Irene announced, clapping her hands together.
Does the princess have a name? Victor chuckled.
Evelyn, the girl said, stepping forward. She was a sturdy girl, easily onehundredandtwenty pounds.
Evelyn, introduce us to yours, Svetlana, a neighbour who had come along, said, looking at me and Victor.
This is my son, Victor, Ive told you about him. Irene said.
I remember, a good lad, Svetlana smiled.
And this, Irene added, turning to me, is his cousin, a secondcousin!
My jaw dropped as Victor burst into loud laughter.
Ellen what are you the words were cut off as my husband tugged me toward the hallway.
Lizzie, lets keep quiet for a moment.
Why? I asked, bewildered.
You havent grasped whats happening here, have you?
It seems my mother has invited her friend for more than just tea.
I think Im beginning to see. Your mother has found you a new wife.
Well watch what they do next, and well always find the truth in time.
We returned to the corridor where the guests were shedding their coats.
Victor, help Evelyn with her lovely little backpack, Irene commanded.
Ellen, where are our apartments?
Come this way, Svetlana, Irene instructed, leading them into the sittingroom.
That evening we sat down to dinner. Irene had laid a splendid spread, as if it were a New Years feast. In the centre of the table sat Evelyn, with her mother and Irene flanking her. I was placed apart from Victor, as Irene decided. The princess tucked in a piece of chicken with potatoes, while the two older ladies watched her with softened eyes.
Evelyn, dont be shy, dig in, shouted Irene.
Shes been eating poorly of late, Svetlana complained. Shes even lost weight.
What happened? Irene inquired.
Unrequited love, Svetlana sighed. She fell for a lad who kept running from her.
Maybe she wanted to eat him! Victor blurted, laughing.
I nearly fell off my chair from the hilarity.
Victor, where is your decorum? Irene snapped at her son.
Sorry, I didnt mean any offense.
The dinner continued, the mothers sipping their wine a little too heartily.
I have an important announcement, Svetlana declared.
Theyll start matchmaking now, Victor whispered to me, shifting his seat.
Dear Irene Patterson, dear Victor, dear sister! I wish our families to be united. My little princess is obliged to marry Victor!
We agree! Irene cried, clapping her hands.
Victor roared with laughter, and I bolted from the kitchen.
I have an announcement too! I shouted a moment later.
What now? Irene barked.
Im expecting a child! I announced loudly.
Talk of a fanciful lie, Irene retorted.
Its from your son, Irene Patterson, and heres proof! I held up a test showing two clear lines.
Evelyn pushed the chicken around her plate, while Svetlanas vodka barely made it past her throat.
From a secondcousin? the woman stared.
Whats it to you? We share a bed, were not hiding anything! We even staged a wedding! Victor defended.
Evelyn, stand up and leave at once! Svetlana ordered.
Mother, I havent even finished my chicken, the princess replied, offended.
Well no longer stay in this sinful house! she declared.
The woman and her princess marched toward the door, with Irene hurrying after them.
Sweetheart, dont mind them; theyre only joking.
Your jokes are foolish! Irene, perhaps we should end our acquaintance.
With that, the two plump ladies exited. Victor and I remained at the table, laughing together.
For a week after, Irene lingered, hurt and indignant, but we paid her little mind. The memory of that chaotic evening still brings a smile to my face, a reminder of how families can turn a simple dinner into an unforgettable drama.
