All my friends have mums who can easily care for their grandchildren. For my mother, however, its impossible to look after her granddaughter. She always repeats the same thing Shes your child; I raised my own. My daughter, Abigail, is five and attends nursery school. Two years ago, once my maternity leave ended, I had to return to work. I teach in a primary school, which sadly doesnt allow me much time off. At times like these, it would be so helpful to have my mother nearby.
I have plenty of free time, especially in the winter when I dont have a country cottage to care for. My mother spends all day at home, usually watching TV or chatting on the phone with her friends. She doesnt have any other commitments or hobbies. Just last week, after seeing the optician, I found out Abigail is having trouble with her eyesight. I told my mum wed need to take Abigail to the clinic every morning for ten days. We pick her up from nursery at about 1 p.m., so everything is quite closenursery, clinic, and my mothers house.
Abigail is a well-mannered child, and my mother knows this. She isnt fussy, doesnt make a mess, eats whatever shes given, and never throws tantrums. Even so, my mother seems to have a strong aversion to her. One day, I desperately needed my mums help both my husband, Richard, and I had to go to work.
It would be such a relief if my mum could come to help for a few days, but shes never able to. Thankfully, we have family living nearby who can sometimes lend a hand. My grandmother lives just next door, and as she doesnt do much these days, it would make sense for her to look after Abigail while we worked. It wouldnt cost us anything extra, and having her so close means less stress for me and Richard.
Since my mum retired, Ive been supporting her financially. I give her money regularly and pay her flats rent in full, twice a month. When Richard and I do the weekly shop, we always take Mum along and she picks up her own groceries. For every holiday, I choose thoughtful, expensive presents for her. Mum treats this help as if its simply expected. Apparently, because Im her daughter, its my duty to bring her food and cover her bills. But I cant understand this attitude at all. Yet when I need a helping hand with Abigail, its suddenly not her problem.
It seems that grandmothers arent obliged to help with grandchildren, and I suppose many choose to anyway. Is this really fair? It pains me deeply. I try so hard to care for my mum, but she doesnt seem to appreciate it.
In the end, Ive learned that generosity and kindness should come from the heart, not from a sense of obligation. Appreciation and support, especially within families, must go both ways. Sometimes, the greatest lesson is knowing when to care for yourself and value those who honestly value you in return.
