*Good Intentions*
Hannah! At last! I was on the verge of falling apart! Margaret Smith flung open the door and threw her arms around her sister. My minds all in a whirlI havent the faintest idea what to do!
First things first, calm yourself, said Tamsin Smith, a woman of generous proportions and steady as a double-decker bus, as she glided into the hallway. Is she in?
No! She gathered the children first thing and took off this morning. Margaret gestured helplessly. And she wont hear a word of sense. Love, she calls it!
Whats one meant to say, Mags? Tamsin rumbled, ushering her into the kitchen. You lost your grip on the girlyou cant weep about it now. Come, lets have a proper sit down, and you can tell me from the top. Then well ponder whats what.
Tamsin squeezed her way into a kitchen chair, scrutinising her sister while Margaret fussed with the kettle.
At least rinse the pot with hot water first, would you? I must have told you a thousand times, she chided.
Margaret jolted, grabbed the teapot, spun around too fast, and scalded her fingers, clutching at her earlobe in pain.
Good heavens, youre as cack-handed as ever! Let mesit down, do! Youll lose a whole hand soon if you carry on in this state.
Tamsin took over and within moments, they both nursed warming mugs, the kitchen heavy with the aroma of brewing tea.
Out with it, thendont leave a thing out, Tamsin prompted. Who is this chap? And whats Eleanor thinking?
Margaret wrapped her hands round her cup. How could she explain her unease? The man Eleanor had brought homeher youngest, bright and brashseemed perfectly upstanding. Not a drunk, not a chancer; polite, serious. Owned his own garage, of all things. It wasnt glamorous, but it was honest work. Hed fixed the leaky tap the very plumber had given up on. Yet, Margaret had grown so used to Eleanor being a worry and a handful (or so Tamsin always said), that now she couldnt shake off this feeling that she needed more proof than a handful of fine impressions. The story of how theyd met stuck in the craw too. What man who makes his living fixing cars comes to the rescue of a complete stranger in the freezing cold, mends her car for nothing, and keeps checking in every weekend, just to be sure the children are all right? Half a year and it was a regular event. Eleanor was head over heels and thinking of nothing but him. No thought for the children, not for her mother. As though marriage was the goal, consequences be damned.
Margaret poured all this out, staring anxiously for Tamsins verdict. Shed always trusted her sister more than herself. Since theyd been children, Margaret had dogged her elder sisters heels. Father had died young, mother barely coped, working all hours to raise the two girls. A lot fell to Tamsin:
Tamsy, youre the eldest! You must help.
Thered been a big age gapeight years. When their mother discovered she was pregnant with Margaret, shed laughed, then panickedlife was hard enough with just Tamsin. But together, with a steely insistence, theyd managed.
Margaret had always been sicklya weak little thing who took years to get stronger. All the while, Tamsin was her angel. Youre like a guardian spirit, Tamsy, their mother would say, braiding Margarets fine hair with shaking fingers before rushing to her shift. Tamsin took Margaret to the nursery on her way to school every morning, saw to her homework, rehearsed the entire first-year curriculum with her, in case more illness kept her home again. As it happened, that was a wise moveillness returned, and Margaret spent nearly all of school at home that first year.
Doctors just shrugged. Give her time. Shell adapt with care.
It was Tamsin who enforced doses, mealtimes, and, with a frown, the hated glass of milk.
I cant bear the skin on top!
No fussits good for you!
Margaret would howl with disgust, but still drink every drop. Eventually the doctors predictions came true, and by the second year Margaret was almost always at school, learning quicklythanks to her sister.
When their mother fell ill during Margarets university days, shed barely met her first boyfriend before the news broke.
Tamsin, what do I do?
You? Nothing. Get firsts in your exams, and dont breathe a word to Mum that you know. Ill manage.
Margaret barely had time for farewells. As her mother fell silent with pain, Margaret would retreat to the kitchen, bite down on an old wooden spoon their father had given her, and scream soundlesslyno tears would come. Tamsin kept things steady, giving orders, pushing Margaret to hold herself together:
No scenes, Margaret! Dont upset herlet her have peace.
Margaret was ashamed by her own grief, and yet when her mother finally slipped away at dawn, hand in her daughters, she wept at last. They sold the old council flat and Margaret ended up with a small bedsit on the same street as Tamsin.
Lucky, that, Tamsin declared, picking at the wallpaper. Leave it to me to fix this up. The girlsll help.
Tamsin led a team of buildersmeticulous, hard-working, a rare thing among contractors back then, always in demand. Times had rolled on and shed started her own firm, grumbling about her husband Alexs lack of help.
I havent got enough hours in the day! No time for anything but work. Whens all this going to ease up? shed sigh.
But that break never really came. Recessions one after another, trouble constantly on the horizon.
You cant lend your head and hands to everyone they dont do a half-decent job, and Im left apologising to clients. Still, she always asked, Howre things at yours? Howre the children?
Margaret would recount everything, still guilty her chosen husband hadnt sat well with Tamsin at first. But Roberta kindly, steady chapeventually won even Tamsin round, especially after three years and the birth of their first girl. He was a proper family man: doted on the children, faithful, a good earner. The only criticism left was the way Robert played with his daughters every spare moment.
Hes spoiling them. Mark my words, you wont get them in line after this.
Margaret would nod, secretly thinking Tamsin was surely a bit jealousafter all, Alex barely lifted a finger with his own offspring. When problems began for Tamsins elder sonfirst with schoolwork, then his tempershe had to manage alone. Alex shrugged, saying, You raised him, you sort it. My job is to provide, disciplines down to mothers. So get on with it.
She coped, just about, and following school Tamsin entered him in the military on a clients advice.
Itll knock some discipline into him.
He loved it, and years later, hed joke, Mum was the real general in the house. Clearly, I was meant for the uniform.
But no sooner had she relaxed about her son than her daughter turned the household on its head.
Mum, Im expecting.
Tamsin collapsed onto the sofa. But, love, youve only just turned eighteen.
And so? Im legally an adult. Please, Mum, no lectures?
Its a bit late for lecturestheres a wedding to arrange, isnt there?
No need. He doesnt want to marry.
He has no choicemy grandchilds not growing up fatherless! Leave it to me.
Tamsin sorted it, as everyone expected she would, and soon the young couple were settled in the spare bedsit from the family flat exchange. Live quietly, mind you!
Whatever did the trickTamsins iron hand or her practical supportthe pair rub along all right, and Tamsin finally breathed easier.
Of course, it didnt last. Trouble rolled in from the nieces, Margarets girlsbright sparks, both of them, nothing like their sickly mother.
Count my blessings, Margaret would say, watching the girls dash about with their father. Its as though they arent even minenever sick, hardy as ponies. I was always ill, but these two are healthy as can be.
Good. If they grow up clever as well, no complaints from you!
And theyre brightand in every club going, too. Though as different as chalk and cheese. Sophie takes after mefair, quiet. Eleanor, well, shes a firecracker, all after her father.
Mind Eleanor, then. With her nature, youre bound to have trouble.
Sophie and Eleanor, barely a year apart, went into the same class at Tamsins suggestioneasier for them both, but especially Sophie. Eleanor breezed through school, helping her sister keep up. Robert was endlessly proud of his daughters.
Best girls in all England!
But their fathers pride was cut short. In their second year of secondary school, Robert was in a car accident. Margaret and the girls spent a week at the hospital, clinging to the hope of a miracle, but Roberts sturdy frame couldnt take the trauma, and he was gone.
My poor orphans, Tamsin murmured, cradling the sobbing girls. But well manageyouve still a mother and an aunt.
The sisters tiptoed around Margaret, scared of her silence, watching as she gradually withered. Night terrors left her screaming, her daughters squeezing in on either side, hoping for a lookjust a lookfrom their mother as warm as when Robert was around. It seemed shed forgotten them.
Again, Tamsin intervened. After raising the roof at Margaret, she demanded, What are you playing at? Lost their father and now you plan to make them motherless too? Youre not the only one grieving, you know. Look at them!
Margaret sat, numbthat is, until one day the fog lifted and she heard her sister. Slowly, a life of sorts returned. Though her old smiles were just pale ghosts of what had been, her daughters felt noticed once more.
By the end of sixth form, both girls fell in love, as though prearranged. But Sophie, after a sharp lecture from Tamsin and a tearful heart-to-heart with her mum, decided love could wait.
Therell be time enough, she declared. Auntie Tamsins right.
Eleanor, however, was adamant. I love him!
As if loves all you need! Tamsin exploded. Hes still a boy, not a husband! Was there you know, or not?
Thats none of your business, Eleanor shot back, refusing to let her aunt take charge as she had with her mother and Sophie.
Eleanor was bold, but the matter preyed on her. She confronted her boyfriend, Simon, head-on:
What do you want with me? Is this all just fun?
I love you, Ellie! Of course I do.
Then marry me.
Surejust need to tell my folks.
Your parents, Simon, your parents. Tell them, and until its sorted out, dont bother coming round.
Had Margaret seen her daughter then, shed have recognised Tamsins steel in her words.
They married the next year. Margaret wept through the ceremony; Tamsin, teeth clenched, bit back another speech, bristling as Eleanor beamed at her new husband.
Whats the rush? Couldnt they have waited?
Turned out, thered been no need for worryEleanor didnt have her first son for two more years. By then, she was at university, leaning on help from her mother and sister to avoid taking a break from her studies. It was hard, but Eleanor persevered. Simon did too, combining distance learning with a job at his fathers firm. They managed as best they could and, with a little laughter from the sidelines, their parents helped.
Life grew easier once Eleanor finished her degree and Simons father, whod brought her in as a trainee, made her head of accounts.
Bright, and family, toocouldnt ask for better.
Satisfied, Eleanor dove in. Before long, a second son arrived. Eleanor was up for promotion, Simon opened his own agency with his fathers advice. Together, they nearly tripled the family income.
Margaret delighted in her younger daughters happiness, though Tamsins warnings persisted.
Things are going too smoothly. Mark my words, Eleanors spirit will land her in itthen youll be picking up the pieces.
Margaret kept quiet and tried not to relay every worry or success to her sister, since more criticism than joy seemed to come her way. She reasoned Tamsin was simply anxious on account of her own childrens troubles.
But trouble pounced from the shadows. Simon had become busy to the point of absence, then suddenly, astoundingly, started an affair. Eleanor found out in the worst possible way. Shed noticed his coldness and put it down to their new baby and chaotic schedules, attempting romantic gestures to bridge the gap. She received nothing in return.
Then, sitting on a park bench, wrangling her sons, a very pregnant stranger plopped down beside her. The bump said everything before the woman did.
Youre Eleanor? the woman asked, tone as cool as a crisp spring shower.
Heart pounding, Eleanor answered, I am.
Im Lisa. Simons true love. Your ex-husband.
Eleanor couldnt help but laugh. Is the baby his too?
Of coursea son!
Well, congratulations. But why are you telling me this?
Lisa bristled. Are you dense? Are you divorcing him or what?
Not at the moment. Why?
Because my child needs a father.
And the two he already has dont?
Dont try that on me! Lisa snapped, hauling herself up. You sort it outbabys due in a month!
Eleanor watched her go, biting back tears in front of the children. Her eldest, scampering over, caught her eye.
Mum, are you crying?
No, darlingjust a speck in my eye. Run on.
Simon didnt even protest. Youre too busywork, the boys, always something. Im a man, El. Ive got needs.
Who could argue? The divorce was ghastly. Simon, as if possessed, fought for every stick of furniture, every poundlike it was a game. Eleanor just wanted to run miles from him. In the end, she took the flat, the car, and a court order for maintenance. Her ex-father-in-law quietly asked her to resign.
You understand, of course
She managed a thin smile. If you want to see the boys, ring me.
She walked out, barely hearing his quiet, Im sorry.
She made no fuss with her ex-in-lawsbetter for the children, after all. If the boys were a tad confused that Dad stopped coming home, they soon got used to it.
Margaret, shocked and fretful, helped with the children while Eleanor hunted for work. Whenever Tamsin criticisedabout the boys manners, about Eleanors latenessMargaret would defend her daughter.
Theyre little yet! And Eleanors working hard.
Half-nine at night? Tamsin would raise an eyebrow.
Sometimesit pays well and shes getting on.
And the boys are motherless, are they? What nonsense.
She loves them, of course!
Shell drag some new man in soon and youll be left with them!
Now, Tamsin
You wait and see.
Margaret tried not to believe it, but when Leonard turned up on the doorstep, all her anxieties swarmed.
What now? she whispered.
Talk sense into her! Two children to look after, and shes chasing romance. Who knows what sort he is? Eleanors not poora flat, car, salary. He might well be a gold-digger!
Tamsin
Lets check him out!
How?
Start by talking to Eleanor. If she wont, I will.
Margaret half-heartedly tried, but Eleanor just beamed, repeating that Leonard was good as gold. Tamsin grabbed the phone anyway.
Come here at onceyour mothers not well. Youve worn her to a thread.
Eleanor, dropping everything, made for the old family street. Leonard offered to drive, but she refused, wanting the boys to keep to their routine, heart pounding all the same.
Margaret let Eleanor in, avoiding her gaze.
Mum!
Im fine.
Then why?
Get inside! barked Tamsin from the kitchen. Were not discussing this in the hall.
Eleanor perched on the edge of a chair, listening as her aunt threatened to involve social services if she didnt get her act together.
Something inside Eleanor snapped. She smoothed her skirt, then said quietly, Dont you have troubles of your own, Aunt Tamsin? Why are you so obsessed with mine? Im a grown womanits my business.
Then act as suchaccept responsibility!
Thats exactly what I intend. No more justifying myself to you. And if you try to meddle again, youll see just how grown-up I am. My life, my sonskeep out of it.
Tamsin leapt up, outraged. How dare you!
I dare because Im done playing the scapegoat. Maybe its time you tended to your own perfect children instead of telling me what to do.
Youve lost your mind! Tamsin and Margaret exchanged glances.
Not at allthink about what your constant interference does, and maybe youll learn something. Mumthat goes for you, too. I may not be a model case, but Im not clueless. The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Tamsin narrowed her eyes. Maybe you do need watching. Who knows
Thats enough! Margaret, white as flour, struggled to her feet. Youve gone far enough stop! Eleanor
Margaret clutched her chest and slid to the floor. Eleanor scrambled for her mobile, Tamsin stood rooted, suddenly seeing little Margaret again.
Ellie! Ambulance!
Margaret was taken to hospital. The next day, the whole family crowded the waiting room. Tamsin searched for words of apology. Eleanor said simply, I forgive you, before turning her focus to helping her mother recover.
Margaret made a full recovery. She and Tamsin reconciled there in the hospital, but after that, Margaret refused to hear another word against her daughters. Tamsin, after a while, did learn to let go. And later, at Eleanor and Leonards wedding, it was Tamsin who shouted Kiss the bride! and threw her arms round her niece, whispering a heartfelt apology.
Time set everything straight. In the end, it was Eleanor who cared for Tamsin after two major surgeries; Leonard who chauffeured her to all her appointments, fetching walking frames and tablets. They quickly found common ground, and when Tamsin was finally housebound, she told Eleanor, Youve found yourself a proper manhold on to him!
Eleanor smiled and promised she would. And so it was her hand in Eleanors at the end, and her last words: Thank you.Eleanor kissed her aunts hand and held on long after the last breath. The quiet in the room was soft, golden with sunset, the city stretching beyond the hospital windowa living web, full of endings and beginnings Eleanor finally recognized as endlessly intertwined.
Later, Eleanor walked home through the comforting hush, childrens voices ringing as she neared her flat. Leonard opened the door, flour-dusted from a baking disaster with the boys, and folded her gently into his arms. She breathed deep, the years twisting behind her like a thread at last winding closegrief and joy, judgment and forgiveness, all interwoven.
Mum! shouted her youngest, bouncing toward her. We made biscuits. And theres enough if you want.
Eleanor laughedclear and freeas the boys showed off their lopsided creations. Leonard caught her eye and winked, conspiratorial. At the table, light fell across flour and crumbs and laughter, imperfect and real.
She thought of Tamsin, of Margaret, of all the women who had tried to smooth the way, meddling, loving, breaking and mending as families always have. She knew she would get things wrong tooeven now. But this, she realized, was living: daring to love, daring to fall, getting up again with helpsometimes in the form of a stern word, sometimes a gentle hand.
Later, after hugs goodnight and tidying chaos, Eleanor stood quiet on her balcony, Leonards arms encircling her as the boys muffled chatter drifted down the hall. The city pulsed, luminous and ordinary. Wind ruffled her hair and she smiled into the dusk.
Tomorrow would bring its share of trouble, and love, and maybe biscuits, burnt or perfect. But tonight, in the stillness, Eleanor felt the long legacy of caretentative, stubborn, faithfulalive in her bones. In the hush between heartbeats, she silently thanked them all and leaned into the future, unafraid.
