Our Gran is eighty years old. Just last week, she sent my older brother and his wife packing. Since then, shes hardly uttered a word to any of us. If I call to let her know we might pop by, she immediately hangs up. She doesnt open the door to a soul.
My brother wont say exactly why he moved into a rented flat, but I cant say I was all that surprised Gran showed him the door. Hes always been rather reckless, living for the moment and never thinking of tomorrow.
Once Gran started living alone and there was a spare room in her flat, the family assembled for a council in Aunt Margarets sitting room. Gran, of course, didnt join in. The big question on everyones mind was: how on earth would she cope, all alone at her age?
Dads eldest sister, Aunt Margaret, decided her thirty-year-old daughtermy cousin Emily, whos never settled into a jobshould move in to look after Gran. Everyone knew full well Emily was notorious for her carefree attitude and didnt have a nurturing bone in her body.
Dads younger sister, Aunt June, came up with a different planto find Gran a little bedsit somewhere, thinking it would save money. Younger folks have moved in on her old road, she said. Hows Gran supposed to afford rent on a spacious flat all by herself?
Uncle Edward offered to take Gran in himself, and reckoned his son could live in Grans flat. Sound reasoning, he said; eighty is an awfully lonely age to be living alone, and young ones ought to stand on their own two feet. Every scheme was put forward under the guise of concern for dear Grans well-being.
Im only thinking of my mum, you know, Uncle Edward insisted. Shed be in good, caring hands that way!
Gran had already lived with one of Uncle Edwards sons, and now he wanted to move the other in. My dad calmly suggested that Gran be allowed to decide for herself, but everyone reacted as though hed lost his mind.
Aunt Margaret, the pushiest of the lot, eventually won out. Everyone agreed, in the end, that Emily would move in. She started packing her bags, and Gran was called with the councils decision. Realising what was happening, Gran promptly hung up.
Emily arrived at Grans flat with plans already forming in her mind about redecorating the spare room. But things didnt exactly go as shed dreamedGran stood firm, refusing to open the door. All she left for Emily was a jar of pickled onions on the doorstep, her usual peace offering.
How can she possibly live all alone? Emily complained afterwards. She said shes never really had a life in eighty years, and suddenly now she wants to start? Whats going to happen down the line? What if she falls ill? Living alone is dangerous!
Grans just not thinking clearly. Shes never been on her ownnot with her parents, not with Grandad, not with her children or grandchildren. Shes always lived with family! And now she wants peace and quiet, in a three-bedroom flat, of all things. Its outrageous! Time she made space for the next generation!
Only Dad kept a level head about the situation. He disliked the talk of shuffling Gran around. He found a sensible compromise: Gran really shouldnt be left entirely to her own devices at her age, and the family was rightanything could happen. After Gran changed all the locks when she sent my brother away, none of the family had spare keys. At eighty, every single day is unpredictable.
With Mums blessing, Dad had a small camera installed in Grans hallway. Now, whenever Gran passed by, any concerned relative could see for themselves she was safe and well. Gran, ever playful, would pull faces at the camera as she walked past.
Gran was happy to pay to keep up the bills; on her own, there werent many to pay! She turned down all offers of help, so long as everyone would just leave her be. In the end, everyone was content. Modern technology had saved Gran from unwanted guests.
So, thats how things settled. Gran still wont let anyone in, not even for a cup of tea. Yesterday I popped by, only to find a jar of homemade marmalade on the stairs for me. It seems Gran still fears losing her freedom and independence. I just hope she finds a little bit of peace, and someday feels able to open her door to visitors again.
If theres a lesson in all this, its that sometimes, what a person values mostespecially later in lifeis their independence. Real love means respecting that, even when its difficult for everyone else to understand.
