He wandered through the shadowy streets of the old city, his steps faltering after a hearty evening at the local pub. Where he was heading, he didnt care this was his hometown, and his feet would find the way back on their own. He was deep in thought, muttering philosophical questions into the chilly night air.
Why has life turned out this way? he wondered aloud. Twenty-seven, and all my school friends have children already starting at the village primary, while any girl who fancies me is gone before the month is up if Im lucky. Am I really so gruff? Well, maybe I am. But what man isnt? William gave a lopsided smile. Business thats the only thing Ive managed to get right. Im nowhere near a millionaire, but I dont want for comfort either.
Abruptly, he halted, gripped his head, and felt tears spring to his eyes.
So much money wasted on that doctor, and in the end, Im afraid theres nothing I can do. Heres the name of a respected London specialist in such matters. But even he might not help. Well, Ill go and see him tomorrow all the same.
He found himself at the old stone bridge. He gazed at the murky waters of the Thames below.
Perhaps it would be better to just jump? he mused. That rivers deep, after all. One step and Id be gone. He peered down again. No, not tonight. Far too cold, and besides, Socrates hasnt had his supper. Best head home.
He started across the bridge, when he caught sight of someone ahead a young woman, barely more than a girl, standing atop the railings with a rucksack on her chest. Inside, a tiny face peeked out a baby. She gazed down at the water, then, suddenly, spread her arms wide atop the rail. William rushed forward, barely catching her by the waist before she toppled forward, falling with her together onto the dusty stones. The baby started howling.
Are you completely mad? William barked, sobered instantly.
Whats it to you? Why cant you just leave me be? she shouted back, tears streaming freely.
I had a feeling it was too soon for either of you to die, he gestured at the wailing child, and especially him. Come on then, get up and go home your husband or your mother will be worrying. Who have you got?
Ive got no one. No home, no husband, no family at all.
Of course just my luck, William muttered, lifting her up, child and all. Come along, then.
I wont go anywhere with you. For all I know, youre a lunatic!
You can jump in whenever you like, but a lunatic terrifies you? He tugged her arm. Lets go.
***
They made their way through the towns deserted streets, the childs crying echoing off the walls. At last William snapped,
Whys he crying like that?
Hes hungry. The woman cuddled the infant protectively.
Well, give him some milk, then.
Ive neither milk nor a penny to my name.
And not much sense either, William grumbled, glancing around. There that grocers is still open. Come on, well get him some milk.
***
The shopkeeper and his assistant cast them wary glances, but William strode in, grabbed a basket, and gestured at his companion.
This way. Wheres the milk? he asked the cashier.
Just over there, sir. She gestured down an aisle.
They reached the chiller cabinet.
Pick whichever you need. Go on! William insisted.
That one, she said, reaching for a bottle.
Take more than one as much as you need, he said, waiting as she loaded several into the basket. What else?
Nappies.
Nappies? What are those?
Just there, she said, smiling faintly.
Fine, grab them. Wet wipes too, if you must.
At the till, William proffered his card.
We only take cash at this hour, the cashier informed him.
He fumbled and pulled out a creased wad of tenners. Handed one over.
No change, Im afraid, the cashier replied.
Put the difference in chocolate, then that one. William jabbed a finger at the nearest bar.
***
They entered Williams flat. The woman looked around, eyes wide with disbelief. William tugged off his boots and scurried to the kitchen, where he tossed a fish to his expectant cat, then grabbed a carton of juice and drank greedily. Finally, he turned to his guest.
Youll sleep in that room. Kitchen, lavatory, bath, all there. Im off to bed.
He made for the other room, paused.
Whats your name?
Emily.
Im William.
***
He doesnt seem like a lunatic at all, Emily thought as she made herself at home in the kitchen, flicking on the cooker and setting the kettle to boil. ‘Silly fool, almost flinging myself into the river. If it werent for this strange man where would I be now? Out freezing in the street with Toby. Well, hell be rid of us by morning, so best enjoy a warm roof for tonight.
When the kettle sang, she scurried to the tiny room William had shown her, tucked the still-whimpering child onto the bed, and fetched a bottle from her bag. Dashing back to the kitchen, she rinsed it, poured milk and boiled water, then cooled it quickly. The boy gulped it down, and at last, began to drift off. She cleaned him and slipped him into a fresh nappy. In moments, he was asleep.
She washed and freshened up, before realising her own hunger. The fridge beckoned. She snatched a chunk of smoked sausage and shoved it in her mouth, slicing bread and cheese to follow. When her belly stopped growling, it dawned on her that she hadnt exactly behaved well rummaging through her hosts kitchen but she shrugged, stretched out by her son, and was instantly asleep.
***
Dawn crept in. Shed risen through the night, feeding her eight-month-old, who never seemed to tire of milk. Shed heard William rise at one dark hour, and again now.
Time to go nothing good lasts forever, she thought, gently shuffling so as not to wake Toby.
He was busy in the kitchen. Emily quickly freshened herself and stepped through.
Sit down, he said, nodding at a chair. Ill make us some eggs.
No, let me, she said, nudging him aside. She grabbed fresh parsley, chopped and scattered it over the eggs, inspected the glasses carefully before washing them, and put the kettle on for coffee.
William spent breakfast on the phone, issuing crisp instructions and the occasional sharp rebuke. Emily doubted he even noticed her. He ate, drained his coffee, and stood up.
Emily tensed, bracing herself for the inevitable.
Listen carefully, Emily. Im off for a week. Dont forget to feed Socrates the cat. And dont you dare give him that tinned stuff! He only eats fresh fish and meat. Dont go in my study any other room is fair game.
A cry came from the bedroom. Emily jumped to her feet and looked uncertainly at William.
Go on, he said.
Minutes later, she returned with Toby. William had left a tidy stack of ten-pound notes on the table.
That should see you through the week, he nodded at the cash. Right, Im off.
He reached for the door, but Toby reached his little arms towards William and gurgled something that sounded heartbreakingly like da-da. William froze. He knew hed never have a child of his own.
Emily, do you mind if could I hold him? he stammered, surprising even himself.
She smiled at last. Of course, go on. Never held a baby before?
No.
This is how you do it, she taught.
The boy squealed in delight, flapping his arms in joy. William gazed at this tiny marvel, spellbound.
Ill never have a son, he thought, his expression clouding as he handed the baby back, and he left.
***
He made his journey home a week later the London specialist had only confirmed what he already feared. No children, ever. The question tormented him all the way.
Whats the point of all this? Big house, fancy car, more money than I need. Whats a man supposed to do but earn for a family? The house is always a mess. The old Land Rover has space for seven, but no one to fill it.
He let himself into his flat, a scowl on his face and stopped short. The place was spotless. Emily greeted him nervously, apologetically.
Da-da! Tiny hands waved in the air.
His bag slipped from his shoulder, and his arms reached automatically for the child.
