Mother would hold her close, planting gentle kisses on her hair, and ponder silently, Who does she resemble? Shed sigh, lost deep in thought. Friends and neighbours, too, expressed their curiosity and asked the very same question. Whether some acquaintance had put notions into her husbands head, or whether Mary herself had begun to suspect something amiss, or perhaps it was Victor who, all on his own, began to doubt his wifes loyalty, one evening he returned home from work with a dark cloud hanging over him.
Victor, what are we going to do? Mary voiced her worries. Its all happened rather soon. Alice has only just started her third year, and recently left her nappies behind. I havent even had a moment to rest before this happened. One maternity leave into another, she fretted. Alice is still so small, always wanting to be carried. How will I manage to lift her when Im heavily pregnant?
Therell be four of us to feed and house, and youre the only one working, Mary continued, worry etched in her face. Perhaps we ought to wait before having another baby?
Victor regarded her with a steely look. Dont talk nonsense, he said sternly. Then, more softly, Im sorry, Mary, but well get through this. Ill find a second job if I have to. If its another girl, theres no problem. Loads of Alices dresses still in the drawers, and the prams just fine. No need for new things. The two of them will be so close in age, theyll be thick as thieves. If its a boy Victor trailed off, then smiled, well, Ill apply for a bigger council house then.
And so it was decided. Mary doted on Alice, cherishing her firstborn. She simply couldnt resist holding her, hugging her, showering her with kisses, even as her belly grew round with another.
She sometimes caught herself hoping, with a touch of guilt, that she wouldnt carry this second child to term, though she never admitted this even in her own heart. But, as fate would have it, her pregnancy was easy, and right on time, the Carter family welcomed a second daughter.
The first time Mary cradled her newborn, she was taken aback by the babys soft, golden fuzz. Both Mary and Victor were dark-haired. Alice too had been born with nearly black hair, though it later turned a little lighter. Perhaps, Mary thought, this babys hair would darken with age as well.
She had a complexion as pale as milk, with large, blue eyes as bright as the English sky. Visitors cooed over the baby and praised her striking looks. When it came to giving her a name, the happy parents didnt overthink it. They called her Hazel an uncommon name, they mused, and the two sisters would have matching initials. They found some private meaning in it.
No one quite understood how two such different girls could be born to the same family. Hazel was unlike not just Alice but her parents, too. As she grew, the difference became more striking, as if shed blown in on some mysterious country breeze.
In time, her hair darkened ever so slightly, taking on a soft, sandy hue. She was calm, plump, and gazed at the world in wonder with those sky-blue eyes. Mary drew her in, kissed her, and whispered, Who do you look like, my darling? Friends and neighbours would ask the same question.
Whether someone had managed to turn Victors head, or whether he was stewing in his own doubts, one evening he came home scowling. He was silent for far too long, putting Mary on edge, and then, to her shock, he accused her of betrayal.
He dredged up the past, recalling a certain fair-haired friend who once courted Mary. Maybe, Victor said, shed had an indiscretion with him back then. Or, if not, perhaps the hospital had switched babies it was rare, but not unheard of.
Ive been faithful, Victor this is our child! No one swapped her, Mary pleaded, wounded by the affront. Now the home was full of arguments. Divorce was discussed. Mary began packing her things, determined to leave. It was only then Victors resolve wavered.
He loved his wife. The thought of her leaving, taking the girls hed be alone, and the prospect was frightening. All he wanted was the truth. It stung, always hearing people exclaim, However did she turn out so fair, when neither of you are? Victor felt as if everyone could see imaginary horns sprouting on his head. He begged Mary to stay, but told her frankly that he would seek a paternity test. Mary wept afresh.
How can I stay when you dont trust me? Go ahead test Alice as well, since youre at it. Maybe shes not yours either. Might as well part ways now.
Victor himself gathered a strand of Hazels hair and a mouth swab from Alice, delivering them to the lab in person. He grilled the laboratory on their standards, asked about mistakes, about tampering or mix-ups.
They assured him nothing of the sort could happen. He was only a little comforted.
The girls overheard their parents rows. Hazel was only four, but she well knew she was the cause.
Alice, less subtle, stated the matter plainly. Youre not really my sister. They mustve left you on our doorstep. Mum and Dad argue about you and want to split up because of you.
Hazel wept bitterly, and not even Marys arms and soothing could comfort her.
Alice, meanwhile, brooded on how to rid herself of her sister. If Hazel were gone, her parents wouldnt argue, and the family would stay together.
One afternoon, with Mary at the shops and Victor at work, Alice dressed Hazel and invited her for a walk leading her farther and farther from home.
When Mary returned, she found the house empty and the girls nowhere in sight. The neighbour downstairs recalled seeing the sisters heading off, but was far too engrossed in her favourite soap to bother asking questions.
Frantic, Mary tore through streets and gardens calling for her daughters. Victor rushed home to help. The day faded to dusk and the girls remained lost. A call was made to the police. Within an hour, both girls were found. Hazel had been discovered first, crying alone in someones courtyard. Alice, too, was eventually located, lost and scared in the gathering dark.
So relieved were the parents that, for once, they refrained from scolding the children. Alice, of course, never admitted she had purposely led her sister far from home.
Parental arguments resumed. Victor blamed Mary for leaving the girls unsupervised; she retorted that he was never home at all.
And what if they had run into the street, or someone had snatched them for some unspeakable reason?
At long last, the lab results arrived. The tests declared Victor was, without doubt, the father of both girls. No betrayal just the secret workings of genetics. They were told that sometimes hidden genes manifest in the oddest ways; even pale women have dark children and vice versa, all thanks to ancestors choices resurfacing.
Gradually, peace was restored. Yet Hazel never shook a sense of not quite belonging. The girls did not become close. Alices resentment lingered through the years. During quarrels, shed remind Hazel, Youre not really my sister. Youre not loved like I am.
I get new dresses, and you wear my leftover clothes, because youre not my real sister, shed say, certain and unkind.
Hazel would cry, but she never complained to her mother. Alice often earned praise for her behaviour, while Hazels misdemeanoursreal or otherwisewere attributed to her alone.
Why cant you be more like Alice? Shes so well-behaved, Mary would sigh.
After such words, Hazel would retreat to a quiet corner and close her eyes, wishing that if she made herself invisible, maybe the injustice would go away. It was her way of hiding from her mothers disappointed glances and her sisters cruel remarks.
Alice finished school first, but saw little point in higher learning after all, what need has a pretty girl for university? She met a young man at the village dance and married him soon after. He had a flat of his own and worked with his father selling used cars.
Mary loved Hazel dearly, but couldnt help comparing the sisters, always to Hazels detriment. The words Alice had thrown at her as a child stuck in her mind, just as she had once worn Alices hand-me-down clothes.
See how clever Alice is found herself a smart fellow. You could do the same if you got out more, instead of spending your days indoors sketching and dreaming.
When Hazel was in her final year of school, a boy finally noticed her. In her hunger for affection, she trusted his advances at once. It took her some time to realise she was pregnant. Terrified, she told him.
He liked Hazel, and bravely decided to speak with his parents. Word got out, and soon enough his mother arrived at the Carter home, demanding Hazel do the right thing lest her sons future be ruined.
To Hazels shock, it was Victor who took her side. Perhaps he regretted his old suspicions, or simply could not stand to see his daughter hurt more.
Let her have the baby. Shes suffered enough as it is, and I wont see her life ruined further. If you dont want her, well raise the child ourselves.
The boys parents sent him away to relatives in another town. Hazel, meanwhile, was put on home learning. The school did what it could to quiet the matter before it reached the council. Teachers might otherwise have been blamed for poor supervision.
Hazel even sat her exams at home under the watch of her teachers; it wouldnt do for the other children to see her in such condition. The English teacher was kind to her, offering help on her language exam, and Hazel scored highly.
There was little use for it. Soon she would have a baby, and her studies would be ended for now.
Unexpectedly, Victor passed away. After long hours at work and the strain of family troubles, his heart gave out. He drifted off before the television and simply didnt wake. Mary found him when she came to call him for supper. The flat was filled with wailing and sobs, and then the undertakers came. The shock sent Hazel into early labour.
And so it was, on the day her father died, Hazel brought forth a son. He was the image of her, with golden hair and clear blue eyes.
Hazel could not attend the funeral, still bedbound in the maternity ward. On the day she left hospital, Mary appeared, hollow-eyed with grief, and in a moment of bitterness muttered that Hazel had driven her father to his grave Nothing but trouble since the day you were born. Yet she adored her grandson.
How could she not, when the child looked just like a little cherub? But she worried; who would want Hazel now, a single mother?
I dont need anyone, said Hazel quietly. If even my own father doubted me, why would someone else ever love my boy?
Her son grew up intelligent beyond his years, gentle and calm. When he was five, Alice re-entered Hazels life. Unlike her sister, Alice couldnt have children of her own.
Her husbands parents longed for a grandson a true heir. They pressed their son to find a new wife. He began to stray, and though Alice was devastated, she wouldnt leave. What life awaited her at home with their mother in that tiny council flat especially with Hazel and her son living there. Hazel had finished her hairdressing courses and worked at a nearby salon.
Now, Alice considered once again how to be rid of Hazel. She couldnt lead a grown woman away as she had in their childhood, so she plotted to find her a husband.
A young tradesman often visited Alice and her husband to fix their computer nice enough, unmarried. Alice rather fancied him herself, thinking she might provoke jealousy in her husband, but the fellow soundly rejected her advances.
So she hatched her plan. If she couldnt have him, let Hazel have him instead. She messaged him, inviting him to meet her at a nearby tearoom. She told Hazel she wanted her to meet a young man, as she shouldnt spend her life alone, and her boy needed a father.
Alice was convinced Hazel would flop, and the man, expecting Alice, would be put off by Hazels looks and her baggage. And if the man happened to like Hazel, all the better shed move in with him, freeing up space for Alice to come home. Either way, Alice would win.
Hazel, uncertain but hopeful, fixed her hair neatly but wore no makeup she wanted him to see her as she was.
She recognised the computer man (Thomas) at once, sitting by himself, peering at his phone.
Are you Thomas? Hazel asked.
Yes and you are?
Im Hazel, Alices sister.
He was taken aback, but offered coffee. The cakes here are good. Shall I order you one?
Oh how do you know?
I use this place often to meet clients. He dived back into his phone, clearly trying to ring Alice.
Hazel studied him deep-set eyes, unshaven chin, slightly wild hair. She felt an urge to tidy him up, as she would a client. She sat, unsure what to say, while Thomas ignored her.
Am I in your way? Hazel finally ventured.
No. Is your sister coming? he asked in return.
Im confused. Alice said youd be waiting for me. Perhaps I should go.
Just then, the coffee arrived.
Well, sit a moment, since youre here.
I think Ill pass. She pushed the plate aside.
Watching your figure? You look lovely as you are. It suits you, Thomas said.
But men like slim girls.
Says who? What do you know about men?
Nothing, Hazel admitted. I have a son. Hes five Did Alice mention that?
Should she have? he replied, a shade astonished.
Hazel was sure Alice had set her up for ridicule, but to her surprise, Thomas insisted on walking her home. They chatted as they walked; it was mostly Thomas who talked, with Hazel listening closely. At her gate, he asked for her number.
What for? Hazel queried.
Id like to get to know you better. I told you about myself, but know nothing of you. Ill call you.
He rang, a week later.
Sorry, work kept me. Im free tonight shall we go out?
Hazel hesitated. Her world revolved around her son, but she decided to give Thomas a chance. At the café, she opened up about her life her birth, her parents fights.
As she shared her story, she saw her life through Thomass kindly eyes, and felt suddenly understood.
Afterwards, as they strolled home, a stray dog attached itself to them. In the corner shop, Thomas bought a bit of ham and a roll for it.
At the till, an old woman counted out her pennies, embarrassed by her meagre groceries. Thomas quietly paid, adding chocolate and some ice cream as a bonus.
Whats with the ice cream? Hazel asked.
My gran used to love ice cream, but rarely treated herself no money for it.
And you help me like a stray or an old lady just pity?
No, never that, Thomas replied. I like you, Hazel. Youre kind and open. As for pets and grannies, if I have the means, why not help?
The dog gobbled up the food and trotted off on its way.
That evening, Alice called. How did it go?
All very well, Hazel replied.
What went well?
Im seeing Thomas. Thank you for the introduction.
Oh, really? You liked that boor?
Hes ever so gentle, and fascinating to be around. He says he likes me.
Alice muttered something under her breath and hung up. Soon after, she appeared at the flat.
Hazel tucked her son in for the night, then heard heated voices in the kitchen. She hesitated at the door, then couldnt resist eavesdropping.
That lucky cow always lands on her feet! Alice fumed. I meant to teach Thomas a lesson for spurning me, so I set him up with her. Now hes smitten, and theres me, left out in the cold.
What are you saying? Youre married, Mary protested.
Married ha! Alice sneered. Hes looking to replace me. Divorce is only a matter of time. What am I to do, Mum?
You might be overthinking, sweetheart
Im not! Why is it she always gets what I want shes daft, clumsy, fussing over hair, even has a child. And I cant even have that! He should have fallen for me. If only Id dropped her down a drain when we were kids!
A drain what nonsense said Mary, aghast.
But just then Mary clutched at her chest, fighting for breath, her eyes rolling back. Hazel burst in and quickly called for an ambulance.
The doctors arrived just in time; the stroke left little lasting harm.
Two months later, Hazel married Thomas and moved into his place with her son. She visited her mother nearly every day. As for Alice after another round of insults and arguments, she left town, chasing her own happiness elsewhere.
Parents think children dont understand, argue freely in front of them. But children always listen, and learn. Rivalry for love or attention can be as fierce as any battle, and ill thoughts have a way of returning to those who harbour them.
Children never heed their elders, but they never fail to imitate them.
James Baldwin
The words spoken to a daughter whether supportive or wounding shape her for life, echoing as truths about herself, and about how relationships are meant to work.Hazel would sit with her son, watching him draw fanciful beasts and wild bouquets, his tongue poking from the corner of his mouth in concentration. When she tucked him in at night, hed ask, Mummy, am I like you? Shed smile and stroke his soft hair.
Youre the very best of us, love, shed say. Youre exactly as youre meant to be.
Some days, shed think back on those endless childhood quarrels, on the doubts that wracked her parents hearts, and on Alices piercing words. The old hurt would flicker up, then fade, chased away by her sons laughter in the other room and Thomass easy whistle in the kitchen.
In time, even Mary softened. She grew gentler with Hazel, letting her stories pour out over tea and cake, asking about her grandsons little triumphs. Sometimes shed look at Hazel and say, quietly, I’m glad you stayed.
Hazel found a quiet kind of confidence. She built a life of gentle rhythms: haircuts and birthdays, weekends at the park, bright mornings and soft evenings. When she caught her reflection in the glassher fair hair shining, her eyes unashamed and clearshe would remember the question that haunted her mother, the one whispered into the downy crown of a sleeping infant: Who do you look like?
And Hazel would smile, for at last, she understoodshe looked like herself, and that was enough.
