Im quite sure we have absolutely no obligation to support my brother-in-law and his family, nor should we be renting them a flat. Let me make it clear from the start: the three-bedroom flat where we live is mine. I bought it before I got married, and at that time, it was in a terrible state. You cant imagine the front door was barely hanging on its hinges. What mattered to me most was that it was affordable, and over time, I did the place up piece by piece. But that’s not really what I want to talk about.
By the time I met my husband, I had renovated two of the rooms and even managed to squeeze in some furniture. All in all, the flat was becoming quite homely.
My husband was a decent, charming man. Hed been renting a flat before, but a few months after we started dating, he moved in with me. After the wedding, we turned one of the rooms into a nursery, and along came our son, then later our daughter.
Everything seemed wonderful until one chilly autumn evening when our family bliss was disturbed by my mother-in-laws arrival. She turned up at our doorstep, in tears, dragging her suitcases.
“Could I stay with you for a while? My son has brought a girlfriend into my flat. I hope it all works out for them, and perhaps shell become his wife one day and theyll live happily ever after I wont be a bother, Ill help out, cook, pick the children up from nursery and school. Youre all I have!”
She was so upset that I let her in without question and gave her the largest room. My mother-in-law had already long retired and did help with the children as promised, but she hardly ever returned to her own flat her younger son had pretty much taken over, living there with his young wife and two children (one theirs together, the other from her previous relationship).
Years ago, my brother-in-law had married his school sweetheart just after finishing his exams, and my in-laws sold their home so they could buy a studio flat for themselves and a two-bed for their son. Not long after, my father-in-law fell ill and passed away.
My brother-in-law and his ex-wife had two children before they eventually divorced. He left the flat to his old family, so now his first wife lives there with her new partner and three children. After the divorce, he moved back in with his mother. “Mum, Ill stay with you. Im single now, dreaming big about the future! Ill sort things, just you wait Ill find my own flat soon,” he had promised. But as you might expect, things didn’t go quite as he planned, and before long, he moved his new girlfriend into his mum’s place too.
Most weekends, my mother-in-law would bring over all the children hers from the first marriage, hers from the second to ours. As you can imagine, it was utter chaos.
After nearly a year, I finally told my mother-in-law that she needed to sort out her living situation. She burst into tears and got hysterical.
So, I had to have a word with my brother-in-law about moving out of his mothers flat. But he outright refused, saying he couldnt afford rent with such a low wage and having children to look after. What exactly was I meant to do?
Recently, my relationship with my mother-in-law has really suffered. I sometimes dread coming home from work. I decided to speak with my husband and told him, either he found his mother somewhere decent to live, or Id file for divorce.
My words shocked my husband. He simply hadnt thought about where his mum could go after all, its hardly as though we could throw her out on the street.
I suggested that she find a flat to rent after all, we could help financially if needed. But my mother-in-law flatly refused to live in a rented place and insisted that we should be paying rent for a two-bedroom flat for my brother-in-law and his family, so that she could return home.
I felt this was the height of cheek and told her that if she didn’t move out in a week, Id pack all her things and put them outside the door. What else could I do?
Honestly, I dont believe its our duty to support my brother-in-laws family, let alone house them. Life has a way of challenging our sense of responsibility and boundaries; its vital to remember that kindness must be balanced by self-respect, and helping others cant come at the expense of our own familys happiness.
