8th May
It feels like our sons mother-in-law has spirited him away from us.
Ever since our son married, its as though hes forgotten that we exist. Its always his mother-in-law hes with these days. Theres forever some emergency that needs his urgent attention. I simply cant imagine how she managed to get by before her daughter married our son.
Our son has been married for over two years now. After their wedding, he and his wife moved into a flat that we bought for him when he started university. From his childhood, he always had our support and understanding. Even before the wedding, hed lived on his own, simply because his flat was so much closer to his work.
I wont say I disliked my daughter-in-lawin truth, I just found her a bit immature, not entirely ready for the responsibilities of married life, even if our son is only two years older than her. She often acted like a child, whimsical at times. Our son is such a kind soul and I would catch myself wondering how hed manage life with what seemed like a child for a wife.
But after getting to know her and especially her mother, everything made sense. Though our sons mother-in-law is about my age, she acts like a child herself. Perhaps youve met people who never really grow up, no matter how old they get? Thats her to a teeremarkably childish and always at a loss. When her daughter married our son, shed already racked up her sixth divorce.
Honestly, I had little to talk about with her. She lives entirely in her own world, but at least she never tried to impose herself. Our conversations were cordial and rarejust exchanging pleasantries at the childrens wedding, and that was that.
The first warning signs came just before the wedding, with our son being constantly summoned to her mums houseone minute it was a leaky tap, then she wanted a socket replaced, or a kitchen shelf put up. Initially I brushed it offtheres no man around in her house, perhaps she really did need the help.
Yet as time wore on, these emergencies never seemed to die down. Our son gradually stopped showing up at ours entirely, always saying he was off with his wife to her mums again. Next thing, they were celebrating every holiday at her place. Meanwhile, it was just me, my father-in-law, and my own mother left at ours.
It hurt, of course, when our son stopped turning up for family gatheringsbut it hurt even more when he stopped helping when we needed him.
About that time, we bought a new fridge and asked him to help get it in. At first he agreed, but then called to say he couldnt because he and his wife were heading to her mothersthe washing machine there was leaking.
When my wife rang him again, she could hear our daughter-in-law in the background: Couldnt your parents just hire removal men? Our son did eventually turn up, but he was in a right mood.
Dad, couldnt you have just called someone? Now Ive got to lug this thing up the stairs myself!
I began wondering why on earth his mother-in-law hadnt ever called a professional herself. Did she live in some parallel universe where appliances are fixed by magic? But my son insisted the woman needed help, because the tradesmen just take her money and leave jobs half-done.
At that point, my wife couldnt help herself and exclaimed, Maybe she doesnt know the first thing about household repairs, but she certainly knows how to shepherd a lost cause! Immediately, our son was offended and stormed out. I kept out of it, as truly, my wife had a pointhis in-laws were content to let our son run himself ragged. He was their handyman, their fix-it man, and meanwhile hed forgotten all about us.
After this spat, our son refused to speak to me for over two weeks. My wife, for her part, absolutely refused to apologise first, and our son wouldnt budge either, claiming hed only make peace if his mum said sorry. Meanwhile, I was stuck in the middle, torn apart by it all. Of course my wife was right, but she couldve been more tactful in speaking to him. Now were left with this rift, and I wont let something this petty rob me of my son.
So I find myself in this strange, thankless game of family standoffs. My wife refuses to reach out, my son is just as stubborn, and neither will make the first move. All the while, the only one prospering is his mother-in-law!
If Ive grasped anything out of this mess, its this: no matter how justified we feel, a bit of patience and understanding often go further than being right. In the end, family is worth more than wounded pride.
