Reining in My Husband. A Tale
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After returning from hospital, I felt a good deal better and was set on picking up the old routine bright and early.
Yet, as I awoke, something in me quietly resisted.
My wife, Charlotte, was already stretching her joints with great seriousness.
Even in retirement, shes as active as everevery morning shes up with the sun, running through a set of exercises to keep those aches and pains at bay.
My usual first job is to tend to Clover, our contented tabby. Litter tray, then breakfast for both her and our ever-sunny spaniel, Alfie. Then a quick tidy round the hall and kitcheninevitable chaos from their midnight anticsand out into the fresh air to walk Alfie before the world truly wakes.
In the afternoon and evening, wed often stroll all together, Charlotte by my side, wrapped in the gentle hush of the park. But morning saw her busy with her routine while I darted about ticking items off the mental list.
Breakfast, of course, fell to me: our regular farecottage cheese with honey and a handful of sultanas or maybe crumpets, scrambled eggs, or the odd poached egg.
I always regarded these morning doings as my version of a workout, but the doctors were firm. No domestic rush can match real exercise, they said on the ward, and for Charlottes sake, I had to believe them.
After her stretches, Charlotte made the beds, usually grumbling under her breath that its a wifes job, and that most of the chores landed on her shoulders. Twice a week, she put the wash through, did the hoovering, and sometimes, with no little complaint, pointed out that Id not managed to do anything properly.
She washed the breakfast bowls, thinking herself a great help to me in that small task.
Then, while I made lunch, Charlotte would settle at the computer for her little bit of freelance work. Shed always say it was nice not to count pennies.
I, however, considered her earnings not worth mentioning, and thought any new jumpers or frocks an extravagance. Weve drawers full of clothes! Id say.
Charlotte always gave way, never argued. She didnt care for shopping, anyway, and as I so often told her, You look marvellous for your age, better than most. She never minded if I bought another drill or a gadget or two with her so-called pocket change.
Then, out of the blue, she fell ill. Everything changed almost at once. The whole episode frightened us both.
Shed collapsed on her way to buy groceries. The ambulance took her straight in.
Her blood tests were appallinghow shed managed to get about was a mystery. Even I was scared witless when I saw her pale as chalk, hooked up to a drip, when I was let in for visiting.
I soon discovered just how much work there was in the house, and fumbled through chores as best I could.
Naturally, I couldnt wait for Charlotte to come home. I truly do love her, even if I grumble too much sometimes.
The first days, she did as she was toldrested up, while I fussed round her.
Well, love, feeling any brighter yet? Id ask, expecting the spark to return to her cheeks. Dont stay in bed too long, mind. It wont do. You must get back on your feeteverythingll be back to normal soon enough.
Charlotte agreed, more or less. But this morning, she didnt leap into her daily whirlwind as she always had.
She glanced over at me, doing my stretches, waiting for her to launch into her chores.
For the first time, I saw a different side to hera woman who, without realising it, Id been heaping with burdens.
And I feltsuddenly, unmistakablya push back.
Charlotte remembered the consultants wordsthat troubled tone echoing now in her mind:
You never think of yourselfall those years, and your husbands used to it. To him, it all looks easy. But you do it all with a smile and no complaint, and he never suspects. We brought you here in an ambulance! Your blood is dangerously lowyou must want to live, dont you?
Shed never had a transfusion before. Five, in fact, before her blood tests finally normalised.
During it, shed gaze at the drip feeding its lifeline into her. Wondering about those five anonymous strangers who saved her. Would anything of them linger within her?
Back home, she noticed something had changed. She no longer was eager to run herself ragged for my sake.
Yes, she loved meand I, her. I might sigh and grumble, but, truth told, I do more housework than most fellows I know. But Charlotte saw my little upsets for what they weremy tendency to overstate my own troubles and underplay hers.
Once, shed have brushed it off. Shes always been gentle. But nowsomething had shifted.
Suddenly she wanted to make time for the old things she lovedlike playing the piano (which wed thought of selling)or whatever else might once have brought her joy.
She stood and, thoughtful, began doing stretches beside me. I watched, bemused.
Bit late for new habits, isnt it, Charlotte? I teased. You look grand as it is. Better off seeing to Clover and Alfie and getting breakfast started, no?
She answered, voice firmer than Id come to expect, Doctors orders. Otherwise, I wont have long left. Unless youd rather I didnt?
My mouth must have been hanging open. Perhaps I chalked it up to post-hospital nerves and didnt protest when she barked, RightIll feed the pets, you take Alfie for a walk, and Ill have breakfast ready when youre back.
To my surprise, I just nodded and obeyed.
Inside, Charlotte felt the oddest burst of energylike five little lights urging her on, quietly telling her she deserved to buy new clothes with her own earnings, deserved to work out for herself, deserved to dust off old hobbies.
Five new urgesfive new decisions. Perhaps, she thought wryly, five transfusions, five donors, five gifts of resolve and boldness.
Wasnt there a story, after all, that a new heart carries with it a love of art, or music, or unfamiliar passions?
Now, when she glanced at me, she didnt have the old anxious smile. There was a newfound certaintythe wisdom of the doctor and the courage inspired by that strange new strength.
Watching me try to piece together this unfamiliar shiftwatching me realise that the comfortable life Id always known had changedCharlotte smiled, no longer a sorry, apologetic smile but an honest, warming one.
Alex, she said, voice quiet but sure, I think I know why you could never see all I did. You never looked. Never saw the hours, the effort, the care. But now, you will. And you know what? Im going to toss those old cardigans out, buy a few new dresses, and most of all, Ill be playing the pianoyes, the one youve teased me about for years.
She flipped the lid, sat down, and, to my shock and hers, played a piecebright, unfamiliara memory uncovered by new will.
I stood in awe. Charlotte, how are you doing this? I never knew you could.
Her face glowed, and there was a brave pride in her bearing.
The woman Id grown used to was gone, replaced by someonestronger, sharper, unmistakably alive.
I marvelled, and I wonderedand maybe, I worried just a little.
But Charlotte kept smiling, a spark in her eyes. Five new spirits stirred within her, urging her to live not simply for me, but for herself, and to cherish life as we both should.
She didnt know who those five people were. But it felt as if, somehow, theyd given back not just her life but a fullness, a happiness, shed never known.
I gazed at her, and felt pride, and, for the first time in ages, hope.
Its said you shouldnt ask why life throws such trials, only what for, so you might discover all over again just how precious life is.
How wonderful spring and winter are, the muddy walks and wild wind, every single sunrise and last gleam of dusk.
The laughter and kindness of those you love, and even their faultsfor were all simply human.
So if a loving husband gets too stuck in his ways, wellperhaps he needs bringing back in line now and then, just to remind him what it means to be a real man.
While we can, lets live fully and treasure every bit were givenfor to do otherwise is simply unthinkable.
Todays lesson? Life isnt just about being needed. Its about needing a little for yourself, too.
