**Diary Entry 11th November**
You see, Ive tried my luck on dating apps more times than I care to admit, but its always the same rigmarolewriting endless messages, straining to impress, fumbling over keyboards, feigning interest in their dull little dramas. If only there were a way to skip all that nonsense, Id be eternally grateful! I said as much to the figure before mea being of swirling grey smoke, its eyes glowing like embers.
“Absolutely possible!” it replied, shrugging as if Id asked for nothing more than a pint at the pub. “You summoned me, after all. Might as well make it worthwhile.”
“Right, then,” I pressed on. “And I dont want to spend a single penny on her. Not a farthing. No awkward coffee dates, no shelling out for cakes shell only nibble at, no pretending to care about her opinions. I want her to drag me straight to her flat without all the fuss. Can you manage that?”
The smoky creature conjured a notepad, scribbling my demands with the efficiency of a clerk. “Consider it done. Anything else?”
“Well, obviously, she cant expect gifts. No iPhones, no diamond rings, no designer handbags. None of that gold-digging nonsense you get with some women. Pure, selfless devotionjust like those lovely Continental girls. Over there, youll find wives who work while their husbands lounge about, and no one bats an eye. But here? The second a man breathes, they label him a freeloader. I wont have it.”
The creature chuckled. “Easier than you think. But really, Arthur, youre underselling yourself. You couldve asked for moreyouve got a demon at your disposal, not some cheap matchmaking service.”
I hesitated, then ticked off the rest on my fingers. “Fine. Shes got to be a proper homemakercooking, cleaning, never nagging me to lift a finger. Always sweet-tempered, doting, never a cross word. And absolutely no children. Everyone knows women are the ones who want babies. I dont.”
“Modest,” it mused. “Though, if I mayappearance? A woman like that wont be some fresh-faced beauty. More likely a tired widow or a spinster.”
“Ah, right! A student!” I blurted, nearly giddy at the oversight. “Tall, stunning, flawless skin like peaches. Kind-hearted, toonone of that modern selfishness you see in girls these days.”
The smoke rippledwas that a smirk? “Naturally.” Then, in a blink, I was elsewhere.
Cold bit into my fur. Wait*fur*? I lay sprawled in an alley, rubbish strewn about, my side throbbing. Everything loomed enormous, unfamiliar. A womans laugh rang out, bright as a bell.
“Emily, look! Poor little thingsome brute mustve hurt him. Im taking him home!”
“Honestly, Lucy,” came a sharper voice, “youd adopt every stray in London. What if he yowls all night? Or starts chasing after every female in the neighbourhood?”
“Ill have him neutered. Come here, sweetheart”
Delicate hands scooped me up. I tried to shout, but all that escaped was a pitiful *meow*.
**Lesson learned:** Be careful what you wish forespecially when bargaining with forces beyond the pubs closing time.
