Even though we already scrimp and save on everything, my husband has now declared that he wants to start putting money aside to buy our son a house. Yesterday, just after we received his latest wages, he said to me with determination, Im going to start saving for a house for our son. But I wasnt pleased at all with this announcement. Let me explain why.
More than ten years ago, my husband moved to London to earn a living. Hes a bricklayer a tough job by any standard. Before we even met, he was working and sending almost every penny of his wages back home to his mother, only keeping a bit of pocket money for himself. His mates at work kept telling him he should start saving up for a place of his own, but he preferred to give nearly everything to his mum. His mother had two other sons, who both helped out a bit too, but not to the extent my future husband did.
After we got married, we moved in with my mother and grandmother in their old, much-loved but badly in-need-of-repair council flat. The walls hadnt seen a lick of paint in decades.
At first, my husband was sweet and attentive to me, though more distant with my mum and gran. I excused it, thinking he just needed time to warm up to them. But after a year, instead of getting better, things grew worse. He started drinking too much, became rude to me and my mum, and kept criticising how the flat hadnt been fixed up. In hindsight, the wisest thing would have been divorce, but by then, he was pushing for us to have a baby. Blinded by love and hope, I convinced myself everything would improve once we were a family so I fell pregnant and had our son.
But things only deteriorated. Money was always short. My maternity pay just about covered nappies, and that was with me sharing all finances with him.
Its my mum who keeps us afloat, paying bills with her meagre earnings. She also buys my expensive medication (I have a chronic illness) and uses whats left for food and bits for the house. My nan has saved her tiny pension for her own funeral, but ended up giving all her savings to pay for our wedding.
My husband had expected his family to give us money for the wedding too, but they didnt contribute a thing. So, we had a big day using my nans savings and some of his pay, even though we couldve had something small but my husband insisted on a proper celebration.
All through our seven years of marriage, hes continued to send money to his mum and family. In that time, her house was totally refurbished, and she got all new appliances, thanks to his support. More than once, when our own finances were dire, Id stumble upon his stash of cash, which hed planned to send his mum. Wed argue about it, and hed promise to stop but then do it again.
When his mum died, he and his older brother generously (but foolishly, in my view) signed over their shares of her house to the youngest brother. Even though hes the baby of the family, hes not much use to anyone. So my husband ended up investing everything in his mums place, then giving up his inheritance, and is now left with nothing. He ignored my pleas to at least keep what was rightfully his.
Since our son was born, my husband has changed he snaps at me, refuses to spend money on food and essentials, and is always at loggerheads with my mother. The drinkings worsened. I cant risk divorcing him, not while our son is so young, especially with my health being so uncertain. Plus, I keep hearing rumours Ill be made redundant once my maternity leave ends for the moment, I simply cant manage without him.
He plays on my vulnerability, constantly going on about how he has to support me, our son, my mum and nan, and that hes tired of carrying us. He knows perfectly well our money is pooled everyone chips in, including mum, nan, him and me.
Weve often talked about buying a home for our son its my dream, to be honest. But that remains just a dream, as were nowhere near able to afford it. Now, though, my husband insists on saving a third of his wages every month. That means the whole family has to tighten our belts even further, living on next to nothing for heaven only knows how long I just cant agree to that. But he insists hell do as he pleases.
To be honest, Im afraid his real aim isnt to provide for our son’s future, but for his own. Were so strained these days that I suspect hes planning to save up, then leave me, uncaring if we have to go without basic necessities.
Ive tried to talk to him about my worries. He says hes afraid Ill one day divorce him and throw him out. To be fair, Ive threatened it myself in moments of humiliation, but I truly dont want things to fall apart. If only hed stop being rude to my mum and gran, Id never dream of showing him the door.
But he isnt in any hurry to change. The life I share with my family has turned my husband into a nightmare from which I cant yet see how to wake.
