“I cant live without you”
“Emily, I’m sorry, but I’ve fallen in love with someone else. Im leaving, but the flat will be yours. Forgive me for going so quietly without warning you. I just couldnt bear to see your tears, so I decided to write a note. Believe me, its not easy for me either… And please, give our son a kiss from me…”
****
“Come on, love, up you get!” Emily gently woke her son, Oliver, then headed for the bedroom her husband, Mark, was sleeping in.
“Darling, you need to get up for work soon! Rise and shine!” she laughed, tickling the foot that was poking out from under the duvet.
With a moan, Mark began to stir. Hed always found it tough to wake up, unlike Emily, who was up with the rising sun. Before her two favourite boys as she called her husband and son even opened their eyes, shed already whipped up breakfast, tidied herself, and managed to get a few things done around the house. Of course, she always fell into bed early after a long day.
She sat in the kitchen as Oliver, still yawning, shuffled out of his room.
“Wash your face first, then breakfast,” Emily pointed him towards the bathroom.
Obediently, the boy made his way to clean his teeth. A few minutes later, as they were having breakfast, Mark appeared from the bedroom.
“Listen, I think Ill stay home today. Ill give work a ring and let them know…”
He looked pale, and Emilys worry rose.
“Whats wrong? Are you feeling alright?”
“My heads pounding… and I feel sick.” Mark leaned on the kitchen doorway.
Emily shot up, placing her palm on his forehead, peering into his eyes with concern.
“You dont feel feverish. Maybe I should stay home with you?”
“No, Em, you head to work. Drop Oliver at school, and Ill get some sleep. Maybe itll pass… Ill just rest up…”
“If anythings wrong, ring me,” Emily warned.
“Course I will,” Mark smiled weakly. “Ill see you this evening.”
All day, Emily was on pins and needles, worried about Mark. Hed become so pale and exhausted all of a sudden. She thought maybe hed just been burning himself out at work. Still, she had an uneasy feeling, as if something awful was about to happen.
She left work early, picked up Oliver whod been at a friends after school and drove home. Her anxiety was only growing, and even Oliver noticed.
“Mum, whats the matter?” he asked, as they made their way home. “Youre back early, and you look pale. Are you ill? Both of you?”
Emily glanced at her twelve-year-old. He wasnt little anymore, but she didnt want to scare him.
“Im just worried about your dad, love. He wasnt feeling well, and I want to make sure hes alright.”
Oliver grumbled but didnt say more. They arrived home and Emily hurried to the lift, Oliver trailing behind with his heavy schoolbag, not quite understanding all her worry.
Emilys hands were shaking as she unlocked the door and dashed into the flat. The silence was unsettling Mark was nowhere to be seen. Emily checked every room before returning to the sitting room, where Oliver was standing, looking pale and on the verge of tears. Emily saw a piece of paper in his hand clearly, Oliver had read it.
“Whats that? Give it here!” Emilys voice trembled, and Oliver silently handed her the note.
“Emily, Im sorry, but Ive fallen in love with someone else. Im leaving, but the flat will be yours. Forgive me for going so quietly without warning you. I just couldnt bear to see your tears, so I decided to write a note. Believe me, its not easy for me either… And please, give our son a kiss from me…”
“What a coward,” Oliver said quietly.
“Dont say that hes still your dad,” Emily said in confusion, looking at her son.
“Hes left us! I hate him!”
Oliver stormed off to his room and slammed the door, hurt and confused by his fathers actions. Theyd all seemed so happy. Emily read the note again.
“I met Sophie two years ago, but I couldnt bring myself to leave you before. Now I simply have to. I hope, in time, youll forgive me. Please dont show this to Oliver; I dont want him thinking badly of me…”
Emily gave a bitter laugh. Their son had figured things out for himself, and would certainly decide how he wanted to think of the father who abandoned them.
She wandered aimlessly round the flat, then went into the bedroom. She saw that Marks belongings were gone. It finally sank in, and she slumped to the floor in tears. In an instant, her world had come crashing down.
Emily didnt know how long she sat on the floor, mourning the loss of her marriage. She wished desperately to go back to the morning and change things, to stay home, anything to stop Mark from leaving. But deep down, she knew hed have left regardless. Once someones set their mind, nothing holds them back. If only he hadnt been so cowardly if he could have said it to her face, rather than sneaking off without a word, it wouldve been more honest.
When Emily finally washed her face and gathered herself, she went into Olivers room. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was obvious hed been crying too.
“Mum, why did he do it?”
“I dont know, love. He stopped loving me, not you. Youre still his son.”
“No, Mum, he clearly wrote he had to leave. That means the new woman is pregnant, doesnt it? I know things, Im not a little kid… So, he doesnt love me either. Did I do something wrong? We were supposed to go to the football at the weekend, then for a burger… Maybe I annoyed him? Wanting too much?”
Emilys heart ached at his words. She felt the same herself. But she knew that Oliver needed his father. Mark would want to see Oliver at some point, and she didnt want them to turn against each other. Emily stroked his arm gently, reassuring him.
“Oliver, I know you havent annoyed him. Your dad didnt want you to read that note he met someone else, youre right, but youll always be his son. Youll see, hell want to see you himself.”
“He betrayed you,” Oliver said darkly.
Emily understood only too well. She felt bitterness, pain, anger, a desire for revenge. Mark had hidden it all for two years, never thinking how it might hurt them. Looking her in the eye and saying he loved her, while seeing someone else.
The following days were heavy with sadness. Emily filed for divorce, and Oliver vowed hed never forgive his dad. He was old enough to get it, but Emily could still hear him crying in the evenings.
But, bit by bit, things eased. Emily and Oliver learnt to manage without Mark, who decided he didnt have time to see his son. He now had a new family, he claimed, and Oliver felt deeply hurt and abandoned. This went on for about six months.
One day, as Emily came home from work, she heard shouting in the stairwell. She hurried up, realising it was Oliver and Mark arguing.
Mark stood by the flat door, pleading with his son, while Oliver ruffled, fiercely angry shouted,
“Go away! Youve no right to be here! I hate you! Mum doesnt love you either!”
“Oliver, please, son, hear me out…”
“Leave!”
Emily stepped between them. At her appearance, Oliver calmed slightly, Mark took a hopeful step towards her.
“Em, Ive come back. Oliver wont let me in, but youll forgive me, wont you?”
“Mum, no!” Oliver looked both pleading and indignant at her.
Emily looked at Mark. Once she couldnt imagine life without him. But after his betrayal, she realised that even if she forgave him, things could never be the same.
“So, whats it to be?” Mark smiled hopefully, stepping towards the door. “Will you let your husband and father back in?”
“You were that six months ago,” Emilys voice was dull, “but youve no right to come into our home anymore. If you want half the flat, go to court. But were not a family now.”
“What? Youre turning me away? Emily, please! I dont know what got into me. I cant live without you both!”
“Ive forgiven you, but we cant live together anymore.”
With that, Emily went inside and shut the door behind her. Oliver smiled at her, though it was clear it had been difficult for him to tell his dad to go. He hadnt forgiven Mark and still held resentment towards him.
“Mum, dont be sad about him. Were just fine, the two of us.”
Emily managed a smile, wiping her tears. Through the peephole, she saw Mark stand silently in the hallway for a while, then slowly walk away.
Inside, Emily felt a sense of relief that shed been able to send the traitor and liar away. It was time to put the past behind her.
“Oliver, you did great,” she winked.
“Shall we order a pizza? Celebrate? What do you think, Mum?”
Oliver knew theyd passed the hardest hurdle.
“Why not? And some cake too!”
Emily grinned seeing her sons beaming face. He hadnt smiled like that in months, but it seemed those sad days were finally over. For the first time, she felt certain theyd be alright. It wouldnt be easy, not at first… but they would be okay.
