Let me tell you about a realisation that struck me painfully late in life. Regrettably, Ive only now come to terms with the harsh truths that linger therebut, as the saying goes, better late than never.
I finally understand why Im living alone at seventy. My children havent spoken to me in over a decade, and my grandchildren dont even know I exist. All these years, I wondered how it came to this.
I now see that I spent much of my life walking the wrong path, making decisions and saying things that I bitterly regret. But time won’t grant us the grace to rewind our mistakes.
You see, I always treated my children as if they were rather foolish, incapable of making good choices on their own. I took it upon myself to direct them, correcting and instructing at every turn, thinking I knew best how they should live their lives. And, if they failed at something, I never missed a chance to remind them, with my favourite phrase: If only youd listened to your mother, it wouldve turned out different.
I intruded upon every part of their lives, as if they couldn’t manage on their own without my guidance. There were times I made blunt remarks, even in front of friends and family, utterly oblivious to how it made them feel.
Naturally, as the years moved on, my children began to pull away. Now were like strangers. I didn’t even hear about my granddaughters birth from my own familyI heard it second hand, from people I barely know.
I tried to reach outcalling, writing lettersbut it was useless. My children only replied with bitterness:
If were so dim, go and find someone cleverer to talk to. Why bother with us at all?
This has shown me, all too late, that children must always be treated as fully-fledged adults, respected and supported. They need a mother who understands, who makes a comforting apple tart and puts the kettle on, not someone forever judging and criticising.
We have no right to meddle in our childrens private affairs. Their lives are their own. They have every right to choose their own way, to make their own mistakes.
And so here I am, alone. Whats the use of being clever, if this is where its left me?
Cherish your childrenbecause if you dont, you may find nothing but solitude waiting for you in your twilight years.
