I turned my back on Mum’s request to stay with us, and I felt guilty the whole time.
You cant refuse your own mother! Mum snapped. I only need a week while we finish the renovations. Are you scared of losing a few square metres for me?
Shed called three times that morning, each time getting more insistent.
Mum, were as packed as a tin of sardines, I tried to explain on the fourth ring. Tom is sleeping on the couch because Lucy and Ben need a separate bedroom. Where am I supposed to put you? On the balcony?
I wasnt making excuses. I have two teenage kids and a husband whos been out of work for six months. We live in a twobed flat in a council estate on the outskirts of Manchester. My own mother lives up in Leeds, and my younger sister Emily, whos always been Mums favourite, lives nearby.
Oh, go on then. Youll always find a spot for Mum, youre such a good housewife! Mum switched to a flattering tone, and my palms went clammy.
Id heard that tone since I was a child. Mum would say, Emily, youre such a grownup, youll look after Liz while I pop into the café, alright?
I was ten then, Emily was two. Instead of doing homework or playing with dolls, I actually sat with my little sister
Mum, I cant talk right now, I lied. Im about to spill my milk. I hung up and poured myself a mug of tea. I knew Mum wouldnt let it go.
An hour later she called again, this time from a different angle.
Emily, love, you know shes getting married, right? Dannys a decent lad from a respectable familyhis parents run a dental practice! Imagine that. Of course theyll need their own place, you understand. I cant be hanging around their flat, can I?
Thats the point! I thought. So the renovation isnt the issue at all
So theyre moving in with you? she demanded.
Exactly.
You can bother me, but not them? I blurted before I could bite my tongue.
Nora! Mum gasped. What are you saying? Im your mother! I raised you, never slept a nights peace!
Right, she raised me
Shed especially taken me under her wing when I turned fifteen, sending Emily and me to stay with Grandma in the countryside while she pursued a new beau. Grandma would just shake her head and mutter, Oh, dear, youre unlucky with Mum
Mum, I tried to stay calm, why not let Emily and Danny rent a flat? Or maybe his parents could helpafter all, they own a dental practice
Why would they waste money on a rental when theres a lovely threebed house available? Mum replied. They need to save for a car, start a family! And you youre selfish, you know that! Ive always known it!
That was the last straw. Id held on as long as I could, but I couldnt stay silent any longer.
Selfish? I shouted. Me? Mum, seriously? When I was sixteen I worked in a café to help you pay the bills. When I gave up my prom dress to buy Emily a computer for school. When I handed over all my wedding savings to you and stepdad for that urgent operation that turned out to be a holiday abroad?
Nora, stop the tantrum! Mum roared. You always exaggerate and play the victim!
Im not playing the victim, Im just done being one, I replied, my tone flat.
There was a pause on the other end as Mum considered my words.
What are you talking about? she finally said. Nora, get a grip!
Mum, I wont house you, I sighed. Not for a week, not for a day. Either live with Emily or find a place of your own, or ask Dannys parents for help. I have my own family, my own problems, and Im not going to solve yours at my expense.
You youll regret this, Mum forced out. When Im gone youll be weeping at my grave, begging for forgiveness! Itll be too late! Remember my words!
Those words had tormented me as a child and teenager. Id cried, felt guilty, and once again bent to her will. But I wasnt a little girl any more. I hung up, said goodbye coldly, and walked away.
A week passed. Mum didnt call again, and I almost believed it was over. How naïve I was!
Saturday morning the phone rang. Seeing Emilys number flash on the screen, I immediately sensed a storm was coming, and I was right.
Nora! Emily sobbed through the line. What have you done? Danny left! He walked out on me! And its all because of you!
Emily, calm down! I shouted. What happened?
Mums gone mad! Emily wailed. She said you refused to take her in, that shes useless, so shell live with us! Danny stayed three days and then fled! He said he cant live like this, that Im suffocating him with my advice and control! Nora, its all your fault!
Hold on, I said, my head spinning. Mum wanted to hand over her flat to you and Danny, right?
Yes! We thought wed stay there until we saved for our own place. And Mum was supposed to move in with you. But now Emily broke down again.
Now that you wont help, she says we must look after her in old age! And Danny Danny said its either her or him!
And you chose Mum?
What else could I do? Shes my mother! But now hes gone, and its all because of you! If youd taken her in, none of this would have happened!
Sounds like a drama, I muttered to myself.
Emily, I said, your relationship didnt crumble because of me, nor because of Mum. It fell apart because of the choices you made. You could have found a solutionyoure an adult now. You could have rented a flat for Mum, or moved out like many who cant afford a home. You could have spoken to Danny and reached a compromise. Instead you took the easiest routeblaming me.
Youre heartless! Emily screeched. Youve always been cold and calculating!
No, Emily. Ive simply learned to protect myself, and thats okay. Its a pity you havent realised that yet.
I hung up and turned off the phone. My husband appeared in the living room with a fresh mug of coffee.
Another family call? he asked.
Yeah, Emily again. Some family drama.
He said nothing, just gave me a sympathetic look.
You know, I said, I finally understand something important.
Whats that?
That I dont have to be convenient for anyoneMum, sister, anyone. I have a right to my own life.
I pulled my husband into a warm hug.
Welcome to the selfish club, love. Its not a bad place.
The phone rang once more. Of course it was Mum.
Well then, she said in a tragic tone, youve done it, havent you? Because of you Emily is moving out! Shes abandoned me, just like you! Everyones abandoned me! Selfish, ungrateful lot!
