Ill Always Be There For You
Oh, please dont start again! Weve been over this a thousand times! Why do you have to drag it all up once more? Emily waved her hand wearily and turned back to the cooker.
The day was dismal from the outset. It started at five in the morning when her son, Oliver, tiptoed into her bedroom and gently touched her shoulder.
Mum! My throat hurts!
Still lost in sleep, Emily pressed her lips to his foreheadand instantly, sleep vanished entirely.
Youre running a temperature, love. Come on, lets go. Emily scooped Oliver up, carried him out, and closed the door firmly behind. The last thing she wanted was to hear another lecture from her husband, Ben, about not getting enough sleep.
After checking her sons temperature and giving him some medicine, she tucked him under the covers. Glancing at the clock, Emily realised there was no point trying to get more sleep herselfbetter to wait for the doctors surgery to open and arrange a home visit. Once Oliver was resting, she made herself a coffee and stood by the window.
Winter that year had been uncharacteristically snowy. The garden was blanketed with thick, untouched snow, apart from a few lines of footprintssigns of people hurrying to work at sunrise. Movement on the lawn caught Emilys eye and she smiled. Mrs. Baines cat, Jasper, was bounding through the drifts, almost vanishing before resurfacing again. Only Jasper, she thought, would demand to go outside in such weather! That adventurous soul wouldnt do his business indoors for love nor money, so Mrs. Baines would let him out every time he yowledeveryone in the flat could hear his caterwauling if she didnt. Yet, to his credit, Jasper had never made a mess inside. Only yesterday, picking up Oliver from nursery, Emily laughed as Jasper sauntered imperiously to the door, grumbling the whole way.
Go on, go on! Such fuss over nothing! Morning, Emily, just look at this character. Sometimes I think he owns me, not the other way round. Look at him, the furry commander! I came home late, and now Im paying for it.
Morning, Mrs. Baines. Hes quite the gentleman, isnt he?
Oh, absolutely! Try finding another like him. Must be my fate to raise serious gentlemen
Emily smiled, nodded, and continued on. She knew there was nothing more to say. Mrs. Bainess son, Matthew, truly was a serious sortclever, with a sharp wit, though few took notice. To most, he was an unremarkable, skinny fellow in glasses, generally overlooked by girls. But Emily had known Matthew for as long as she could remember. Actually, for as long as she remembered anything at all, Matthew had always been around. Hed done his best to support her when her mum died.
Emilys mother, Irene, had been hit by a car on a zebra crossing. Shed done everything by the book, but it made no difference. That was the most terrifying part for Emilyshed grown up believing if you followed the rules, nothing bad could happen.
Emily and Matthew were both ten then. Emily, having never lost someone close, was plunged into a kind of shock; shed barely speak, just cried endlessly. Attempts to comfort her failedshed simply shake her head and lock herself away, finding refuge in corners to fall asleep. The psychologist her father took her to was alarmed, warning that the stress was already affecting her health.
It was Matthew who helped. Hed lost his own dad only two years before, and perhaps thats why he understood better than any adult what Emily was going through. He almost moved in, and Mrs. Baines never objectedshe pitied little Emily deeply and, along with the neighbours, cooked or babysat when Emilys dad needed to go out. Not once did Mrs. Baines complain as Matthew returned late after spending the day with Emilymaking her do her homework, reading aloud, coaxing her to play, taking her to the dance and gymnastics classes her mother had dreamed for her. Bit by bit, this caring little boys persistence softened Emilys grief. When they found a half-blind kitten in the street and brought it home to Mrs. Baines, it was the first time since the tragedy that Emily had spoken, asking for milk to feed it. Mrs. Baines slipped her the milk and murmured under her breath, Thank heavens, shes coming back to us.
The kitten stayed with Matthew, since Emilys father, David, was allergic.
Matthew continued to accompany his friend everywhere and Emily, so accustomed to his presence, considered him simply an extension of herself. Both only children, theyd discovered in each other the support, camaraderie, and unity rarely found, even amongst siblings.
Often, they didnt even need to speakone would start a thought and the other would finish it. Grown-ups found the relationship odd but left the friendship well alone, quietly approving of the bond that helped two half-orphaned children manage their grief.
Trouble only really started at the end of secondary school. Emily turned into a beautiful, clever, and attractive young woman, constantly surrounded by admirers. Matthew watched silently, knowing she wasnt truly interested in anyoneuntil Ben appeared. Emily met Ben after a stumble on the steps outside the sports centre where she practised gymnastics.
Are you alright? Here, let me help! called a tall, charming lad, offering a hand. These steps are like an ice rink! You okay, nothing broken?
Emily looked up at her rescuer and froze. Shed always scoffed at love at first sighta fantasy for poets and novelistbut she had to admit she now knew better.
Im lost, Matthew. Completely. Hes just
What? Matthew frowned, but Emily was too engrossed to notice.
I dont even know how to explain The best! She twirled around the room. You could at least be happy for your friend!
Oh, yes, for my dearest friend! Of course, I am! Matthew forced a smile, mumbled an excuse, and left.
Emily hardly noticed, her mind otherwise occupied. She and Ben dated for over three years before deciding, at last, they were grown-up enough to marry. They informed their families and gave notice at the registry office.
Shame Ive got to have a bridesmaid. Whats the point? Why not a man of honour? Emily fussed, adjusting the wedding dress in the seamstresss mirror.
Matthew, waiting on the sofa, shut his eyes as the seamstress nearly threw him out.
Tradition says, the groom mustnt see the bride in her wedding dress.
Hes not the groom! Emily laughed. Just my friend.
Friend, is he? The seamstress replied, unconvinced.
Why not? Matthew interjected. Can people not be friends? Emily, weve got the cake to sort still, so lets get a move on. I still need to get to work today.
Coming! Emily darted away, leaving Matthew sinking with fatigue onto the waiting-room sofa.
Years later, reflecting on the heady rush into marriage and those first years together, Emily wondered how shed missed so many signs in Ben. In a life where shed always had a faithful knight, she assumed Ben would fill that role permanently: the rescuer, the comforter, the one to be relied on. But knights and roles, it turned out, often changed shape.
The cracks started to show six months after the wedding, when Emily came down with a severe infection. Shed dismissed it and struggled through to please Ben, but one thing led to another, and soon she faced real health problems. When told she needed some expensive testspartial NHS, partially privateBen exploded.
Thats just greedy doctors! Money earmarked for our holiday, and they want to spend it on unnecessary treatment? Youre young and fine! Theyre turning you into an old biddy just for the cash!
Emily could hardly believe it.
Are you being serious?
Of course!
Ben… She found it hard to speak. Is our holiday more important to you than my health?
Youre fine! Stop panicking! Bit of sun and youll be yourself. You just need a break! Ben hugged her, oblivious to the fact that, for the first time, she didnt hug back.
Emilys father quietly paid for her tests without comment, just looking grave.
It took nearly a year for her to recover, and the doctors warned her heart might never fully mend. When she later learned she was pregnant, she was immediately listed as high-risk.
Dont take this the wrong way, the consultant said, glancing at her notes, but you must seriously think this throughits a massive strain on the body. Youre managing well now, but we dont know how itll progress
Theres nothing to think about. Im having my baby!
In that case, well do our best to help.
And they did. Emily spent her last three months on bed rest. Oliver was born healthy and on time, though only Emilys father andMatthewreally knew what it had cost her. It was then Emily realised Ben had built a separate life, and she barely figured in it. When she gave birth, Benecstaticwent out to celebrate and vanished for three days, turning off his phone. Frantic, Emily asked her father to check on him. He just hugged Emily and said quietly:
Its alright. You mustnt worry now.
Thats when she finally admitted this wasnt her fairy tale. Shed never truly be the princess in this story. Only the sight of Ben, mesmerised by their newborn son, kept her from ending things immediately.
Ben saw Oliver as a miracle, and in some ways, he was a devoted fathergetting up at night, nappy changes, taking him to the park. Other times, when Oliver fussed, Ben lost patience and told Emily to take the boy away; yet a few hours later hed be dad of the year again. This erratic fathering bewildered Emily, but the positive still outweighed the negativeat least for now.
As for her marriage, she and Ben existed more as parallel linesrarely intersecting, each living almost entirely separate lives.
With Oliver often ill when little, Emily barely had time to reflect on her odd home life. She rushed to and from doctors, trying not to depend on Benshe never knew if hed help or explode. Some days he was attentive, patient, asking questions in the surgery, waiting outside. Others, he kicked up a fuss about lifts to the clinic. Tired of these emotional swings, Emily learned to manage alone. Her father helped her pass her driving test, babysitting while she trained, and then bought her a reliable runabout car so she no longer depended on Ben.
David, her father, had understood Ben for ages, but never interferedwaiting for his daughter to reach her own conclusion. Only once, when Oliver was two, and Emily, wrung dry from days of fever and worry, handed him over asleep to her father, only to collapse on the lounge floor herself. David waited for her to wake, then said softly:
Emily, no advice or probing from me, but you know youre not alone. Alright?
Thanks, Dad, I do know that, she replied, hugging him. Just not ready yet, you understand? Not ready to talk, because until I decide, Bens still my husband.
Her father simply nodded, holding her close.
Through all her battles for Olivers health, Matthew was therefetching medicine when Emily couldnt leave Oliver, giving her car a lift to the garage, anything she or Oliver needed, he did, quick as a flash. Emily knew she sometimes leaned on Matthew too much, but there was just no one else she trusted like him.
Even now, gazing at the snow outside, she thought of Matthew, due back from a business trip tonight. She hoped, if needed, he could drive them to the GP after her car broke down again. Money was tight. Ben claimed everything went into the business, and Emilys salary barely covered the basicsshe could never return to work full time thanks to endless sick notes for Olivers care. At least they lived in her dads flat; David had moved out to his cosy place just outside the city, enjoying the quiet.
Checking the wall clock, Emily phoned the surgeryand was lucky: their usual GP was back from holiday and could make a visit straight away.
She set her phone down, preparing breakfast as Ben wandered in, bleary-eyed.
What was all the racket last night?
Olivers ill, Emily replied flatly.
And you needed to keep me up all night for that? Anyway, no sleep for me. Im having a shower. Sort out my breakfast quickly, Im swamped today.
Emily turned back to the cooker. She cooked mostly for Oliver, who, when unwell, always wanted what he called his recovery food. Today, she made drop sconesBen liked them too, so at least he wouldnt complain about that.
Have you spoken to your father?
No.
Why are you dragging your feet?
I told you, Im not talking to Dad about this. And I wont ask him to change the will or put the flat in our names.
Your stubbornness is driving me mad, Emily! I pay all the bills and have no say here. You always want money for you or Oliver! I work late, last holiday I had was a year ago, yet nothings ever enough!
On he went, but Emily had stopped listening. She frozeand in that moment, she felt as if a snapped string inside had made a twang she could almost hear. The one that still connected her to Ben: made of old memories, first kisses, the tenderness that had once existed, the happiest daystheir wedding, Olivers birth.
She set the spatula aside, turned, and faced her husband.
Ill say this once, so listen carefully, she interrupted quietly. Today, youll pack your things and move out. Were getting divorced, Ben. I cant keep living like this, and youre fed up too, I know you are. Were not going to argue about whos paid for whatwhat matters is Oliver. We owe it to him to make sure he still has two parents, even if they live apart.
Ben looked shocked, tried to speak, then gave up, dropping his fork.
Finished? Think it over by this evening. I hope you come to your senses.
You dont understand. Ive made up my mind, Ben. You know what that means.
It means youre off your head. Whos going to want you now, with a kid in tow? Suit yourself. If you come to your senses, well talk. Ill be at my mums.
As you like. Emily turned away, fighting back tears.
Ben stalked out, and the front door slammed. Emily slumped into a chair and let herself weepfinally, full-throated tears in the quiet, while Oliver slept. At the sound of little feet pattering toward the kitchen, she dried her face and fetched his plate.
Well, my favourite patient! Fancy some breakfast?
Im not that hungry, Mum. My head hurts now too.
Do you think drop scones with jam could help?
Yes! Oliver grinned slyly. With lots of jam!
Absolutely.
After the doctors visit and the necessary prescriptions, Emily was readying herself to go to the chemist when there was a knock at the doorthe unmistakable signal of Matthew. He never used the bell, and for Emily, that was their code.
Hey there!
Hi! How are you both? Matthew held a box containing a toy car. Emily couldnt remember the last time Ben had bought Oliver a present; shed always been the one to sort gifts for birthdays and Christmas. But Matthew never visited without bringing something for Oliver.
Hes ill again. Can you watch him for twenty minutes while I pop to the chemist?
No problem. Want me to go? Got a list?
Emily handed Matthew the shopping list from her purse.
No sooner had Matthew left, than Emilys phone rang.
Emily Davies?
Yes.
Its the county hospital. Your fathers been admitted.
Whats happened? Emily gripped her phone so hard the plastic bit her hand.
A heart attack. His conditions serious.
Im coming.
She rushed about, unsure what to do first. Her dad had never complained about his heart, and suddenly she realised how quickly she could lose the most important person in her world.
Automatically, she dialled Ben.
Ben
What? Changed your mind? Ill decide later if
Ben, my fathers in hospital. Hes had a heart attack.
And? What do you want from me? Youre divorcing me, remember?
Emily stared at her phone, then hung up.
When Matthew returned, he found Emily, fully dressed, in the hall.
Where are you going?
Dads in hospital. Heart attack.
No further explanation was needed. Matthew fetched his mum, and Mrs. Baines stayed with Oliver while he drove Emily to the hospital.
They waited until evening to hear any news. Sitting in the waiting room, Matthew and Emily simply sat in silence. At last, Emily spoke.
Thank you Im so glad youre here.
Ill always be there for you
I know, Matthew. I know now
When the doctor appeared, Emily was dozing with her head on Matthews shoulder. He gently woke her.
Weve moved your father to a ward. Theres a long recovery ahead, but the worst is over for now. Check at reception for visiting hours; you can see him tomorrow.
Emily hugged Matthew, dissolving in tearsfeeling, at last, the pain of recent years start to melt away at last.
