No ordinary Englishman would ever fall for a frail woman, do you know why?
For more than fifty years, weve had rigid beauty standards thrust upon us, along with an obsession for slimness. Lately, this demand for tiny waists has become inescapable, like some relentless machine. Like it or not, youre expected to follow what society dictates, as if you were a spaniel, not a person. If not, theres little hope of climbing the career ladder, or finding yourself a decent man.
These days, women keep tabs on their weight as if it were a diamond ring from Hatton Gardenevery extra gram is a cause for distress. Ordinary, beautiful women with good English curves are nowhere to be seen on magazine covers anymore; it’s like they’ve vanished. But I stand against all that, and my mates agree with me.
People are unique, with all sorts of nosessome big, some smallfaces flat or animated, hair blond or brown or raven, and its all splendid. But thinking a womans more attractive just because shes shed six stone is simply daft. No sensible Englishman would be attracted to a woman like that.
Of course, we arent chasing women whore heavily overweight and have cheeks midway down their necks. But I actually find it appealing when a womans a bit fuller. Women with some plumpness make the best home cooks.
Their fridges are never empty; you won’t go hungry or disappear from lack of nourishment. They take real pleasure in a good meal, and its something they love to share with you.
If a womans a bit of a dumpling, she wont force you on some miserable diet, nor will she act like some bitter shrew dreaming of tofu men. Nothing like boiled barley for teano, thank you, Ive had my fill when I was in the Territorial Army.
With her, you can always tuck into some takeaway pizza and watch a film on a rainy evening if you cant sleep. And theres always ice cream in the freezer. Best of all, she doesnt see herself as anything extraordinary, so shes happy simply having you around. Meanwhile, skinny women with all those hang-ups, theyre just putting on an act. So I went for a woman with a bit more to cuddleand Im truly happy about it.
