29th May
Im twenty-nine now. Sometimes I think I must be the most trusting man in all of England, because until recently, I truly thought my family life was perfectly fine. Clearly, I was wrong in my judgement My wife turned out to be a traitor and a selfish person. Even now, its hard to wrap my mind around what she did to me.
Ive known Emily for ten years, and weve been married for six. Shes always been an attentive partner, caring for me and the children. We have two kids: a boy and a girl. With my help, Emily managed to start her own little business, which brought in a decent income for us.
For my part, Ive been working as a sales assistant. More recently, I launched my own online shop selling clothes. So, while our daughter is at nursery and our son naps, I keep myself busy with work and try to earn a little extra.
Id always hovered around twelve stone, ever since I was a teenager. After the birth of the children, I put on quite a bit nearly three stone. At first, I thought that running around after two young ones would help me shift the weight. As it turns out, its nowhere near that simple. I set myself the goal of dropping the pounds: I ate well, exercised, drank loads of water and gave up bread and pastries. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, the scales wouldnt budge. It honestly got me down. My confidence started to take a real hit.
After our second child, I just stopped liking who I saw in the mirror. The feeling of being attractive and, frankly, like a man, left me. And Emily changed before my eyes. The kisses and cuddles faded, and other things went out the window. Im not even sure when we last had a proper chat; our conversations are now just about the practicalities of home life.
Ill admit, before the kids, I felt a lot more self-assured and appealing. Now, even looking at my reflection makes me feel off. I know our relationship has suffered because of it. So, I decided to do something about it. One afternoon, I thought Id surprise Emily at work with a packed lunch. As I reached her office door, though, I overheard her on the phone:
Love, dont worryIll be yours after work. Told my husband Im snowed under. He doesnt even know you exist!
I never even opened the door. Just turned on my heel and walked away.
She doesnt seem to understand: I gained this weight giving her our children. She isnt flawless herself, yet only sees my failings. Shes hardly in peak shape either.
It left me wonderingdoes my wife also take me for a fool?
I couldnt bring myself to tell Emily what Id heard. What am I supposed to do? File for divorce and rip apart our childrens world? How would they cope without their mother? But how do I carry on, pretending as if nothing happened? Im not sure I can manage that.
For now, Ive decided to focus on myself. I joined the gym this week. First, Ill show Emily just what shes lost, and after that, wellwell see where things go.
What Ive learned is that sometimes the people you trust most can let you down, but that doesnt mean you should give up on yourself.
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