It Doesn’t Look Good That Your Children Will Have Homes and My Son Won’t—Let’s Get Him a Flat with a Mortgage! Recently, my husband Anthony pointed out that my children all have homes, but his son does not, and we need to figure out how to get his son a flat as well. Let me clarify: my children are both mine and Anthony’s, but Anthony’s son is his child from his first marriage. Why should I be the one responsible for sorting out a home for his son? Of course, I knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. That’s one reason I wasn’t in a rush to walk down the aisle with him. We lived together for three years before we married. I carefully observed how he felt about his ex-wife and son. A year after our wedding, I gave birth to our first son. Two years later, we welcomed our second. I’m honestly happy with Anthony: as a husband and a father, he devotes time to me and our children. He has a good job and earns well. Yes, there are occasional arguments, but that’s normal in any family. We lived in a flat I inherited from my father. My mum divorced him when I was in nursery. Now she’s remarried, but didn’t have more children. Anthony and his first wife always rented. Despite saving towards a mortgage for years, it never worked out. After their divorce, she moved back with her parents, and Anthony continued renting. When we got married, he moved in with me. We never made a fuss about who owned the flat. We just lived together, renovated, bought new furniture, the usual. But about a year and a half ago, both my grandmothers—my mother’s mother and my father’s mother—passed away. Both left me their flats in their wills. Since our boys are still small, I decided to rent out those flats for now. Eventually, each son will get one. At the moment, I give the rent from one flat to my mum to top up her pension, and the other goes towards my own salary—after all, money never goes amiss. My husband has never interfered with my flats—they have nothing to do with him. Right from the start, I told him that once our children are grown, they’ll each get a home. He agreed. That was that—the subject was closed. Then suddenly, Anthony said: “My son will be finishing college in a few years. He’s an adult now, he needs to think about his future!” I didn’t know where this was heading, but I listened. “Your children will have homes, but my son won’t! Let’s buy him a flat with a mortgage!” Anthony blurted out. I was absolutely gobsmacked. I had loads of questions. First off, I asked why, suddenly, our children had become just *my* children. He told me not to quibble over words. “But my son won’t inherit anything. I want him to have his own place!” “It’s great you’re thinking about the future! But your son has a mother and a father—it’s their responsibility. Why isn’t his mum dealing with this?” Anthony explained that his ex-wife earns very little and relies on her parents. He can’t afford a mortgage on his own, but if I help, we could manage. Turns out, I’d need to agree to help Anthony get a mortgage for his son—a flat registered in his son’s name, but we’d be the ones making the payments. “We both have good salaries, and we have the income from the rental! We can do this!” Anthony insisted. We probably could—but we’d need to cut back. Anthony also pays child support, and when his son goes to university, he’ll help again because his ex has no money. So for his son’s sake, my own boys and I would miss out on holidays, beach trips, and would always be saving and scrimping—for what? So Anthony looks like a good dad? I could understand if Anthony was the one providing homes for our boys and wanted to do the same for his eldest. But I’m the one who provided the homes for our children—Anthony had nothing to do with it. Why should I be paying a mortgage? I told Anthony straight away—if he’s so worried, his ex-wife should take out a mortgage, and pay it back with maintenance. “But I’m not getting involved!” My husband’s furious and hasn’t spoken to me in a week. It’s a shame he doesn’t understand my side.

It does look a bit off, doesnt it, that your kids will have their own homes while my sons left without one. Lets sort out a mortgage for him too!

So, the other day, my husband, Anthony, brought up the fact that my children have places to live sorted, but his son doesnt, and we should figure out a way to make sure his son also gets a flat. Let me clarifymy kids are both mine and Anthonys, while Anthonys son is from his first marriage.

Why is it my responsibility to worry about finding a home for his lad? Of course, I knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. Thats partly why I took my time marrying him.

We lived together for three years before tying the knot. I watched very closely how he felt about his ex-wife and their son. A year after the wedding, I gave birth to our first boy. Two years later, our second son came along.

Im honestly very happy with Anthonyhes a brilliant husband and a wonderful dad. He spends plenty of time with the boys and me, does well at work, and yes, we do bicker once in a while, but show me a family that doesnt.

We live in a flat I inherited from my dad. My mum had divorced him when I was still in primary school. She remarried ages ago, but didnt have any more kids.

Anthony and his ex lived in rented flats during their marriage. All those years they tried to save up for a mortgage, but it just never quite happened. After the divorce, she moved back in with her parents, and Anthony rented a place by himself.

When we married, he moved in with me. We never really discussed who owned the flat; we just lived there, did the place up, bought new furnitureall the usual things. But about eighteen months ago, both my grandmothers passed away, just a few months apart. Theyd each left me a flat in their wills.

Since our boys are still small, I decided to rent out both places for now. Once theyre grown, each of them will get their own flat. At the moment, the rent from one goes to my mum as a little top-up for her pension, and the other bit helps with my own salary. I mean, an extra bit of money never hurts, right?

Anthonys never interfered with my decisions about those flatshes got nothing to do with them anyway. I told him upfront that when our kids grow up, theyll each get one. He agreed, and that was that. End of discussion.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Anthony goes:
My sons finishing up sixth form in a few years. Hes nearly grown up; its time to think about his future!

I had no idea where he was going with it, but I listened.

Your children are sorted for homes! My son isnt! Lets get him a flat on a mortgage! he suddenly came out with.

I just stared at himI couldnt believe it! I had a million questions. First off, I asked, why were our kids suddenly only MY kids? Anthony said not to be pedantic.

But my son won’t inherit anything from anyone. Id like him to have his own home!
Thats very thoughtful of you, I said, but surely his parentshis mum and dadshould be the ones sorting that out. Why isnt your ex-wife handling it?

Anthony explained his ex doesnt earn much; her parents are always chipping in. He said he cant afford to pay a mortgage by himself, but if I got on board, wed manage. Basically, he expected me to agree to buying a flat for his son on a mortgage, with the flat in his sons name, but the repayments coming from us.

Look, with our two salaries and rental income, Anthony said, Well manage!

We COULD, but it would mean seriously tightening our belts. Bear in mind, Anthony still pays child maintenance as it is. When his son goes off to uni, Anthony will have to keep helping, since the boys mum has no money. Basically, for the sake of his son, my kids and I would have to give up things like holidays, trips to the seasidewed be pinching pennies all the time. All for Anthony to look like a hero dad?

I would totally understand if Anthony had provided homes for our boys and wanted to do the same for his eldest. But its me who provided homes for my children. My husband has nothing to do with these flats. So why on earth should I pay out thousands for a mortgage?

Right away, I told Anthony that if hes so worried, his ex can get a mortgage and use the child maintenance towards the repayments.
Because I wont be involved!

Anthonys absolutely fuming and hasnt spoken a word to me all week. I just wish he could see things from my point of view.