“It Doesn’t Look Right That Your Children Have Their Own Homes and My Son Doesn’t – Let’s Get Him a Flat with a Mortgage!” Recently, my husband Anthony said my children have flats but his child doesn’t, so we need to figure out how his son can have one too. I’ll explain: my children are mine and Anthony’s, while Anthony’s son is his from his first marriage. Why should I be the one to worry about finding him a place to live? Of course, I knew Anthony had a child from a previous relationship, so I wasn’t in a hurry to marry him. We lived together for three years before tying the knot. I paid close attention to how he felt about his ex-wife and son. A year later I gave birth to our son, and two years after that, to our second son. I’m thoroughly happy with Anthony as both husband and father. He devotes his time to me and our children, earns well, and though we have our share of arguments, what family doesn’t? We lived in a flat I inherited from my father. My mum divorced him when I was at nursery school, went on to remarry, but didn’t have more children. Anthony and his first wife always rented. After all their years together, they never managed to save for a mortgage. After the divorce, his ex-wife returned to her parents, and Anthony moved into rented accommodation. When we married, Anthony moved in with me. We never discussed ownership; we simply lived in my flat and renovated it together, buying new furniture and such. Then, a year and a half ago, both my grandmothers passed away—Mum’s mum and Dad’s mum. I inherited both their flats. While my children are small, I decided to let these flats. Later, each of my sons will have one. Now, I give the rent from one flat to my mother for her pension, and the other’s rent tops up my own salary. Extra income is always useful. My husband never involved himself in my property matters—they’re not his. But I made it clear early on that, when our children grew up, I’d give each a flat, and Anthony agreed. That was that. Suddenly, my husband said, “My son will finish sixth form in a few years. He’s a grown up now and needs to think about his future!” I had no idea where Anthony was going with this but listened on. “Your children have flats. My son doesn’t. Let’s buy my son a flat with a mortgage!” Anthony blurted out. I was dumbfounded! For starters, I asked why, suddenly, our children were just “my” children? Anthony told me not to nitpick over his words. “But my son will never inherit anything. I want him to have his own place!” he said. “Well, I’m glad you’re thinking of him, but he has a mum and a dad to do that. Why isn’t his mum helping with this?” I replied. Anthony explained his ex-wife earns very little and her parents are always helping her. He can’t afford a mortgage alone. But if I help, we could manage. It turns out he wants me to agree to buy his son a flat with a mortgage—registered in his son’s name, and we’d be the ones paying off the loan. “We both have good salaries and rental income—of course we can manage!” Anthony insisted. We might, but we’d have to scrimp and save for quite some time. Anthony pays child support for his son, and when his son goes to university, Anthony will help again since the boy’s mum has so little money. In the end, because of his son, my children and I won’t be able to go on holiday or to the seaside—we’ll just be cutting costs everywhere. For whom? So that Anthony can look like a good dad? I’d understand if Anthony had given our children homes and now wanted to do the same for his eldest. But I sorted out homes for my children—Anthony had nothing to do with it. Why should I pay for this mortgage? I told Anthony, if he’s so concerned about his son, his ex-wife can get the mortgage and pay it out of the maintenance. I want no part of it! My husband is furious and hasn’t spoken to me for a week. It’s a shame he can’t see my point of view.

It wont look right if your kids end up with their own flats and my son doesnt. Lets sort him out with a mortgage!

Recently my husband, Anthony, declared that my children have their own flats while his son does not, so apparently, we need to figure out how to get his child some bricks and mortar too. Let me clarify: my children are both mine and Anthonys; his son is from his first marriage.

Why should I be responsible for sorting out a flat for his son? Yes, I knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. Its not as though I rushed into marrying Anthony.

We actually lived together for three years before tying the knot, while I kept a watchful eye on how he acted around his ex and his son. A year later, I gave birth to our son, and after another two years, we had a second.

Im perfectly content with Anthony hes a decent husband and a proper dad. He divides his time well between me and the children, and he earns a good wage. Of course, like every household, there are the occasional spats and squabbles, but thats family life for you.

Weve been living in the flat I inherited from my father. My mum divorced him back when I was still in nursery. She remarried, but there were no children from the second marriage.

Anthony and his first wife always lived in rented accommodation. They spent years saving up for a mortgage, but never quite managed it. After the divorce, she moved back in with her parents, and Anthony continued to pay rent elsewhere.

When he and I married, he simply moved in with me. We didnt go around calculating who owned what we just lived our lives, decorated the flat together, bought new furniture and so on. But about eighteen months ago, both my grandmothers mothers mother and fathers mother passed away one after the other. They both left me their flats in their wills.

Since our boys are still little, I decided to rent those flats out for the time being. Each will have their own flat when theyre older. At the moment, the rent from one flat tops up my mums pension, and the other bit of rent helps my own salary. Extra cash never hurts, does it?

Anthony never interfered with my flat-related affairs because, frankly, they had nothing to do with him. I made it clear to him early on that when the boys grew up, Id give each a flat. He agreed, end of story.

Or so I thought. Then, out of the blue, Anthony says:
My sons finishing college in a couple of years. Hell need to think about his future!

I wasnt sure where he was going with this, but I let him carry on.
Your boys will have their own properties! My son wont! Lets get a flat for my lad with a mortgage! he suddenly exclaimed.

Honestly, I was gobsmacked. I had many questions. First, I asked why our children had instantly become just mine. Anthony told me not to split hairs.

But my son will never inherit anything. I want him to have a place of his own!

Its great that you care! But your son has both a mother and a father its their responsibility. Why isnt your ex-wife sorting it out?

Anthony explained that she earns very little and her parents are constantly bailing her out. He, apparently, cant cover a mortgage on his own, but if I chip in, we can make it work. So, essentially, he wanted me to agree to getting a mortgage with him for his son, with the property in his sons name and us footing the repayments.

We both have decent jobs and the rent from the flats! We can handle it! said Anthony.

Well, perhaps, but wed have to do without holidays and cut back on everything. Anthony is already forking out child support for his son, and when the lad goes to university, Anthony will likely help even more since his mum never has any money. So, to make Anthony look like a top dad, my children and I wouldnt get holidays, and wed be pinching pennies as a way of life. For what? So Anthony could look good?

Id understand if hed been the one to provide these flats for our boys and wanted the same for his eldest, but Im the one who inherited all the property Anthony had nothing to do with it. Why should my money go on a mortgage for his son?

I told Anthony outright that if hes so concerned, his ex should be the one to get a mortgage. She can make the payments with the child support she already gets.
But Im not taking part in this.

Anthonys absolutely furious and has been giving me the cold shoulder for a week now. Its just a shame he doesnt see my point.