I brought up three boys under my roof. Anyone whos lived with four men in the house knows exactly what sort of chaos Im on about. I simply cant wrap my head around how people manage without a proper dinner or tea readyor clothes left flung absolutely everywhere. Now that Im 52, Ive always believed that its a womans job to create a home that feels both cosy and safe for a man, somewhere hes glad to return to each day. But I have my doubts whether my daughter-in-law holds to the same philosophy.
My eldest decided to tie the knot two years back, and nine months later, poofalong came a granddaughter. At that time, Harry was 28 and his wife, Lily, was 20. Lily was still at uni, but even an eight-year difference didnt phase our Harry in the slightest.
While Lily was pregnant, she became, shall we say, something of a handful. She had Harry forever dashing off to the shops. First thing in the morning shed want apples, then oranges in the afternoon, then suddenly shed fancy a bunch of tulips. Harry never grumbled or arguedhe just did as she asked. We optimistically thought it would all settle down once the baby arrived. But of course, it did not.
She had the baby, breastfed for two months, and called it a day. Shortly afterwards, she declared the lack of sleep was getting to her and she needed a break. Harrys a terrifically understanding sort, so he asked if Id give a hand. Naturally, I couldnt refuse.
So there I was, spending all week looking after their little girl while Lily spent her days in beauty parlours and, on her return, couldnt be bothered to cook dinner for Harry, whod just tramped home from work. After a week, I was still the only one minding their daughter. Lily took to sleeping in until noon and generally living as if she were on a gap year. All the responsibility fell on me.
After a month, I finally lost it and said I simply had to head back to my own house. Lily was put out, of course. I knew she wasnt really one for independence, so I popped round every now and thenonly to find the place in a state and the fridge emptier than the Houses of Parliament during holidays.
She was far too idle to knock up even a sandwich for the baby, let alone manage the household. Having raised three sons myself, such lack of responsibility is just beyond the pale. My Harry always had proper meals at home. Fast forward to last monthHarrys birthday. I decided to visit, thinking Lily might finally try her hand at dinner. What does she do? Orders pizza and sushi.
Try as I might, I just cant fathom why Harry puts up with this. Why let things get that far? I suspect its because they didnt live together before their wedding, so he had no idea what he was signing up for. Now here he is, silent as a grave, watching it all unravel.
Im racking my brains trying to work out how to encourage her to behave like, well, a wife and mum. And yet, I worry Harry might take offence and turn away from me. I know Im meant to stand by his choices. But really, how does a mother just watch this sort of circus without saying a word? Are all daughters-in-law like this?
What would you tell a woman in my shoes? Should I have ‘the talk’ with Lily, or just let it be?
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