LIFE IN ORDER
Lydia, I forbid you to have any contact with your sister or her family! They have their own life, and we have ours. Have you called Emily again? Complained about me? I warned you. Dont blame me if something happens, Brian gripped my shoulder, hard.
Whenever this happened, as it often did, Id quietly retreat to the kitchen. Bitter tears would well in my eyes. No, I never once complained to my own sister about my life. We simply chatted. We had elderly parents to care for, things to discuss. This enraged Brian. He couldnt stand my sister Emily. Peace and prosperity reigned in her household a far cry from what I had with Brian.
When I married Brian, I thought I was the luckiest girl in England. Brian had swept me into a whirlwind romance. It didnt bother me at all that he was nearly a head shorter than me. I also overlooked how his mother turned up at our wedding, barely able to stand. Later, I discovered shed long struggled with alcoholism.
Blinded by love, I ignored the warning signs. But after a year of marriage, I began to seriously doubt my so-called happiness. Brian drank heavily and would stumble home later than the pubs closing time. Then came the flings. I worked as a nurse at the local hospital, earning just enough to get by. Brian preferred to spend his hours with his drinking mates.
Supporting me financially was not in his plans. In the early days, Id dreamed of children, but now I was content with caring for a pedigree tabby cat. I had completely lost the urge to have a baby with a man whod become a drunk. Although in some strange way some part of me still loved Brian.
You silly girl, Lydia! Dont you see all the men at work who look at you, whod give you the world, and yet youre fixated on your little tyrant? Look at you! Always wearing heavy make-up to hide the bruises. Do you think nobody notices? Leave him before he really hurts you, before its too late! Thats what my dear friend and fellow nurse, Amelia, would tell me.
Yes, Brian would often lash out without reason. He could be violent. One time, he beat me so badly that I couldnt even make my shift at the hospital. Worse, he once locked me in our flat and took the key with him.
After that, I became terrified of him. My heart would race and Id all but shrink away every time I heard his key in the door. It felt as though he blamed me for not giving him a child, for being a “bad wife” for everything, really. So, I didn’t resist the abuse, the cruel words, or the humiliation. Why was I still in love with Brian?
I remembered how his mother looking every bit like an old witch drilled into me: Lydia, do as your husband says, devote yourself to him, and forget your family and friends theyll only bring you trouble.
And so, I gave up on friendship, avoided my family, and submitted entirely to Brians will. I was utterly under his control.
It would almost please me when hed beg for forgiveness, kneel in front of me, kiss my feet. The reconciliations were always drawn out, almost sickly sweet, and magical. Hed scatter our bed with rose petals heavenly-scented ones, stolen from the neighbour’s garden. I knew well enough that Brian took them from his mate, whose wife lovingly cultivated her rose bushes, while her husband traded the flowers away for beer money. The wives would swoon over the gifted roses, forgiving their own unfaithful men.
Most likely, Id have gone on like this with Brian for the rest of my life, trying to piece together my fantasy world whenever he shattered it. But fate had other plans
Let Brian go, I have a son with him. Youre barren, Lydia let us be happy, declared a stranger to my face, asking that I step aside for the sake of her illegitimate child.
I dont believe you! Get out, now! I snapped at her.
Brian denied the accusations as best as he could.
Promise me hes not your child! I knew Brian could never deny his own son.
He stayed silent, meaningfully. That told me everything I needed to know
Lydia, Ive never seen you cheerful. Problems? our head doctor at the hospital suddenly asked. Up to then, Dr. Graham Montgomery had barely seemed to notice me.
Alls fine, I replied nervously, awkward in front of my boss.
Thats good, when a person has peace in their life, its a beautiful thing, Dr. Montgomery said, almost mysteriously.
Dr. Montgomery was divorced, raising his daughter alone after his wifes notorious affairs. He now lived by himself. At forty-two, he wasnt exactly a looker glasses, thinning hair, and on the short side. But whenever hed come close, Id feel feminine longing sweep over me. There was something intoxicating about the scent of his aftershave.
It was impossible not to be taken in by Dr. Montgomerys charm. I always tried to hurry away, to escape temptation. But after that short conversation, I couldnt stop thinking about his words. Its good when everything is in order. Such simple words, but they stung my soul. My own life was utter chaos. And time just sped onward there was no pause to sort things out.
In the end, I left Brian and returned to my parents. My mother was flabbergasted:
Lydia, whats happened? Did your husband throw you out?
No, Mum. Ill explain everything later, I said, embarrassed to admit the truth about my marriage.
Soon after, Brians mother was phoning, shouting curses down the line, blaming me for everything. But Id finally gathered myself together, breathed properly, and felt renewed. I owed that to Dr. Montgomery.
Brian raged, threatened, and started following me around, not realizing he had completely lost control over me.
Brian, dont waste any more time on me. Focus on your son. He needs you now. Ive moved on. Goodbye. I told him, perfectly calmly.
At last, I returned to my family and my sister, Emily. I found myself again no longer a puppet, but the person I was meant to be.
My friend noticed the difference instantly.
Lydia, youre unrecognisable! You look younger, livelier, like a bride-to-be!
And then Dr. Montgomery proposed.
Lydia, will you marry me? I promise you wont regret it. Just one thing please, call me Graham. Save Doctor for work.
Are you sure you love me, Graham? I asked in disbelief.
Oh, forgive me. I sometimes forget ladies like to hear the words. I dare say I love you. But I think actions matter even more. He kissed my hand.
Yes, Graham, I agree. And I think I could learn to love you too. I was on top of the world.
Ten years flashed by.
Graham showed his love with actions, not empty gestures or cheap words. He didnt kiss my feet or strew our bed with pilfered roses. He cared for me deeply, protected and supported me surprising me with generous, thoughtful deeds. We never had children of our own perhaps I really was barren, as that woman said but Graham never once reproached me or grew bitter.
Lydia, perhaps were meant to spend our lives with only each other. And youre all Ill ever need, hed reassure me whenever I was low.
His daughter gave us a granddaughter, little Sophie. She became the centre of our universe.
As for Brian, he drank himself into an early grave, gone before he even reached fifty. Brians mother occasionally glared at me at the market, but her looks no longer touched me. I only felt pity for her, nothing else.
With Graham and me, everything truly was in order. Life, at last, was beautiful.
The realisation struck me: happiness isnt about controlling others or holding on to the past, but about setting yourself free, finding peace, and letting genuine love into your life.
