Raindrops
Shes not scary at all! Shes lovely! Max, tell them!
Charlotte clung to the scratched, skinny scrap of a cat, wailing so loudly the neighbours gathered round and pressed hands over their ears.
Stocky and loud, as were all her clan, Charlottejust fivehad a knack for getting her point across, if not gracefully, then at least at such a pitch that even the windows rattled.
The whole neighbourhood had grown used to Charlotte and her many siblings, and most turned a blind eye to their antics, knowing full well that their mother, Katherine, couldnt be everywhere at once with such a brood. Katherines life was scheduled so tightly, any other woman in her shoes might have already thrown in the towel and gone draping herself across the fine iron fence as a surrender flag.
That fencebeautiful, ornate, dividing their Victorian terrace turned into flats from the busy streetwas the pride of the entire address. Each year, Katherine joined everyone in painting it in the spring, so she felt fully entitled to lounge against it on occasion, should she wish.
She never took up the offer, only sighing, Were all workhorses, arent we! Big, clever shire horses. But you cant expect anyone else to pull your load. All on your own! Me, though, Im an immortal pony, galloping round in circles for reasons I understand, but with nowhere to go. Someone always shoves you on, so you nose the tail of the horse in front, dreaming only for evening to come: everyone clean, fed, and content, curled in bed. The sink empty, not a crust in sight, as if someones already taken care of the lot. Strange, but that emptiness is what happiness means for me…”
Katherine was philosophical, and by all accounts, a striking woman. But who would look twice at someone with six children almost stair-stepped in age, and barely a crumb of support? Romance had long since dropped off her shopping listher life brimmed without it.
Being mum to six is hardly a picnic!
In fairness, nobody held it against her, since everyone knew the backstory of Katherines family.
Charlotte, like three others of her children, was adopted.
Not officially, mind you; Katherine hadnt gone to an orphanage to rescue some little ones and give them brighter tomorrows. She perhaps could have been that gallant, but not at that moment in life, and certainly not solo. She had her own plans, and becoming a single mother of so many children? Not even a nightmare could have conjured it.
But life is a master trickster, testing faith, spirit, wit and heart, without ever asking for your permission.
Here you are! Think it through! Decide: what sort of person are you?
And so Katherine had to decide. Really, her choice had always been clear.
All the children Katherine brought up were her inheritance.
One either takes up an inheritance, or not. Katherine decided that to refuse, for her, was inconceivable. After all, no one had abandoned her, so why should she abandon those left out by fateespecially as they were, in truth, her own.
She had her reasons, weighty or not, and that was enough.
Katherine was a child of the nineties.
Her mother, a local beauty queen in a small home county town, made other young women burn with envy. Married at not quite eighteen, she wore a wedding dress so exquisite the girls sighed to see it, her new husband in business so shadowy, no one dared guess quite what sort of business his hands were in.
Katherine couldnt remember her parents at all.
She visited their grave only with her grandmother, touching the polished photos on the stone and whispering her secrets so granny wouldnt overhear: about the drawing Mrs. Bartlett had praised, or about the pretty red-and-white scarf knitted by grandma.
Katherine learned the truth of it all when she was sixteen.
Your father was a villain, love. Left before his time, and took my daughter with him. Youre meant to speak no ill, but I cant forgive ithe took your mum from me. Never will. I wept, I begged her not to go near him, but love makes one deaf. His mates say he shielded her when the men came for himtried to save her. Maybe he truly did love her; whos to say now? At least they loved you into the world. Thats all I have left of my girl
Only then did Katherine realise why those odd fellows sometimes dropped by, shifting in the doorway or nursing tea at her grandmas table, listening to stories of her music lessons or school, then quietly leaving behind fat white envelopes and disappearing before anyone could ask them anything.
Grandma never turned the money down, but she didnt spend itshe saved it. When Katherine left school, her grandmother bought her a big, roomy flat in a leafy part of the city.
Your inheritance, darling. From your mum and your father
Katherine didnt want to live there. She stayed on with Grandma.
Why not, dearest? Its a lovely place! Right in the heart of things. No long journey to your high school job. Five minutes, and youre there! Why be so stubborn?
Not without you! You come, or I stay.
Her grandmother clung to the tiny flat where everything whispered of her daughter. Only when cousin Helen showed up did she budge.
Kate, lets stay in your flat for a bit, alright? Please! Ive got the kids, and youre not using the place. Its just empty! Ill pay you rent. Makes things easier for you two, and if youll fix up the addresses for us, the kids can get sorted at the local nursery.
Helen was a formidable woman, and Grandma often said she could charm a miser out of his last shilling.
Dont listen to her, Kitty! Shes my niece, but shes as crafty as a fox and twice as slippery! Send her packing.
But Grandma, shes got the children
So? Theyre hers to care for! You mind yourself, darling. Im thinking of you!
Katherine did listen, but she couldnt push away little Max and Lizzythey instinctively reached for her warmth, pouting when their mother tugged them out of her lap.
Wipe those noses! Kates not your nanny!
Katherine cuddled them, thinking it odd to have such an empty flat while others struggled. Helen kept insisting, after allthey were family, and family oughtnt to be turned out.
That phrase haunted Katherine; as a girl, shed only ever heard from Grandma how, if her father had lived decently, her mum would still be alive.
It cut deep. Katherine always toed the line, striving to pull a simple Well done, Kate! Thats how one ought to be. Im proud of yougrowing into a real person! from her.
There was no greater praise for Katherine, and she thought this case with Helen was no different, then Grandma surprised her.
Its not the same, Kate. Not at all!
How not? Seems unfair, Helen and her kids squashed in lets, and my place all empty.
Yes! Because shes not you, thats why. Youve forgotten the story of the sly fox and the icy cottage. But I remember it very well!
Grandma
Hush! Dont argue. Helens not living in your flat. Full stop! Well move in together, you and me.
I thought you didnt want to move!
Well, we cant help it now! Youre right; its wrong not to help family. But its foolish to give up all you have at the first request. Helens shrewdshell manage, dont fret. Shell get herself sorted and well-placed. She doesnt need the fishjust the rod, remember. Never the fish! Generosity can backfire, darlingremember that.
Why?
If they get everything, why strive for themselves? If you let Helen in now, youll never get her out! And youd feel guilty for even thinking of it, since it was your own idea. Shell use that, sooner or later. She wants the good life, not down the roadbut today. Understand?
I suppose but Grandma, is it right to think that way?
I dont know. But thats what we say now, before anythings happened. Later, well only think worse, and darkness follows such thoughts. We skip it! Time will provide its own testslifes long and odd, who can predict? Dont get involvedleave it to me, for the sake of the children. Let them have an aunt who loves them, too. That means the world, you know. There should always be someone who cares about you.
Grandma, Helen does love them!
Of course she does. Shes their mother, isnt she? But whats the harm of another person loving them? Every raindrop of love is precious, Kate! Never forget that.
As time passed, Grandma proved entirely right.
Helen only sighed when Grandma offered her own tiny flat to them.
Knew you wouldnt let Kate come to harm.
And you were planning to harm her?
Of course not! You two are all I have.
Hang onto us, then. Well help as best we can, you know that.
Yes
Listen, I understandkids and all. But my Kates an orphan, and you dont mistreat an orphan. God’s never forgive it. I cant do otherwise! My daughters waiting for me up there, you see, and what will I say? How could I explain if I gave her child away? No, no. And dont look at me like that! It wont hurt so much now, but pain always comes later. Whats freely given rarely lasts. I wont hand you over my flat, just lend it. Its small but decent. Good neighbourhood for little onesschools and nurseries. What more could you want?
Thank youfor everything!
Youre not a stranger to me, Helen! Remember that!
They moved, and Katherine and Grandma began to settle in.
But time insists on movingnever waits for plans or wishes.
Katherine hoped Grandma would enjoy some peace, but fate thought otherwise.
The GP surgery was next door, and her grandmother visited so often she joked it was her part-time job, shuffling her prescriptions about. Her health was a ticklish business.
Katherine always offered to come along, but Grandma only brushed her off: Im not decrepit yet! You tend to your own, darlingIll cope!
How Katherine later regretted not insisting
It was an ordinary winter. Theres no escaping itsnow drifts the walks, frost nips your nose, and under the snow, sometimes, ice. One careless step can cost dearly.
Her grandmother slipped not far from the surgery, struck her head and lost consciousness. People hurried by, busy on important errands, too rushed to stop for an elderly woman sprawled at the kerb, head slumped against the stone.
A passing cabbie whod just dropped a fare found Grandmas note with Katherines number and called for an ambulance, then phoned Katherine. But it was too late.
Katherines grandmother passed away within the day. Katherine spent those hours wedged between plastic chairs at the hospital, clutching Helens handHelen rushed over, leaving her children with a neighbour as soon as shed learned.
How will I manage without her, Helen?
You wont be without her, dont be daft! Youll managebelieve that! Helen tried to reassure her, but her eyes knew there was no hope.
Doctors hurried the corridors, avoiding their gaze, and Helen understoodthere was no miracle to come.
Kate, she wouldnt have liked this.
What?
Thisthis weeping! She was strong and raised you strong, too, right?
Yes
So dry your eyes! Be strong for her
I will
And the next day, Katherine knew her world had changed again. Now she alone must take responsibility for everything.
And everything came at once.
There was Oliver, with whom Katherine spent almost five years before they parted amicablytwo children together, but at least her heart wasnt broken. Oliver, ever straightforward, declared hed found someone else, but promised to support Katherine always.
Were friends, arent we, Katie? He packed his bag, eyes fixed anywhere but hers.
Sure, Ollie Do you even hear yourself? Katherine, feeling as lost as the day the cabbie called, couldnt muster the anger.
And why should she? For being honest? For leaving? Thats life. It happens. Hardest on the kidsthey adored their dad.
She said nothing more, simply helped him pack, then rang Helen.
Could you come over?
Helen, still in Grandmas old flat, working as head nurse and only just settling her own daughter for school, was about to mutter something sharp. But a glance at the clock and the ragged tone of Katherines voice stopped her.
Ill be right there!
Within half an hour, she had Katherine in her arms, muttering curses about Olivers entire ancestry.
Dont cry! Good riddance! Not worth the salt of your tears, Katie! Hed have left you soon enough. Men like that always do.
Why? What did I do wrong?
Oh, stopnothing! These sorts, they just move on. He wont stay with his new catch for long, youll see. The main thing is he hasnt left the kids, at least. Thats more than some manage. Look at memy Pauls gone and Im mum and dad both. Pays a bit in support, but thats a jokemight as well keep it! He never rings the kids, never gives a toss! But what can I do? Liz is alright, but Max needs a dad and hes just gone, as if he never was
Helen, what do I do?
Dont fight. Thats the only advice I haveleave it. Time will settle things.
“Don’t tell me time heals,” Katherine groaned.
“It doesn’t, people lie. But something new will come alongnever erases the hurt, just covers it with more pressing worries.”
“How are you so wise, Helen?”
“Your granny taught meshe could explain life so no questions were left. It’s her wisdom. See? I told you Granny would never leave us. So long as we keep her in our hearts, she lives. When I talk to you, I hear her answer, as real as your voice”
“Thank you, Grandma…” Katherine reached for a dry dish towel, sending the soaked one flying onto the table. “Why does it have to hurt so much?”
“Thats normal! If you didnt feel anything, thatd be worrying!”
Helen was right. The days rolled forward, and Katherine gradually found peacethere was simply no time for suffering.
Oliver took the children on weekends and made sure they werent left out.
So, when he announced hed be having another child, Katherine hardly flinched.
Thats good
Thank you, Kate!
For what?!
For not making a scene. Youre remarkable!
As if I didnt know, she managed a smile.
Then another bombshell dropped.
Helen, how?
Oh, Katie, same way as always! You were married with two kids, need me spell it out? Id scare you with details if I could. The father vanished the instant he heardserves him right! Oh, if only Id had time to put the wind up him!
With what?
“That its twins! What do I do? I know the medical side, but as a person, isnt it wrong? How will I manage, with nothing of my own? I need to bring up Max and Liz, how can I take on two more?”
Helen clamped her hand over her mouth and darted to the loo. Katherine stared at the children, who were demolishing a bowl of sweets in the living room.
“Come on, little ones!” Max dictated. “Share fair! Aunt Kate, you look sad. Have a sweet! Works for me!”
Looking into his clever little face, Katherine made up her mind, though most would call it foolish.
Youre mad! Helen clutched the signed deed and shook her head. I cant
You can, and you will! Katherine glanced at the notary with a smile. Its right, Helen. Even Grandma would understand. You make wonderful childrenlet them have a home. Things will work themselves out.
Grandmas flat became Helens, and now the strange, stitched-together family awaited twins.
Charlotte and Maisie arrived right on cuetiny, but with mighty voices.
Noisy girls! Thats good! What shall we call them, mum?
One after my motherCharlotte. The other after my dear auntMary.
Must have been a good woman, your aunt, to get a namesake!
She was wonderful! Wouldnt have these children if not for her!”
Helen was met by her children and Katherine upon leaving hospital.
So! There are more of us now! Katherine said, lifting a lacy corner of a swaddling blanket and whispering, Beautiful girls!
May they be happy Helen clutched her children, hiding the shadow that nagged.
Had she confided her fears to Katherine, gone to the doctor, things might have turned out differently.
But who has time for themselves once the baby is home?
Helen fell ill a week aftershe called Max, ready for school, and nodded to the cot where the twins slept.
Watch them, love. Ambulances on its way. Call Katherine but dont scare Lizwait, alright?
Helen couldnt be saved.
Her heart, unfaulted all her life, failed her.
So Katherine faced the hardest decision of them all. But how could she answer any other way?
You are their only relative, thats true, the tired social worker said, but you must realisethats a heavy burden. Four children! You already have two! No, no, this needs thought. Its very complicated.
Katherine didnt argue.
What was there to contest? She had never faced such difficulty. But the idea of sending Max, Liz, and the twins to foster care or splitting them upnever. She knew: every choice or word comes home to roost. That was Grandmas teaching. How Katherine had raised her own. Children had to stay together. End of.
Oliver helped. He found a sharp lawyer, sorted the paperwork, watched the kids as Katherine charged up and down, proving her capacity.
Does your wife mind?
No. Shes a mother, too. And she knows one thing well.
What?
“Youll never take me back, will you?
No.
So whats to fret? Are you sure?
About what?
Six childrenits well, a lot.
Im not sure at all, Oliver. Im terrified! If Im honest, Im panicking! But could I do it any other way? Theyre all mine Which to give away?”
What are you frightened of?
What arent I? And if I cant manage? Im alone
Youre not, if youll let me help. You remember, I owe you. Dont cry! Well manage. And Kate?”
What?
Ive never known a better woman. Ive never met anyone like youdont think people like you exist. Youll manage. Maybe nobody else could. But you will!
“Wish God could hear you, Oliver!”
Oh, I think He doesand if not, your grandma will put Him right!
Too true! Katherine, for the first time since Helens passing, smiled.
And then it was hard.
Katherine coped, but sometimes late at night let herself gocrying into the pillow, dabbing the corner between her teeth so the children wouldnt hear.
Gran, what do I do? You always knew what to do. Give me a signhow should I handle this lot?
And memory, strange as it is, always handed up somethinga suggestion, a half-hint, enough for the tears to stop and sleep to settle. Whether those answers were perfect or not, the children grew. For them, there was no one in the world closer than Katherine. Each one knew: whatever happened, theyd run to her. Shed understand, make sense of it, forgive, if needs be. She would never hurt them.
Now, Charlotte clutched the stray cat, shaking her head fiercely at a neighbours suggestion:
Katherine will throw you out with that cat, Charlotte! Cant you see how scruffy and mangy it is? Let it go!
No! Charlotte shot her brother a helpless look, then glanced past the front doors.
Katherine, that morning, had planned a trip to the zoo. Shed woken early, made breakfast, roused the brood, and in something less than an hour somehow prepared everyone to leave. She was just delayed a moment, sending the youngest out under Maxs watchful eye.
Take them to the swings, Max! Ill be there in two! Where did I put my old trainers?
Check Lizzys cupboardshe was tidying up. Well be in the yard! Max ushered his sisters out and called back, Mum, dont forget to do both eyes or youll look lopsided. Dont rush! Ill manage the lot.
Katherine darted about, found the shoes, finally did her make-up, even her lips, something shed never typically do on a weekend. Usually, it was just for workat home, anything went.
But that day, glancing in the mirror, she thought, enough of this. Yes, she was mum to a clutch of children, with worries as tall as Salisbury Cathedral. But why come undone? Why not look presentable, take the day as a treat, and give herself a break?
Recently, Katherine had mastered the knack.
She could drift behind the children, barking endlessly about dirty shirts and chocolate stains. Or
She could buy herself a stick of candyfloss, buy another round of ice creams, and declare
“Im off to see the elephant! Whos with me?”
And remember, for a moment, walking the paths with her grandma at that zoo. Homemade squash, sandwiches by the elephant house, her hand in Grandmas, wishing the day would never end.
Now she made the squash; there was a stack of sandwiches ready. And her children, perhaps, would one day do the same for theirs. It felt right.
Katherine gave herself one last look, swung on her rucksack, and dashed out.
Her neighbour, climbing up, smirked.
Go on, Kate, theres a surprise waiting.
Charlotte ran up, showing off her waifish find.
Mum! Look! Isnt she pretty?
And what could Katherine say?
Nothing at all.
She picked the cat up by the scruff, peered at it, sighed.
Zoos cancelled. Weve got ourselves a tiger. Max, wheres the nearest vet? Lets go!
It would be a good day. Even if they didnt get to the zoo. Thered be plenty to do.
Within months, the tatty, bald-patched cat Charlotte dragged homeproudly, in sight of the whole streetwould turn into a gorgeous, glossy, purring queen, bringing another raindrop of joy and a whole ocean of happiness into Katherines home.
And none would be surprisednot Katherine, not her children. Because for them, one truth was already clear: where there is love, there is never too much.
