Love Yourself, and Everything Will Be Alright
Outside, the wind howled and snow swirled, as cold and dreary as Margarets own mood. She sat alone in their sprawling house on the edge of the Cotswolds, surrounded by every comfort yet feeling utterly isolated. Technically, she had a husband, Stephen, but yet again he had disappeared in the evening on business, and she knew well enough what sort of business drew him away.
Her son and daughter flew the nest long ago. Her son is happily married and settled with his family in Chelsea, while her daughter lives far up north near Newcastle. Shed finished university there, married a local lad and they were head over heels, now bringing up a little girl of their own.
Margaret had spoken with her daughter by phone earlier that day.
Mum, you sound so down, Charlotte pressed her with concern. Has something happened?
No, love, nothing at all, Margaret lied. Hows everything up there? Hows my darling little granddaughter?
Were great, Mum. Though you know Harry is always busy at the hospital. Consultants dont get much rest, but he truly loves what he does, says its his calling. Abby starts nursery soon, shes growing so fast.
Im glad everything is going well, darling. May it always stay that way, Margaret replied, her voice heavy with fatigue.
Charlotte wasnt satisfied. I dont like how you sound, Mum. And wheres Dad?
Dad? Oh, hes out in the garage somewhere, keeping the car running warm in this weather. Its absolutely freezing with the snow and all, she fibbed, not wanting to upset her daughter.
For over half a year now, Margaret had struggled with the turmoil inside her, keeping her worries bottled up. What could she achieve by sharing them? Perhaps some would pity her, perhaps others would quietly rejoice in her misfortune. It was last summer, in fact, when Margarets suspicions first took root. She was out working beneath the kitchen window, weeding the vegetable patch. Lost in her thoughts, she was startled by Stephens voice drifting out from the open windowgentle and affectionate. He assumed she was out, unaware she could hear.
Alright, sweetheart I cant make it tonight. I miss you too Yes, I love you as well Dont fret, Ill see you tomorrow, I promise. You know I keep my word
Whether Stephen hung up or left the room, Margaret heard nothing more. She felt as though she had been struck on the head; Stephenher trustworthy, dependable Stephenwas just like any other man after all. Suddenly, she thought back to things her sister had said when complaining about her own husbands infidelity. Margaret had always found it shocking, even unimaginable.
But now she found herself in her sisters shoes and, for the first time, understood her. Margaret was stunned, torn between breaking down in tears or throwing Stephen out for good. She slumped onto the garden bench, head in hands, sobbing quietly.
How could this happen to me? Stephen, whom I had trusted completely, has gone astray just like any other man. Guess that same old temptation doesnt spare anyone.
Stephen was forty-seven. By all accounts, life had been kind to him. Margaret was loving and attentive, theyd raised good children and given them their independence. They lived in a large village in Oxfordshire, Stephen ran a milling business there, making flour and animal feed, distributing across the county.
For months, Margaret kept her pain a secret. Eventually, she managed to discover more about the mysterious woman her husband met. Diligently, she pieced things togethereven sneaked a look through Stephens phone while he slept.
Her name, it turned out, was Tessaa distant relation of friends they both shared. More than once, Margaret and Stephen had visited that family. Tessa lived on Willow Crescent, a block of typical red-brick flats known as the block among locals. Through conversation with their mutual friends, Margaret subtly learned Tessas address.
Our Tessa doesnt have the best reputation, Vera, the friend, confided. Shes pretty, Ill grant you, and unattached. Frankly, shes got a bit of a wild side. All those men made her spoilt. Shes thirty-five already, never married, no children. Keeps telling me how everything in her life is uncertain, but doesnt want to raise a child on her own, Vera explained, unaware of Stephens involvement.
Margaret kept silent, desperate as she was to break down in tears. At home, she finally let herself sob in private.
Oh, its so hard carrying this alone.
A little later, she reached her breaking point. Two months back, unable to contain herself, she decided to call on Tessa in person. She rang the doorbell; Tessas face turned pale as she realised exactly who her visitor was. Margaret didnt wait for an invitation, pushing past into the living room.
Hello, she said tiredly, dropping onto the sofa uninvited, glancing about.
Tessa looked stricken, like she feared Margaret would attack her. Many women might have reacted violently. After a pause, Margaret snapped:
Arent you ashamed of sleeping with a married man? You know its wrong. Surely theres no shortage of single men. You cant build your own happiness on someone elses miseryeveryone knows that.
Tessa collected herself and, to Margarets surprise, burst into tears.
I dont know whats come over me, but I love Stephen. I cant imagine life without him.
Margaret finally lost control, stood abruptly, and slapped her. Tessa clutched her cheek, sobbing.
Im sorry, Margaret, truly I am. Its like Ive been possessed, Tessa whimpered.
Margaret broke down too, and both women cried. When they calmed themselves, Margaret spoke:
Dont tell Stephen I was here. But if I find out youre still seeing him, youll regret it. With that, she left her rivals flat.
Tessa never said a word to Stephen about the visit, and Margaret kept it to herself too. So life went on. Margaret didnt know if Stephen still saw Tessa, though he sometimes disappeared on business, leaving her haunted by suspicion. She sat alone, her mind racing.
I just dont know what to do. Stephen means the world to me. After all these years, our lives are so entwined. If it came to divorce, Id have to share out everythingI dont want that. Let things stay as they are. She sighed, staring out the window into the early winter dusk.
And if Stephen left me this big house, what then? Id be alone in it. The place needs constant care; hes always fixing this, knocking in that, somethings always breaking. Im so afraid of being left destitute. Im used to a certain way of life And how could I tell the children that their fathers found a younger woman? It would devastate them.
Margaret bore all her struggles in silence, knowing that if she ever confessed, many would judge her. Some would say she should stand tall, respect herself, get a divorce, and start loving herself instead of wallowing in self-pity.
Perhaps thats the right thing to do, thought Margaret. But I love my husband. I just hope he loves me too. Maybe this thing with the younger woman is just a phase, and hell come to his senses. The main thing is, he hasnt changed towards mestill calm and gentle, we dont argue everythings as it was in our youth. Maybe people are right: if you love yourself, things will work out. Maybe it really is time I put myself first
It was hard for Margaret to carry this burden, knowing about Tessa, trying to go about as if nothing had happened. Tessa haunted her thoughts, beautiful and young. Margaret caught herself wondering, odd as it seemed, if shed simply come to terms with Stephen being unfaithful.
Where is he now? He said hes working but I have my doubts.
Suddenly a wild thought crossed her mind, unsettling her.
Maybe I should find another man too. Im still attractive, people compliment me all the time But she quickly dismissed it. No, I couldnt I cant imagine being close to anyone else. My Stephen is still the bestif only I could win him back for good. Id even forgive his little fling, as hard as it is. But men well, they think about love differently, dont they? Or maybe Im wrong one can never tell what theyre really thinking.
Margaret thought back on their youth and managed a sad smile.
How happy we used to be, scraping by and making do! Renting a tiny bedsit, counting pennies till payday, choosing between a decent meal or cinema ticketsbut always going to the film anyway. It seems ages ago, yet as if it was only yesterday. Those years went by so fast. Now we have everything, want for nothing and yet I am so lonely. Ive no one to share any of this withnot that Id want to bare my soul.
He Decided to Surprise His Wife
Sitting in the gloom with her own thoughts, Margaret started when the headlights swept the driveStephens car pulling up, engine droning to a halt. He parked in the garage, as usual, and then came in.
Maggie, where are you? Whyre you sitting in the dark? He poked his head into the kitchen, switching the lights on. She hadnt even noticed that darkness had fallen outside.
Just here, she replied softly. Lost in my thoughts. This weathers ghastly.
Its dreadful out there. Roads are nearly impassable, was worried Id get marooned in a snowdriftjust white everywhere. Im famishedput the kettle on, will you? he said, his voice as casual as ever.
Margaret rose, bustling about, while he went to wash his hands. Over dinner, he glanced at her with a grin.
Maggie, its nearly Christmas and Ive planned a little surprise for us.
Margaret tensedshe wasnt much fond of surprises anymore.
Oh? What sort of surprise? she asked, barely breathing.
Stephen held the pause, clearly enjoying winding her up. He could tell she was anxious, waiting for his news.
Well, love, its been too long since we did anything special together. Hang on He got up, left the table and returned from the hallway with an envelope. Look here, Ive booked us a holiday. Two tickets to the seaside! Were flying to Brighton for New Year, right by the beachlike a proper getaway, he beamed, with that familiar, warm smile.
A weight seemed to lift from Margarets chest, as if the worlds burdens had fallen away. Still a touch sceptical, she said:
Stephen, you never change, always the one for surprises. Im gamewhy not? Imagine, winter under the palm trees! I cant even picture it, she laughed, genuinely happy.
Actually, our son suggested itbut to be honest, Ive wanted for ages to whisk you off somewhere, have a real change of scene. So start packing
Life brightened for Margaret. They flew down to Brighton, saw in the New Year by the sea, and returned home refreshed and happy. Life moves on, and she trusts Stephen againshe can see that hes become more attentive, rushing home each evening. And now, whenever hes delayed, he always lets her know so she wont worry.
