Today I met up with an old childhood friend. Were both sixty now. After we finished university, she packed up her things without a second thought and left our town. For a while, we kept in touchletters here and therebut eventually, life got in the way and we drifted apart.
It was only through mutual friends that I learned what shed been up to: traveling about, never settling down, moving from one relationship to the next. By the time she turned fifty, she was already on her third husband, but that marriage didnt last either. She never had any children, which always puzzled me. Most women, even if things dont work out with men, do end up having children at leastand eventually, grandchildren to fuss over in retirement.
Now shes back in our little town. She needed to sell off her remaining things; shed previously rented a flat here. We met for a long chatI shared bits of my life, she shared hers. Finally, I put the question to her:
Jane, why did your life turn out like this? Why didnt you ever have children? I mean, even just for yourself. So thered be someone to hand you a glass of water when youre old, at least.
She burst out laughing and looked me straight in the eye.
What glass of water? Do you really think your children will run around fetching you drinks? Kids dont look after their elderly parents. Honestly, its easier just to save up and hire a reliable carer when you need one, rather than putting that burden on your children.
She was so blunt. I never had a child simply because I never wanted to. I didnt want to be forever babysitting, planning around someone else, worrying, handing over money. I decided early on I would live for myself. I wanted to travel, see the world, earn my own money. My husbands left because I didnt want kids, simple as that.
Even now, she says, she lives for her own pleasure. There are no grandchildren to mind, no pension scrimping so she can help out adult children who cant make ends meet.
She told me she has no regrets. In fact, she even feels sorry for those who filled their homes with children, only to find themselves sitting alone, blaming those same children for moving away or forgetting about them. Shes never had those worries.
I listened, and for the first time, I think I truly understood her point. Why have children just because everyone expects it? Why put so much hope in having someone to look after you in old age, if that isnt what you want? And if you dont feel that urge, why trouble yourself at all?
