I must have only been five, but that day is still crystal clear in my mind. Dad had found some messages on Mums phoneshed told her friend she was still seeing her posh boyfriend, even though she didnt meet him often. Back then, Dad didnt earn muchcertainly not enough for all the extras Mum liked to have around for the family. He brought in what little he could, and it never seemed enough for her.
How dare you go through my phone? Mum shouted, straightaway going on the attackshed always believed the best defence was a good offence. Your pay barely covers anything! Tell mehow do you think weve managed to have so much food in the cupboards?
Dad lost it then. The tellys mine! he yelled.
Its for all of us! Mum shot back.
Yeah. Right. Sure, Dad snapped, its all yoursthe telly, the Sunday roast, and… and Oliver. Im taking everything with me.
I was terrified. Up to that point, Id managed to stay clear of their rows, but now suddenly I was front and centre. Not Oliver, anything but Oliver! Mum cried.
But Dad swept me up and took me outside. Ive no clue why Mum thought it would come to a wrestling match, but he just whisked me to the back garden, picked me up, fed me, and played with me. If Im honest, even before all that, he always spent more time with me than Mum did. It was freezing cold and I remember standing by the front door all bundled up, looking at Mum and saying, Dont be sad, Mum, Ill come and visit soon, in what must have sounded like the tiniest voice.
She hugged me tight, but Dad gave me that look to say, Were off. He grabbed my hand at the door and spat out to Mum, See you in court! Honestly, their lives probably worked out better for it. Soon after the split, Mum met someone else and, for a while, seemed to carry on without thinking too much about me. Dad didnt waste time eitherhe got together with Emma, who came from a very well-off family.
Now and then, Id stay at Mums for a few days, but Mum and Dad never spokeand even now, Dads never truly forgiven her. Fast forward nearly a decade, and by the time I was 14, everything changed at once: Mum was expecting again, and Dad ended up behind bars.
On the way home from his job, Dad had been caught up in a street fight and, unfortunately, he copped the blame and got the book thrown at him. When they took him away, he told Emma and me, Stick together. So Emma and I just got on with it, looking after each other as we tried to move forward.
One evening I was in my room and the doorbell went while Emma was making us dinner. I opened the doorand there was Mum. Grab your thingsyoure coming home, she said flatly.
Oliver, whos at the door? Emma called out from the kitchen.
Im here for my son, Mum replied. Emma put her hand gently on Mums shoulder to bring her inside, but Mum yanked her arm away. Easy, Im pregnant, she snapped. Everyone knew how much that hurt Emma; she couldnt have children, and it was heartbreakingly raw for her. Still, she managed to keep calm and plastered on a gentle smile, inviting Mum inside. Mum and Emma sat in the kitchen while I drifted back to my bedroom.
I could hear Mum pleading, Please, Emma, Olivers all I have. Hes the only one who really gets me now, the only family who cares. Youve got everythingjust let him stay with me until his dads out.
I couldnt just sit there and listen anymore. Its like youre splitting up a cheese sandwich! I burst in, surprising everyone, No ones even asked what I want. Im old enough to have a choice.
Its a bit much to guilt-trip your own child with tears, Emma remarked quietly.
Im not a little kid, Mum. Im staying with Emma. Youve started a new family and I belong here nowmy school is here, my mates are here. Sorry, but thats my decision. Even I was taken aback; it was the first time Id stood my ground and spoken like an adult.
I walked her to the bus stop and, as we were waiting, I said, So, how are things with Andy? Still together? She just shrugged and, with a wry smile, Well, we cant exactly starve, can we? We laughed, hugged awkwardly like always, and went our separate ways.
At home, I tried to reassure Emmawe both knew life wouldnt get easier any time soon. Waiting for Dad and finding our way: it was going to be a long road. But wed get there, together.
